Volengi stared, hovering high up in Earth’s atmosphere. The only thing stopping him from attacking was complete and utter confusion. One glance told him that he was observing trash, an insignificant slug planet.

And yet… it remained standing.

The feeble low-level planet had no appropriate defences yet, somehow, against all odds, it had managed to deflect an energy beam with enough power to travel across multiple solar systems.

Reluctantly, Volengi sniffed, pulling a funny face–the planet also stunk.

Its atmospheric composition reeked of an immature, desperate species that were clinging onto peasant fuel sources. In fact, upon closer inspection, everything about the planet’s most intelligent species was primitive, from their modes of transport to their technology to their forms of communication. They had learnt a lot, but clearly needed a few more centuries to develop.

And there was something else… Volengi couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The newly-crowned king had visited hundreds of slug planets, but this one seemed different.

Volatility? No… there seems to be a strange energy.

He put the thought aside.

The only answer that came to his mind for their survival was luck, but that was impossible. The chances of a third party strong enough to interfere were slim. None of their enemies would dare interrupt his coronation and even if they wanted to, how could they know his planet of choice? To muddle things further, there was hardly any aftermath from the energy beam, almost as if it had suddenly ceased to exist.

Volengi pinched his nose and stuck out a blue tongue, silently cursing the new environment. He raised his arm, and a glowing green cube shot out of his hand, spiralling downward and sinking through a cloud. It was a bodily explosive. The bomb's blast radius was large enough to eliminate one-fifth of the organic life on the planet and slowly eradicate the survivors through nuclear radiation.

He rose up rapidly, shaking his head. I’ll pretend this never happened.

The whole situation had somehow been more mentally taxing than most of the wars he’d partaken in. His father would be disappointed. What a horrible sequence of–

Volengi froze. He zoomed towards the supposed location of the nuclear bomb and scanned every inch within a fifty-mile radius.

It was gone. No one was there.

His mind ran through a series of detailed explanations, most of which could be categorized under intoxication or insanity. He raised his palm again, this time shooting out three thin energy beams in quick succession, each powerful enough to create a mile-wide crater.

Volengi’s jaw dropped, and he flailed in the air, almost forgetting the ability to fly. After watching each of the energy beams disappear from the atmosphere, he finally realised what was occurring. His orange eyes glowed, and he saw them at last.

“Invisible localised wormholes… fascinating.”

A trail of small, visible portals suddenly appeared in the air. Volengi followed them, and they led him to the rooftop of a skyscraper where one of the slugs was there, wearing an orange jumpsuit. It spoke. Volengi fired an energy blast from his palm, but a massive portal neutralized it. He rapidly fired off a dozen more yet each one sunk into a separate portal. Volengi sighed, switching on his translator.

“She said you would stop attacking after a minute, but maybe she was… Oh? Great. You stopped trying to kill me. Thank you.”

Volengi folded his arms. The slug had to be a rare mutant within the species. Wormholes were notoriously challenging to create artificially, let alone organically. It was a shame the ability was wasted on such a low-level life form.

“You’re not saying anything,” the slug continued. “Do you understand me? Nod if you understand.”

Volengi didn’t respond. His eyes narrowed.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Please spare me less than two minutes. I have something important to read out to you. Hopefully it makes sense to you because I don’t know what the fuck it means.” The slug brought out a piece of crumpled paper. “Dear, King Volengi. Congratulations on your coronation.”

“How do you know about that?” Volengi blurted.

“Don’t look at me. I don’t know anything. She knows stuff, you see.”

“Who?”

“I’ll start again,” the slug said, clearing its throat. “Dear King Volengi. Congratulations on your coronation. We are terribly sorry for interfering with your ceremony. Though tempted to allow ourselves to be eliminated, we decided to not die. As you already know, this planet is of no use to you. You could destroy us and no one would care. However, please, could you reconsider? We are not worthy to be obliterated by someone so powerful and if you stay here any longer, you will only be increasingly disappointed in our existence and our ineptitude may rub off on you. We strongly recommend you destroy planet Pogarth located on the Cosmo’s Vortex. They are very similar to us and are equally pathetic in many ways. Thank you for listening. Yours sincerely, Earth.”

Silence hung in the air.

“So did that work? No? Yes? You’ve got a good poker face. It seems you’re still processing….”

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Volengi blinked rapidly. He analysed the rare slug mutant with curiosity. It was way too relaxed. “Is your leader busy with other matters then?”

The slug laughed. Volengi released a surprise energy blast from his palm yet a portal absorbed the attack. He figured as much. “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just that she’s no leader. That’s the last thing that woman is.”

“What’s her job?”

The slug scratched his head, frowning. “Um. Artist? She’s overrated as fuck in my opinion but she’s got some good songs. Do you have music on your planet?

Volengi scowled. “Of course, and I’m sure it’s better than whatever you slugs listen to.”

“You might be right. I don’t know. We’re called humans, by the way, not slugs.”

The so-called human reached his hand through a portal and brought out a small, portable device. “Care to listen?”

Volengi blasted off three rapid energy blasts. One large portal consumed them all.

“Jeez, you don’t quit,” the human said.

Volengi snatched the device and inspected it. “How primitive.”

“Sorry, Your Highness. We call them headphones. You just put them on your—”

“I know.”

Volengi glared while putting on the headphones, curiosity getting the better of him. Their small talk was highly unusual and irritating. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. The planet should have already been vaporised.

“So this is from her debut album,” the human explained.

Volengi frowned as the instrumentals entered his ears. Two minutes into track one, he nodded once. “This is good.”

“You like it?” The human said. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m serious,” Volengi replied. “I like it. Production levels are exceptional. It reminds me of the music they have back in Slagorene.”

“Hip-hop exists in this Slagorene planet too?”

“Not anymore. We conquered the planet and the survivors self-destructed out of spite. One of our toughest battles”.

“Oh…”

The human’s laid-back demeanour vanished. The changes were subtle but Volengi detected them— slightly widened eyes, tensed muscles and a sharp spike in heart rate.

“The answer is no,” Volengi said. “The speech did not work. You’ve interfered with something sacred and there must be consequences. There is nothing that can convince me otherwise. However, you’re coming with me.”

The human looked around melodramatically as if it wasn’t just the two of them standing on the rooftop building. “Me?”

“Your powers intrigue me. You can become one of my pets.”

“Pet? At least say servant, damn.”

“A century for you is like a year for me. Your existence is insignificant. Your life and species are worth almost nothing, but, under my wing, you will be considered a rare gem discovered by royalty.”

“I’m flattered…” The human scratched its chin, wiping away any trace of emotion in the process.

“The alternative is death, so choose wisely,” Volengi warned.

“Oh boy,” the human said in a monotone voice. “The pressure is really on now. I am genuinely intrigued, but there’s something you must know first. I’m actually a prisoner on this planet. I committed a crime and was arrested. There was a massive famous court trial and everyone was booing me. There was even a whole documentary about it.”

“What?” Volengi processed the information a thousand times over within seconds just because he didn’t want to believe what he was hearing. Him? A prisoner on this planet? Preposterous!

“What I’m trying to say, alien king, is that if I was to travel along with you as a pet, I would need to finish off my life sentence which is half a century without parole, so I would suggest you leave and come back later and then we can maybe consider things.”

“What’s your name?”

“Cadell Akindele. The first name is Scottish and the second is Nigerian. It’s a good blend, don’t you–”

The human abruptly stopped talking. Had it already sensed his bloodlust?

No matter. It’s too late!

Volengi leaped forward, one arm winding back, but before his fist connected, he darted through a portal and found himself breathing in pure Solarian air. He stumbled on one of his planet’s many beaches and fell face-first into the sand.

“Wormholes… You’ve got to love them,” Laxon said nearby in a voice that was clearly holding back laughter.

“Brother,” Volengi said. “I’m going to stand up right now. If I see a trace of amusement on your face, I will wipe you off the face of the universe.”

“Yakayakayka!” Laxon boomed, rattling off a distinctive Solarian laugh. Hundreds of other Solarians followed suit, staggering around the beach, cackling like hyenas.

Volengi’s face heated. Of course, they had been watching the whole time. With their exceptional Solarian sight, they had observed him interact with the human and seen everything. To make things worse, it was practically impossible to block out all their conversations, a rare circumstance where his super hearing was a detriment.

“This is our new ruler? I can’t believe he lost. ”

“Serves him right for drinking too much! Yakakakaka.”

“They tricked him. How does he conjure those portals so quickly?”

“No clue. He must be a rare mutant.”

“I don’t care if his genetic code is made of holy water. No one can organically create a wormhole so rapidly. They must be using biotech.”

“How? It’s a slug planet.”

“The human played him like a flute. Couldn’t be me.”

“Silence!” Volengi roared, flying high in the air to look down on his subjects. “Silence, silence, silence!” Each word was layered with malice, a guttural shout usually reserved for their greatest enemies. “Am I worthy to be king? Was my father wrong? If anyone doubts my ability, come forward now and challenge me! Prove my weakness!”

Everyone stared. No one moved. As expected.

“I have led you into the jaws of hell countless times, and you doubt my ability to eradicate a simple slug planet? How absurd!” Volengi paused, then scoffed. “And it wasn’t even that funny.”

The Solarian’s exchanged a knowing look. They didn’t need to reply. He understood.

Fine. Maybe it was.

Volengi shook his head, slowly lowering himself to the surface. The little slug planet had become more than just a minor inconvenience. It was a dirty smudge on his once perfect record as a warrior, and the resulting shame was a demon, eating through a vulnerable side of him he never knew he had.

And there was something else which sprouted a familiar sensation, even bringing a tiny smile to his face. It was stakes. Significant resistance. A genuine threat. Instead of engaging in combat to simply satisfy his warrior blood, he was fighting to save his honour and the Solarian’s reputation.

King Volengi let the pressure encompass him, embracing it.

He was always ready for a challenge, even the silly ones.

Always.