“Excuse me, but how do you even know how to cook!? It’s supposed to be an entirely different experience from what you’re used to!” A depressively irate Nymph remarked maybe for the tenth time.
“Cuisine is cuisine: I just need the general flavor of something to know what fits with what in a dish”, I deadpannedly explained maybe for the tenth time too.
When I had asked Undine if she knew how to cook, she looked surprised, but surely not as surprised as I must have looked when she tried to serve us the travesty that she cobbled up together with the ingredients in our magically preserving pantry.
And yes, only I looked surprised, because Sheeno had been watching the going ons with an amused smile the entire time, probably discerning from the [High Priestess]’s upbringing that she wouldn’t know squat about cooking, probably having been served every meal as she did; except that my girlfriend bothered to take a self-sufficiency course where they taught her the basics, including cooking and Undine obviously didn’t.
“I will not believe that these [Terrible Tuna] tartars with eggs and oil is something you simply come up on a whim!” The Nymph lamented.
Obviously, we couldn’t eat the brown sludge she had ‘cooked’, so I went ahead and improvised a recreation of a recipe from Earth.
“Don’t believe me then: The only cooking I’ve been ‘taught’ in [Nexus] is survival cooking, which just covered how to dress fresh kills and how to not get sick from eating them, from a veritable pyromaniac as explosive as his [Class]”, I instead easily replied, able to remain calm knowing her frustration is not really aimed at me.
“I’ll be honest: I also was surprised by his proficiency in cooking with what, to him at least must be, alien ingredients, the first time around; eventually you get used to how progressively amazing his food gets and you just live with it”, Sheeno backed me up.
“Don’t try to butter me up, miss: Tomorrow is your turn at the stove”, I say while threateningly waving the whisk I used to mix the eggs and oil at her.
And yes, by mixing eggs, oil, and salt I was able to recreate mayonnaise… although the mayo was blue and slightly spicy on its own, which wasn’t remotely bad, but sometimes the weirdness of the unfamiliar yet familiar ingredients still manages to throw me off.
“But when you cook it’s tastier: You should be the designated chef of the group!” She whines.
“I support the motion!” Undine threw her lot in the discussion by throwing a hand in the air.
“Approved”, my amazon nods to show that she’s in accord with the sudden bout of democracy.
“ ‘Approved’ my ass! I don’t want to cook every time, every single day”, I now stopped cooking completely to turn around and stare harshly at the two that were derailing the conversation in a direction that I wasn’t liking.
Undine looks at me with what I wouldn’t call a ‘sad look’, but which would still be appropriate, while Sheeno frowns a bit, but seems reluctant to push forward.
“…What?” I finally felt like I had to say something, after the awkward stare-off seemed to morph into a psychological stand-off.
“Is.. this one of your personal hang-ups?” The fellow [Anomaly] tentatively asked.
“Yeah… are we pressuring you by pushing on this?” The [High Priestess] just as worriedly inquires.
Such a drastic change can only merit an equally drastic response, or two.
“What the fuck?” Is the first.
“No- What even- Ok, I can see where this is coming from, but no. It just sounds too bothersome of a commitment”, is the messily put-together second, realizing what exactly they were getting at.
Did I blow up so many times that they now feel like walking on eggshells with me now?
An appropriate response, if you asked me.
“And that’s why nobody did!”
Also, when did they find the time to agree on how to act around me?
“Why are you so surprised? How else could we prevent ticking you off if we don’t thread carefully when you oppose something?” Sheeno says with a quadruple shrug.
“I would have put it more nicely”, Undine glares to the uncouth [Princess], “but I pretty much share the same sentiment”.
“Oh, wow. I actually never had anyone be so forthright and unapologetically honest with me… it kind of irks being badmouthed so openly, but it also feels like a refreshing slap to the face-
Yeah, ok, I’m rambling again. I’ll just say sorry for bothering you, and thanks for being understanding with me.
And now I’ll shut up”.
I won’t say the interaction was life-changing, but it was definitely revelatory.
“Aw, come here, you troublesome you”, my girlfriend coos both in jest and affection, squishing my face to her bosom in a hug, and I obviously let her.
“Group hug!” the Nymph shouts before I feel a second set of breasts press on my head from behind.
For a moment I feel a sudden spike of anger shooting out of Sheeno, but she’s fast to begrudgingly accept the affection of the other woman.
‘Luckily I’m not some harem protagonist and Undine has no romantic interest in my regards, or anyone else’s for that matter. Thank fuck because being so heavily emotionally tied to more than one person sounds exhausting!’
With the [High Priestess] intrusion the hug lasts much less than normal, and neither does it move onto better things, but nobody was crude enough to point that out to the oblivious woman.
“Ehem”, I loudly cleared my throat, “with that out of the way, why don’t we go to Merglobth to tell him that Undine is joining our [Party], and to give those [Quests] we made him put aside for us another look to see if the new player is ok with what we have decided on?”
The [Water Nymph] tilts her head to the side, unaware of what exactly I was talking about, while Sheeno gave a malicious grin, apparently still keen on messing with our handler a little bit more.
Stolen story; please report.
“How do you think they’ll react when I propose a change in their mansions, and then introduce our new friend?”
“I don’t know if I like where this is going…” the [High Priestess] commented, but made no move to stop what was already on the verge of happening.
“And here we go… again, I guess. Just don’t give them a heart attack, ok?” I pleaded to my girlfriend.
“Don’t worry, I learned my lesson. I won’t push it much: it’ll just be a quick and done thing”, she reassured me.
“I’m liking this less and less…” Undine muttered feebly.
“Don’t worry, she just wants to mess with someone that failed her personally, so she now has an unhealthy obsession with making them unnecessarily suffer”, I informed her with a casual shrug.
“Darwin! How is that supposed to make me feel any better!?” She obviously exclaimed, both alarmed and vexed.
“It isn’t”, I simply stated, continuing to subtly move further away.
“Wha-“ But she was stopped from finishing to asking anything by my sudden sprint out of the already opened door to the teleportation room.
“Hurry up if you don’t want to get left behind!” I shout behind me, doing my best to catch up to Sheeno, who had used the moment of distraction I had created to quietly slip out.
“Hey, wait I minute! I did not consent to any of this!” Those were her last words before she diligently shut our door to the private teleporter, and only then teleport after us.
* * *
“That wasn’t funny, Darwin!” Undine berated me, further incensed by the fact that I was still laughing.
“Oh, but it definitely was!” I replied, before chuckling again.
She swatted my shoulder in response but we kept going.
We were together because I had severely underestimated how fast Sheeno could sprint when she means to go fast, and my pitiful [Body Stats] made it easy for the probably more balanced [High Priestess] to reach me in short order.
Now, for a quick side-track: Teleportation is weird, it just moves things instantly from one place to another, without folding dimensions, or creating holes in the space between two places, with either predetermined teleporters that take you to and from only one location, or customizable ones attended by some kind of [Space Mages] that are capable of key the arrival point to more than one place.
Why am I thinking about what I know about teleportation? Because, for just a moment, I could still ‘feel’ Undine closing the door behind her when I had been effectively already teleported elsewhere, giving me a serious case of double vision.
Was this because of [Gaze of the Abyss]? Is it… ‘eating’ the space between me and where I’m observing, allowing me to project my [Aura] away from me? Because that’s what it feels like, and if it is so then this is definitely something I could take advantage of.
After a bit of testing of course.
…
Is it weird that the feeling was familiar, even though it was my first time experiencing it?
Astral projecting is nothing new in the [Nexus], and it is pretty much what you are doing whenever you “appear” inside your inner world.
“Uh… cool.”
That was it. Cool.
I guess even I’m getting used to randomly finding out new things I can do.
“Are you even listening to me? I can’t believe you!” Undine shook her fists downwards in a show of exasperation.
“And I can’t believe that the motherly act you introduced yourself with was all a façade”, it was my turn to be annoyed, being reminded that in this world every important figure seems to be two-faced, for no apparent reason.
“I am motherly, thank you very much, and it’s not fake: People are not single-faceted individuals, with only one personality trait, but are complex beings with multiple traits, women even more so!” She proudly explained.
“I feel like Sheeno once said something along those lines…” I was reminded of what my girlfriend had told me once on a similar occasion.
“Of course she did: She’s a smart woman. You see, it’s only you men that see the world as a matter of black and white, reducing everything into a matter of duality, while we women, being the smarter counterpart to you brutes, are able to perceive the different shades of grey-“, she looked to be fully invested into her ‘instructor mode’.
“Please, don’t start with the ‘shades of grey’, especially if there are fifty of them”, I interrupted her with a bit of a cringe.
“That’s what I’m talking about! There is no definite number to the shades because- Oh, it was another of your references… anyway, my point still stands! You need to stop and reflect, Darwin, if those ‘different personalities’ are what you’re actually seeing, or you’re simply misinterpreting how someone adapts the way they act depending on the situation: Like me! Of course I was more motherly when we were at the temple, it was what some newly [Transferred Humans] needed to see the most. Meanwhile here, along with a friend that already saw another side of me, I can be free to act however I please.
You can’t tell me you never saw anything similar where you were from: That’s simply something sapient [Races] do, adapting the way they act depending on the situation.”
Or like a [Guild Master] has to be unapproachable for the normal employees, so they can keep an aura of mysticality in public, or how a wizened Elf acts all grumpy and stuff, because it’s what it’s expected of him.
It would have been kind of funny that it took Undine’s words to make someone with [Overflowing Adaptability] realize that, if it wasn’t so depressing-
“None of that. I can see you getting depressed on your own in that head of yours, and I will not have it”, the [High Priestess] declared while squeezing my cheeks between her hands.
“Shorree…” I managed to get out of my forcefully smushed lips.
She stared into my eyes for a couple of seconds longer than I thought was normal, but then finally released her hold on me with a resolute nod on her part. “I will not have you bringing yourself down, for no apparent reason, for as long as I’m here, and I’m sure that Lady Fyratta will convene with me!”
“Just call her Sheeno; it will be better for everyone involved”, I idly commented, trying to not blush at the candor in her words.
“…She did seem less adherent to noble protocol than I expected. I might just take your word on that”, she eventually replied after a brief moment of consideration.
We idly chatted for another few minutes until I brought us in front of the door to Merglobth’s lair. I wasted no time and opened the door, knowing Sheeno to be already inside, but what I did not expect was how I’d find the Chthulian being.
“M-m-miss Fyratta! You shouldn’t joke like that: At least one of my hearts nearly gave out!” A mass of deflated tentacles lamented, while 6 of them tried to tampon the sweaty whole with what looked like embroidered napkins.
“You should thank Darwin that it wasn’t any worse- speaking of which, here are the two [Snoring Sloths]”, my mate said, turning to regard us with that last comment.
“Is ‘slowpoke’ part of Earth’s gerg? I guess I now know another word to confuse them with”
You are evil.
“No, I’m a bastard, which is quite different!”
Not even the gall to call yourself mischievous?
“And dethrone the queen that made it her whole personality? Never.”
Good, because you need to walk down the road of life a fair bit yet to start comparing yourself to me.
“…I guess these chats of ours aren’t as private as they once were, uh?”
They could be, but I normally leave unimportant things like this open also to your Patron.
“Understandable.”
“This is the list you can check from, your holiness, while waiting for the [Human] to pay attention to us once more”, was the first thing I heard coming from Merglobth once I started paying attention again.
It’s not like I’m not aware of what is happening around me when I focus inwardly, or on my screens, but [Hyper-Focus] just make it unfairly hard to snap out of it. Honestly, that [Trait] probably has brought on more trouble than it is worth.
“Oh, I always wanted to try my hand at protecting those in need while they travel-“ Undine tried to say something terrible, so she was obviously interrupted.
“No escort [Quests]!” Both me and Sheeno shouted at once, making the Nymph flinch