I had shook the pouch around my neck and heard it jingle. Inside it were a rusty iron ring, a copper coin,and a small piece of parchment with an insignia scrawled on it that looked like a blue bird of some kind. Followed by what might've been writing I put it back into the pouch and I assumed was pretty much “if found please return me to” there was a lot worse than having some friends who wanted you back.
Two more days passed much the same as the first when I started riding the wagon. I was just bored as hell. With the exception of the occasional tree limb falling in the trail which our soldiers made short work of there was nothing to break the tedium. I noticed that the soldiers weren't slack in their situational awareness. The brothers came by once gibbering good naturedly before War Daddy barked at them. Then it was eyes front and they took off at a gallop some distance down the road.
We aren't out of the woods just yet I wish the boys could remember that. Stephan was cross that the youngsters weren't following training or the hard ass example that he had informed the rest of the men to set. They are lucky that the weren't in the regiment. Maybe the regiment is lucky that they aren't.
He rode from his position by the fifth wagon to the lead to speak with Eustace.
Looking straight ahead on the road, and sipping on a skin of well watered red that had mostly turned to vinegar before he added the water Eustace was thinking about which gate had the shortest line for entrance into the city and about what guards he knew at which gates that would be least likely to search for contraband that he was assured that was on his employees. He heard a rap on his door which broke him out of his speculating. Opening the hatch he turned to Stephan
“ Ah what can this geriatric do for you?” he asked camly with a twinkle in his eyes
“You know I meant very little by that comment I am sorry I said you liked to fuck granny sheep but I couldn't be around those Golden Pot cockersuckers for a moment longer and broke up the meeting the best way I could.”
“I kenny that so I repeat what can I do for you?”
“ The boys got some items that they don't want to declare was wondering if we can open a barrel or two to put them in?” Stephan asked respectfully.
“ I was just thinking when that was going to come up... What do they got? Will I get a cut?”
“Rough cut topaz and amber, one has a fire mole pelt, heart of a kobold. Not to mention good old fashioned potives that do fuck all . When I spoke to you about selling some things for me earlier at the Pail I was talking about these items as will as what the giant had gotten from the gobs.”
“ You know what split the gobs open put the shit in their guts and call it a day. I'll see if Gnadst might want the corpses. As for the potives and such I assume they are unlabeled so stuff them in with the twice backed and rotgut. Travel rations not for sale are non taxable. We'll bring the train to right outside the Pail then I'll speak to him.”
“That's a great idea the gnome might want some goblin bones to jump. As ugly as gnomes are I figure necrophilia is right up their alley.”
“If Gnadst heard you say that you might find out first hand. I wouldn't put it past him to find some perverts in the city that'd pay good money for your dead asshole.”
“ He'd have to provide my corpse first. He'd also need to be alive to collect any money.”
“ I'd say it would be too close to call Stephan. The gnome has secrets you don't know about. He makes corpses one day and sells them the next. We are many things. Criminals by most definitions. We commit said crimes for profit and we avoid certain areas of “trade” because it's reprehensible in our eyes. The Gnome is a graverobber, a fence, and a reputable banker/merchant. He isn't a liar his word is good.”
“As long as you are dealing with him and not me I'm happy.”
With that Stephan stopped his horse passing the word to his men as they continued on the road then fell back into place in the train.
The boys came back from up the road at a bit of a gallop. Then made their report.
“Saw a big amount of debris up ahead didn't get too close smells like an ambush.” said Armando in a whisper to Stephan.
“Who the hell is freelancing this close to Steenq? You reckon that fop Martin got off a link to someone to make company happen?” asked Braynard
“Not a fucking clue but if he did that rabble won't have shit going for it but numbers.” said the Corporal with venom. “ Ok Drivers you know the drill get out the crossbows and make them ready. Shoot only if it is a sure shot. Armando,Braynard you stick close to the Giant. Grab a shovel and had it to him the Gob spear ain't gonna be worth a shit and the shovel only slightly better. I need Peter, Peeter, Dennis, Green, Red, and Blue to form a vanguard with me keep loose and mobile we can only assume that if those Pot stickers weren't drunk off their asses they saw the boys. The rest SOP 3 Thirnic supply convoy. Remember your training and we'll all be balls deep in some fatties tonight.”
The assigned vanguard split off at a fast trot spread intervals of about 8 feet two by two columns with the Corporal in lead.
The boys came back close to me. The were a little on edge but tried to hide it. Just like airmen first day on the roof. They handed me a short handled spade with a nod. I gripped it white knuckled. It wasn't like War Daddy made any friends with that other group two days ago.
BB you smell anything?
I smell the Gulf, I smell woodsmoke , I smell this bacon man, oh and I smell strange people smell.
You smell strangers? Do any of them smell like the others we saw couple days back?
Yeah one of them also smells like War Daddy piss man.
How many?
Lots bro.
With a grunt I got the attention of the brothers. Made a waving circle with my right arms in an attempt to let them know we had company.
The giant was going crazy his dog was barking. Waving his arm around and chuffing.
“Braynard shut the big man up. He is distracting us all.”
“I think He is trying to tell us something.”
“What like he wants more liquor?”
His chuckle was cut short by an arrow passing into the top of his collarbone.
BB get down behind this barrel. Stay low.
Not for all the bacon in the world will I get up.
I am under no illusion that I am a hero so I planned to try to keep as low as I could. Unfortunately my body told me otherwise I felt this deep pool of energy welling from my toenails to the tips of my luscious mullet. I had no pain in my body anymore. I felt a vibrations in my belly. I think I had a hard on again. Curse of Bloodlust(Active)- Attacks do 20% more damage for the next 30min. Bleed effects increased, stamina consumption increased, Pain negation 15%. 05% chance cardiac arrest.
Oh shit big bro is hit... ok it's in his collar bone might not be that deep. What the fuck is up with the Giant's eyes they are rolled into the back of his head his mouth is frothing....
Eustace heard the same roar he heard that first afternoon. Must be under attack at the rear... he touched the amulet on his neck it lit up red. Fucking great dead spot. Coast to Coast coverage my shriveled right nut. Can you hear me now? Fuck nobody can... like ever. He opened his “glove box” removed a false bottom then proceeded to check his tools. Shortened Flame rod, couple of Quartz boom balls, three flashers, Scroll Of Panic, Scroll of Summoning (Unspecified), and some Orc testicles for “stamina” He also had a warpstone in his coin pouch in case shit got FUBAR. Always pays to have some insurance.
Besides the eight that we saw clearly at the barricade guess nobody else was here. Dispatched those at bow distance. His men had already dismounted to clear the debris when they heard the roar. His men remounted and were on their way back to the caravan.
The Giant was demon touched. His eyes were rolled back into his head and the bulge in his pants clearly meant he wanted to rape someone. BB couldn't reach Joe. He was hearing a long tone and a chiming sound every time he tried. He looks so happy though maybe I'll let him do what he do.
Good idea. I can't reach him either. So it's like that time when he goes into the bathroom ,cuts on the classical music and I hear him moaning in the shower.
Yes BB just like that. About that time Joe was engaged with a bandit armed with a dagger. Joe's shovel connected with the man's forearms crossed over his mid section then knocked him backwards. My fucking forearms are numb. Sam thought Why didn't I dodge like I'd normally do? When the man roared I almost felt rooted. In the split second to complete that thought the spade came crashing down on Sam's head ending his thoughts forever.
From the treeline some 30 odd feet away one of Sam's cohorts was taking aim at the Giant's exposed back with his shortbow.
Big fucker is sloppy and getting tired. It connected with the big man's midsection. Almost center mass, but instead of dropping like he was supposed to he charged like a wounded bison then through his spade at his attacker. The bandit dodged the errant spade. The giant was on him in a flash gouging out his eyes large thumbs boring into his brain.
Yep definitely not freelancers. These men are sailors, most likely the dregs of a man o war or merchant marine. Men drummed out for ill discipline or failure to meet the master at arms standards. Stephan thought with disgust at watching these men fight terrible amateurs. Worse than Hog night at the Parlor. Pound for pound those ladies move much better than these waste of manseed. “ Support the others where needed Peet and Pete your with Eustace I gotta see to the boys SOP 3 gents.”
Stephan was looking for the boys at the 2nd wagon Braynard had Armando laid out on the wagon with his feet up trying to keep him awake. Boys are ok. Where is the Fatboy? Oh good gods...
I more or less came and came to the conclusion that I was eating a piece of someone's cheek while I was “titty- fucking” him. I collapsed like a very moist limp balloon. Curse of Bloodlust abated. Sloth Condition Active Bleeding effect Active. Damn you ranked up Curse of Bloodlust, +1 Str,+1END.
I felt lips upon my mouth. I thought maybe I was phased in between whatever realm Carmen lived in and the “real world” so I pushed back against the lips with gusto. Then I reached a hand out against where some titties should be. Instead of those exultant 44DDs I put on Carmen in my mind I grasped a hard bit of leather. It was flat and rough nothing like silky smooth and firm chest torpedoes I wanted. I reached higher no long locks I breathed deep through my nostrils no ambient scent of coconut nor even lilacs... I opened my eyes War Daddy was above me giving me the Kiss of Life. He looked at me dumbstruck for a moment then his hands were pinching the sides of my throat cutting off my carotids.
“ Dad, Dad, Why'd you kill him? I thought we was trying to save him?”
“Don't worry about him he's breathing. What I did boys was known as a blood choke if applied for a 6 count or thereabouts can render the victim unconscious. If held for an 8 count will most likely kill the chokee.”
“ Dad, sorry Corporal you held him for 11 at my count.”
“Well Braynard 20 compressions to his chest. Three breaths to his mouth. Repeat it until he regains his breath. You were the one that wanted to be line medic for this outing fucking get to it.”
I know he was he was almost to the Golden Halls... maybe making out with Fulla herself. But if that bastard had given the tongue he would have been introduced to the Counter Insurgency Prohibited Manual's tender ministrations. Armando needs practicum on that. I think the whole group needs to observe some of it. Useful in our line of business. Battle Line Dentistry another good practicum.
“ Boys get the oaf roused and bring yourselves over to the “bandits” that we left alive.”
32 total roughnecks were accounted for that attacked the convoy. With the 8 dead at the blockade that meant 24 had hit the caravan. According to reports their presences were cloaked that meant one of three things: All of them had enough woodcraft to learn Hide (No) these cockgobblers were Merchant Marines or most likely pirates that got tired of the brine. Two of them had harpooners marks on the wrists. Scrolls(Unlikely) for 32 scrolls the cost would be astronomical unless they knew beyond a reasonable doubt that we had more than Salt pork. Mage(Possible) although more than one mage would be needed to fully insure that the group stayed cloaked. The Giant is an enigma. His warcry according to the after action briefing had caused a rooted effect in some attackers as well as giving early warning reducing our casualties to a dead horse two drivers and Allen. Allen was really too old to be making the routes anymore but the old war horse wouldn't stop now he gets to grope busty Fulla in the Golden Halls. Two prisoners awaited his tender loving care.
You awake alive fatboy?
Yes I am in too much pain to be dead. Also I ain't got Carmen tickling my fartbox.
I heard that. Ungrateful shit.
What should I be grateful for have you done anything for me besides making it where my dog can insult me in words I can understand?
Fine I wanted to wait until you built me a shrine at least but here it is.
Name
Race
STR
END
INT
WIS
HP
MP
Joe
Terran
25
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
11
18
6
15/110
80/150
BB
Doggy
1
2
20
17
20/20
200/200
DEX
AGI
CLASS
Skills
LV
Joe
7
7
Transfer
1
Curse of Blood
1
Berserker
2
Link
BB
10
28
Transfer
1
Scent
1
STM
Scout
1
Link
Joe
5/40
BB
70/70
Fuckin serious I got a status screen now?
Ingrate. You know I am new at this shit. Fuck it I am burning off your eyebrows. That is about the worst I can do to you for now. If you build me a shrine and get some faith built up I can work miracles but as it stands now I got 0 juice son.
So you are good for fuck all then? Gee thanks... sorry I'm under a lot of stress I need a hug.
You are just going to grab my ass if I hug you...
She is so much smarter than you fatboy.
Fuck off puppy dog can't a man and his goddess share a team/ trust building exercise with strictly platonic ramifications.
Probably man but you forget she can read your thoughts and mine man.
Come on make a pervert happy...
Why did I get stuck with such a child...
I leaned in for the motor boat got slapped.
I didn't grab your ass. We can build a bridge from that.
( Throat clears) (Louder)
“ What motherfuckers I am in the middle of what could be considered worship.” I yell
The Boys are close to me give me another flask of that foul shit they drink.
HP+3 Nausea condition applied. Fought urge to vomit resistance to sickness +1%
I get messages too?
What do you think? Why? Because I ransacked your brain for concepts that would be familiar. This is your Perception of reality on this Plane. Other transfers have had their brains melt from not being able to adapt. Due to you being a “neckbeard basement dwelling slugtroll” that existed to play games and get twisted. You were somewhat more adapted than others might be. Think of me as being your life support system so far. I have prevented the air you are breathing from killing you simply because you have no immunities to the flora that exist here. I have helped to guide you to a place where you could most likely find others to help you. So yes with my limited resources I have done my utmost to insure your survival. She appeared weeping. I almost had felt sorry for her.
Ah naw bitch we done went through this you are a parasite in a symbiotic relationship with your host. Me and the BB. We in this together. I'll say thank you for everything but you are keeping me alive for your benefit too.
I try to stand on my own but I can't Big bro has his arm in a sling I pass back the now empty flask and Bandages helps me to roll over. From there it was a slow torturous journey from knees to feet which ended in me pissing myself.; I lean onto Bandages as best I can we walk over to War Daddy and WhiteBeard. Two men were laid belly down on the ground with their fingers interlaced behind their heads.
“ Just answer the questions. NO guff NO cryptics NO shit you kenny?”Stephan said in his parade ground whisper
“ I ain't Kenny name of Donald” murmered one
That bought him a jumping stomp onto his right foot from the Corporal.
“ Savvy up cockgobblers I am still trying to be a gracious host. You are my guests right now. I can be far more hospitable.”
“ Fuck off limp dick ain't nothing scaring us about you nancies. Leastways understand if we copper to our employer then we get a slow death either way.”
“Well my sons needed to learn how to do this anyways. Chet give us your toolkit I figure battleline dentistry can be taught in conjunction with a torture practicum.”
The Boys bring me over to the circle around our captives. The prisoners were then brought upright and tied to the nearest wagon. A small square box was passed on to Bandages. I was left to lean on Big bro. Bandages opened the box and removed a small punch and hammer. He walked up to one of the prisoners and attempted to remove a front tooth by putting the punch on said too but the prisoner was turning his head and squirming so much that it proved difficult. War Daddy got impatient and took the hammmer from him and motioned for the brothers to swap places. He then handed the hammer to Big Bro and pointed at the man's shin. No hesitation whatsoever a quick precise blow to the fibula it dished in then dangled. Then began the cursing ,the screaming, the pleading, the whimpering, the praying,and finally the shivering. He then called Bandages back over to set the bone then splinted it. The process repeated with the other leg. Both prisoners had pissed themselves and the injured one smelled of shit. Vomit was threatening to boil out from my mouth. The other prisoner looked on in horror as the injured one had forearms broken and reset. The injured man had passed out at this point from the pain and Bandages got his punch back out to start knocking out teeth. The little man was loud thank god er well gods...
“ Corporal I think I cracked one.”
“Baynard that's the reason we practice this shit on prisoners ok. Get the pliers out if you need to trim back the gums with your dirk. Do I have to hold your hand with everything. Don't stop until you get all of them out. That fucker is going to be eating mush or semen for the rest of his days.”
“Remind me to never become one of your prisoners Stephan.” Eustace said with a look of distaste.
“ I'd expect you to have some manners and tell me answers quickly Eustace you're smarter than these inarticulate,uncommunicative wastes of ejaculation. Whoresons your mothers should have swallowed you or else your fathers should have finished in your momma's anus. Once you'd tell me what I needed to know I'd slit your throat like any decent man would.”
“ So you'd have done that for them if they'd come clean at the beginning?”
“Hell no they tried to kill my boys. Shelia'd done way worse to me if I told her one of the boys died. As it stands they are lucky I only got a minuta or two. Unless you are telling me I can take all day?” The Corporal said in a sacchrine sweet sing song pleading tone.
“Just get on with it. Anyone not interested should be picking up all the ironmongery and salvagable detritus. Profit first and foremost.”
War Daddy cut off the tip of the conscious ones finger the unholy sound that followed was not pleasant he tossed the fingertip to me on reflex I caught it. I will admit to a sick fascination with the thought of eating human flesh; at this moment I thought what the hell so I popped it into my mouth and began to chew. The blood was tangy and the flesh was textured similar to raw beef. I spit out the bone and swallowed. +1hp Cannibalism Perk initiated. Can regain lost health from eating the flesh of human beings. As others come to know of your cannibalism will cause fear and disgust. Beware of overuse as it will cause both madness and pursuit by priests who seek to purge the unclean.
This fucker is an animal, hahaheheheh. I meant to get a bit of squeam out of him instead the bastard eats the bit. I hope my prisoner was watching. From the look on his face he was.
Corporal took a leather thong out of a side pouch on his belt and tied off the stub of finger.
“ That's Kraan. Barbarian prince of the south. An unfathomable sack that one. I didn't know human flesh was something he'd bite on ha ha ha heh but he was eating a goblin's face the first time we met him. I would think that human would be a bit tastier seeing as how we generally stay away from ingesting carrion. Our flesh also would be a bit fatter than a scrawny gob. If you don't name any names I might just let Kraan have at you. You seen how excited he gets when he has something to fight. He might want to get frisky before he eats you little bit of cream filling maybe some double stuffed oily buns if you will. I'll hit you betwixt the eyes with this hammer while you are blindfolded and I will take your undefiled corpse back into Steenq for the sea rite if that is what you wish I just need a name.”
“What about Donald?”
“He would have had this chance as well but as it stands I will try to sell him off as a temple eunuch. If that fails I leave him tongueless, toothless, and broken on the streets of Steenq with a sign around his neck naming him a bandit.”
“It was a man in a hood, what came to us a few days ago. Me and Donald that is. Out on the quay late at night . We was drinking by the dinghies. Had us out the old barrel and dice with some pilot's bread as the wagers. We was flat broke. Well I am getting off course here. He smelled real posh like. Rose water and really clean hands. His voice sounded pretty much like a young boy's. He asked how many loose coves we knew what'd like to make some real glint. We said how much 10 silver a head up front and more to be decided later if what got what they was after later. Said the more we could get the better and that we needed at least twenty men to stand a chance. I knew some boys from the press gangs, a few that cut some throats for drinking coin, Donald over there sailed with Red Tide once upon a time and knew some right bastards, and friends of friends we got close to got about 15 men then we met with three other crews. Thought we had hard men. The rest you know.”
“You know nothing about the person who hired you other than he/ she smelled like a whorehouse?”
“Um that's about the size of it.”
“Well that's not good enough give us something else to work with. Think hard it's almost dinner..”
“Well I heard him speak to some fellas in another group, vaguely sounded Empiric I know a little because of my travels but nothing of what they were saying amounted to anything I knew cepting on the 8th of next month there is a ship coming to berth 9 from Goliad. The sweet smellinng one was really happy to be talking about that.”
With that said the Corporal hit the man above the bridge of his nose without warning. He put the hammer into his belt and lifted the man on his shoulder and walked towards the end of the train.
Why did you decide that eating part of a strange man was a good idea?
Yeah man he could have had worms now you'll be dragging your ass on the carpet later.
You think we are going to end up anywhere near carpet? If we do why would you think I'd drag it on the floor? Worst cause scenario I'll... I don't know what I'd do not like I could go to a pharmacy. Carmen if I got worms could you purge them from my system?
Yes I'd string it out over a period of time to make you wish you were dead.
Gee thanks. So could you keep me from getting worms in the first place?
As it stands now most mundane infestations of parasites are not possible.
Meaning no ticks, no chiggers, no fleas....
Provided they are not magically induced yes.
So basically me and BB can pretty much eat any raw meat we want?
Within reason. If you were to eat no shit rancid meat I could keep bugs out of you, help to keep out some life threatening pathogens, but do nothing to really help with your body's natural repulsion to said meat or the taste for that matter. You might want to be taking your seat looks like it's wagons ho again.
How do you know that phrase?
Like I said I sifted through both of your memories to assess your “abilities” and to gain some topics for banter and further communication between us.
So wait everything?
Well she knows I piss on everything and hump pillows when I am bored.
Yes BB you both do. I was surprised that you guys haven't killed yourselves with the poisons and lack of healthy activities.
Carmen don't you know that god looks out for Drunks Fools and Babies?