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13. Chapter

‘We talked through the events of the duel for quite a long time. Ahsoka was interested in the shield technique I used to shake off force based attacks.’

‘She also wanted to try out the saber throwing, telling me that it must have been epic. I told her that it is indeed spectacular, but also warned her to not get ahead of herself since it is a very hard to do skill.’

‘I mean, not that hard to do in general, but definitely overcomplicated in actual battle situations. It could give you an edge to surprise your enemy, but the effort to learn it isn’t really worth the time, especially if you have other, more basic things to learn.’

‘She gave me the stink eye, immediately, asking me how is it that I learned it then.’

‘I took the opportunity to tell her, with my nose lifted high into the air, that I already mastered the basics. Which she had to agree to. Even if somewhat reluctantly, our duel was still fresh in her mind, the way I countered every slight change in her attack form with my own.’

‘I was getting a little sleepy since we were in bed and there was a peaceful silence around us, but I didn’t really want to sleep, so I forced my brain to work out a legitimate question.’

“So what do you do around this time, usually?“

‘She turned to me with a thoughtful expression.’

“When I am not practicing with master or with some of the other padawans, I used to meditate in the room of the thousand fountains, or in my personal room.”

‘Sounds normal enough.’

“Sometimes I go to visit the teaching centrum in the middle of the temple where the younglings learn and hone their skills. It is good to listen to Master Yoda's lessons. He never really repeats a lesson in the same way. There are always additional elements to them, different stories shared, wisdom and knowledge given away for free.”

‘Interesting, but not unexpected. Nine hundred years are more than enough to gather a basically inexhaustible amount of tales.’

“Master Yoda must be a skilled teacher. He has the experience for sure.”

“Yes, but since the war started, he rarely comes by. Even then he seems to be very tired and his face, even as he tries to hide it, is always serious. He used to joke and sometimes even play with the little ones.”

“He is the whole orders grandfather figure, even though nobody ever dared to call him like that. Especially not in public. I am worried about him. He pretends to be alright, but too many jedi lost their lives.”

“The first day of the war on Geonosis was the worst, right before the clone troops arrived. I believe he blames himself for holding back the clones. Many have criticized the council's decision on this matter. It takes its toll on him. Jedi live to sacrifice themselves to keep the peace in the galaxy… Only if it was enough, then we could have prevented the war.”

‘I hardly doubt that… It was clearly a well-calculated bait placed by the Sith. Playing into that exact belief that the jedi would try to resolve everything on their own. Blinded by their overconfidence. Having a connection to the force can easily overflow one’s ego with heroic fantasies.’

‘The force gives proficient and well-trained wielders supernatural reflexes which are based on prescient insight.’

‘It is so easy to forget that even if one’s mind can sense an incoming danger, their body often cannot react in time. The smallest of mistakes, which is bound to happen especially under life-threatening pressure, can prove itself deadly. A single stray laser beam is more than capable of erasing all the knowledge a jedi harnesses over decades of harsh training.’

‘I am no exception.’

‘Aside from all that, I was taken aback by the emotional maturity of this girl. For me, all of what she said was obvious and logical, but I am not exactly sure if that would have been the case without the inherited memories.’

‘Who am I kidding? I didn’t even realize that my master was dying till he told it to me, leaving no place for doubt. Is it possible that she is an empath too? That must be the case, anyway I should praise her for knowing so much.’

‘I lifted my right hand and patted her on the head; the poor girl must have been worried for so long.’

“There-there.”

‘After she realized what I was doing, her eyes widened drastically. She stared at me with a surprised, uncomfortable but mostly confused expression.’

‘Her face was getting somewhat red from embarrassment. Eh, children nowadays can’t take a praise without getting embarrassed, it seems.’

‘That was the exact time when the door suddenly opened and a pair of humans in the middle of a heated discussion walked into the room, only to freeze, seeing and sensing the weird atmosphere inside.’

‘Seeing Tano’s horrified expression, I decided to turn around since I was sitting backwards to the door. While I was trying to turn, she forcefully pushed my hand away; what is it now?’

‘It was just a pat on your head, dummy. You did the same with me not long before, if you care to remember.’

‘As I finally turned around, I met with two pairs of familiar eyes. It was that Obi-One fellow or what was his name, and Anakin, Tano’s master. Each of them were looking at us with a somewhat strange and embarrassed expression.’

‘What for? I couldn’t tell. Eventually, Obi-One whetted his throat and started to talk.’

“Did we intrude on something? I am sorry about that…”

‘Anakin chuckled loudly, interrupting Kenobi’s words.’

“Look at that, master. Where have you left your manners? Not even knocking before entering… Tsc-tsc-tsc! And to think you tended to lecture me all the time!”

‘Kenobi furrowed his eyebrows for a second. Then decided to get back at Anakin with a sarcastic remark.’

“Sigh, it must be your bad influence... I swear that I can’t recall the last time I entered a building without you blowing in the door prior to it.”

“Now, now, master, that is just an over-exaggeration.” — ’Anakin added, followed by a loud smirk.’

‘I didn’t get what their problem was so suddenly, but I didn’t really care. So, I instead asked, what was the reason for their arrival?’

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“Masters, how can we help you?”

‘They looked at each other, then Obi-One began to talk again as the atmosphere became much more serious.’

“We came directly from the jedi council’s meeting; the council has decided to appoint me as your substitute master for the time you reside in the temple.”

‘Now… that was unexpected.

“You can come to me if any problem appears and we will work it out together. For the time being, you will remain at the rank of a padawan learner; therefore, you can’t be left without supervision.”

‘Why am I not surprised?’

“You aren’t allowed to leave the temple’s perimeters without a jedi knight, or master accompanying you until the investigation is finished and a verdict is made.”

‘…’

“You can think of this as a test to assess your true allegiances. You must understand that we are in a state of war, and we can’t be lenient against unknown force-sensitive sects. Especially ones whose droid breaks into our archive.”

‘I hate that guy as much as you do, probably more.’

“My report will have a heavy impression on the council’s final decision, claiming you, guilty or innocent, in the face of the accusations.”

‘I didn’t do anything.’

“If you are proved innocent, we will drop all charges and with the proper exams done, even offer you an official documentation that identifies you as a trained force sensitive. In exchange, we would like you to share more information on your order. And possibly help us establish a diplomatic connection.”

‘Fat chance…’

“Yes, master Obi-One.” — ‘I answered hastily.’

‘Anakin outright laughed.’

‘While Master Obi-One furrowed his brows, looking at me with skepticism, then he sighed and stated.’

“Good. I wanted you to know about your current situation. Now, to move to more pleasant topics, I will introduce myself one more time properly. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and not Obi-One... you can call me Master Kenobi if that is easier for you to pronounce.”

‘I nodded, my face reddening in the process realizing my childish mistake. I totally misinterpreted his name from the very beginning.’

‘Master Kenobi eagerly filled in the awkward emptiness left behind Anakin’s laughter.’

“So since Anakin has already tested your skills, and I also watched your recorded duel with him, I think we can skip the skill measurement part, but allow me a few questions to fill in the holes.”

“Yes, master.” — ‘I answered, eager to channel the conversation into a different direction.’

“What is your preferred lightsaber style?” — ‘He asked.’

“Form VI Niman. I prefer to use force manipulations to create openings for swift, decisive strikes.”

‘Anakin and Obi’Wan seemed to exchange a knowing look, hearing my answer.’

Unknown to Nizzal, with that statement, she practically acknowledged the two masters and the council’s suspicion. That she was indeed holding back in the duel with Anakin. She didn’t even attempt to use any offensive force technique while saying that it was her main fighting style.

“Very good.” — ‘Kenobi stated.’ — “It is a cold yet effective way to fight.” — ‘He praised her. What went without saying was the supreme level of mastery necessary in both saber forms and force powers that needed to pull it off.’

“If you want to practice, feel free to use the temple training fields. For meditation, I recommend the greenhouse or the room with the thousand fountains. If you want to find their locations, I believe Tano will happily show them to you.”

‘Yes, I believe you are right about that.’

‘Anakin spoke up.’ — “She was really sullen for a while to have nobody to talk to or train with. I was on a dangerous mission and Obi-Wan had little time to spare, thanks to his council duties. Your presence will brighten her up in no time.”

‘Ahsoka took in a sudden breath, shouting at her master while making my ears ring at the same time.’

“Master, stop, don’t tell her that!” — ‘It was evidently too late’ — “How could you!” — ‘She pouted, pretending to be more hurt than she actually was.’

‘So, Tano doesn’t have a lot of friends, if at all. That could explain her unnatural excitement at our first meeting.’

‘Hmmm... my eyes wandered to the form of the so-called jedi celebrity. The jealous eyes of the padawans surfaced in my mind at the end of our duel.’

‘So it was not because their master stopped their practices, but because I was stealing their hero’s attention from them. Even Rika was shocked when she saw Anakin in the cantina.’

‘Ah, the so-called short-sightedness and possessive jealousy of children. It must be amplified because of the accumulated dark side energies lingering around the temple.’

‘Grief and jealousy, two emotions that should never be underestimated. One of the key flaws in the jedi teachings. If you tend to block and numb your emotions, you will never learn to deal with them properly. Only to hide them under the carpet. In most of the cases, this will work, especially since the jedi usually live peaceful lives with little to worry about. These teachings are only showing their true inadequacy in times of war.’

‘When there is no time to let the emotional traumas calm down, to let them settle by themselves. Because before it has any chance to heal; there will be another one and another on top of that.’

‘This is how you describe the essence of a war, a series of unreasonable tragedies piled on each other in a cruel, horrifying act. This was the reason that so many jedi fell to the dark side under the Mandalorian Wars.’

‘It reached a point where reason and justice lost their distinct meanings, and they became similar with vengeance.’

‘They couldn’t handle the feeling of loss and fear anymore. The dark side was there to offer the tool to their vengeance, as it is always there to offer what you think you desire.’

‘That’s why it’s so dangerous for the shortsighted. It is not something to underestimate. It can give you more power than anything in this world, but that power is never truly yours.’

‘That is how the dark side is. It steals strength, life, memories; it can steal anything and give it to you, yet in the and it is always stolen from someone else. That is why embracing it makes you feel that endless, uncontrollable greed. Only something that is utterly empty inside can truly hunger.’

‘Without understanding this truth, any practitioner will eventually lose itself in the never-ending flow of greed.’

‘Even the dark ritual that our order uses to give away our memories to the next holder isn’t an exception. At first sight, it looks like the technique is able to create something, yet in the and it is only a sick illusion of creation. Since in the process of creation, it takes away much more than what it eventually gives.’

‘That is the accurate definition of the dark side. It always takes more than it can give.’

‘A much better twi’lek than me, would never even think of using it even as a tool. I am different, though.’

‘You see, I am an inherently greedy child. I can’t accept having all this knowledge at my disposal and not using it. What was the point of gathering knowledge if I never use it?’

‘There are situations where those techniques will prove their worth. Sometimes the best way to fight fire is by using fire. After all, the next few hundred years are plenty of time to run into a sith. You never know…’

‘At least these are the thoughts I often used to console myself.’

‘The truth is much simpler. I am just greedy, a very greedy girl. I want to wield the dark side because it looks cool, because it’s forbidden and freeing. It makes me feel ecstatic. Unleashing the sheer power of it makes me shiver with excitement. Knowing that I dance on the edge of a thin blade makes me feel alive.’

‘That is how sinful of a girl I am… But I accepted that since I received these enlightening memories. I won’t feel guilty anymore about those desires. Because I am aware of them, and simultaneously aware of the consequences of overindulgence.’

‘This enlightened guiltless self acceptance allows me to wield the dark side with minimal risks. The reason why jedi almost every single time fail to do so, is because of their ingrained belief that using it is wrong. And their inability to control their own emotions.’

‘From a state of a lack of emotion is much easier to end up in a state of being controlled by emotions than finding a middle ground.’

‘After my newly appointed master’s reintroduction, he told me of the basic layout of the temple, and gave me a standard holo-device uploaded with the temple map. Finally, I could go surfing the net, and download some games too. There are plenty of free games if you know where to find them.‘

‘This thing looks high tech! I can play newer games!’

‘The rest of the day was spent wandering around the temple with Tano, who was eventually allowed to leave the infirmary. True, only after we promised to not start another duel for the next few days.’

‘Oh, and I got another room, close to Master Obi-Wan’s room, as per tradition or something like that. It looked just like the one I used yesterday, boring and empty.’

‘I watched videos on the net late into the night, then after a particularly funny loth-cat compilation, I placed the device under my bed and turned in for the night.’

‘Those stupid loth-cats are hilarious. Was my last conscious thought before sleep finally claimed me.’