Chapter 15: My Last Will

So, here it goes.

I didn't think there'd be a time I manage to write this, but, really, I can't believe I actually did this.

Please be aware at that time, I may not be fully conscious of all the things I write. To tell you the truth, the things in life had been going pretty well lately.

Yet, somehow, I feel like, I don't want to live anymore. It'd probably be sad for my family to see me gone.

Instead of downright dying, I want someone better to take over my body. The one actually yearning to live, to work hard, and able to have a clear sight of reality. I don't think I can do it anymore.

I am still young. I still have a lot of life left beyond me you can utilize. Use it as you see fit, I know, whoever replaces me will be someone a lot better than myself.

I just hope, you can abandon all the accounts I have in the net and reformat my hard disk into a completely blank slate. I hope, in the next life, I can access the same old website and continue on doing the things that kept me feeling alive, such as writing.

I have a lot of wish I want, in my next life, but most importantly, to be able to continue writing a lot of things. To tell you the truth, lately, fictional stories had been the only thing I've been looking forward to. Either writing them or reading them—it makes me feel that life has a meaning. That there's something out there worth looking forward to.

As the day goes, the less I manage to care about life itself. I don't want this kind of life anymore, I'm sick of it—even more—to even pull in some effort to turn things around.

I just want to bask with all kinds of pleasure. My mind was numb, I was unable to think straight anymore. It's just, it hurts too much, for some reason I can't understand. Back in this life, I was unable to trust anyone with my everything and it caused me grief.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

That out there, I'm the only one out there and everyone else's my enemy. Nobody could understand me at all. Nobody ever cared about me.

I truly had enough.

I'm not a strong person. I crumble on the first adversity. All I want is a quiet, peaceful life without turbulence. The kind of life without any obligation. How I could just bask in the peaceful scenery and lazing around, doing nothing until the end of time and it'd still be okay.

Back then, I was so preoccupied on discovering myself. It ends up pretty pointless in the end.

Since, it didn't matter who I was, or who I am. By defining my own character, it limits my own expression.

It's also perfectly fine to not concern myself with everything and to not take note of anything. To not learn and remain ignorant of every single thing.

In the end, it's also fine to not have a goal in mind. To not force me towards a certain direction or destination, and instead aimlessly wonder, following the pace of my own heart.

All that aside.

Nothing is truly important.

Not everything needs a reason.

I don't want to care about anything anymore and just start over.

No need for a belief, no need for everything at all.

The only thing that matters to me is someplace tranquil, that I am free to do whatever I want, forever and ever.

It's a place just for me, the scenery that will never change.

Somewhere out there, I yearned for that tranquil scenery.

I'm ready to meet my end anytime.

My only wish is just for someone decent to take over my life.

I thank you, for listening to my selfish request.

Well then, this shall be my farewell.