When I woke, it was not gentle.
I did not slowly open my eyes and welcome the new day. My mind was not clear and well rested. My body did not feel refreshed or recuperated.
When I woke, three pains met me before I could so much as yawn.
My hand, throbbing under my back where I had rolled over on it. My head, aching behind my eyes like nails had been driven through them. My face, stinging like it had just been struck.
A fourth feeling that was not pain, but discomfort, weighed down on my chest.
Thump.
Light flashed behind my eyelids, red and bright.
Did something just hit me? No. It had been the foggy remnant of a dream. That was all.
Thump.
“Arthur?” I called out, grimacing at the second red flash.
Thump.
“No.” A voice said, it’s pitch so low I could feel it rumbling in my chest.
Sam. I realized, forcing my eyes open and blinking against the sudden light.
His deep blue eyes locked in a furious feline scowl, Sam raised his hand sized paw and slapped it against my forehead.
Thump.
“Why are you,” I groaned. I threw my hands up to shield my face and the wooden spoon bandage to my right collided with my forehead. “Fuck. Why are you hitting me?”
“You have slept enough.” Sam growled.
Sudden stabs of pain pricked through my night shirt as my familiar stuck the skin underneath my chest with his no longer little claws.
“Alright, Alright! Is there not a nicer way to do this?” I shouted, pushing Sam off me and shimmying myself up until my back rested against the headboard.
Being smacked by his paw was far less cute than it used to be when I could fit him in one hand. Looking at the massive cat, I doubted I could pick him up comfortably anymore. Sharp fangs stuck out of his mouth and the variation of light and dark blues on his coat seemed more dynamic than the last time there had been fur.
“You will go to The Well now and resume your investigation into The Mothers. Katarina will be next.” Sam commanded me.
“Slow down,” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with my unbroken hand. “What happened to you avoiding me while I recovered?”
“You have made much progress since then.” Sam said simply, somehow managing to gracefully leap to the floor despite his large size.
I slide my legs off the side of the bed and let my feet touch the stone below. “I expected you to be all mad and yowling about last night. Why aren’t you?”
“You told me that you would not have need of me until my change was complete. You did, which provides two possible realities. You were dishonest with me or it happened without your consent as it has before.” Sam said without facing me. Anna’s big notebook lay open next to where he stood, flipped open to the list of The Mother’s names she had written the night before she left.
“And you trust me to not lie to you.” I said, a recognition of the implication of his words.
“For now.” Sam growled.
The impulse to go grab my cat and treat him like nothing more than a pet that had just made me very happy almost won, but I kept it at bay. Sam was my familiar, he was bound to me by forces that neither of us understood. Though I spent much of my time wanting to strangle him, I would not punish him for treating me fairly, no matter how bad I wanted to tell him what a good little kitty he was.
“Come.” My familiar said, leaving my room.
Despite the fact that I was his master, I obeyed his command. All that staying in bed would bring me was loneliness and pain. The well wouldn’t heal my hand, but I would be able to forget it for a while at least.
I thought about Anna all the way down the stairs and out the back door of the manor. How did The Mother in Blue’s domain compare to Erosette? Had the sorceresses down there been able to heal Ms. Lao? Did she miss me the way I missed her? I hoped she had as much to tell me as I did her. Maybe when she got back, we could finally go on our date. I had a much better idea of what that should look like after going to the city with Arthur.
I stepped out into the afternoon sun and saw him moving through some series of strikes with his wooden sword. Like he had been waiting for me, he immediately sunk the tip of his sword straight down into the ground.
“Finally, I thought you were going to sleep the whole day. How is your hand?” The tall man said, reaching me with several long strides.
“It hurts, but I’ve felt much worse before,” I held up the sleep wadded mess of bandages and spoon for him to see. My eyes went to the dotted white scars that lay over one of the big veins of his neck. “How is your throat?”
“Better than this. It's blown up like a balloon.” Arthur said with a troubled look on his face.
No matter how hard I tried to ignore them, I could not keep my eyes from the scars I had left on his skin. I knew that it had been Suri who had made me bite him, but I could not stop the regret that stained my heart like spilled ink.
“If it makes you feel better, I asked Opa to let it scar,” He said, handing me my hand back. He raised his shirt and pointed to the place on his stomach a massive black nail had once pierced through. “I don’t even have scars from that. So don’t feel bad. I wanted it.”
“Why?” I asked, confused as to why he would want a reminder of what I had done to him.
“Because I’m gonna be your knight one day. You're gonna finish all this Well bullshit. I’m gonna join The Enclave when I’m strong enough and we will go on all kinds of quests together. It’ll be badass. If anybody ever gives you trouble I can point to this and scare the shit out of them,” He scowled and dropped the pitch of his voice, acting out some imagined encounter. “She did this to me and I’m her knight. She won’t be nearly as kind to you, villan!”
The light in his eyes and the excitement in his voice made me break into a disbelieving laugh. Not very many hours before, the man’s throat had been torn out and he seemed better for it somehow. He reminded me of the boy whose mother’s familiar had been the talking snake of flame. I had stumbled upon them the first night I had gone down to the city. The passion and seriousness with which he had been telling a group of other children about some spider monster carried the same energy Arthur had.
“Is that so?” I asked the tall man, unable to do anything but smile and laugh.
“On my name,” He nodded vigorously. “Bool sent word to your mom by the way. About your hand.”
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“Did he-” I started.
“No. I asked him not to. You should be the one to decide if you want to tell her about last night. None of the guards are gonna say anything, I made them swear they wouldn’t.” Arthur cut me off, seemingly knowing what I wanted to know without me having to ask.
Without a word, I threw my arms around his middle and hugged him.
Between The Mothers place as the lords of my life and the thing at the bottom of The Well deciding when I got to be myself, the amount of decisions I was actually allowed to make were few and far between.
“Thank you.” I said into his shirt, too happy to let the pain in my hand stop me.
“Uhm, you're welcome?” Arthur chuckled, patting me on the back gently.
I doubted he understood it, but he had just give me something that I had very little of in my life.
Power.
I would tell my mother. After learning most of the truth about what had happened at the boarding house, I trusted that she would not tell The Mothers. Being able to choose to do so made it feel so much better than if she would have found out from the guards.
Arthur stepped back from me. “Bool said that if he didn’t hear from your mom by tomorrow that he was going to ask the captain if his wife could come and heal your hand for you.”
“The captain is married to a sorceress?” I asked, thinking of the test he had subjected me to.
“Yeah, she is pretty powerful from what he says. He’s who told me about being a knight and all. That’s how he met her,” Arthur pointed to my right. “I think he is waiting on you.”
I looked over and found Sam pacing back and forth at the mouth of the path to the well house.
Why is he in such a hurry? I wondered. First he hits me and now this.
“I don’t really think we should play points until your hand is all fixed, but I’m cooking you dinner tonight so I hope you're hungry. I’ll start when you are all done back there.” Arthur said, taking his leave and retaking his sword from the ground.
I moved towards Sam and followed him all the way through the pink marble door and it closed behind me as soon as I was fully inside. I undressed but left the spoon bandaged to my hand. Letting it float freely without me being conscious seemed like it would be a painful mistake. My descent into the warm water was much less smooth than it normally was. Before I tipped my weight back, I asked Sam a question that I hoped he could answer.
“Why do you think that the two times I’ve been in Suri’s memories, I’ve come back thinking I was her?”
Sam was silent for a moment. Then, he answered. “By your actions while you thought you were her. She seems to be impulsive, emotional, and violent.”
“Right.” I nodded, for once not finding myself disagreeing with my familiar.
“Perhaps the closer you are in personality to the memory maker, the more likely it is for you to lose yourself.” Sam said, taking his spot on the stone bench.
That makes a strange kind of sense. I thought, holding my broken hand to my chest as I leaned back and felt myself rise to the surface of the water.
Katarina. Katarina. Katarina.
“Wait,” I said suddenly. “Did you just call me impulsive, emotional, and violent?”
“Yes.” Sam said simply.
I should reach up and drag him down here. I thought. Finding the pleasure I felt at the idea enough to not need to actually do it, I let him stay on his bench and returned to my work.
Katarina. Katarina. Katarina
Katarina. Katarina.
Katarina. . .
Somewhere in the uncounted repetitions, I drifted off and felt myself slip downward into The Well.
The gaze I shared with Jaka was so all encompassing that I did not notice Cleara had returned to my chambers until she wiped the sweat from my brow with a soft cloth.
“You have visitors, my lady. The Mother in Red and her lady. Shall I send them in or would you like me to serve them tea first?” my midwife asked, speaking gently with a pleasant expression.
Jaka turned his ocean blue eyes up to look at Cleara.
“Not six hours old and already curious about all that is around him,” I brushed the thin white hair my third son had been born with gently with my thumb. “Are Alexei and Mir well? I’m sure they are eager to meet their brother.”
“Slate has taken them to the square to see the celebration. All of Hymneth shares in their Mother’s new joy.” Cleara said, smoothing out the blankets of my bed and fluffing each pillow behind my back.
“I hope that Mir is enjoying himself. Alexei is too rough with him.” I sighed, looking towards the wall of arched windows that looked down over my city.
Cleara’s pleasant expression soured. “Do not trouble yourself, my lady. Put your trust in Slate, he will look after them.”
“Yes, you are right. Though, when you become a mother, you will understand my worry.” I told my midwife, knowing it to be true.
Just before Cleara left, she reminded me of why she had come to my chambers to begin with. “Shall I let them in? If you wish for more time, I will serve them tea.”
Before I could answer, The Mother in Red passed through the open door with her rose colored eyes in full bloom.
“Is that what you do when you do not wish to see someone? You serve them tea and leave them waiting?” Rhiannon asked softly, her eyes on the bundle I held in my arms.
All it took was a glance and Cleara understood my meaning, closing the door and leaving me alone with my visitor.
Appearing as she always did, like something a great sculptor would carve out of marble, The Mother in Red came to my bedside and peered over to see my newborn son.
“Look, Jaka. This is one of my sisters. You will come to know her well” I said, turning him gently so he could see.
“Oh,” She said with her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “He looks just like you, Kat. May I?”
I smiled, my heart full at the joy on her face, and passed him to her. After knowing her for as long as I had, I trusted Rhiannon with almost everything.
“Hello, little Jaka. When you get older you can come and stay with me in Erosette where it’s warm and sunny,” She pointed her finger down at him. His deep blue eyes focused on it before he raised his little hand and grabbed it. “Oh my, So strong already.”
“Can you see the brightness in his eyes? Does it not seem like he is understanding what is happening around him?” I asked, eager to hear her answer. He was mine, I was inclined to believe he was the brightest boy that had ever been born regardless of the truth.
She nodded. “Don’t sound so surprised, he is your child after all. What are you planning for him to supplant?”
“What do you mean?” I feigned ignorance and pretended to be too tired to hold myself up any longer.
“His name, Jaka, it means supplanter.” Rhiannon said, her rose colored eyes watching me carefully.
“Is that so? It came to me just after he arrived,” I forced myself to yawn and made my eyelids hang heavy like I was nearing sleep. “Your lady did not wish to see him?”
My sisters full lips pressed into a tight frown. “Do not take offense. Not a week ago she found that her husband’s grandmother was a sorceress by the name of Phera. They were trying for a child. I had hoped that bringing her here would show her there are more ways than one to find that kind of love in your life, but she refused.”
“Oh, that truly is a shame.” I sighed, grateful that the conversation had changed.
“His father? We have not seen each other much since the last gathering of the circle.” Rhiannon said, her eyes back on Jaka.
“The same as Alexei and Mir. You must see them both before you go, you know how much they love you.” I yawned again.
Rhiannon was asking entirely too many questions for my comfort.
“Hmm. I thought I remember you saying he passed,” She said, bringing a hand down to her navel. The rose light of her aura shone through her thick coat and a moment later she brought her working up for my son to see. “Here, a piece of me for you.”
She held the small heart she had made for him in front of his face.
Jake shakily raised his arms up towards the pretty little thing.
So faint that I would have missed it if I had blinked, a a tiny wisp of blue light slipped from his palm and pierced the heart.
“Did he just?” Rhiannon asked, her jaw dropped.
I covered my mouth with my hands in disbelief. “He did!”
Jaka had used his aura.
A sad smile spread across my sister's face. “It reminds me of-”
“Stop it,” I shouted, any attempt at feigning tiredness gone in an instant. “Do not dare to say his name, not now, not today. Today is a joyous day.”
My sudden shout scared Jaka and he cried for the first time.
I reached for him, but before Rhiannon could pass him to me, I felt myself grow weak and fall.
My vision went black.
The startled cries of my son filled my ears as everything fell away.
When I came back to myself and opened my eyes, I knew I was being watched.
The small hairs on the parts of my body that were not submerged in warm water were standing on end.
I looked to my right.
Anna Lao smiled down at me from her place on the bench.
If I had sat up any faster I would have thrown myself out of the pool.
“What is your name?” Sam’s low voice came. It reminded me that I could not throw myself at the dark haired girl.
Not yet, at least.