The training camp with the Gremory was in a nutshell "A Festival of Suffering", I beat, humiliated and tortured Ise until my twisted heart was satisfied, Rias tortured herself for her inability as a "Master/Master/King", Kiba he got my advice and now the blond young knight is a watered down imitation of Emiya Shirou, now and after he swept the floor with it about thirty times, he uses simple Telekinesis or Magic Hand magic to shoot the swords as projectiles, or move them, increasing largely his repertoire, that and to teach him the basics of Touki.

Regarding the Priestess of Thunder, Himejima Akeno aka "Sadomasochistic Rikolina A" I have had several encounters where she ends up panting and satisfied after an hour locked in her own delusions, as for Koneko and Asia, they are innocent and do not deserve any extra training, Asia trains by curing the pervert pawn and the blonde knight, Koneko just needs to grow and survive and she will become strong naturally, the advantages of being a Bakeneko, although it doesn't take away from the fact that she mixes some natural ki into the snacks she eats. I give to you, and yes my dear fourth wall friends, after being completely satisfied and at peace by filling my stomach figuratively and literally with Iseei's suffering and pain, I found a strange peace and suddenly found myself in tune with the energy of the nature.

And I have to admit, leaving your own identity for a moment and merging with nature itself was something relaxing and enlightening, I realized many things that I had forgotten or ignored but now I remembered them, obviously I felt how the seal was opening little by little but It didn't matter, while I was in that strange state "ZEN" I can rationalize and not only accept my situation, but really "Reason" and I felt bad.

Bad for all the things I didn't take into account, bad for all the damage I had done to Tomoko and Monet, I relived the pain of losing Natasha and Rita, I was disgusted by my own weakness, my own arrogance, my own depravity... .to the point where you make a decision.

"I don't deserve her anymore... in fact I never did... I can only pray for her safety and happiness... I really was and still am a disgusting person... maybe... to be the embodiment of everything." madness and terror is not a big change in the end, it's just a turning of the page... a turning of the page in the same fucking book of my fucking life...

That night I cried in silence, looking at the stars, gradually merging with the same darkness, sinking more and more into melancholy and self-hatred.

In the end, dawn took me out of my thoughts, the funny thing is that... right at that moment I remembered something, an old memory, of me slitting the throat of a war criminal, it was when I was still a child, broken but still a child , back then during my early days as a soldier, I was placed under the care of a woman, Captain Charlotte, she was a strange woman, outside of her physical appearance, with her eyepatch, the stab scar running down from her neck to her navel, she was like an older sister, an aunt, a twisted mother figure to the 78 boys and girls we were forcibly recruited.

For some reason, I was remembering those days, just remembering the moment when I was ordered to take the life of a man, a criminal with my bare hands, not from a distance with a weapon, but from up close with a knife, to feel every pulsation, each breath, its smell, its warmth, its fear, each sensation or emotion that my victim could have.

They didn't care about the traumas of guilt or the aversion to killing a fellow man, they didn't need child soldiers, they were looking for butchers, and I was one of them, I plunged the knife into the neck slightly inclined behind the jugular artery and then I pulled the knife through the entire neck cutting both arteries, I could remember the warm blood staining my hands, the iron smell of the blood, the crying, the retching, the vomit of the other children, but the sad but proud face of Captain Charlotte and her words from that moment resounded in my mind.

--You really did it, Joham, I know this road is not easy but, don't lose your faith in life, no matter how drowned you are in blood and death, stay strong and swim through it, even if you must become a machine , in a beast, never abandon your humanity... remember Joham.

I can feel the captain's hard hands rubbing my blood-stained face, while I could see a tear come out of her only eye.

--Even if you fall into the abyss... you can get out... climbing... a tower of evil corpses... hahahaha~

I repeated the words of my old instructor and I couldn't contain my laughter, I remembered, I remembered and I continue to remember, each one of the people I killed throughout my almost twenty years as a soldier, I could see how a tower of corpses rose in front of me. me, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a gloomy and broken laugh.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

--Hahahaha~ I~ am~ really~ pathetic...

This was my reality, even though I lived the last 12~15 years as a pediatric doctor, those few lives I save are worth nothing, a handful means nothing against a mountain.

The captain's words were a curse that had bound me and of which I never realized; At the end of the day, I was still Joham no matter how much I tried to separate, dilute or ignore that fact, I couldn't do it, I was Joham, Ex-Lieutenant Colonel of the Assault force, member of the executioners corps, a war hero as well as a war criminal, a mercenary who worked for drug traffickers and the mafia, a doctor who sought consolation in treating children in a corner far from everything, a man who loved a woman he should not have fallen in love with, an adoptive father for a girl he shouldn't have adopted, a man with a relatively happy family but who for no reason deserved...

--Ah~ I really should have died instead of mom...if only that bullet had bounced down...she would be fine...Natasha, Rita, everyone would be fine...if only they hadn't me acquaintance...

I cried, I cried as the sun rose over the mountains of corpses to my eyes, I cried as I watched red turn to blue, I cried as the birds chirped, reminded me of the laughter of children in the hospital, I cried as I remembered many of those moments that I used to consider happy but now only fill me with terrible guilt and regret.

I got back to town before the rest woke up, I wasn't in the mood to joke around or even tolerate their pubescent idiocy.

***

A week later.

Kuoh Academy – Student Council Room.

--Where have you been Souji?

--I went for a walk... My fair lady~

--Don't lie to me, I know you went beyond the sea, I'm surprised how you could cross the ocean.

"I just wanted to visit my old home..."

--You know how dangerous that was, you are a demon, there are laws, regulations, treaties.

--I flew between shadows, I moved in the astral plane and no one could see me and even if they did you know they can't stop me, I can go from here to the underworld on my own without using the demonic portals just using the shadows Do you think it matters if I catch?

Sona looked at me with annoyance and I could understand her annoyance. I disappeared for a week without saying anything to anyone, leaving my job as a devil and my other responsibilities to go to what I knew as my home, I flew with all my might to return to that field of death where I grew up, only to find, absolutely nothing... in this world there were no guerrillas, there were no uprisings, there were no leftist armed revolutions, after independence each nation acted on its own focusing on its development, although some still ended with many internal wars, his situation is almost utopian compared to where he came from.

The neighborhood where I grew up didn't exist, now it was an artificial lake part of a hydroelectric dam, the hospital where I worked was an amusement park, the barracks where I almost died was a stripper, the church where I got married was a restaurant, I visited all the places that meant something to me and none of them prevailed, I don't know why I went there in the first place, but after seeing it with my own eyes, something snapped and I felt a strong emptiness in my heart.

I returned to Japan and went to Monet's apartment who only hugged me after I arrived covered in mud, leaves and seaweed, as well as a swordfish stuck in my back.

There I just stood still like a statue staring into space, thinking of nothing concrete, just staring into space for three days, until I was forcefully summoned by Sona a few moments ago, which brings us to this situation.

Where she's upset and I'm too busy with my own problems and my newly acquired "Sanity?" enough to care about his feelings.

--Are you listening to me Souji?

--Really... No, anyway, I got you a "Charge Anything" from the Big-breasted Stripper Gremory that and one of two apartment buildings, which is more than your pawns, knight, bishops and another rook have achieved in this time, not counting the 12 surveillance contracts for the wives of the heads of 12 conglomerates in different fields~ Any complaints?

Sona opened her mouth only to close it again since she was right, my contracts were absurdly juicy since most of my clients were women of power full of anger towards their husbands and thirsty for attention, I only had to whisper a few sweet words to their ears and that's it, the fury of a scorned woman would fall on the heads of their husbands or future ex-husbands.

--Okay... I'll change my question... Are you okay? I notice you different... a little more... calm, lucid...

The young demon rose from her seat and walked to my side, caressing my face and examining my listless expression with her amethyst eyes.

--It could be said that I am going through a moment of lucidity, my lady~

I walked away from her taking a step back like that with decorum and feigned manners, in reality I only had regrets, after tuning in with nature and recovering a large part of my memories, now I can read people more easily and Sona is something easy to get along with. read for me, her mind is very clear, almost crystal clear like the water of a pristine pond in a virgin forest, I know her plans, I know what I'm trying to do but I have neither the courage nor the intention to take revenge or attack her for drinking Natasha's way, or for trying to rein me in, since ultimately it was something I asked of her myself.

And seeing her now how she tortures herself by stabbing herself with guilt, fills me with pain... Am I really just causing suffering?

I looked at Sona's worried face before I plunged into the shadows and met my team for this little Rating Game.