I helped move some tree limbs out of the roadway ahead with Bandages. They were cut into small enough pieces to handle with no trouble. The convoy moved out of the woods into flat pasture land. It reminded me of pictures of Mongolia or perhaps Montana. There were horses and longhorned cows everywhere. All of the stock was branded like in old westerns, hindquarters for the cows and on the forelegs for the horses. The horses were different breeds some were large and powerful like draft horses while others were looking like the scrub ponies or typical American mustangs.
See there BB watching all those westerns were not a waste of time.
Getting stoned and chilling is never wasted time broski.
The larger ones are meant to be used as chargers. The smaller are steppe ponies used as skimishers and for most draft work around the kingdom.
I thought you didn't know shit about this place?
Logic would say that these animals are used thusly. Both from the historical examples in your homeworld and from the animals that are being used in the caravan.
What historic examples I would just get fucked up and game sometimes watch tubes or surf the wiki?
There is not much wrong with your mind Joe you are just unfocused and undirected. At home you were unhappy so you'd get shitty and be bored. Afterwords you'd surf the web an over your lifetime millions of images and billions of words have imprinted themselves into your brain. I have only just touched the surface of what you know not to mention what you are capable of doing. If I were to drop all of what you know onto you right now at once though it would fry your tiny brain.
You're telling me that I remember everything but it would crash my system because I don't have enough ram to handle it? Cool so by having you here you can boost my capabilities.
Essentially that is correct but please don't get your expectations too high. The information is highly fragmented and I am seeing mostly naked women of all sizes and races for your imagery in your head. More than a few schematic drawings for electronics. Words are just a jumble and a blur until I can find more context to use them in.
“Armando does the giant look more vacant eyed than usual right now?”
“I don't know he gets like that sometimes even a shit eatin grin every now and then Dad says the bastard is touched like in a weird way. Like we should keep an eye on him. He said treat him like a retarded mongoloid brother. I mean cockeyed bastard eat somebody for us if we needed him to.”
“ Don't rightly know if I'd want a brother like that. What if he'd eat us in our sleep?”
“Dad said no worries bout that if the giant wanted to eat us he'd most likely have tried something already like when you was alone with him. Besides he eat normal food, if you'd call chip beef and twice bake food or normal.” A whistle was signaled to let the caravan advance.
I heard the whistle that snapped me out of my reverie. I gave one last wistful look at the stock when I beautiful dun stallion with a piebald face came into view it was strange in the sense that it was unmarked without a brand and that it had a solid black horn growing from its forehead.
Frickin unicorn a fucking unicorn BB unicorn unicorn...
I got it man but shit we saw methmouthed motherfuckers in the forest what's weird about a horny horse man.
Never mind BB when you put it like that...
\
Why is there a horselord down here what could have drawn his interest thought Stephan. The unicorn stopped in front of the Giant and ran away. Unicorns are skittish by nature. Solitary and seeking solitude. Few men have ever seen one. Fewer still have gotten a good look at one. The smelly Giant practically could have touched that one's muzzle. Just as fast as it arrived it was gone. More mysteries about the giant. I really would like to know what his story is I really hope it is going to be worth it to keep him around.
When the second wagon caught up with me I hopped onto the back War Daddy was driving the cart because we had went down a driver in the attack. The dead man was placed in the last cart with the Gobs and the prisoner's corpse the last man was also on the cart with the bodies which I am quite sure are starting to smell awful. The dead guard's also on the back wagon. His gear is up here on the wagon with me and so is the saddle. The other wagons are also filled with the excess weapons and gear from the attackers. Right now I barely got any room to shift sideways on it but it beats the hell out of walking. The horse that dies was skinned and butchered by the cook so I am sure it will be horse meat tonight for dinner. The scenery is beautiful and so is the weather although a bit nippy as all I have on are my boxers. It seems like we are slowing down as I look forward I see a really big wall no really accurate way of judging it's size from this distance but it looks like it is easily 5 times the height of the wagon closest to it. It also seems to have a line that stretches from the gate to no end.
Damnit I knew it would be bad but it seems like it is worse every time I wonder what the grand muckity shit stick has thought to search for now or tax. May his penis rot from the inside out. By sea you'd bribe the commodore. At least it'd be a fair one and you'd be good for a week. With the land route you'd grease the gate then you'd have customs and finally the stamp man. NO wonder everybody with brains and loose morals tries to go through the portside. Thought Eustace the guys that try to live straight tend to get bent over while those what is bent strives to screw you straight. Legally the city could and did tax the hell outta goods from overland. Mainly because it competed with the goods from the port and that they got zero support from the capital for providing for the defense of the port and city. Without money coming from somewhere how could they afford to run army and navy. Short answer they couldn't hence the cold war between the Commodore and the Guvnor.
Stephan looked over the line with distaste and a thought. “I'm headed to the front of the line to see what is going on Eustace.” He rode to the wall and approached a nearby guard. “ I knew it was Tuesday and I figured that the rotation would still be unchanged Eric. How's life been?”
“Rather shitty Stephan what can I do for you?”
“Feel like slipping me a pass to go in through a postern with say a half dozen wagons?”
“What could possibly motivate me to write out an illegal set of orders allowing you to by pass three palms that would otherwise be greased?”
“How about I make your pat of butter three times as thick?”
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“How creamy we talking?”
“ A silver penny.”
“Rates are higher right now than ever make it 5 or no deal.”
“ Cut the shit you'll take 1 or else I get upset. You know walls and locks never keep me out. Besides if I really wanted it badly those orders could be forged back at my wagons. I am trying to extend some professional courtesy to a former comrade in arms.”
“Ok 1 silver to get you past the walls but give me 2 and you'll get some information to go with it.”
“What kind of information would be worth a silver to me?”
“The kind of information that leads to a load of orange.”
“How much are we talking?”
“Show us the glint then you get the lighting huh.”
Stephan flashed 2 silvers and tin penny.
“What's the tinner for?”
“Breath mints.”
“Jackass', Commodore and the Guvnor been getting really heavy at each other. Rumors are flying thick but each one wants to off the other if they can. Whoever is successful owns Steenq. Cut and dry I just hope to make some ching in the process. Next month a ship from Goliad is supposed to be coming into the harbor. The Guvnor wants us to be down on the Quays before the Commodore can get to it.”
“How is this going to be useful to me it's merely rumor and also a month from fruition even if it plays proper? That aside thanks anyways.” Stephan held out his hand to Eric with the clinkers flat in his hand. “I do hope you buy those breath mints.” The guard took the coins then reached into an alcove in the wall to remove some vellum he scribbled a short missive onto the parchment then passed it to the Corporal. “ Go fuck yourself Corporal and by the by try to keep low key in town we are all on edge I'd hate to see more bloodshed than normal.”
What the hell is taking so long I'd really like to get into town maybe get some clothes now that we are around people I really want to be covered up some more.
Relax fatboy I walk around naked all the time. Besides I think anyone who saw you naked would look away rather quickly.
I couldn't agree more. You can't even see your giblets past the Natty gut.
She is roasting you. I smell burnt bacon... smoking.
I want to choke you come here BB.
The wagon starts moving again bypassing the long line I see at this gate.
I finally get a good look at the walls they are even taller than I imagined up close. Men are stationed on the walls about every twenty feet. They are swarthier than my companions and are armed much the same their armor is all standard chain over leather with barbute helms. Large bronze cauldrons are positioned over the gates The gate we are going through is recessed deeply into the walls and it looks to be made of bronze as well. Barely wide enough for the wagon to fit through might be 3 inches of clearance and either side. I am getting hardcore eye fucked by the men on the other side of the gates.
Almost like they are seeing an alien.
Well we are kinda brah. We come in peace and all that shit. Now take us to your beer bones and bitches peasants.
The whole place reeks of sewer and the streets are wide enough for 2 wagons to drive side by side also paved in cobblestones. Even though this thoroughfare seems to be kept in good order there are not many people moving about it but soldiers and a few men leading horses in pretty much what appears to be full body blankets. We are turning off the main road now and seem to be going down a pig trail without cobbles that reeks of stale beer and urine more so than the areas we passed earlier anyways. I could reach out and touch the white plaster walls of the buildings we pass between if I wanted. Every so often we hit a bump and I hear the sounds of breaking plates which I assume to be broken clay jugs that may have once held beer or some other such drink judging from the malodorous alley. When we emerge from one we go down another then yet some more that were fairly all the same except for their odors and the colors or materials of the building walls. We finally stop in front of a large wooden building that is painted the color of old blood and rotting away. Whitebeard steps out from his wagon and Wardaddy follows him to the building then waits by the door. The smell of fish is overwhelming and nondescript wooden buildings too many to count. Wooden jetties leading out from the shore abound practically everywhere. Dinghies and Johnboats are tied everywhere every so often a tiny sailboat or a multi-oared sleek trim long row boat pops in to break the trend.
I hope he is in a buying mood. Thought Eustace quite frankly the gnome would buy off of him whether he wanted to or not but if the gnome was in a good mood prices might be better. He opened the door and a small bell tinkled to let them know someone was at the front.
“Be there in a moment just topping off the brine pots. Fair warning we are running low on finished product so both price and quantities would be better elsewhere.” Said a gravelly voice from behind the counter. “Also if you are an excise man let me know so I won't have to go back for my ledgers ok.”
“You old fraud expecting an audit any day now? You should let me know I could make that go away with a simple link. Although that might cost you more in the long run than paying the back dues or taking a vacation for a year or two come back under false papers...”
“ Old fraud you called mewhat does that make you? Upstanding citizen or a Templar? You work for the king or at least prince of frauds. I got some tobacco in the other day class A stuff although it'll have to dry out again and it may taste like seawater.... ok it's seaweed but we might be able to angle this shit to some of the pretty petty ones.”
“I want to sell today not buy but if I look it over I might could come off the shiny for it. So far I think I have some rough cut topaz, amber, fire mole skin, “magic potives”, kobold heart and two goblin corpses. Want to try to cut a deal?”
“I'd have to look them over but yeah we might could make it happen.”
“Got two goblin corpses a skink skin and some herbs not worth mentioning.”
Gnasdt went to the back and yelled out some orders in gnomish
Outside the doors to the warehouse were opened and the last wagon was waved into the building.
The goods were viewed with an expert's eye.
“ Three silvers for the corpses, I'll give one for the live one. I'll do 8 silver on the skinkskin I'll go 1 on the moleskin 1 on the kobold heart... so say 2 gold 5 silver for the lot on the wagon including the potives.”
“ My calculations are thinking more like 5 gold. So let's split the difference and let it go 4 huh?”
“Hell no that is way too high if you let me get a look at the knife I might hit in on some more.”
At this point Eustace drew the small knife out of the back pack. Immediate recognition was upon his face.
“Where'd that come from?”
“The Giant picked it up from a dead gob same as the skinskin.”
“That's Jonno's knife. I gave it to him before he left he was meant to present it to the Bowleg's chief and some other trade goods to pave the way for a fur trade in the future. Those miscreants have caught skinks and breed them for food. Skinkskin loincloths on gobs can you imagine? Hell of a waste.”
“Where is Jonno now?”
“I don't know but he never came back... Don't suppose you can send some of yours out to find him?”
“You know it'll cost you I am thinking favors not coin.”
“Sure thing can you bring in this Giant so that I can question him? No I don't mean to torture him”
“Well fat lot of good it'll do you. He only speaks a corrupt for of a Prima.”
“I got the cure for that. Corpse worm.”
“What is that? How will a worm help.”
“In layman's it is a soul that will pass through his body leaving residuals that will allow him to subconsciously absorb language and memories of the previous life the soul lived.”
“That's prretty dark shit you know if it works?”
“It's still theoretical if it does I could make a mint. So bring me my test subject.”