I need a moment, so I excuse myself and walk down the passageways. I end up at the area where Ran and I used to read for hours on end in search of a cure for Jill. A smile crosses my lips. I lean against a mahogany bookshelf, trying to get my head around all... this. It's overwhelming.
“Are you alright, hon?”
I jerk upright, standing so quickly the blood drains from my head and I lean against the bookshelf again until the dizziness passes. Momma reaches out a hand, but stops before reaching me. Have I changed so much? I hide my trepidation of Momma not wanting to touch me behind a smile. “I’m fine.”
Her sad smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “You’ll have to lie better than that to convince me, child of mine.”
My smile grows slightly less weary, but it’s broken all the same.
Momma steps forward, opening her arms, and I step into her embrace.
A deep breath brings her scent, chamomile and happiness mixed with my sweat, and I squeeze her tightly.
“I’m scared for you, hon,” she whispers, pulling back and kissing my forehead.
I blink, biting my lip. “I’m the last one you should be worried about, Momma. Are you eating enough?”
Her smile is indulgent. “You’re one to talk. When was the last time you slept?”
I glance away, suitably cowed by her stare.
She sighs. She moves my bangs off my forehead and tucks them behind my ear. “You’re still my daughter and I can kick your hiney across the sea if I so see fit,” she says, her lips twitching.
A half-laugh catches in my throat.
She cups my cheek, smiling, her eyes slightly wet. “You are the most selfless person I know, Aria. Make sure you take time for yourself, alright?”
I nod, pushing up to kiss her on the cheek. “I will, thanks, Momma.”
She nods. “Is there anything else I can help you with for now?”
“No. I’m going to get ready for the last trials and work on getting the Underground cleared of the army while Silver works on the political angle. Let the library train Jill. It will teach her to use her Gifts.”
Momma nods, her soft smile still in place. “Have I told you how very proud I am of you, hon? The ocean is not big enough to contain my pride nor my love, my little dragon.”
A grin crosses my face, even as my eyes burn with a good tear. “I love you more than all the worlds can hold, Momma. Thank you for always being there for me. It means more than you’ll ever know.”
She leans her forehead against mine, and my heart swells with hope and joy.
----------------------------------------
I sit in the garden pagoda room, watching the stars, seeing some have tails and other with ears and possibly wings if you look just right. Someone comes beside me, laying back and relaxing—with a lot of groaning and moaning about old bones.
“Can’t sleep either?” I ask.
“We’re declaring war, kid. Of course I can’t sleep.”
I snort. “One would think a battle-weary knight would be used to wars and things, old man.”
“Battling for a town is different, and yet it isn’t. I’ve yet to know a semi-sane person who can sleep the nights before battle. The blood flows differently in such times, rushing upriver instead of down, causing you to rethink life and hope you make better decisions should you live to the other side.”
I sigh. “Ain’t that the truth.”
“What aren’t you telling us, minx?”
I glance over, seeing his steely grey eyes on my face. His lips twitch. “The eyebrow is your giveaway. When you lift it, you’re lying.”
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“What?” I ask, wrinkling my brow.
He pokes my eyebrow. “There it goes. Tell me what we’re to expect.”
“Papa was alive. But… he was a slave. I released him, and—” I cut off, tears clogging my throat.
All emotion drains from his face. He slowly sits up, staring at me with eyes so deadened it scares me.
“David—Your father lives?”
I sit up, eyeing him. “Yeah? He was… but not now,” I say, trying to figure out his weird reaction. What the heck is wrong with him?
“As a prisoner?” he asks, voice cold and demanding.
“H-he was being forced to fight. Forced to kill. But now? He’s flying free,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
He leans over, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Minx,” he says, voice hoarse and breaking
I make a sound between a rat dying and a dog barking. This is Hans. Who I must force into physical affection. But I lean into him, and a smile crosses my lips.
I might have lost my father, but Hans makes a pretty daggum good uncle.
----------------------------------------
I hardly see Silver in the following days. If he drops by, it’s only to drop by something for Hans, a quick word to one of the trusted knights stationed at the library, or check in on the fairies.
Not that I’m any less busy. Hans is determined to have me in top shape, drilling me nearly into the ground with battle plans, escape routes, and safe houses in the city. That’s the easy parts. The hard parts are the constant attacks, by both assassins from shadows—courtesy of Silver—and knights who take their charge of me being prepared for all things seriously. Jenny even comes, her baby bump seeming bigger even though it’s only been days—or has it been more? I can’t keep up with anything anymore, and Hans tells me the trials are coming again soon after a break, which I don't even recall happening nor why it happened as I was a bit Underground at the time. He mumbled something about the prince and a fight. On one hand, I desperately want to know, but on the other—my life is filled with too much as is. So I let him keep his secrets. For now.
Jenny's smile when I told her I finally trust my Gift and it me… it was as if the sun had broken through the clouds after a harsh and dark thunderstorm. A smile broke free of her face and she glowed. I may not be the only Chosen around.
And I’d argue her task was just as hard as my own. Many people will never know what Jenny and Hans have done for me. Their support, their love, their welcoming hearts… it gave me hope when I was flailing. Yet I’m the one who gets all the accolades and attention as the Guardian and Sir Ri. Many of the most beautiful souls in this life are never seen but are the uplifting support who holds our souls tethered to life and show us love when they receive only hardship and harsh words for their service. Poor Jenny had to deal with me being a pain in the arse.
I tried to avoid her. I tried to get her to speak with me about things other than trusting my Gift and Essence. And yet, she’s the one who taught me the most about my Gift—in fact, she’s the only one who taught me about Essence and being in tune with the threads of life. Without her, would I even know what to do now that my Gift is one with me?
Likely not.
And yet, no one except I will truly know what she did to save this city.
Sometimes it’s the smallest kindness which is never seen that sends ripples across the worlds and sends a vibration through the universe to affect us all… but those who are saved will never know.
I vow, if we survive this, that she won’t go unnoticed. Even if she wishes it.
I lean against the balcony fifteen floors up the white spiral of the library, feeling the hum of the library beneath my fingers. Jack and Jill are settling well. Anytime Jill has a spike of her Gifts, the library gently encases her in a clear protective bubble. She’s growing, her smile brighter by the day and her laughter ringing through the halls. She’s alive. She’s well. And she’s getting better.
She communes with the library all the time, sitting and nodding with her head leaned against the library walls. I don’t know what it’s teaching her, but I am grateful.
When this all began, that was all I could ever ask for. But now I’ve found more family in the form of an adopted aunt and uncle, Ran’s still breathing despite everything La’Maciago’s thrown at us, and my sister isn’t just beginning to be well, but to be happy.
Silver and Hans are rallying around me to keep this world safe. The fairies are offering their support and knowledge, and Nika is scouring the Underground for which guilds will support us. If only Ran were here, it would be perfect. But she went back to her pack in the woods at my request.
I will return.
I shake my head. No, beaut. As much as I love you, it’s time we stood, together but a part, two parts of one whole but whole parts in and of ourselves. I need to know who I am, that I can stand on my own feet without your four legs supporting me.
I feel her pride and bitter-sweet love. She sniffles. My baby is growing up.
I snort out a laugh. I’m older than you.
She flicks an ear, hearing the sound of something in the woods which takes her attention before she comes back. I’m more mature.
I cock an eyebrow. Sure.
It’s true!
I believe you, I deadpan.
I have to be to deal with you, she whisper-thinks.
I glance out over the city, watching the sun settle into the far horizon.
Tonight is a ball for the nobles to come and preen and show off the many colored dies they're able to afford.
And Hans said I needed to go to keep up appearances.
I hate politics and would rather stay here and make battle plans.
But go I will, especially if I want the ability to remain at Silver’s side.
That’s something I’ll fight for, even if it means I have to put up with stuck-up peacocks.