Thanks everybody for the comments and advice. I tried to reply back but do not know if they appeared before your eyes. In an effort to become more concise and neater I will try to take all of it into account.
1.Chapters will be shorter. I will try to limit them to 2500 words or less.
2. Paragraphs will be shorter and speakers clearly Id at least once in the paragraph they are speaking in. The pattern of speech as well as the mannerisms will help Id speakers as well.
3. Gods speak in bold print. Carmen is in black print. Another god(ess) has spoken before but it was unknown to MC or anyone else it was in Blue. Text will change color in the event of gods speaking together.
4. The MC is a party boy/ un-stereotypical redneck from south Alabama. He is educated and intelligent but he has had a fog over his mind the goddess will help to bring him clarity. He is a 6'3” 320lbs man that is pretty much fueled by carbs and repressed rage at himself for his wasted potential.
5. That previously being said he will primarily still be prone to rages although with him being surrounded by the people around him he will end up with some talents that will branch off into rogue skills then maybe some magic skillsets later.
6. I know there will have to be rewrites,edits, and lots of fat trimming to make this a sleeker sexier story. Thanks for reading guys and if you want to get into contact with me to help me create this story with possible art help with some edits or rewriting or just spitball ideas to me leave me a comment and /or email josephbernard66 @ gmail.com. - Joe
I was relaxing outside enjoying a cool breeze that brought in a moment's respite of fresh air from the sea. Just the faintest notes of rotten fish were left in the air. I saw the door to the warehouse open up and out popped a little man. He reminded me of a gnome. His nose was oversized and he was slightly shorter than the men of the caravan. He was dressed in somber colors a gray button up shirt and undyed offwhite pants of the same material. I saw him and I couldn't help but think Jew. Pencil neck conservative clothing dark curly sideburns. No funny hat. No bushy beard. But distinctly gave off the impression of Jew. He walked over to War Daddy and got into a conversation. War Daddy was unhappy to be speaking to the little man. He called out for Bandages. Bandages came to me then motioned for me to get off the wagon we followed the Little Jew inside.
I entered the warehouse their were lots more of the little Jews inside. Most were dressed similarly to our escort some were wearing black jackets and hats with a red stripe on the cuff. These guys looked harder than the others. That is to say the others were soft looking but these guys gave scowls and grins that could match War Daddy. Most of these guys were engaged in carrying leather buckets to big copper pot stills. I don't know what's in the buckets but they are cooking something off. Three pots down I saw them scraping out a coarse white powder into burlap sack. We twist and turn down past some shelving and racks into what I assume to be a door to a back office.
The Little Jew taps on the door then opens it and motions us into the room. I was right it is indeed a back office. The room was spacious, easily 30x30ft. A small short legged round desk that looked like it was made of walnut was in the back right corner. A plush leather chair was behind that. I noticed that there was no other chair in this room. A green carpet was under the desk but otherwise it was the same split log floor that the warehouse had. A large quill pen and shiny silver ink pot was on the desk in the middle. A small green bottle with a golden cup was set off to the right side of the desk.
Braynard's thoughts were wandering. Why the hell am I in a Nose business. I don't hate them quite like dad does but then again they aren't our people. Their food is bland, the music is worse, and I don't think I ever saw one of the girls, if I did I bet they'd be prudes. Or they might be complete kinks which could be worse... urrgh. “Protect my investment son.” Sure dad go right into the mouth of a murderin corpse raising Necro Beast. He looked up at the ceiling noticing the rust red spray patterns on it then looked down at the floor to see if a rust red puddle matched up below the spray patterns above him.
His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Eustace entered followed by the strangest gnome he had ever seen. The gnome had auburn hair instead of the usual gray or dark brown. His eyes were hazel instead of dark brown. He wore florid colors and patterns of his clothing.
Who the hell is that with White Beard? Holy shit BB there is a Leprechaun in here.
Like that motherfucker on the cereal box man?
Hell yeas but instead of green he's wearing a yellow silk shirt and a sky blue linen pantsuit with dark blue paisley patterns on it and a pair of shit kicker boots. Shit BB I wonder if he's got some lucky charms or a pot of that good good at the end of the rain bow.
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Whitebeard and the Lucky came over to me. Lucky reached inside of his coat pocket then withdrew a small black lacquer box. He then passed the box over to me. Without thinking I couldn't resist the urge to open it. I saw this pencil looking thing laying on top of a pink silk liner inside. I brought it to my face for a closer look. The pencil wiggled. I brought my face closer then closed my left eye to get a better look. The pencil leapt from the box then I felt it slither into my nostril. I could feel something swerving and zigging its way deep into my head where it curled itself into a ball at the front of my head all I remember intense pain and a whiteout.
“Holy shit it worked Eustace. Not bad for a first year flunk out at Magicae. I never even got into the Medicus.” said Gnadst with a chuckle.
“Is he dead? If He is you sir might have a problem dad wants this man alive. If he dies do I have to be the messenger Eustace?” asked the young man with some worry in his voice.
“Well I damn sure don't want to tell him that his pet died. We got to get some shiny out of him before he passes on. So Gnadst is the big man alive?” queried Eustace.
“Ermmm. Let me check.” He removed a small mirror from his pocket. He then put it up under the Giant's nose. Small fog formed on the mirror's face. “Rest easy young man the fat man lives. I wish he'd wake up though... I got just the thing to fix this. Boombasan corn likker. They claim it wakes the dead. Your man is only passed out. This stuff is vile. Practically makes rotgut look like the drink of socialite's.” He then walked to the door and called out some orders in Gnomish. He sat down at his desk.
“I would say I am sorry that you don't have any chairs to sit in, however this place is meant to make people uncomfortable. I could offer you some chealleh I have some left from this morning. If you don't mind raw oysters I can have the boys bring some in in a flash or if you want to wait a few minutes they can pour off some of the by water to boil them into a soup or steam them for you. We are practically right on top of an oyster bed clams are easy to find around this time of day too. I know the big fucker is going to wake up after we get that Boombasan pisswater into him no doubt he'll be hungry.”
“That won't be necessary thank you anyways. You'd just deduct the food from the 4 gold that you owe me when you finally agree to buy my goods.” Eustace said dryly.
“Speak for yourself old man I am starving. I'll be happy to pay him for some oysters do you know I never had any seafood. Besides I hear that oysters make your cock bigger.” Braynard responded with excitement.
“Well they make it harder so bigger is a given. You know what kid you made me laugh your oysters are half price.” Gnadst practically was out of breath laughing at this one. “ Scratch that both of you get free oysters and all of you a bath in warm bywater if we can settle this at 3 5 5 and 2.”
“That's not really free you skinflint bastard. But hell you tempted me with a warm bath so 3 7 2?”
“Done. The pisswater should be here right about now.” Gnadst told Eustace.
He went to the door when he heard the knock. He and the young gnome conversed some more in gnomish. The young man handed Gnadst a pouch and a big clay jug dark brown upper with a lower made of white ceramic on the bottle was an X. He passed the pouch to Eustace then walked over to the giant and knelt. He uncorked the bottle with a *poong* and poured a measure down the throat of the unconscious man.
Why do I feel like I am 16 and at a pasture party again?
I don't know man but I am getting laid right now I'll get back with you.
Considering that you are passed out and a stranger is pour alcohol down your throat shouldn't you wake up?
Damn you think he wants some of this hotness?
Nobody wants any of your sexy... It would be pity sex or else you'd be paying for it.
Girl you want my chicken and to drink my man gravy.
Wake up you fool...
I rouse gasping for air Lucky has a jug out.
“Damn son that's old school hillbilly shit right there. Nobody puts shiny in a jug no more... wait never mind .” I said that without quite thinking. I knew what the words I said were but they sounded wrong like far away and I was hocking quite a bit
Laucky hocked right back at me it took a couple seconds for it to register what he said “Like a native speaker praise be to Amazeal. Although it looks like some latency is on the receiving end to the user. But all in all it was a success.” Lucky switched gears into another language that I lagged on as well “How about Thirnic? Can you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”
“Yes I can... Why did you decide to pour white lighting down my throat and why is it that I can speak these languages?” I was genuinely curious if what I thought happened happened.
“He used you as a test subject for an illicit and highly immoral magical construct.” Whitebeard said with some amusement. “His Thirnic is passable who did you kill to make the worm Gnadst?”
“It was a deadbeat that couldn't meet quota I hate to kill off anyone but shitstain couldn't hack it had to go considering he was my nephew someone else would have tortured the guy maybe got some information out of him really messy this way his death served a purpose.”
“So how is it I am able to speak now?” I asked
“You took on residual memories from my nephew. I have no way of knowing exactly what you know but I put enough chaining into the construct that it should have been limited to language skills maybe some basic navigation by stars. He was a cartagropher. Unfortunately mediocre at best which isn't good for a business that relies on accurate timetables and proper directions.” said Gnadst. He paused for a moment then shook the jug at me .
“Care for another? I am going to ask you some questions later but food drink and some warm baths are being prepared for your traveling companions hopefully you'll join them you smell like the road. Grime is not attractive. So I'll leave you guys to it. Cheallah and oysters sound good? Maybe some bouillabaisse? Either way step out of my office and back to the warehouse. I have room for another two wagons in here if you want to bring one inside and start to cycle you people through the troughs.”
“Ironically you are both fearsome and kind... The price was for all of us a bite and a bath right?”
“Well I am soon to be audited. I did you a favor help me out. Eyyyy.” Gnadst said with a smile.