As she walked away from that city, three sets of footsteps followed behind her. Right now she did not care about who was following her, she was too confused on too many matters.
First was, why did Sain kill Aria?
He said she was not their friend but their enemy. She did not attack them, how could she be an enemy? The first time she had seen Aria was when she was being chased some 6 months ago. She needed our help, for her siblings as well.
How could someone who only wanted to save her siblings use them!?
Everything else he said must have been an excuse. A spy? Like hell such a person like Aria could be one!
Second was, why was he so calm in everything?
Only rarely did he ever be angry, heck agitated when things were going on. All those times, he was fine for him to be angry. But so many times more did he not be angry.
Like the time she charged in and almost got them all killed by attracting too many monsters. He did not get angry then.
“Lyn...”
Like the time she unintentionally killed those men chasing after Aria, he was calm in telling her to calm down as well when he bound her with his spell. He did not get angry there.
“Lynd...”
The only rare time she could think of with Sain getting angry was a long time ago when she unintentionally spend too much money on food which caused Miriel and him...
“Lyndis!”
A voice behind her awakened her from her thoughts and at the same time causing her to turn around to see the three people that followed her in the end. She noticed that Miriel was not among them.
The one who called her, Serena asked worryingly, “Are you okay? You look pale and were muttering things without responding to us.”
Lyndis felt an urge to pat her head and to say everything was all right but couldn't.
“We were worried that you were going crazy” said Shadow who didn't even looked one shade worried about her. Her mouth pouted slightly seeing him of all things here.
“I'm surprised that you of all things came with me. Weren't you and...Sain close?” she asked him though she was still no done over thinking about Sain.
Shadow let out a “Pa” sound and said, “Rather than spend the next few months cleaning every corner of that city almost literally, I rather go somewhere unknown and exciting with you being all lost and such.”
Lyndis frowned hearing this. How much did this guy want to piss her off? But her thoughts fell onto the words Sain said about him. How he did not want to be forgotten. Lyndis somehow produced some sympathy thanks to that even though she did not want this to be due to Sain as well.
As such she asked, “How the hell am I lost? All I did was leave.”
“And three people followed you all worried” he replied with a smug look on his face, “Aren't you lucky there are so many considerable people around you? After you without warning attacked Sain. Blamed Sain for everything and left without explaining everything and pushing it all on him.”
“....Want me to hit you?”
Right now Lyndis was enduring so much in not punching this freak of a mouth breather.
“Anyway it looks like Serena wants to say something to you so I'll shut up for now” said Shadow moving and pulling Serena in front of him as some sort of shield.
Lyndis resisted the urge to draw her sword and cut him down right away.
Isn't this what Sain implied to say to her? Even though he was beating around the bush quite a bit, in all he was saying that her actions caused trouble.
Grinding her teeth she could not believe to think he was right at all! But drawing now would prove him right but not would be listening to him!
“Lyndis?” asked Serena again seeing that Lyndis was deep in thought and in conflict there as well, “You have to let it go. Sain only meant well.”
“WELL?!” Lyndis snapped hearing those words come out of Serena's mouth and shouted, “HOW CAN KILLING SOMETHING HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAS GUILTY BE HIM MEANING WELL?!”
At the same time she grabbed onto Serena in the spur of the moment which shocked her and scared her greatly.
“Let go of her or I will remove you even if Sain decided not to” said Shadow calmly. His blade was stuck next to her neck as he tried to pull Serena away from her. Seeing this, seeing that bastard being the one to protect her from HERSELF of all things...
“Ah...sorry...”
Lyndis backed away not sure on what to do now. She had already pushed two people away with her actions though three followed and now she was doing the same to the rest of them. She was feeling like there was something inside of her cracking now.
Her mask was coming apart. Her fears were coming out. She did not want to be like Sain.
Only that it hit her. She did not know what to do, Sain did all of that for her. All she did was hitch a ride that he maintained. She was not like Sain, he was above her who did not know what to do.
“What the hell am I doing? I'm like a lost child here...” she muttered to herself holding back her tears of frustration with her hands forcefully.
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“Don't cry on my account” said Shadow.
Even though her eyes were covered, she could still see that extremely irritable face of his and simply said, “I don't know what to do. I don't know what Sain wanted to do. And now I don't know how to know what to do” instead of hitting him.
This made those three extremely worried about her now. She was unstable and was prone to do anything right now.
“The answer is to ask” said Raven in his rare words of wisdom. Lyndis was so shocked that Raven actually talked to her that she immediately removed her hands from her face and looked at him in surprise.
However she realised she did not want to ask. She did not want others to tell her what to do as well since she never did that before. She did not want to take away their will or freedom for her own sake.
Was this what Sain felt? Why was she sympathising with someone who murdered a friend of hers? Did she care too little of Aria or did she just needed an excuse to leave all this time?
She did not know. But she did know one thing.
She was running away again. She did not want to face their expectations. She could not answer their expectations. She did not want to feel that again.
But what did she want?
“Lyndis, it's becoming night quickly. We should hurry somewhere” said Shadow. He noticed that it was becoming night quickly.
Serena nodded and also said, “We need to get to a safe place to rest when night comes.”
Words had opinions. Now that she was leading them though not in her will, those opinions were placed on her. Like what she did with Sain all the same. Like he was forced to be leader on day one by Miriel.
How could he endure this feeling when one wrong move could make others lose trust in you through their expectations?
Lyndis was afraid. She was afraid of leading other people now. Four years ago in this game it may have been fine since they were all new and could figure something out. But now it wasn't; they all grew stronger, knew good from bad and Sain was on the good side on leading them while she was not.
She had depended on Sain too much. Her mind was slipping on what she should do to make right with others. Before she could see the intent of others. Now there were shadows on their faces, unknown shadows that scared her.
What if they thought she was selfish, a liar, a monster that used other people for her own gain?
Could she endure those looks again?
“No...”
She shook her head. Being with other people was bad right now. Everyone was a stranger right now. She could not even trust herself right now, how could she trust others. She never once opened her heart completely to them but they, Sain at least saw through some of her already.
If they dig deeper than she would see what was inside of her as well.
She at least needed to make sure she knew who she still was in the end. The issue with Aria...the issue with Sain, she would investigate it herself. Whether Sain was lying or not, whether his intents were good or not and where his true goal lies. She made a small vow to at least find out who was Sain.
She did not trust him...or anyone else right now....so she wanted to know at least first.
Then..whether he was right or she was right did not matter. Only by her own efforts would she find what she was looking for. And only by her own efforts would she see where Sain's motives, actions and thoughts led him.
Yes, only her efforts never betrayed her.
She needed to be calm right now and think this all through.
“You can return to Sain and Miriel. I'm going alone” she said to the three people that stood there shocked at her words.
She looked over to the forest nearby. There would be a good place to at least allow her to collect her thoughts as well to get stronger than before. Other people will just interfere. She did not need other people.
“Don't follow me or I will cut you down” she threatened them before leaving them.
She needed to be alone again.
The warmth she felt with the others was gone. There was only endless coldness from being with them now.
Onwards?PreviousExitNext
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Author's Notes:
- Lots of things I want to say but most of them are spoilers. This volume much to some people disliking Lyndis, is going to be mainly about her. My goal? To break her. Things had been going too well for the group and I have a long way to go till the end. Frankly I need to build of the other characters in the group since Sain had been getting too much attention.
- I have a feeling I need to put the mature tag on later due to this volume though...