‘My breathing finally started to relax, damn that was a bit of overexertion, but nothing too bad.’

‘I knew that I shouldn’t go into the council hall, but that was just too much temptation for a single child. I mean, yeah, I have these memories, but that does not change the fact that I currently have the urges of a thirteen-year-old.’

‘What does that mean, you ask?’

‘That means that I am more prone to act with little thinking. More easily swayed by momentary emotions, I became bored faster, also I have a ton of energy and I can’t stay in one place for long periods of time. Oh, and my attention span is somewhat bad for things that I don’t enjoy. ‘

‘So if I knew all of these things, how is that, that I can’t control them?’

‘Well, you see, it is more of a hormonal and biological thing. Here is a simple example: imagine Revan who smokes cigarettes and also drinks alcohol often, he most likely knows that it is not good for him.’

‘Knowing this does not mean that he will stop these activities, or even if he wants to stop them, he may not be able to. Now, looking at my own situation, as a child, I didn’t really like being left alone here, without anything to do.’

‘For an actual jedi padawan it wouldn’t be a problem, but for me, who in the last seven years never was bored for more than half an hour, it was.’

‘In our base on Hoth, there were a ton of items, games to play, books to read, paint, watch long recorded holo-movies, learn something interesting from master, practice saber forms, or other more general weapon use, like blasters and grenades.’

‘It was an exciting life! The training was tough, but I could spend my free time however I wanted, many times even master joined in my childish activities.’

‘This was what the jedi missed purposefully, poor sods never even knew what life can offer. I already feel that this will be the main reason to run away from this damn place.’

‘Especially now that I knew half of those felonies were straight-out lies, typical jedi humbug. Well, except for the suspicion of breaking into the archives, that one sounds pretty damn serious.’

‘I bet that it is more than enough to lock me up. That sacred weapon thingy was only the cherry on the top of the cake. Also, withholding information? I don’t think that there is a law that forces you to answer honestly to every personal type of question that a jedi asks from you.’

‘Although I have to praise the grandmaster, he came very close to the truth about me, so close, but so far. I will have to be extra careful around him. He even noticed my force avatar. Well, probably because I was too weak to support it properly, but still. Nicely done for someone with a mere eight hundred and seventy-four years of experience.‘

‘The doors to my cell suddenly opened, making me instinctively try to grab the hilt of my blade, only to realize I don’t have it anymore. Understanding this was a frustrating process, but I still stubbornly sat up on the bed and looked towards the door. I couldn’t sense anyone coming closer since I can’t use the force without injuring myself right now. Instead, I waited patiently for the guest to come in.’

‘She came in just fine, a quite tall blue colored Twi’lek adult woman. She looked at me with a fickle of anger. W-what did I do to earn that glare? She marched to the side of my bed, sat down, then began to check me all over. I was genuinely surprised by her rude actions. I was about to start to protest, but her sharp gaze instantly took away my voice. Damn, this woman is scary. ‘

“In much trouble, you are little miss.” — ‘She said, shortly, then continued.’ — “I don’t know how you succeeded in making Master Windu personally ask me to check over you, but seeing that you are almost entirely drained of force, I am no longer surprised.“

‘Oh, did they realize that I was the one who spied on them? Interesting, but it was a calculated risk, anyway. She suddenly grabbed my chin with one hand and made me look into her eyes.‘

“Look at me when I am talking to you, girl.” — ‘She said to me, almost hissing. I immediately nodded, now somewhat scared from this no-nonsense type of woman.’

“Your name?”

“Nizzal Grey ma’am.”

“Good. What happened to you to become like this? Even your life-force is drained somewhat...“

“Eh, are you a healer?” — ‘I realized with a sense of relief.’

“What else would I be? I am the current chief healer of the order. My name is Vokara Che. Every youngling from the order knows me. How is it that you don’t?”

“Well, you just answered it yourself.“

‘She looked at me confused for a while, then she realized what I meant.‘

“Ah, you are not from the section on Coruscant. Did your master visit here for some reason?” — ‘She asked, intrigued by the prospect.’

“Eh, not quite. I am not a jedi, actually.”

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‘She stopped her healing and looked deeply into my eyes, searching for something she clearly didn’t find.’

‘Her shoulders relaxed again while restarting my treatment. Oh, she must have looked for the yellow eyes of a sith. I am quite lucky that my eyes only turn yellow when I actively channel a large quantity of dark side energies.’

‘I have a feeling that I shouldn’t tell her about that fact, nope definitely not. My childish side would love to see her reaction, but nope, go away temptation, go away!’

‘The woman put her hands on my temples. She was very gentle, quite in contrast with her personality. I felt a wave of force energy engulfing my mind and body with its peaceful, revitalising cocoon.’

“Let me heal you up, little one.” — ‘The woman stated with a mask of cheerfulness that doctors around children so often tended to use.’

‘I felt like shit, to be honest, so I let her treat me without complaint. But I was still surprised when she began to speak the diagnosis out loud.’

“You are quite strong in the force. Your aura is very refined, yet clouded with shadows. I sense much darkness inside you, swirling, powerful… but contained? For how long I wonder… Wait… what is this? Darkness that is balanced out by the light... I have never seen such delicate balance before… Its almost harmonious? It reminds me of Master Windu’s aura but less volatile… Now I understand why he seemed so interested in you…“

‘I stared at the woman. Vokara Che was it… An empath or a sensor, maybe both… A useful skill to have as a healer, and even better as a jedi. I should not underestimate this woman.’

“By the way… Where you kicked out of the order by any chance, girl?” — ‘She asked in a funny voice, she clearly meant it as a joke to lighten the stiff atmosphere.’

‘Still, it was a logical conclusion, although it really bothered my pride, as a master of my own order to be assumed as a dropout.’

‘I felt as my haughtiness started to take over my logic. I attempted to control it with my iron will.’

‘She looked at my inner struggle for a while, then she made a shocked face, clearly misunderstanding everything.’

‘She covered her shocked and guilty expression with a strained smile. She obviously thought that she accidentally hit the nail on the head. Then she said patronizingly.‘

“There is no shame in it. Not everyone is as smart and skilled to become a jedi.”

‘Oh no, you don’t! I won’t get baited that easily, and what the hell!? If I would be a normal child, that would probably make me cry... Oh, from her strained expression she realized it too.’

“Cute little girls have no place on battlefields, anyway.” — ‘She said hastily, and I blinked at her slowly.’

‘I see she was probably asked to ruffle my feathers a bit, but it isn’t too suited for her personality type. I watched as she made another grimace. This is getting more and more awkward with every second… Time to take over the lead in this conversation. Maybe I will help her a bit on the way. She healed me, after all. My sense of vertigo was gone before I could notice.’

“Why do you think that there are only two possible choices?”

‘She blinked for a second. Then she asked.‘

“In what?”

“In the force, of course.” — ‘I answered wisely.’

‘Now she was honestly confused, so I tried to explain it a little. That much couldn’t cause any serious trouble for me. I will have to tell something to the other masters from my origin sooner or later.’

‘So this moment is just as good as any. She will obviously report it to them, or maybe they are watching this conversation already. I looked into the camera just for a second, then turned back to the healer lady.‘

“I meant to say, why do you think that there is only a Jedi Order and a Sith Order. Why couldn’t there be hundreds of other force orders teaching their own philosophies and interpretations of the force? We are living in a vast galaxy, after all. I could easily name a handful of such orders, without even trying, you know.”

‘She thought about it, then asked.’

“Ah, you are right. There are smaller and more secretive ones. But they are usually similarly aligned to eighter the light or the dark side, effectively making their difference merely a cultural one. One is good the other bad so to say.”

‘I frowned at her conclusion. Couldn’t help but tell her my thoughts.’ — “That… is an incredibly oversimplified worldview. I find it hard to believe that you yourself abide by it…”

“A person as familiar with life and death as you are, wouldn’t call death a bad thing, merely a necessity… Creation and erosion, birth and death, light and dark are constant things… neither one remains for long in the absence of the other… As we exist in a fundamentally cyclical world.”

‘There was a solemn silence filling out the small room as we stared into the eyes of one another. As the moment passed, the woman shook out of her stupor… forcing that fake smile back onto her face.’

“So… so you are from one of those sects, then? I must say, you kids learn interesting things these days…“

‘I let my momentarily manifested presence slip through my fingers. Turning back, at least in the eyes of Master Vokara, to the harmless little scoundrel, I was for the larger part of our conversation. As I answered her question cheerfully.

“Maybe.”

“So what is your rank in your sect?”

‘She already healed most of my exhaustion. She is a truly superior healer, I noted in my mind. Hmmm... what should I tell her? I guess it’s time to indulge in my childish self after escaping from so many carefully laid traps in this brief conversation. Jedi rarely asked questions without reason. I will have to be on guard all day from now on. So for my answer, hehe...’

‘I suddenly raised up my arms with the unlimited energy of a child and told her, almost screaming. ‘

“I am a master!”

‘That sudden outburst made her very uncomfortable for a second. Then she sighed and patted wow, she just patted my head and also my leks. That felt surprisingly good. Oh no, is this the attention seeking nature of a child? Nonono, let it go! No! Damn, calm down... huff, that was close. She pulled her hand away and smiled at me.’

“Is this a children only sect? She asked playfully while giving me her last rounds of checkups.“

‘I thought about it. Well, practically I am the only living member. There are other masters, but from what I knew of them, they could be children, too. The thought of Darth Revan’s sect becoming an only children sect gave me unbelievable satisfaction. I felt as my innocent smile started to turn into an evil one, but I stopped it forcefully by shouting energetically!’

“Yes!”

‘Revan, you are officially out of your own sect now. It’s an only children's sect, after all. Hehe. You better deal with it.’

‘Also… Don’t fuck with me boy, I will catch your droid too.’

‘While I was imagining Revan’s form rolling on the ground before me from pure embarrassment, as every following generation of masters in our order will have my memories too, effectively destroying his mysterious, but terrifying image forever, I felt peace.’

‘The healer lady soon excused herself and left, advising me to sleep and since there was literally nothing else to do, I slept. Like… DUH!’