Darsh reached home to find his wife missing. She’d left home shortly after him in the morning and hadn’t returned yet. She hadn’t said a word where she was going or when she’d return. It had been nearly ten hours and there was no sign of her.

Panicking, he dialed her number but like yesterday, his calls went unanswered. Next, he made Shanta bai call Aditi. The maid gave him a weird look but did as she was told. To his dismay, that too proved futile.

Darn! Where was she? Was she again at that gurdwara? Or somewhere else? Where else could she go in this city? Her friends worked in Delhi somewhere, Sonal and Rohit, but he hadn’t bothered to take their numbers or even talk to them properly. Contacting them and explaining to them his problem might take time and in the meanwhile, his heart was nearly ready to collapse.

“Ashok, can you please check if my wife is in that gurudwara?” He texted one of his henchmen that he’d used yesterday. Texting seemed a better option than calling this time, an emotionless, voiceless string of letters was always better at hiding what a worried, breathless voice couldn’t. After a restless half an hour, he got a reply.

“Bhabhi is not here, although she came here this morning for some time. About 8-ish.” The three little dots indicating Ashok was still typing a message kept blinking. A few seconds later another message popped on his screen. “Should I call the others? Should we start looking?” Darsh stared at it.

“Yes!” Darsh wanted to scream. “Yes, find her for me! The stupid girl doesn’t understand how dangerous this is. Find her and bring her home, back to me. I need her here, in front of my eyes, safe and sound.” That’s what he wanted to say, but his words were stuck in his throat. That was what he wanted to type but his fingers wouldn’t move. Somewhere he’d begun to realize there was no point. She did not want to talk to him, she did not want to see his face and she definitely did not want to be followed by his men. That would be like adding oil to an already roaring fire. Where he had hoped to use his marriage as a safety net, that idea too had flopped spectacularly. It had turned into a noose around her neck which she was trying her best to throw away.

“No.” He hit the send button and shoved the phone in his pocket, then came out to sit on the front steps for another session of a long wait. The sun had sunk long ago, the twilight was heavy with thickening dust. Outside on the street, children made a ruckus as they played cricket. People returned home after a long day at work, tired, hungry, and happy that the day was over.

He sat patiently, glancing at his watch. Every now and then he stood up to crane his neck to check for any autos, taxis, or cars. Some came, delivered the passengers home, and left but there was no sign of his wife.

Sometime later the servants left. Now it was only him, the empty house, and the grey evening descending like a shroud of gloom. The night fell thick and fast. A few of his neighbors finished their dinner and came out for a stroll. There were John and Ira - a young couple who’d married about a year ago and moved into number 7. Ira was pregnant. The way they walked; faces flushed with happiness as John supported his wife to negotiate the potholes made him envious. John raised his hand to Darsh, then turned away to resume his walk. Darsh gave him a sunny smile and turned his face away. His eyes landed on the Awasthi family coming out of number 4 - the husband, wife, and two naughty, bouncy kids. It looked like they wanted to stop and talk but the kids clamored for ice cream. Mr. Awasthi shrugged at him apologetically - “You know how the kids are.” Darsh gave a benevolent smile, but his eyes burned hot. He had never known that kind of happiness. His mother had done for him all she could but even she could not conjure the bliss of a complete family.

He stared wistfully as the family laughed and joked before turning around the corner to their favorite ice cream parlor. In the distance, he could see another pair, this time an elderly couple walking in his direction.

They were Bhavesh uncle and Uma aunty, his immediate neighbors to the right who’d been living in this colony for more than thirty years. As usual, they walked slowly, holding hands and smiling and waved at him as they passed by.

Eyes glistening, he sat there stoically. Alone, waiting, for God knew how long. More families came and left, each lost in their own little world. Some noticed him and waved as they passed by. Darsh kept a smile on his face, but his chest tightened as a familiar hollow engulfed him. It was unlikely he would be in any of those lucky situations in another year, ten years, or even in the next thirty years. It was a reality he’d never thought about but now felt inevitable.

More time passed as he stared at his phone waiting for it to ring, beep, buzz. Nothing of the sort happened. His eyes became strained, his body was stiff with apprehension. His mind was in a sort of limbo, a pendulum in the middle of its two states not knowing which way to swing next. It could either be extreme anger, frustration - a cloud-burst like the other night. Or of a total breakdown, nervous wreckage, the whimpering helplessness of a child left alone in an empty house in the dark of the night. He prayed it was neither. He didn't want to succumb to his anger a second time, nor did he want to be reduced to a frightened child. He just wanted his wife home safely. Then he could disappear into his room for another lonely night.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, a car stopped at his gate. He stood up with a jolt and darted down the front steps to see his wife getting out of the passenger side.

She was on the other side, and he could see her face. She was smiling that glorious smile. The spark was back in her eyes. He watched her ashen-faced as something bitter snapped inside him.

*****

Aditi smiled as she got down and walked around the car. Her first day at the new clinic had been eventful, to say the least. It was everything she’d hoped for - busy, chaotic, and naturally fulfilling. She was knackered yet she hadn’t felt so relaxed in days. She bent down at the driver’s window to wave Gaurav goodbye.

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“Thanks again. You have no idea how thrilled I am.” He smiled and shrugged.

“No need to thank me. And I am the lucky one. I got a lady doctor for free, didn’t I?” She smiled as she shook her head and stood back when there was a deafening clang of metal behind her. Hinges creaked in an ear-splitting screech as the gate behind her opened. Panicked, she turned to find her husband staring at them.

Her brows scrunched. What was the matter with him? If yesterday he looked on the verge, tonight it seemed something had tipped him over the edge. She had never seen him like this - clothes disheveled, hair messed up, face pallid and angry. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he stared at them unblinkingly. She could feel the scorching heat - the disapproval, the hurt, rage, reproach, and pain - that gaze conveyed volumes. Add to that the glazed and puffy eyes, and she felt her heart sinking. Had he been crying?

“Darsh, I...” She took a step closer to touch his arm, but he raised a hand to shut her up. It looked like at this moment he didn't want to bother with her. His whole focus was trained on the driver.

“Mr. Dhaliwal. I am Darsh Rathore. Thanks for dropping my wife home.” His voice was clipped as he stepped forward and wedged himself between the car and her. She watched in increasing uneasiness as Gaurav got down smiling, totally unaware of the hostility in the air.

“It’s my pleasure, Mr. Rathore. And nice meeting you too...” he extended an arm for a handshake, but the gesture was completely ignored by her husband. His hands stayed firmly in his pockets.

“Unfortunately, I cannot say the same to you, Mr. Dhaliwal. Please do not take it in a wrong way but I’d prefer you don’t drop my wife home at such ungodly hours.” Gaurav froze in his tracks, his smile curdling on his face. Aditi rushed to put a restraining hand on her husband’s arm, but he shirked her away.

“I hope you understand, Mr. Dhaliwal, I have a reputation to maintain. I do not want people blabbering about my wife. She has a phone…,” he glanced her way, then back to Gaurav. Aditi felt her face burning. “She can call me whenever she needs. I’d appreciate this does not repeat a third time.”

A minute passed in silence as they stared at each other. Gaurav’s face fumed with humiliation as he stared at them in disbelief. Aditi wished she could disappear in thin air, but her husband looked unconcerned.

“Anyway, thanks again for your help, Mr. Dhaliwal. and have a good night.” her husband spoke to conclude the little interchange with a flair as Aditi watched him flabbergasted. Well, what did she expect? It was a fitting end to her adventure.

Gaurav gave a curt nod and got back in his car to speed away as fast as he could. Her eyes burned as she watched her husband open-mouthed. Her husband though was not bothered. He grabbed her arm and walked inside, shutting the metal gate behind them.

*****

“What was that?” she screeched the moment they stepped into the hallway, her face burning with rage. “How dare you insult Gaurav like that? What is your problem?”

He bolted the door and turned around to give her a calm look.

“My problem is, Aditi, that my wife goes out for the whole day and does not think it necessary to inform me. Then late in the night, she returns with a stranger who just happens to be her long-lost friend. This repeats twice in a row, and I am kept in the dark. I think this is a reason enough for any self-respecting husband to put his foot down, won’t you agree? Because if he doesn’t, his clueless wife will keep repeating the same mistake, endangering herself in the process and embarrassing him too. No man worth his salt will allow this, neither would any dignified woman behave in this way.”

She stared at him open-mouthed, trying to form a response. How succinctly he had vindicated himself and put the blame on her. As if it was not enough to ruin her life, her hopes, her dreams. As if it was not enough to treat her like a piece of meat, he could keep it in his freezer to use at his leisure.

She closed her burning eyes as a tear escaped her eye. Her day at the clinic had been wonderful. Since morning, the moment she stepped in there too late in the evening when the last patient left, she hadn’t stopped for a moment to think about her life. It was as if she was on a drug, the longer it stayed effective, the more she felt content. But now she was back, back to her reality, back to her husband. It occurred to her that wherever she went, she’d have to return here. To be judged by this man, who himself was a despicable creature. It was beyond her capability, it felt like she too was nearing her tipping point. But what would she even do if she tipped? She had nowhere to go but this house. She could thrash all she liked, she could cry all she liked, she could curse, scream, do whatever she liked, she had to stay within the boundaries of this house like a bird trapped in its cage. She was a prisoner here, bound by her fate.

Her head spun with dizziness as crippling hopelessness washed over her. A flicker of shadow passed his eyes but she was too weary to notice it. A wave of nausea took over her as she ran to the nearest bathroom to empty her stomach. After days of quiet, her frenzied retching was back. She laughed as her eyes streamed, her stomach twisted with convulsions. This was so funny. She could revel in her own filth, laughing at herself. She didn’t need anyone else to mock at her anymore.

*****

For two days she burned with fever, in and out of delirium that drugs could not control. Karuna Rathore sat next to her wiping her brow with a wet towel. Her son stood at the window staring outside at the parijaat branch. The air was cool, fragrant. The room was silent except for the labored breathing of the patient.

“She needs to relax. It’s the stress that she is unable to handle,” the doctor said from the bedside as she put her stethoscope back in her bag. Her eyes were cold and hard as she stood up and gave Karuna a look. “A holiday might help, maybe somewhere quiet with her husband. She needs to unwind, that will lighten her up.”

Darsh kept his back turned as his mother ushered the doctor out. Then he turned and walked towards his wife - his beautiful, fragile, unwell wife who he’d tortured so mercilessly she’d ended up in this state. His fingers raised to brush a strand of hair from her hot face. How peaceful she looked, how serene and lovely. She would not be so when she heard the doctor’s recommendation. A holiday with him would sink her even more, right to the bottom of the well she was scrambling to stay afloat.

His eyes burned as he sat there staring at her sleeping face. Clutching her small hand in his clammy one, holding it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Sometimes in those tender moments, he pressed his lips to her fingers, to her sweaty brow, and to her closed eyes. A flicker of something passed her face every time he touched her, a part sigh, a part whimper. He took it as a positive sign, at least she could stand his touch.

Hours passed as if in a daze when his mother entered with a bowl of soup. He got up to look at her as unsaid words passed between them. Sometime in the last two days they had reached a decision. Neither of them had dared to say it aloud but both knew it was inevitable. That was what they would do, it was the right thing to do. Moreover, it was the only thing they could do given the present circumstances.

***** *****