Brandon knocked aside the charred rubble and opened the door to the tavern. The stout outer door was barely singed and opened easily. No one was inside, and it looked like the bar was empty. That didn't bother him at all. Enough of these idiots would be drunk soon on their own alcohol. The upstairs door was locked with a small sign that said 'Private rooms; please keep out.' Fine, what he cared about was in the basement.

A blue flag was hanging in the corner of the tavern. When he moved over and touched it, the flag turned red.

War Update: Famco has taken control point 1: Tavern; Famco controls 1/3 control points.

A minute later h,e got a second message. The unit assigned to guard the rear must have found that objective.

War Update: Famco has taken control point 3: Gadobhra Gate; Famco controls 2/3 control points.

He headed downstairs to get the third. The basement had also been cleared out. Timmy had told him they used it as a brewery. He made a mental note to get the brewers to set that up again and get the tavern running. Good for morale and good for his pocket.

The dungeon was easy to find in the small sub-basement. The flag was at its entrance. He touched it, and it turned red.

War Update: Famco has taken control point 2: Dungeon Entrance; Famco controls 3/3 control points.

Well, that should make Timmy happy. The only thing Sir Timothy wanted out of this war was free reign to go into the dungeon whenever he wanted, which was fine by Brandon. If that kept Timmy and the family happy, he would have fewer problems. He could wrap up this little acquisition and move onto the next.

"Get your shiny ass down here, Timmy. The dungeon is all yours. Have fun with it."

Sir Timothy appeared with his regular adventuring crew. "Excellent. I've missed this hole in the ground. The boys and I need to grind out some points. We'll hold off on a big raid until you officially have control of the town."

"Lock and load boys. Time to go kill some rats."

He went to enter and nothing happened.

You do not have permission to enter The Lair of the Under-Rodent sponsored by Bludgeon Brew. The Dungeon Keeper has left this message for you: "Piss off. No one is getting into the dungeon while Famco and ACME are having their stupid little dance."

"Dammit, she can't do that! We won. Joe, go up and ask Suzette to come down here and open the place up." Timmy hated not getting what he wanted, and he wanted to go get more points.

Brandon was amused by the situation. He knew they'd be getting the dungeon; poor little Timmy would just have to be patient. And he was horrible at being patient. "Well, no, technically we haven't won yet. We just wiped out their army and took all the objectives. I'm going to try and get the General to declare us the winners tonight. But the dungeon is tricky. Sammy said Suzette actually owns half the tavern which is how she claimed it for ACME. And she has a contract with them to split the treasure.

"Winning the town gives us ACME's half, but I'm not sure about her half. Don't worry, your old friend Brandon already has deals in the works."

----------------------------------------

Ben heard the voices from the first floor, and then blows on the door. He ran down to find out what was happening. The explosion had blown out all the windows in the tavern and they'd felt the heat and the concussion even through the thick walls. Then it had gotten quiet except for the sounds of injured players.

Several people were pounding on the door now. Ben yelled down the narrow stairway. "Who's there? These are private rooms. By the rules you need to leave us alone."

A loud voice yelled back. "This town belongs to Famco now; send down Suzette so she can open the dungeon or we'll come drag her down.”

Suzette clenched her fists and let out a small hiss of anger. "Go screw yourself. I don't answer to Famco."

Rolly smiled, "Well, I don't know about you folks, but I've been injured by a Famco acid bath and now they are threatening a friend and breaking into these rooms where I have a very valuable moose hanging on the wall."

Ben nodded. "True. But let’s give them another chance. That sounds like a lot of them." Ben pitched his voice louder, "Let's be reasonable about this. Just back off and let things be. The General will be by tonight and Suzette will come down and talk. No need to start a fight."

Mr. Loud shouted back. "Not waiting, asshole. We'll come get her. And where did you hide all the damn beer?!!" The door splintered as an axe bit into to it.

Ben shrugged. "Plan?"

Ozzy looked at Suzette, who was trembling with fury, clenching and unclenching her fists. He wanted to hurt anyone that upset her this way. Luckyily, he was about to get the chance. "I'll stay at the head of the stairs. I'm going to pincushion the first asshole to come up and use him to block the others. Ben, you have reach with your whip, snipe at open heads. Suzette has range to hit anyone in the stairwell. Rolly...well, you and Squirmie do what you do best: kill things. If they push us back, retreat to the third floor. Maybe they'll be satisfied with the beer and alcohol in the rooms on this level."

The stairs were only about five feet wide but the hallway was wider, about eight feet. A low rail separated the stairwell from the wider area next to it. Coming up the stairs two people at a time was possible, but cramped. Advancing uphill against people with weapons was suicidal.

Unless you thought you were only fighting some workers who couldn't fight back. Famco had their own contract workers, and everyone here knew they couldn't fight. The workers often got taunted into trying to throw a punch, and then would get mocked and beaten. It was a favorite pass time in some of the Famco towns. So as the door caved in, and the first fighter charged up the stairs he was very surprised when a red-hot pole weapon of hideous design impaled him and knocked him back into the next man. The Ancient Billhook of Intwined Fates was a heavy weapon that few could learn to use properly. With 15 STR, it danced in Ozzy's hands like a light broomstick sweeping away some cobwebs.

You have failed to resist a curse. Your body is weakened.

You have been struck in the chest by a butcher for 200 points of damage.

You have been hit by a whip. You mitigate some of the damage but take 40 points of radiant damage.

Ozzy thrust hard to push his victim down the stairs, then pulled back to free his weapon. As he did that, Ben flicked his whip down the stairs, and hit the same man with Flaming Brand. With eight points of radiance supercharging the spell, and his DEX of ten, the whip cut deeply through armor and into muscle.

A level 5 warrior had about 650 health. Ben and Ozzy half killed the man with their first hits. The surge of people behind thrust him forward. And again, Ozzy and Ben hit him, this time killing him. As his body disappeared a rogue rushed Ozzy, making it past the head of the bill hook. He brought up his short sword to stab the butcher.

Rolly was off to the side and buried both of his scythes into him. One must have been a critical. The rogue's eyes rolled up into his head and he dropped to the ground before his body disappeared. Ozzy stepped forward and speared the next man in line. Ben went to snap his whip, but Suzette moved in front of him. She let loose a spell that tore through the man’s throat, punching out the back. She immediately began casting again while screaming at the fighters trying to get to them. "Keep coming assholes! Plenty for all of you dickweeds." The next man hit by her cantrip was blinded as well as injured and fell back down the stairs. The others quieted down a bit as he lay there whimpering and covering his eyes. Suzette was still ready to fight.

"Well? Come on! Who's next?”

"Yes, which of you is the mightiest of them all? Who will assault the stairs of death and take on Suzette in her lair?” Rolly was enjoying this. They could hold this position for a long time. Who the hell fought up tight stairs?

Three more people died trying to rush up the stairs before clearer heads prevailed.

Brandon and Timmy had started up to the main floor when they heard the yells and sounds of a fight. Timmy looked worried. "Oh god, what are they doing? We don't want to hurt her!"

When Brandon saw the wounded man at the base of the stairs, and the large amount of blood running down the stair case he was pretty sure Timmy didn't have much to worry about.

Timmy turned to Joey. "I told you to ask her to come down! Politely."

Joey looked a bit upset; this was not what he signed up for, "I tried, but these assholes are looking for booze. When I mentioned we needed to get the barmaid down from upstairs they tried to break in. When they went up the stairs they got attacked."

"Timmy, go get the general. No, wait! Go ask the general if she will come down to adjudicate a situation as a neutral bystander." Timmy really did not want to go visit the very scary lady again, but things weren’t going well. It was looking like another day with no dungeon diving.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

----------------------------------------

General Themis arrived. She'd watched the ambush with the siege engines and then the large explosion of magic which followed with interest. She was actually curious to find out the specifics. She didn't let that show, keeping a frown firmly upon her lips. But she did make the short walk to the tavern. She took a seat in the back and took off her gloves. She noticed her courier was missing. Dammit, this was the type of situation they were good for. She looked at Sir Timothy.

"I don't suppose you know the whereabouts of the local courier, do you?" He'd looked like a sensible fellow. He was probably staying out of the way somewhere with a bottle of wine. She had told him she wouldn't have need of him until the evening.

"Um, actually, he's one of the people upstairs killing the men we sent up to get the barmaid"

"Really. Well, let’s get him down here then. He can help straighten this out." She pitched her voice to carry across a battle field.

"Courier Benjamin, I have need of your services." There was a pause and then the man she'd called walked down the stairs, carefully avoiding getting blood on his boots, and stepping over the blinded man on the floor. He bowed low, doffing his hat. At close range, Themis could see the hat was very interesting - a godworn item of exceptional power. Such an item wouldn't stand to be used by someone unsuited for it. Her estimation of the young man increased.

"Thank you courier Benjamin. We seem to have a situation here. I am calling a ceasefire for all sides in this war. There are ACME warriors upstairs I take it?"

"No ma’am. Just myself and three other contract workers were upstairs in our private room, hiding from the battle. They are still up there."

"Well, ask the poor scared dears to come down. I guarantee their safety."

"If I might suggest? Could we clear the room of most of these people? I'm sure if Timmy has his crew and Brandon picks a couple of stout fellows, they'll feel safe enough." The General agreed and the rest of the crowd was sent out the door.

Ben walked back to the stairway and yelled up. "Ceasefire folks, guaranteed by the General. She asks that we come down and talk things over. We can all behave, can't we?"

Ben heard Ozzy and Rolly answer, yes. As he suspected, Suzette was still upset. "Suzy? Promise me you won't hurt anyone and listen to the general?" Finally, he heard her say "yes", and the three of them came downstairs.

General Themis was curious about the workers who could kill a half-dozen, maxed, tier-one fighters. Granted, pushing up the stairs like that was stupid, and the way was easily blocked. These people hadn't just blocked it though, they had slaughtered the people breaking into their rooms. She could soon see why. She'd examined thousands of troops in her years and had decent identification skills. That gave her some clues.

The first one down was the butcher. An imposing man whom she'd already heard about. He had trouble fitting through the doorway. He was easily over ten STR and had a dreadful aura of malice about him right now. He was angry, and it was a very deep sort of anger- and no fear at all. He'd probably stay in control unless someone threatened his friends.

The second one confused her. There was nothing threatening about him. A shepherd who had managed to tame a big butterfly. Strange, but not a threat. He had no weapons or armor, and a goofy grin. He performed a bow when he saw her, surprising her with the correct one for her station.

The last was obviously the barmaid. This one was angrier than the butcher and barely under control - and afraid. Definitely some fear underneath. But she looked ready to kill. That staff she held wasn't a toy, and the glow to her aura made her out to be a powerful, if untrained, light mage of some sort.

Yes, she could see how these four had caused 'Lord Brandon' a bit of trouble.

"All right. Court is in session. Lord Brandon, do you have any accusations or explanations to make?"

Brandon licked his lips and thought. He knew the rules, and wasn't stupid. "No accusations. Maybe an apology to these poor workers. Soldiers after a battle are thirsty and they made the poor choice to try to break into the upstairs. Some of them may have said some angry words. I apologize for them, as they are dead at the moment."

"Alright, let's hear from the Courier next. Benjamin? Tell me what happened from the point of view of one of the Emperor’s trusted and most truthful servants."

Ben took the hint. "Yes ma’am. We were observing the battle from the porch, which is part of our room, when we were hit by a poorly aimed shower of acid. Injured slightly, we retreated to safety. We heard the loud explosions, but being contract workers, we stayed in our rooms as we had been directed. There was banging on the door and demands for Suzette to come down. When she refused, they said they'd drag her down and started destroying the door and charged up the stairs. We stopped them."

Timmy yelled at Ben, "You killed six of them."

Ben smiled at Timmy, "Yes. Yes, we did. And killing them stopped them."

The General raised a hand to stop further comments. "Brandon. Timothy. Do you dispute any of the events that the Courier has just stated?" Timothy started to talk and Brandon put a hand over his mouth.

"No, that about sums it up. On behalf of Famco, I apologize. We accept the small penalties for upsetting the four workers and destroying a door on our tavern."

"My tavern, asshole, my tavern. You control it for your silly war, but you don't own it," Suzette had her fists balled, nails biting into her palms.

Brandon smiled at her. "Yes, let’s talk about this silly war. It's over. We hold all three points of control, and outnumber ACME 20 to 1. They have only six people hiding in the woods. It's over."

Ozzy put his hands on Suzette’s shoulders to calm her, and addressed the general. "It's my understanding this event lasts for ten days. That's nine days and twenty-three hours from now."

The General was pleased to see that someone understood how to use a clock. "That is correct. While I may agree with Brandon that, from a military point of view, ACME has lost, we have some rules to follow. ACME's military commander does not concede defeat. He had a lot more to say that I won't repeat."

Brandon took a step towards the General. "Well and good of him. But by this time tomorrow ACME will have surrendered. I anticipated this outcome and made an arrangement with Vernon Throckmorton of ACME just before the war started. He's busy with other matters and conceded that they had little chance of winning."

He turned to Suzette. "Since you'll be working for me as of tomorrow, I'd see it as a personal favor if you would let Sir Timothy make use of our dungeon tonight."

Suzette started giggling. Then she laughed at Brandon. Then she flipped him off. "Go to hell. If Vern gives you the town, I'll just walk away and Billy can put me to work somewhere else. You can figure out how to get into the dungeon. Not my problem."

Brandon waited until she was done. "Oh, but it is your problem. There are some nice contracts associated with Sedgewick that Famco is willing to pay quite a bit of gold for. Vernon needs that gold for new projects. We'll be taking over their half of the tavern, and their contract with you for sharing the dungeon. Also, the contract with Bludgeon Brew and with the Legion."

"And we are buying up the contracts for a few of the workers; namely you, the butcher, and Betty the cook. As of this time tomorrow Famco owns you. I look forward to working with you. You can do it as a barmaid, or we can change your class to something like sewer worker or pig herder. It's up to you. Welcome to Famco"

Suzette staggered away from Ozzy and went to her knees. "No...not again."

Ozzy looked at General Themis. "This isn't right! They can't buy and sell us like slaves."

Brandon smirked. "You mean like contract workers. Read your contract."

Themis looked very unhappy, but said to Ozzy. "I'm only here to oversee the war, not dispute corporate contracts. I don't like it. But if Brandon is telling the truth, then tomorrow morning Famco will be declared the winner."

Suzette looked up, tears rolling down her face and screamed, "NO!"

Timmy looked away, uncomfortable. Brandon leered at her and said, "Oh, yes."

Suzette crumpled to the floor, and her body disappeared.

Ozzy, Ben, and Rolly were all yelling.

Brandon looked pleased. "I never saw someone actually cry themselves to death; that's a first."

SYSTEM MESSAGE: The player known as Suzette has suffered a critical medical event. Her account has closed.

The dungeon at this location is no longer claimed.

Famco may select a new Dungeon Keeper.

The 50% of the ownership of the tavern reverts to ACME as Suzette must default on her contract.

The entirety of the tavern will pass to Famco assuming they are victorious in the current war.

Ben and Rolly were stunned. Ozzy wasn't. He was too angry.

There was something deep inside that raced to the surface. He was across the room instantly. He backhanded Brandon, slapping his face so hard that he shattered his jaw and teeth sprayed across the room. Timmy tried to draw his sword. Ozzy reached out a huge left fist and grabbed Timmy by the bicep, squeezing and breaking his arm. He pulled back with his other fist for a punch, but Themis caught him by the arm and stopped him.

"Stand Down! She's gone! This isn't how you solve it!"

Ozzy just growled and swung Timmy up by the arm he held, then slammed him into the ground, placed a foot on his chest, and pulled. Timmy's arm ripped off at the shoulder!

Themis had seen a lot, but this made her hesitate and Ozzy used that moment to slam her into the wall.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: Player named Ozzy is listed as next of kin. Your presence is requested to make decisions regarding disposal of the body of the deceased and other matters.

One moment Ozzy was walking towards Themis with the intention of beating her to death with Timmy's arm. The next, he was gone.

A moment passed, and Ben raced to Timmy and stopped his bleeding. Themis looked at him. "Didn't peg you for a Paladin - lots of secrets here in Sedgewick. Can you reattach the arm?"

"I can Lay hands and do some minor healing. I'm damn sure not appealing to my goddess for this spoiled brat."

Themis nodded. "Fair enough. I can't either. He can deal with learning to fight left-handed."

Rolly said, "I'll help Brandon!" his smile wasn't nice.