The trials begin in three days. I am no closer to competing. Because I’m a girl and lost to the Timber killer. Yes... that.

I recognize I'm not as strong as some, and I also suspect men make better warriors overall. Men are often protectors of those they love, being courageous leaders whom can lead a household or nation—they seem to understand instinctively the arts of war and survival. Many work hard in a multitude of ways for those they love.

Father did that for all of us. He loved us deeply and would work hard all day, then come home to teach me how to wield a sword with patience and understanding. And as I've gotten older, I miss him all the more for his loving spirit that taught me so much more than swordplay. He taught me honor, resiliency, and how to love unconditionally. He treated Momma with respect and took time away from his work to love on his children.

He and Momma were a pair to be feared. They had some dragon heated fights, but their devotion to each other outweighed anything that might've come between them.

But... it takes two to make a team, and that is where I've seen some relationships dissolve into hardship. Both sides must put in what it takes to make it work, and I've only seen that once—with my parents. Most live completely separate lives and are often seemingly happy that way.

But that is not my goal in life. It's likely I will never get married. My life is too convoluted and dangerous as is. But in my heart of hearts, I'd like to think if I married it would be to someone who would give their all for me, and I for them, as we both serve The King. I wish to be a team, that we may fight for one another so that our relationship would be stronger than whatever trials would come our way.

That is my dream. But the likelihood of such a thing? Hah. I'm thankful no one but Ran can hear my internal musings, for they are sappy and way beyond reality.

We all wish for such things, rider. But are you willing to work for it?

That's a good question, beaut. I honestly don't know, especially right now. Besides, my life is not some sappy romance novel like Jill enjoys. This is my life, and I don't need any romantic entanglements.

Now then, back to my point. What was my point?

You were talking about marriage and getting all sappy.

Right. Thanks.

Momma was strong in the relationship, bringing a nurturing compassion to the family Father didn't always have. She has always fought for her children's health and happiness, even at the cost of her own. She was born to be a mother, and I know she loves us more than words can say.

Being a mother is hard work. Kudos to all those women who cook and clean and take care of little rugrats who try to get killed. Perhaps not on purpose—but trying to fly like birds by jumping off the barn... not smart.

No, that was not me... even if it was my idea. Jack did it first. He broke his arm. I'm surprised I didn't kill myself. Oops. Didn't mean to let that slip. Erm, back on topic.

There is a beauty in the unique gifts of both the sexes and the individual and what they bring to a family.

For some reason, I was born with a knack for swords and fighting. I begged Father for lessons in any sharp object I could get my hands on. I've spent years honing his lessons with back alley fighting.

So, why do I think I should be Prince Protector? I still don't think I should be.

Ran bumps into me, and I feel her discontent.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. We spoke of this. But should I really be Protector just so the prince doesn’t get offed by an assassin?”

She looks me dead in the eye.

“Sure, that’s an excellent reason. But I’m not going to be the best candidate there. I’m just gonna try to weed out the assassin and then I’m free to take care of my family as the prince gets the best man candidate. I’m sure not as strong nor as fit as some. Have you seen some of the candidates? They’re giants!”

She rolls her eyes.

“Fine. Don’t talk. I can interpret.”

She pads on, ignoring me.

We’re back in my city in the quiet of the night. Well, quiet for a city. There's not the hawkers yelling their wares, nor the nicker and squawk of animals in the main marketplace. But revelry is still out in full swing in some taverns we pass.

It seems like forever since we were last able to visit the library. That is where I found the bit about echinacea root being an excellent immune booster, along with how to make remedies from common plants. Other small things, such as a wet towel with peppermint oil on the head and white willow bark for pain, came from the midwives and healers in town.

But nothing to help seizures. Lavender, chamomile, and valerian root are calming herbs that seem to help her recover after a spell. The bit I put under her tongue was a remedy of Aconite... supposed to help, and indeed does shorten the length of the spells. But again, nothing to stop them. Only to relieve it and give her some semblance of a normal life.

That's not enough for me.

I’m determined to find something. Anything. If only we could end this. Momma wouldn’t have a constant strain in her eyes, and she wouldn't toss and turn so at night, making the dark circles beneath her eyes more pronounced. Despite the extra meat we've had recently, she's only looking more drawn and pale. It's scaring me, but I don't know what to do.

Your stomach wouldn’t be growling loud enough to wake the dead if you'd ate. You should’ve taken the rabbit or waited on your mother's stew, Ran's voice intrudes on my private internal musing.

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The meat I brought back from the market was a balm to all of us, but I snuck most of mine into Jill's bowl. Ran knows, and I suspect Momma does, too. She can't say anything, though. I think she snuck hers to Jack.

“I know, Ran. But you and my family needed it more. I haven’t been able to provide as much lately,” I say, cheeks heating as my stomach does indeed grumble. But it's when it stops grumbling that I should be worried. I'm not there yet.

The coin is enough to sustain them the next while. I just feel guilty that I didn't take the mushroom to Nika sooner. Then they'd have had plenty to eat and perhaps things wouldn't have been so dire.

So that's why, Ran says, her voice kind. You shouldn't starve yourself as punishment, rider. We all need you at your best.

In my heart, I know she's right. But it didn't stop the guilt from almost consuming me when I brought home the pastries and Jack and Jill both grew wide-eyed with a deep hunger that made my stomach clench.

A form steps out from an alley not five steps from me.

I jump, hissing in surprise. I draw the two blades from around my bodice.

A chuckle makes me relax as the man pulls back the black cloak. Sir Hans regards me, his gaze peeling back my substance and leaving me a bare.

I duck into a side alley and let him follow. I peer out at the main street, but no eyes are on us for the moment.

“You missed dinner,” he says, his stark tone not quite inquiring yet not quite a statement. A hint of curiosity with disappointment colors his gaze.

I slap my forehead with the back of my hand. Wouldn’t want to gauge my eye out with the blade there.

“I’m sorry. Truly. I forgot.” I wince at how that sounds. “I was going to come. Honest. With everything going on... I just forgot,” I finish. I'm invited to dinner and promise to show... then just don't?

“There is nothing to apologize for, even if I'm in the doghouse for it. The wife is a terrifying when she's displeased.” He watches me, his gaze seeming to miss nothing. His hand taps beneath his cloak on what I suspect is a dagger or weapon.

I wince, wishing he'd be less understanding so I wouldn't have to feel so bad. Why is he being so nice?

I round on Ran who is perched behind me like a queen, licking her claws like a cat. “Why didn’t you tell me he was there?”

She licks a paw, then plants it over my heart. The weight causes me to take a step back,.

I trust him. And you need someone you can trust. She goes back to licking her paws.

Trust? With the situation we’re in? I swear, you're trying to get us killed! I send through the bond. She deadpans me with a look.

I sigh. “She trusts you,” I say aloud to Sir Hans.

His blue gaze widens a touch. He looks genuinely surprised. “I’m honored, Timber.” He bends his head in a regal bow, but I notice he still keeps a respectful distance from my wolf, keeping me between him and my bond. “But such a thing means you don’t,” he points out to me with a tiny jut of his chin in my direction.

“Her opinion goes a long way," I hedge. Then I sigh when I have to look away from that piercing gaze that sees too much. "But trust isn't given. It's earned."

He nods, leaning against the gray wall. “There is wisdom there, indeed. May I ask what caused you to miss dinner?”

I open my mouth to say it’s none of his beeswax, but Ran bumps into my legs, sending me stumbling.

“Ran!” I say in exasperation. She just gives me pouty eyes I can't deny.

“Oh, fine,” I grumble. She leans into my hand and I scratch her behind the ear. Her grumble of contentment makes me smile.

“My sister was sick yesterday. When I arrived back home, she was awake and I suppose I got caught up caring for her.”

"I see." The words hint at a greater compassion than his gruff words would normally depart. “What can I do? Would a healer be of any service? I would be happy to pay.”

I appraise him anew. I like how he took the situation at face value and directly approached how he could do something. I’m seeing what Ran likes about this older gentleman.

If I wasn't so concerned about his offer coming with strings, I would take him up on it immediately. But as of yet, my trust only extends as far as Ran's good word. I will wait until he either proves or disproves himself to cast judgment.

I go to shake my head when I pause. If he could... “Could you grant me access to the library?” I'm giddy at the thought of not needing to sneak in, riding my bond upside down like some trick pony.

“The Home of All Learning?” he asks in surprise. I nod my head eagerly, but he only shakes his. “That is something I cannot do. The guards there fall into the realm of royalty. I am but a humble knight.”

I snort. “As if,” I mumble.

He smiles as if he heard me.

“So you’re the one breaking into the library, aye?” he says, watching the street from his vantage point of blending in with the drab gray alley wall.

I swear his lip twitches in humor.

My cheeks grow red and I’m happy the darkness covers my growing embarrassment. “By necessity only. I don’t take anything, just knowledge.”

“Has any of it helped?” His eyes cut my way before jumping back to the streets. I wonder what's out there that is so interesting.

All I see are a few hooded people going home after a bit too long in their cups. The waterlight highlights puddles from recent rainfall on the stone throughways between houses and shops.

“No.” I shove my daggers back into their sheaths harder than needed, then rub my forehead with my free hand. I'm finally believing this isn't an ambush. “She only continues to get worse, despite the best healers we can hire.” Another thought enters my brain. “How’d you know where I was?”

He looks out at the city wall, just barely visible above the one and two-story shops and homes clogging this small alley. His lips purse as if he's debating not answering. He rubs a hand down his beard, then sighs. “I had men on lookout. Was afraid something happened to you when you didn’t show.”

He was worried? My jaw drops. “Surely that wasn’t why you had men stationed about. Surely you have something else you need of me.”

“Not always does one have selfish motivations.”

“But you have something you need from me?” I press.

His eyes widen slightly and his beard quivers at movement from his lips as he sputters mockingly at Ran. “She blames me for having ulterior motives when I'm attempting to help,” he says to my wolf.

I shrug, rolling my eyes like my little brother. “I'm right here, ya know. Besides, you can’t blame a girl for being suspicious.”

He turns from Ran to me and squints his eyes. “Why do you wish to enter the competition?”

That was an abrupt about face. “To. Keep. The prince. From being. Assassinated.” Duh.

“Can’t help with the library, but I may can help with this.” He passes me a wig. And a tunic. And chain mail. Along with an oddly shaped corset that has me and him both blushing.

He throws the last to me with all the finesse of a lion cub trying to write with a quill. I scramble to catch it before it falls.

“If they shall only let a boy in; a boy you shall be.” I gape at him. He turns red. I gape some more. Never dreamt I would see such an old, stoic knight so... frazzled. “What is it?” he grumbles gruffly to my continued stare.

“Just. Wow. Amazing.”

He huffs, turning to eye the streets again. “That all you can come up with?”

I shake my head. “It’s only... this is amazing.”

“You’ve said that once before.”

“Stop it, Old Man. I can be amazed at this idea.”

He sputters. “Old man? Who you calling old?”

I smirk. “You.”

He just shakes his head. "Wasn’t all me. Jenny was going to help you with... everything else you shall need to know. She about killed me when you didn’t show."

“She must be quite the terror.”

He winces. “You can’t even imagine.”

“Thank you. For this.” I hold out the gear awkwardly.

He clears his throat and looks away. “Jenny wishes you to come tomorrow morning. She’ll show you how to don the costume.”

I smirk, but the effect is lost beneath my hood and mask. “Will ya still be in the doghouse if I don’t come?”

“I’ll be out of the doghouse and into the pigpen,” he deadpans.

I laugh. “Alright. Would she be awake just before sunup?”

“For you, she will be.”

I nod. “I’ll come straight there after the library.”

His lips twitch. “Don’t forget.”

I punch his shoulder as I pass him by in favor of the street. “I won’t. Good day.”

“Goodnight. See you around, Guardian.”

I wave and climb upon Ran. She turns around to lick my face, warmth coming through the bond. I smile. Now to go steal some knowledge.