The group set out together on horseback at dawn. Aragorn led the pack and the rest of the group followed behind, their determination steadfast to defeat Sauron. Legolas lagged behind as he drunkenly sipped from his flask. Gimli rode alongside him.

"Hey, Gimli, did you hear about the hobbit who walked into a bar?" Legolas slurred.

Gimli grinned. "No, Legolas, I don't think I have. What happened?"

"Well, the bartender asks him what he wants to drink, and the hobbit says 'I'll have a fucking ale, what do you think?' The bartender pours the ale, sets it down on the bar and goes 'I think you'll be needing a fucking ladder.'"

Gimli chuckled then took a swig out of a flask of his own. A foam of ale clung to his beard.

Legolas started into another joke. "Did you hear the one where the guy walks into a brothel with a parrot on his shoulder? The madam looks at him and says, 'What the fuck is that?' And the guy says, 'It's a parrot.' And the madam says, 'Well, that's fucking great, but what the hell is it doing on your shoulder?' And the guy says, 'Oh, it's there to complain if a woman isn’t around.'"

Gimli let out a hearty chuckle followed by a long pause, then spoke with the yearns of nostalgia. "Ah, Legolas, you should see the women back home. They've got beards that go on for miles and the most luscious locks you've ever seen. And let me tell you, they know how to use them. In fact, I've had more than a few dwarf women in my time, and let me tell you, they can be quite insatiable."

Legolas gulped down his miruvor until the flask went empty, then wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "I'll try to remember that, Gimli. Can’t say I’ve ever thought about getting with a dwarf, but stranger things have happened."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

Just then, Aragorn rode up beside them. "Gimli, Legolas. We'll be camping here for the night. Make sure to get some rest, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

Legolas belched as he dismounted from his horse. "Stay with us for a while, Aragorn. We’re reminiscing and telling jokes."

Aragorn glared at both of them. "Legolas, you are drunk and useless. And Gimli you’re no better. It would be best if you both just went to sleep and sobered up for the fight ahead."

Legolas waved his hand dismissively. "Ah, come on, Aragorn. Don't be such a dick. You should hear some of the stories my father used to tell about elf women. Why, he once bedded a woman who had hair as long as the forest and skin as soft as the moon. And let me tell you, she knew how to pleasure a man like no other."

Gimli nodded. "Yeah, come on Aragorn. You're always so serious. It'll do you good to lighten up a bit."

Aragorn sighed and shook his head. "Fine. I'll tell you a joke, but only if you two promise to sober up and get some rest. Deal?"

Legolas and Gimli nodded eagerly.

"Okay," Aragorn began. "So there's this guy who walks into a tavern and sees this beautiful nun eating alone at a table. He can't take his eyes off her, so he decides to go up and shoot his shot. He sits down next to her and says, 'Hey honey, how about you and me go back to my place and get to know each other better?' The nun looks at him and starts twirling her crucifix like she’s thinking something, then says, 'I’ll go but don’t expect nothing but missionary. I don’t do mouth stuff.' And the guy says, 'Don’t take this the wrong way, honey, but I grew up an orphan. If I wanted a blowjob I’d ask a priest.'"

Legolas and Gimli burst into laughter and high-fives.

"I guess you're not so bad at this joke-telling thing after all," said Legolas.

"Glad to see I can still surprise you guys. Now get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." Aragorn walked away to check on the others as Legolas and Gimli settled in for the night.