Volengi shook his head.

Once again, the alien king stared at what was quite possibly his most hated sight in the universe--Earth. The slug planet. The persistent ball of trash which refused to disappear.

Unlike the thousands of wars and battles Volengi had initiated, no glory was to be found at the end of the tunnel. There were no desired species to exploit, no rare resources to plunder and no hard fought conquest. The “enemy” couldn't even be considered one since they refused to fight back.

“I’m glad you can’t see this father,” Volengi whispered. “To use such an ability on a slug planet would make you…”

Instead of finishing the sentence, he swallowed hard, defusing the bomb of rage in his mind while raising both arms. A gigantic meteorite equal to the size of the moon gradually materialised before him.

The rock was purely organic, manufactured solely from Volengi’s body, the product of an ancient ability rarely used due to the fact that they had countless ways of attacking which were more deadly and efficient. His arms vibrated as dozens more meteorites formed a row ahead of him. Even for a Solarian, this was overkill, but apparently overkill was required.

One of the meteorites split into hundreds of randomly sized fragments, surrounding Earth, and Volengi made a fist with both hands. The rocks rotated widly before darting through space and into Earth’s atmosphere.

Volengi teleported to the roof of a building and already he could see Cadell at work. Hundreds of glowing purple portals of varying sizes opened and closed in the sky.

The rare mutant would be able to defend against the attack but it would at least keep him busy. As soon as he was finished, Volengi would remotely set off the next meteorite and so on and so forth.

He leaped and hovered in the air, pinching his nose.

“You know I’m here and you know what I’m capable of,” Volengi said. “Let’s skip all this and finish this once and for all. If you’re so desperate to keep your species alive, show yourself and fight me.”

At first, there was no response, but then he heard a response that matched perfectly with his. It was from a male 43,000 kilometres away.

“Hello, King Volengi. Thank you for dropping by. Please could you come back another day? This isn’t a good time. I’m not really in the mood and there’s a lot going on right now. I’ve got to head to the studio tonight to finish up this album. Songs don’t write themselves.”

Volengi teleported to the source but frowned as a ginger bearded man stared with wide eyes. Volengi immediately vaporised him with a single energy beam. “You can’t run away from this. As soon as I targeted this planet, your fate was sealed.”

A shaky voice replied exactly on the opposite side of the planet. “Let’s negotiate. I know you like my music. Can I tease you with a few tracks?”

Volengi teleported to a forest and shot another energy beam through a skull. “You’re willing to sacrifice your own kind to avoid me? I thought humans were supposed to be compassionate creatures.”

“We are,” an old man said in a gravelly voice. “You’re killing convicts who have been given death sentences. They all had it coming.”

Volengi looked up at the sky flashing with purple portals. “I’m more than prepared to kill everyone on this planet until you show yourself.”

“I know…”

“I know you know that. It’s a reminder.”

“Yeah, but I knew you were going to remind me. It’s not needed.”

“Then what’s the point of all this?” Volengi hissed.

There was a brief pause.

“To be brutally honest with you, I overslept. I am 100% stalling. As we speak, I’m stumbling out of bed and cursing while tripping over objects and stubbing my toe. How about this… Before we start chopping heads off, can we have a meeting and negotiate the terms?”

“No,” Volengi said flatly. He teleported and crushed another skull with a swift backhand.

“Okay, hear me out, hear me out.” The source of the sound was now buried six feet under the ground, emitted from one of the human’s primitive devices. This time, it was Staress’ actual voice. “Aren’t you impressed at how I predicted your every move? I can tell you more about my powers.”

“The universe is vast and its secrets are plenty. I’ve encountered many with similar abilities.”

“But never like this! You’re curious. Don’t lie to me. I know you are.”

“You’re right,” Volengi said. “And that is why I must capture and torture you to get the information.”

“Or,” Staress said, elongating the word. “We could be friends.”

“No, I don’t want to be friends!” Volengi barked, remembering the mutant human had said the same thing. “What is it with you primates?!”

“Well, we prefer socialising to violent conflict unlike you Solarians. Here’s something that will blow your mind. We have these social activities called dates where the two of us get to know each other better in a romantic context.”

“Romantic…” Volengi repeated, quickly plucking the definition from the human internet.

“Yes, romantic. The date involves two people meeting at a predetermined time and location where they might share a meal or engage in a fun activity together.”

“What? That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Why not just copulate and reproduce? If romance must be a prerequisite, why not just slaughter their greatest enemy?”

Staress laughed. Volengi did not. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Let’s go on a date to enjoy each other’s company and build a friendship. I know some formidable, terrifying aliens you would love to face up against instead of us humans.”

“Fine,” Volengi said. “Speak and I will find you.”

“Wait! Are you sure you’re not going to kill me?”

Volengi smirked. “I think I’ve made my intentions clear.”

“Don’t be like that. Can you at least give this a chance? You have a bad habit of killing people before talking to them.”

“I’ll give you a few seconds.”

“Five minutes?”

“Okay.”

“Ready whenever you are,” Staress said. Volengi’s eyes widened, and he immediately teleported inside a fancy restaurant in front of a table.

“Ayoooo!” Staress cried cheerily. “King Volengi! Over here!” She waved at him with, small hands, and Volengi raised a single arm.

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But instead of blasting her head off, he froze and sniffed. “Is that Solarian wine?”

“Oh, why yes it is, Your Majesty,” Staress replied, raising a glass in the air. “As a matter of fact, all of your favourite dishes have been prepared. Take a seat… Please.”

The woman wasn’t lying. He could smell the food being cooked in the kitchen.

The environment was perfect, just the way Volengi liked it, from the temperature, to the scent of expensive Solarian perfumes and colognes worn by the diners. Even the background noise was sublime, a gentle hum of conversation interspersed with the soft clink of silverware on plates. The humans seated at well-spaced tables paid him no attention and talked about trivial, boring topics.

Volengi sat on a leather chair as Staress stared at him, eyes beaming. She wore a strange human garment— a floor-length gown made from a deep shade of emerald green silk. Her heart rate was abnormally high. She had clearly been rushing to prepare all of this for him.

“Why?” Volengi asked.

Staress sipped from her glass of wine. “Why what?”

“You know I’m here to destroy your planet by any means necessary. Why bother being cordial? Nothing you say will change my actions.”

“Isn’t it obvious, Your Majesty? We don’t want to fight you. We have lives and shit to do. We don’t want to deal with a humiliated alien suffering from a superiority complex. I’m going on tour soon, music festivals are on the horizon, and I still need to finish off this album. I can’t handle you right now.”

“You speak of the future as if you will have one,” Volengi said.

“I don’t know… I feel like we have a good chance of survival,” Staress said.

Volengi snatched the glass of Solarian wine in front of him, consuming it within seconds. A waiter filled it as soon as he put the glass down. “Why do you say that?”

“Mostly optimism,” Staress said. “Listen, even if you killed me, it wouldn’t solve anything. As long as it’s just you, Cadell can defend Earth for at least two years and you obviously can’t wait that long. Ooh, the food is here! Let’s dig in.”

Volengi blinked at the Solarian starter dish gently laid before him which consisted of grilled shrimp and pineapple skewers, served on a bed of coconut rice with a drizzle of mango-lime glaze. He didn’t need to take a single bite to know the meal was cooked to perfection, an impeccable balance of sweet and savory flavors with a tropical twist.

Staress stabbed her meal with a fork, bold enough to close her eyes while swallowing the food. “Oh my goodness. Solarian cuisine is the best. You know, a lot of people overlook your guys’ beautiful dishes because they’re too busy trying to not get executed. It’s a shame really. As I was saying—what was I saying—oh, right. I feel like it’s best for you to forget we exist and move on from all this.”

Volengi leaned back in the leather chair, stunned. The human was either intentionally pretending to be unaware or had a cognitive impairment. “Do you understand the situation you’re in? After this conversation, I’m going to torture and kill you. There’s no peaceful way to resolve this. Fighting back is your only way of survival.”

Staress propped an elbow up on the table, pressing a palm against her cheek. “Not really. Fleeing is an option.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Volengi said, the words more for him than her. “Using your abilities, you could try to save your planet by eliminating me.”

“No chance,” Staress said, patting her mouth with a napkin. “I’m off to the recording studio— sorry, I’m a busy woman, but I do have an offer for you. How about we settle this with a duel in about, um, err, twelve days time? We’ll grant you a fight against humanity’s strongest. He’s a smart, adorable young man who loves playing chess and honestly, I think he could cause quite a problem for you. If you win, we let you destroy us. If we win, you leave us alone.”

The two stood up at the same time. Everyone in the restaurant stopped talking and turned to look at them.

“Give it some thought,” Staress continued, smiling warmly. “Thank you for your time, King Volengi. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you, and since you’ve been so patient, here’s a little heads up. The next portal you fall into will not be a random location.”

Volengi threw a punch with more than enough force to decapitate a human. Staress ducked, dashing to the exit. He leaped over the table just as a barrage of darts sunk into his neck. His immune system obliterated the flurry of toxins rushing into his bloodstream, but he was still left paralysed for two precious seconds.

Four humans dived towards him, each one latching onto a limb.

“Get out of range!” someone yelled.

*ZAP!*

The attackers instantly vaporised as one billion volts flooded into Volengi. His unique Solarian muscle tissues fully absorbed the surge of energy, forcing them to seize up. As the stench of burnt flesh and a highly poisonous gas filled the air, he staggered forward, momentarily unable to release energy blasts. .

His right arm lashed out to catch a human by the neck and while triggering another meteorite for Cadell to deal with, he hurled the body upwards, the slightest smile playing on his lips. Even the faintest fog of war rolled in with its confusion; chaos and mayhem was enough to brighten the Solarian King’s mood.

Electronic batons swung through the air. Volengi sidestepped each one, deleting each masked attacker from existence with a single strike. Bones crunched with every punch. Limp, beaten bodies rag-dolled across the restaurant, slamming into walls and tables.

The last assailant remaining dived and rolled out of cover before launching a crackling net out of a cannon at point blank range. It caught Volengi, shooting more electricity inside his system, but he immediately ripped the net apart with his bare hands and advanced to unleash a spinning kick that took the human’s head clean off.

Stalling is futile!

Volengi burst through the restaurant's roof from a humongous jump and hovered in the air. He struggled to find Staress’ nearby location.

And this was not a coincidence.

Every attack against him had been specifically designed to slow him down. There was no poison that could kill a Solarian, and there was no lethal electric current that could reach a Solarian’s heart without their body absorbing the energy. However, the attacks made it tougher for him to match stimuli with a specific individual, not dulling the senses but muddling the brain. Even his teleporter was broken.

There was still time. Cadell was more than preoccupied with the consistent barrage of meteorite strikes.

Volengi curled up into a ball, drawing out all the excess energy in his muscles while his body still fought against the toxins from the poisonous gas. Glimmering blue crystals popped out of his charcoal skin. He hadn’t used the ancient technique in centuries and was one of the few Solarian tricks rarely used in battle— mainly because it was rarely needed but also because it felt like being stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

Slowly, he expanded his body, as his senses recalibrated. Then he saw her and his face dropped.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Staress was no less than fifty feet from him, tumbling about in a ball of some sort. She bounced around the ball in her green dress and when Volengi plummeted down next to her she jolted.

“You caught up, huh?” She yelled while sticking both arms in the air, somehow regaining balance in the ball.

Volengi simply stared.

“You like this hamster ball thingy? A good friend of mine made it. ”

Volengi kicked the ball hard. The hamster ball soared through the air at an incredible speed and bounced against the pavement with a vigour that put a basketball to shame.

“I knew you would do that!” Staress yelled, cartwheeling in the ball. “Too predictable!”

Volengi flew after her in hot pursuit. You think this is a game?

Staress hit the ground dashing, as if she was secretly a pro all along, scuttling in the hamster ball. Volengi noted everyone in the nearby vicinity was gone. Had she planned all of this? He let off three successive energy blasts, and Staress narrowly avoided each one, zigging and zagging. With great force, she bounced, propelling herself high enough into the sky to land on a rooftop.

Volengi abruptly halted in the air. He could see the state of euphoria in her mind. The neurons firing off. The dopamine levels that shot through her veins. She was being hunted down yet was having the time of her life.

He shook his head and raised a single arm in the air. An orange laser beam erupted out of his palm, striking the hamster ball quicker than lightning. Staress shot through the sky and reached an altitude of 35,000 feet.

Volengi folded his arms and watched as a small crack formed in the hamster ball. Staress stopped moving, no longer laughing, but frowning instead. Though it wasn’t the frown Volengi expected. It was the type of frown a child would give if they accidentally broke their toy.

“Invincible, my ass,” she muttered. “I’ll need a refund.”

The hamster ball shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces, and Staress sunk through the sky with a grace Volengi could not explain. She plummeted at a speed guaranteed to break any fragile human body, yet her heart rate sharply declined from one hundred and ten beats per minute to ninety beats per minute.

She raised the peace sign as she passed Volengi on her descent. “Thanks for playing with me,” she said casually, not bothering to shout, knowing the alien king would hear her. “I hear you’re a fan of my music. Listen to track four from my debut. It will be your favourite.”

Momentarily, Volengi was disarmed, nearly confused. He let off another energy blast, and Staress spun midair. No human could react fast enough, meaning she must have timed it perfectly.

Then she waved.

As if she had already won, Staress waved.

Volengi zoomed towards her as his right arm increased in density and glowed a bright orange. He pulled back one mighty fist.

“You think you can mock me?! Die you—”

He flew straight through a purple portal.