“Mhmmm.”
Leland’s eyes widened as a sweet vanilla flavour poured into his mouth. He followed the unusual sound up with a few grunts and the occasional shake of the head. The smooth texture and sweetness of the ice cream were otherworldly, surpassing any dessert he’d ever tasted in his life. It changed his whole perspective on Earth’s food as a whole.
The group sat on a cosy cushion in an alien-looking spaceship which Staress owned.
Why did she have one? Leland didn’t know and he didn’t care. At this point, he had decided to accept the consistent stream of novelties flooding into his life. Just a few weeks ago, he woke up in a floating space truck so a spaceship was nothing.
Staress stared at him, a slight smile on her face. “Do you like it?”
Leland nodded quickly, almost aggressively.
“Thanks for healing me. Your ability works wonders.”
Leland frowned. He finished the ice cream first before asking a question which had been bugging him since the end of the dodgeball game. “W-why do something like that? Couldn’t we have tried something which didn’t involve you getting hurt like that?”
“Yeah, of course we could,” Staress replied. “There were an infinite number of ways we could’ve handled it, but this way was the most efficient. Remember, Leland, some pain is worth enduring, especially a momentary one.”
“You need to toughen up if you want to maintain my legacy as a superhero,” Cadell said, seemingly absorbed in a manga titled Jujutsu Kaisen. “You’re going to see a lot worse, trust me. I think you should’ve made the barriers transparent in the preliminaries. The three hour blood bath would’ve desensitized you real quick.”
“I’m not a–” Leland began, but immediately stopped himself, feeling delusional about trying to push back the identity forced onto him.
“While we wait for our next game, would you like to watch some Staress Show reruns?” Staress asked.
“No,” Cadell and Leland answered.
“Huh?” Staress said, a genuine look of confusion on her face. “How about we start with season three, episode four. Oh, what about season two, episode one! I know you’ll like the chess in that one, Lee.”
Leland scratched his ear. “No, I’ve seen e-enough of you. Can we watch women's tennis?”
“Oh?” Staress shrugged. “Alright, I didn’t know you were into that.”
A large hologram showed a close-up shot of a familiar woman rotating a tennis racket in one hand.
Maggie!
Leland’s heart skipped a beat, but he managed to hide his emotions. Very loosely, he had been following Maggie’s progress in the tournament online. So far, she had done exceedingly well and had battled her way through to the quarter-finals.
“Argh!” Maggie screamed, unleashing a curving serve. The opponent hardly reacted as the ball whooshed past them. It was a match point. One more beautiful serve and she would be one step closer to accomplishing her dreams. How amazing. How cool. How—
“Didn’t she block you?” Staress asked, leaning close to him, fingers meshed together.
Leland’s face heated. “Y-you can’t k-know that…”
She gave a mischievous grin, and Leland jumped to his feet. “I-i-invasion of p-privacy! Invasion! You c-can’t just know stuff about m-me!”
“A professional tennis player blocked you?” Cadell said. “That’s tough. How could you fumble that? You’ll never be able to carry on my superhero legacy if you can’t treat women with respect.”
Leland sunk in his cushion. He wanted to disappear. “I-i-it’s not like that.”
Cadell and Staress looked at him sceptically.
“M-maybe I acted wrong… but she was a good friend. How do I make it up to her?”
“Use your superpowers, rookie,” Cadell said. “Put your overpowered abilities to good use and wow her with beautiful sights and spectacles. She’ll forget your foolishness in no time and—”
“Do not follow that advice,” Staress said sternly. “Friends come and go, Leland. You’ll have to move on and give her space. Learn from your mistakes, become better, and maybe in the future you’ll cross paths again.”
Leland’s head drooped. “O-okay.”
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“And in our next game…” the announcer began. “The humans will be up against the Oculons in a game of basketball. However, this slug game has a slight twist— violence is permitted, so if a team loses all its players, they lose! It’s as simple as that, folks.”
Leland fidgeted in a blue basketball jersey. He narrowed his eyes. “W-why aren’t you wearing this?”
“Me?” Staress said innocently. She wore a pretty green dress. “I’m the coach, of course.”
“The c-coach?” Leland repeated. “W-what do you mean?”
“The coach! Every great basketball team needs a coach, Lee. Besides, everyone knows men dominate the sport.”
“W-what the are you talking about? The Staress Show, season two, episode one, you scored against a professional NBA player. We need you! I c-c-an’t play basketball.”
Staress looked away, half pouting, half smirking. “Oh really? I struggle to recall that.”
Leland’s heart sank as he saw three Oculons springing from all fours to stand on their hindlegs, purple slime leaking off their skin.
“Don’t worry,” Cadell said calmly. “You’ve faced them before, remember? You take them down and I’ll score.”
“Right!” Staress agreed, nodding twice. “Leland you focus on defence. Cadell you focus on offence.”
“I just said that,” Cadell said.
Moments later, Leland and one of the Oculons stood in the centre of the basketball court for the tip off. The whistle blew and a ball materialised high in the air. Before Leland could jump, the Oculon exploded. Purple gunk sunk into his skin and blinded him. By the time he could see again, an Oculon jumped from one end of the court line and sunk a graceful three pointer.
Leland looked at Cadell who wore a look of amazement, one that clearly said ‘they’re good.’ He teleported to one edge of the court to collect the ball and passed to Cadell.
“Remember the plan,” Cadell said.
Leland nodded. He let off a series of energy blasts, but the Oculons were prepared, diving out of the way. Then, suddenly, they each quadrupled in number, making twelve in total, and dashed towards them at an unexpected, frightening speed.
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The Oculons spat a storm of purple gunk but Cadell only advanced, dribbling down the court faster than before. He feigned right before darting left, completely fooling the Oculon nearest to him, metaphorically snapping their ankles.
Leland brought a hand to his mouth. Cadell dribbled faster with the ball, displaying crazy handling around the court. He ran circles around the Oculons, abruptly turning left and right and repeatedly bouncing the ball between his legs.
An Oculon swiped with both claws just as Cadell jumped backwards and took a shot from the three point line.
The ball seemed to travel in slow motion as it soared in the air. Leland watched with sheer fascination, all worries and fears washed away. With Cadell assisting him, maybe they could easily win. Maybe they—
The ball missed completely. A complete air ball.
Leland’s face dropped. He heard a loud snort of laughter, but when he turned to Staress her face was stoic and serious.
“W-what was that?” Leland asked.
Cadell ran back towards him. “I’m rusty,” he grunted. “It’s one versus six here. Help me out.”
Leland attacked with an onslaught of energy blasts and fireballs, only much more aggressive than before. No projectile reached their mark, partially because of Leland’s mediocre aim but also because the Oculons were clearly ready for him, anticipating his attacks. Even Cadell’s portals weren’t effective as the Oculons darted away from them before they materialised.
Damn it! By attacking Earth prior, they already have a grasp of what we’re capable of…
“H-h-how are they sensing the portals?”
“The portals are easy to sense when you know they’re coming,” Cadell replied. “Hurry, go fight them.”
Leland pulled a shocked expression. “W-what?”
Cadell pushed Leland through a portal. The Oculons passed among each other and, once again, they evaded his energy blasts. The Oculon holding the basketball easily dribbled past him and before Leland could turn around to chase him an Oculon suckerpunched him. Five of them formed a circle around him and took turns splashing him with slimy punches. He tried to fight back in the form of wild superpower fuelled swings, but missed completely every time.
The beating lasted for at least twenty seconds before he fell into a portal, curled up in a ball by Cadell’s feet. “You misunderstood me, rookie,” he said, helping him up. “By fight them, I didn't mean to get your ass beat.”
Leland winced. “We’re outnumbered.”
----------------------------------------
Leland sat on a bench, his head hung low. Sweat peppered his forehead.
By the end of the third quarter, the score was 83-0.
The Oculons were not only highly aggressive, beating the snot out of Leland throughout the game, but their average shooting percentage had to be at least 70%. Occasionally, they slam dunked over Leland’s head and they roared triumphantly after doing so every time. Cadell had a near-scoring moment, cleverly utilising portals to alter the ball's trajectory, but the attempt was thwarted by one of the Oculons, whose sole job was to swiftly slap away the ball whenever it approached the net.
“What are we doing, boys?” Staress said. “We’re getting crushed! This isn’t like we planned! If we lose like this, you’ll have to beat Volengi to pass the group stages. We can’t have that. Remember, humanity’s on the line! Focus up!”
“Shut up,” Cadell said, breathing heavily.
“W-why won’t you fight them?” Leland asked. “I can’t d-defend them alone.”
“I don’t fight people,” Cadell replied nonchalantly.
Leland turned to the former vigilante, an incredulous look on his face. “You c-c-can’t be serious.”
“He’s serious,” Staress said. “Don’t worry, Lee. This is a good opportunity for you to get better at close combat. You rely too much on your superpowers. Once an enemy knows your sleazy attacks, it’s easy to avoid.”
Leland frowned. He was supposed to feel agitated or stressed but something kept him calm. Seconds later, he realised what it was. Despite the nightmare scoreboard, Cadell and Staress didn’t seem too bothered at all.
“W-what are we going to do? C-can we even come back from this?”
“Yes,” Cadell said. He raised an arm, forming a claw shape with his hand. A black portal materialised in front of them. “Follow me.”
The whistle blew to indicate the start of the final quarter.
“W-what? We need to get back on— Whoa!”
Cadell yanked Leland’s arm, pulling him straight through the portal.
----------------------------------------
Leland stumbled into an expansive, dark room.
Cadell appeared before him, rubbing both eyes. His large frame could just about be made out. “This is Dimension Zero. Time is frozen here, so we'll practice here until you know how to defend properly.”
Leland gasped. “W-w-ait! This is how you a-avoided the time freeze!”
“Correct,” Cadell said, smirking. “This is where I mastered my superpowers.”
“This is a-amazing. Couldn’t I do the same?” Leland imagined pushing the limits to his superpowers for years in Dimension Zero until he could speak fluently.
“No. If you stay here for too long, you’ll accumulate severe psychological effects. I’ll give you 24 hours.”
Leland sighed. “Then w-what are you going to teach me? You’re not willing to fight so what could we possibly do?”
“I’m not teaching you anything,” Cadell said.
“Boo!” Staress shrieked.
“Argh!” Leland jolted and farted loudly.
Staress and Cadell burst into laughter, but their eyes soon bulged.
Cadell staggered back, one hand covering his nose. “This is the end. Carry on the superhero legacy, rookie. You must…”
“You’re trying to kill me,” Staress wheezed. “After everything I’ve done…”
Leland didn’t apologise. “Suffer.”
Staress cracked her knuckles. A black belt was around her waist.
“Speaking of suffering, it’s time for your training. Before we start, I must warn you— my training involves a lot of sparring. It’s going to suck. But it will be worth it! Are you up for it?”
“I d-don’t have a choice, so I guess,” Leland said.
“It takes many years to master martial arts but there happens to be one you have an extreme aptitude for. In fact, you’ve been practicing it for a long time without realising it.”
Leland’s eyes lit up. “R-really?”
Staress smiled while unleashing a kick involving the rotation of her whole body. Her leg whipped through the air twice and each time a horrendous whipping sound cracked in the air.
Leland gulped, taking a few steps back. “Actually, m-m-maybe w-we should try something else.”
Staress advanced. “Training starts now, my student. Rule number one: Flatulence is forbidden here.”
“Sensei, I didn’t know. Stay b-back! No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, ARGH!”
----------------------------------------
Leland walked back onto the basketball court with a scowl on his face. As soon as the whistle blew, he passed to Cadell and teleported right above the net. Cadell threw the ball through a portal and into Leland’s hand.
Three Oculons sprung in front of him. Leland spun mid-air and launched a fiery kick which burned them all to crisp.
*THUD!* He slam-dunked with a battlecry. “Come on! G-get out of here! Who do you think you are? I am!”
Staress cheered from the sidelines and laughed. “That’s my boy! I taught him that!”
The Oculons exchanged a look before they each duplicated multiple times. Leland teleported next to Cadell who fistbumped him. There had to be at least 50 of them.
“We don’t have much time,” Cadell said. “Thin the ranks.”
Leland nodded and teleported once again. The Oculons doused him with a wave of purple but, still, he charged forwards, throwing his right leg to cave in the head of the two Oculons nearest to him. They soared backwards, slamming into five more.
He spun and spun like a Beyblade, flaming legs wildly lashing out at the many Oculons in range. While deep wounds healed themselves, he jumped back to his feet and shifted left and right in a rhythmic, constant motion, as if dancing to a beat only he could hear.
“I’m going to teach you, Caoperia, Lee. I know you don’t like fighting so don’t think of it like fighting. When anxiety spikes, just pretend you’re freestyling in your bedroom…”
Leland flipped over a barrage of acidic projectiles and darted forward, snatching the basketball off the Oculon and vaporising it with an energy blast immediately after. He threw the ball downwards through a portal and Cadell caught it with one hand, standing from the halfway line.
He took a shot.
From Leland’s perspective, the ball almost travelled in slow motion. The arc was insanely high, almost touching the ceiling, but began to drop far from the net. Leland grinned as the Oculons leaped to catch the ball only to watch it fall through another portal.
“Swish,” Cadell said, as the ball cleanly went through the net. “Even when I miss, I don’t miss.”
Leland ran up to Cadell and they performed a rehearsed complex 5 second long, very cool looking handshake.
“Basketball bros!” Cadell hollered.
“B-basketball bros!” Leland hollered back. He did a quick shuffle with his feet and Cadell laughed.
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As the buzzer sounded, Leland slam dunked for the 20th time, hanging onto the rim, knees tucked in. The score was 150-83.
“Basketball bros!” Staress cried, raising both arms.
“Basketball bros!” Cadell cried.
Purple acid scorched Leland’s face. The pain was immense but, still, he punched the air after landing.
“B-basketball bros!” he cried. "W-who do y-you think you are? I am!”