What Hans says is... true.
The fear I hold is real. Someone who hasn't harmed me or those I love—it goes against who I am and what I have felt to harm them, especially by accident. As a Mindempath, I feel what others feel and those sensations are hard to forget, unless fighting for my life or the life of others.
Making someone else feel such pain, or killing them accidentally? It breaks something inside me, not to mention with each person I kill... it feels like a chip from my soul. I haven't had time to mourn the other I killed in my home when they took my family, which makes it so very much worse. It's a coiled ball of guilt in my soul, waiting until I let down my guard to devour me.
But now is not the time to lament those things I have done or rehash it in my brain ten thousand times trying to figure out what I could've done differently. I can have that luxury when my family is home safe.
But sparring? I became quick because I would only let a feather light touch alight on whoever it may be. Typically, my father. I gained control, and I gained speed. My motto has always been if you have the strength to pull a blow at full speed, you have the strength to land a blow twice as hard. Control equals strength. For what brawler could ever defeat a well-trained knight?
That’s what I told myself, at least. I could never completely overcome my need not to hurt others, perhaps because something in me has always been more in tune with others, even before I knew what an Empath was. And it’s gotten me into trouble more times than I can count.
Tell me about it, Ran grumbles. I didn’t think she was up yet.
She immediately found a warm and comfy spot by a fire inside my room to curl up and start snoring after we returned from the Arena. I told her to be careful to stay out of sight... but she was grumpy and merely flicked her ears before ignoring me.
I wasn’t awake. Your emotions are going haywire. They interrupted a most perfect dream of a nice, juicy rabbit. The tender meat, the sweet, sweet blood—
RAN! I do NOT need the details. And you know how I feel about rabbits!
Cute, cuddly wuddly creatures that hurt no one, she says dryly. They aren’t good for anything besides fresh, tasty flesh. Yummm...
“If you ever kill another rabbit, I will personally declaw you for life.”
How? she asks smugly.
Sleeping. Draught, I reply, just as smug.
Stupid two-legs. I'd smell it.
Wanna try me?
Party pooper.
I snort. Grumbling jackonapes.
Smarta—
Grandma! I WILL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!
Wanna try?
“Aria?” Sir Hans snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I jerk.
“Huh? What?”
A smirk draws up the corner of his still swollen lip. “Timber Wolf?” he asks, suppressed laughter apparent in his voice.
I groan, laying back in the grass. “Ugh! I hate when I do that. Crazy cat.”
Heard that.
“Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?” I ask.
I won’t forget.
I grow pale.
“Ahhh, she is quite the character, is she not?”
“You could say that,” I grumble.
He slaps me on the shoulder with a grin as I sit up. I rub the shoulder and am tempted to stab him. I decide it’s not worth the effort. “Perk up, little minx. At least she doesn’t bite.”
“Hard,” I retort.
He laughs.
He has no idea how close he came to being on the pointy end of a sharp metal stick, does he? Ran says, yawning during her words.
A dark chuckle almost escapes my lips, but I bite my tongue. Nope. Just the way I like it.
I sigh, returning my attention to Sir Hans. “You’re right, sir. I must get over this, if I even wish to have a hope for what’s coming.”
A stirring comes from within my chest, and I feel the Spark grow in strength.
I jump, and place a hand over a spot right above my heart that's quickly growing hot.
I stand and move into the shade of a tree, giving into the temptation to have something at my back should anything attack.
But the spot only fades away, until the place is only slightly warm, as if I had sat in the sun for a while. But it leaves behind a burning sensation that tingles under my skin.
“What's wrong?” Sir Hans asks, stroking his beard. His lips are a thin line and hawk-like grey eyes dart around his large back courtyard. “Do I need to get Jenny?”
I almost chuckle at his face and the panic there. “No. I’m fine. I—I don’t know what happened.”
He gives me a look I can’t read. “Want to talk about it?”
“It—it was a slight burning. It felt like the time I tried to access the Spark—“
We meet eyes as it dawns for both of us. “Stupid magic,” he grumbles. “Wish these things came with a manual.”
That surprises a snorting laugh out of me. “You and me both, Hans. You and me both.”
“I’ll fetch Jenny, I’ve no idea how to deal with all—this—“ He gestures to me.
I glare at him, and he hightails it out of there like a dust bunny with a Timber on its tail.
I sit back and slowly slide to the dirt. The rough bark of the tree jabs into my back and I shift, trying to find a more comfortable position.
It’s trying to tell you something. Warm, fetid breath rushes over my face.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
I scrunch up my nose. “Ewww. Ran, your morning breath stinks something awful.”
She cocks a horsey ear, a corner of her mouth tips up... and she yawns. Right. In. My. Face.
I cough and try to dispel the smell of something rotten with my hand. “You need to brush your teeth. There’s a dead rat stuck in there.”
She lolls her tongue to the side, totally unrepentant, which looks highly unusual in such a long face. But she sobers when I grab above my heart again as the heat throbs in time to the beat. It’s not painful, per see, just—different. At least this time the Spark isn't trying to stab me with pain.
The Spark. It’s trying to tell you—something about feelings? Pain. Suffering. Deep darkness.
I gape at her.
I feel it, sis. She communicates much like a pack… in images and emotions.
“IT’S ALIVE?” I yelp.
Well, yeah. I thought you knew that.
I suck in a breath, attempting to keep the panic at bay. I have something in me that’s alive and can speak to my bond, who happens to be able to speak to me because I am something called a Mindempath. My life is so out of the ordinary I don’t even, can’t even—just no. I’m surprised I’m not in kookoo land yet.
Who says you aren’t? Ran teases.
I growl at her.
“Girls—“ Jenny draws the word out in warning.
“Yes, Jenny?” I ask cheerfully.
Ran licks Jenny’s hand gleefully, getting slobber all over her palm.
Jenny looks from me to Ran to her hand. “I don’t know how your mother put up with such rapscallions.”
I try to hold my smile in place, but the pain is like a dark hand grasping my heart in an unforgiving grip. It slowly squeezes, causing my chest to hurt.
“I’m so sorry, sweet dear. I didn’t mean—“ Jenny’s voice cracks.
I give her a pat on the shoulder. “It’s alright, it’s just too soon,” I whisper, the pain stealing my voice.
She wraps me up in her arms, lending what comfort she can.
I let her hold me for a moment, then pull back, wiping my eyes. “Thanks.” My eyes water, and I look at the ground, not wanting to meet her gaze.
She kisses my forehead.
Snotty nosed brat, stealing all the attention, Ran grumbles.
I glare at her, but my lips tip up despite myself.
Ran licks my face, leaving gooey slobber from chin to hair. I spit and splutter, tempted to eat the last sacred cookie I had saved her as a special treat.
Her ears perk, a light entering her eyes. Wait, what? Really, really, really?!?! She hops up and down like an excited puppy, her tail going a thousand miles an hour, the long hairs slapping against her flank like a horse trying to swat flies... just a little bit more... exuberantly.
“Cool it, you're going to give us away," I hiss, looking around, then jerking her behind the shed by her forelock and ear. "Yes, really, you crazy goof. BUT, no more calling me names!” I tell her.
Where’s the fun in that? Her lips turn up in a grin, showing her flat teeth. But I see the softness in her eyes behind the teasing that warms my insides.
“Thank you, Sister.”
You’re welcome.
“So, what is this all about? My husband suddenly showed up, unable to explain exactly what scared the bark out of him,” Jenny says from beside me, where she had followed me when I tugged my horse-wolf between a shed and some hedges for privacy.
I giggle, the thought of Sir Hans hiding behind his little thing of a wife. It’s too much.
I gather myself and finally look up at Jenny. “Sorry ‘bout that.” She just shakes her head with a wry smile and motions for me to get on with it, her fingers stained red and gold from her painting. She also wears a smock over her dress that she takes off and folds, placing it on a wooden barrel. “Apparently Sir Hans doesn’t care much for my Gift.”
One brow rises a miniscule amount. “Your Gift? The Mindempath?”
“My—uhhh—magic, I guess? The Spark.”
“Ahhh. Yes, he doesn’t always endure well those things he can’t understand.” She cuts her thinking eyes to me, then winks. “It’s how I make sure he stays on his best behavior. There’s nothing like a good woman to befuddle a big, bad man.”
“Woman, I understand you just fine.” Sir Hans comes from behind a hedge and scoops his wife up as she squeals. He tickles her waist, must to Ran’s amusement, then plants a kiss on her lips.
Ran makes a gagging noise and looks away. That is NOT the right way to show love. I mean, really? A good mate should bring a big elk to share to show his undying affection. Mouth to mouth is not sanitary.
I struggle to contain my growing amusement. Sir Hans should bring an elk for Miss Jenny in order to show his love?
YES! Then she would know he could provide for her pups. That’s love. Plus grooming, and hunting together, and making sure ears are clean—
I bite my lip to keep from laughing. So you’re saying it’s alright for a mated Timber Wolf couple to clean out each other’s ear wax but not share saliva.
Exactly. You get it.
I can’t help it. Uncontrollable laughter shakes my body until tears stream from my eyes.
Sir Hans and Jenny stop what they're doing to watch me as Ran pins her ears back. That just reminds me of ears and the laughter becomes even harder to get under wraps. She stretches back into a dog stretch, her hind end in the air and her front legs parallel to the ground, which looks quite odd in her horsey body.
“You think she finally lost it?” Sir Hans asks.
“The dear probably has. Should we get her to bed, you think?”
“We need to get each other to bed.”
I hear a loud thwack. “Behave yourself. You’re a knight, for goodness' sake.”
“Yes, ma’am. Sorry ma’am.”
Their banter just makes me laugh harder.
“Ran — just said — ear wax!” I burst into guffaws again, trying to explain, but just making it worse.
“Ear wax?” Sir Hans mouths to Jenny.
She shrugs elegant shoulders, her mouth pursed into a sharp line.
“She said mates... should clean out — ear wax!” I finally get out when the laughter dies down to intermittent chuckles.
You just made that. So. Much. Worse, Ran cackles with glee.
Sir Hans and Jenny share a look that communicates a thousand words. “Aria, we know you hear voices. You have been through so much. We understand. You know we are always here for you, for whatever you may need.”
“Jenny is right, minx. Voices is one thing. Ear wax is another.”
That sends me into another burst of chuckles. “NO! You two don’t understand. Ran just doesn’t like, uhmm — kissing. She thinks it’s gross.”
“Ahh. Much like any other young one who has yet to experience love. She’ll come to understand with age.” Sir Hans looks at his wife with affection in his gaze.
“Hans, you sound your age when you say things like that, dear.”
“My age? I’m younger than you.”
The glare Jenny sends his way has my heart quavering in my chest. Uh-oh. He should run.
He isn’t that smart. Or perhaps he’s so busy watching Ran trying to contain purring clicks by hiding her head under her hooves to notice the Death Glare every woman perfects by fifteen. “By two years. I’m not THAT old,” he grumbles.
He finally looks up. And pales. And pales further when she smiles gently. “It’s alright honey,” she purrs. “I’m sure you’re going to work night shift for the next few weeks, so there will be no need of dessert in the evenings. Plus you will be at Alicia's singing tonight, so there is no need for refreshments.”
He blows out a breath in relief. Then realizes his mistake, if his sudden wide eyes are any indication. He glances at the ground. “I’m so sorry, darling.”
She chuckles. “See what I mean, Aria?”
Sir Hans looks up to see both of us grinning at him. “Women,” he says, running a hand down his face. “So hard to understand, I tell you. Give me a sword and meat to skewer any day.”
Jenny smiles at her husband with love shining in her gaze, squeezing his arm. “Honey, did you know how much I love you?”
He chuckles. “Darling, you are the light of my life. I just never know if I will see the moon, the sun, or the stars. Or an eclipse. Those are horrifying.”
She leans into him with a laugh, and they share a look that goes beyond words and speaks to the heart.
Then Jenny looks back at me with a piercing gaze. “Alright now, dear. We need to know if you’re going crazy.”
I glare at Ran. “You’re the one who got me into this mess,” I say aloud.
She snickers, but otherwise goes back to cleaning her... hooves. The stinker doesn't seem to understand how to act in a horse's body.
I sigh. “I’m not crazy yet—I don’t think. Ran was just sharing some interesting habits of how Timber Wolves show their love. She is adamant licking ear wax is more sanitary than kissing.”
Sir Hans chuckles. “Alright. That makes sense.”
Jenny narrows her eyes. “Since we have proven Aria is indeed mostly sane, what is this to do with magic?”
I hold my hand over my heart again as if that alone will ease the tingly heat. “Umm. Apparently Ran can speak to the Spark. It’s trying to tell me something.”
“What is it trying to say?” Jenny asks, leaning forward and watching me with bright blue eyes.
“Something about feelings and other things.”
“If you don’t tell us everything, we can’t help you,” Sir Hans says, his eyes darting to me in a straight stare I can't hold.
I lay back in the grass, watching the leaves above my head gently sway to the song of the wind. “As a... Mindempath... I can feel other's emotions. Sometimes I barely feel it, like an itch I can’t scratch. Yet at other times, it wallops me over the head so hard that I can barely breath. It’s gotten worse lately. I didn't... I thought... I never told anyone or even realized it myself until Jenny explained to me about Gifts and Curses. I don't know how to control it.”
"Gifts are similar to painting. The first time you try, it may be quite sloppy and indistinct. But the more you try, the easier it will become," Jenny says, sitting at a bench and smoothing out her light blue skirts.
"But... I can't control it. I try to read someone and I can't. Sometimes, I'm not trying at all, and it wallops me over the head."
Jenny pats the chair beside her. I reluctantly sit.
"It's time for this to change. Close your eyes, Aria dear. It's time to connect to your inner Gift."