That night Aditi dreamed. It was not her usual dream of her parents when she sat on the temple steps with her head in her Ma's lap. Nor was it of her father when he frolicked with her in the cave pool, laughing his infectious laughter, filling her heart with indescribable happiness.
This was a different dream.
She was at the racecourse, riding one of Grandpa Raisingh's horses. Her Dadaji watched her from the Executive viewing gallery with Grandpa Raisingh lurking behind. The stands around were empty, the sun blazed hot, its searing heat pierced her skin, leaving red welts. The horse under her buckled as if something sharp pierced its shiny coat. It flailed with pain and reared on its hind legs. Aditi fell back, eyes scrunched shut, waiting in desperation to fall to the hard ground.
This time, no one saved her.
She fell with a bone-crunching crash, limbs splayed on the hard, dry dirt track.
The pain came flooding, but she felt nothing. Her body went numb, her brain stopped, her heart shuddered to a sudden halt.
Her eyes, though, stayed wide open. They saw people laughing. Jockeys, trainers, and sundry racegoers, suddenly gathered around to watch her embarrassment. More came pouring through the invisible stands. Her brain spun in dizziness as cold faces gawked at her, jeering, leering, drooling in delight.
Through a cacophony of sounds came a burst of deep, throaty laughter. She recognized it instantly. It was him. This time he hadn't bothered to catch her. Instead, he'd joined the melee of onlookers, enjoying her spectacle, ridiculing and mocking her in her agony. And he looked happy, too happy to see her in distress.
Tears rolled from her eyes. She so wanted to get up on her own two feet but had no strength left to do so.
When she woke up finally, alone in her bed, eyes streaming in panic, cold sweat drenched her body. Luckily, she was alone in her room. The heckling crowd had disappeared. The pitter-patter of soft rain falling outside brought her some relief. It was just a silly dream; she realized. There was no way Darsh would do it to her. Yet the ache in her heart was unbearable as if she'd been let down by the one person she trusted in the whole world.
"I told you, you are in love," Vivaan mocked her as he floated away in the dark. His words had registered somewhere deep, even though she had refused to acknowledge them at the time. "Just wait for it," he added, sneering evilly. "Wait until he lets you down, just as you did to me."
A desperate confusion riled her heart as more tears came flooding. Vivaan was just being vile, she didn't want to believe his words. Yet she knew it wasn't utter rubbish. At least a part of it was true.
Clutching her covers to her chest, she sat against the headrest and waited for the morning to come. Better not dream any more dreams lest they actually come true.
*****
Two days later, Aditi limped down for breakfast, looking drained and white. Her fiance had left her alone for the time, but his nightmare plagued her endlessly. She'd tried to shrug it off as it was just a play of her mind and his words. But for some reason, it kept returning. Every time she woke up trembling in tears, then sat in her bed cursing herself. So weak she was to let him control her mind, so weak to allow him to torment her this way.
Her only respite was Mohit, who had buried the hatchet and was back to being his normal bubbly self. Not only had he visited her a few times, but he also looked quite taken by her fiance. Aditi sighed. This engagement had solved a lot of problems, yet created some of its own. She wished Kanta Chachi was here, she was the only one who could understand her trouble.
She entered the dining room to see Darsh sitting with Dadaji. They were engrossed in some deep conversation over black coffee and toast. The rest of the family was nowhere to be seen. She wondered where they were. The last she had seen them was the day of her engagement when Ravi Chachu had got insanely drunk, Mansi Chachi had teetered from one guest to another and Nidhi had stood on the sidelines watching the display with a forlorn look as if waiting for someone.
Aditi wished she could talk to her. The girl must be suffering now that any hope of Vivaan was lost forever.
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Chewing her lip, she pulled a chair and grabbed herself a toast. Her fiancé’s laser eyes landed on her, scanning her in one swift glance. She felt her skin prickling. Keeping her eyes down, she gulped her food. She had to finish fast and get out of here before his devilish brain could decipher what was going through her mind.
"I think it's time we start on the hospital project," Darsh's voice rumbled through the air, making her snap up in surprise. A wide smile erupted on her face. Darsh pursed his lips.
"My team will be here tomorrow to start on the initial surveys. I think the village green is an ideal place. It's large enough, and the access is good."
Her face fell. Not the village green?
"But... that space is used by the villagers," she spluttered in confusion, looking from Darsh to her Dadaji. "Kids play there and we also hold our annual fairs there. I have another place in mind. We can convert the old cottages on the eastern side. It'll be much quicker and easier."
"That place is good enough for the charitable hospital." Her fiance's voice was calm yet firm. "I am talking about the other hospital. It'll need a much bigger space."
Aditi fell silent. He was talking about the luxury hospital; she realized it a little too late. Her charitable hospital was not on his agenda. The last time she rejected his proposal, she'd told him she'd build it herself. He was just holding her to her words.
She shook her head, trying to hide her disappointment. Fair enough. Her hospital was her responsibility. She will build it with her friends, she didn't need anyone else. But the village green...
She turned to her grandpa. "But Dadaji, the villagers love that space. There are other places you can use.."
"We have already discussed this with the Village Chief, Aditi." Her Dadaji's tone was clipped; she noticed he avoided her gaze. "The villagers have agreed to accommodate. It's our land anyway, we can use it the way we want."
Her face fell further. Of course, it was their land, and of course, the villagers wouldn't mind. They loved her grandfather. But even then...it didn't sound right. Swallowing an uneasy lump, she got up to leave. It seemed she needed to catch up. A lot had happened the two days she was bedridden.
"Where do you think you are going, girl?" Her Dadaji's sharp voice halted her steps. "Sit and eat properly. You've just had a toast."
"I'm fine Dadaji. I am full," Aditi said turning in surprise. "I am just going to the clinic. It's been a few days, Dr. Wadhwa must be struggling without me."
"Sit down, girl," Balwant snapped curtly. "You'll stay in your room until you get better. And maybe you should cure yourself first before worrying about others."
Aditi blanched. What was the matter? It felt like her Dadaji was holding himself from lashing out. She glanced at Darsh for some clue, but he avoided her gaze, suddenly too interested in his fingernails.
Frowning at herself, she turned back to her grandpa. "But Dadaji, you know Dr. Wadhwa needs me. He depends on me for critical cases..."
"Not anymore. Darsh has appointed a new allopathic doctor in your place."
She stared dumbfounded. The words took a while to reach her brain, and when they did, they sapped away whatever little color her face had gained that morning. A new doctor? To replace her? Why? Her panicked eyes flitted to her fiancé, who gave a slight shake of his head.
"I'm sorry, Aditi, but I had to do it. Dr. Wadhwa was having trouble coping without you and you are still not recovered. So I found this middle way."
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Again, there was nothing wrong with his logic, it was good he had found someone to help Dr. Wadhwa. But... but that clinic had been her respite for so long. She didn't just go there to help others; it helped her to forget too. Now it seemed she was losing that little sanctuary.
"How long is he going to stay?" She asked, holding her breath.
"A couple of years." Darsh watched her closely. "He needed a longer contract, and I thought Dr. Wadhwa could use someone more permanent."
Her eyes stung with sudden emotion; she didn't know where to look. Pressing her lips, she nodded in agreement and started for the door. At least she had her hospital to work on, her promise to her dying mother.
"And yes, one more thing, Aditi," her Dadaji called again. This time, he actually looked angry, a white-hot vein popped in his forehead. "I have informed your friends the charitable hospital project is postponed indefinitely. You need to recuperate. The faster you recover, the quicker we can set a wedding date."
Aditi stared aghast. "But... the villagers need a charitable hospital, Dadaji. Their situation is desperate. I see every day at the clinic..." Her lips quivered as she tried to suppress the lump in her throat. She couldn't fathom what was happening. It felt like her whole life was falling apart.
"Well, Palampur is a small village, we certainly don't need two hospitals here." Balwant's face was set with steely determination. "And I think the arrangement with Wadhwa and the new doctor should hold. They can use the facilities of the new hospital, and we can always appoint more doctors if needed."
But...what about her promise to her Ma? She wanted to ask. Her Dadaji knew of her promise very well. She didn't want to remind. She shouldn't need to remind! Aditi looked at him in desperation, her heart in her mouth, eyes stinging with hurt. Balwant pursed his lips and turned his head away.
For the next ten minutes, the two men discussed their plans. Aditi stood quietly, half-listening, half staring at her own feet. Sometime later, she dragged herself out. She needed to be alone. Away. Anywhere else, but here.
***** *****