"Weeds" was a bit misleading. About a half-acre of the dwarf’s farm was overgrown with large bushy plants ranging from two to four feet high. Small sprigs of white flowers grew up in the center of a few. One huge one was over six feet high. Makken was dressed in all of his protective gear, even more of it than when he'd first greeted Ozzy. He'd braided his beard and tucked it up behind a mask that covered his entire face and distorted his voice. Ozzy was wearing a hooded jacket and goggles similar to Makken’s. The dwarf hadn't owned another mask, but he gave Ozzy a jar of 'protective lotion' to slather on his face. None of this was raising Ozzy's confidence in the job being either quick or easy.

"Ok, so you've got me out here helping. Now tell me the bad news. What the hell are we dealing with here? I can't believe that a hardy specimen of a dwarf like you could need help with a few bushes."

Makken's voice sounded like he was underwater. "Naw, this will be easy with two of us and you having those large muscles. You have the easy part, just yank them out of the ground after I loosen the soil up. Just go nice and slow, and whatever you do, don't break off the root tips. We need to get it all in one go. Once you get one out all the way, I'll bag it up and tie it off. We'll start with this little one here."

The plant in question was only a couple of feet high. Makken carefully brushed away the dirt around the plant and Ozzy saw it had one big root like a turnip. Makken pointed to where the greens grew out of the root. "Take ahold of it right there. I'll be doing a mite of my earth magic to loosen the soil and make it slide right out." Ozzy grabbed ahold of the plant with his hands circling the bunch of leaves down low.

Makken's hands glowed a dull brown and the earth seemed to vibrate under Ozzy's boots. When Makken grunted at him, he slowly pulled the plant up. The root was over two feet long and quite thick. Loose soil came with it, but it came out of the ground with very little problem. Makken quickly wrapped it in a sheet of waxed cloth, put a burlap bag around it, and tied it up tight. "One down."

"What happens if the root breaks?" The dwarf was a wee bit nervous for such a simple job and that worried Ozzy.

Makken was laying out bags near the next few plants. "Well, technically speaking, the plants have a defensive magic that only gets activated when they get hurt. If the root gets broken, cut, or mangled then the stored magic turns the root into a fiery poison with a powerful smell. In small doses, it works nicely to add a hot and pungent flavor. But this big, they can kill a whole village if the plant was crushed all at once."

Ozzy looked again at the plant. "Oh, screw me sideways. This is horseradish! Why the hell do you have half an acre of giant horseradish plants?" Ozzy had cut horseradish in real life. The chemicals in the plant cells would mix and release a strong smell or taste when the root was cut with a nice. Grate the stuff, and the fumes were ten times worse than a potent onion. One idiot he'd worked with had filled a blender with fresh horse radish to save time. The resulting fumes had cleared the entire restaurant. He didn't want to find out how much stronger the fumes were on a plant this damned big.

"Not my fault, not my fault at all. Blame my god-cursed cousin Lem. He was experimenting with making the plants bigger and crossing it with Mandrake. Mostly didn't take, but the horseradish got bigger each year. Normal horseradish is a mutant crossbreed and I warned him not to tamper with nature. But Lem is an idiot. I was gone for a couple of years buying some new pepper strains down south. I get back and he's already lost the war to the plants and scampered on home. I've been fighting them ever since. If my magic doesn't get all the root, the things grow back the next season. I've been dealing with the smaller ones on my own, but these I need help with. Luckily, you volunteered."

"Interesting. And what do you do with it?" There were enough roots here to fill wagons. Ozzy had a couple of ideas about how to use some of it.

Makken laughed. "Not a hell of a lot. Keep a couple of crocks for myself. I've got a deep stone pit in my coal mine where I dump the rest and pour powdered lime on it. This stuff is hard to kill. Any small piece of root will grow into a full-sized plant."

The two worked steadily. Makken could only make the earth soft and loose while he concentrated on the spell, keeping the ground almost liquid, but it was long enough for Ozzy to slowly pull the roots out. It got tougher as they moved towards the center. At one point, Ozzy's grip slipped and the root twisted. A small bulb broke off. Makken quickly stepped back yelling "Fire in the hole." A fine mist squirted out of the torn root hitting Ozzy on his left knee. As he backed away, he noticed his left pant leg was smoking and had small holes in it.

Makken tossed a bucket of water on his lower half. "Not a bad one, no worries. The water will disperse it. Cold and wet keeps it from burning through your clothes and skin. That's how I slice a bit off for my cooking. Get it cold first then slice it up while under water. Has a nice burn to it; clears the sinuses. You humans have it easy with your itsy-bitsy noses. We dwarves have rugged warrior noses! Takes a lot to clear out our sinuses."

The pile of bagged horseradish had grown quite large. Ozzy's belly was grumbling. It had been a few hours since lunch. "Getting hungry are we?" Makken chuckled. "Guess we have been working a bit, and you've been pretty good about it. Let's get the big one out of the way and the rest can get wait until after some chow."The big one looked intimidating. "Good thing we are quitting for the day. This will use up the rest of my mana for sure. Give me about half a minute for the spell to work all the way down, then pull it up. It's from last year, and the root will be tougher and harder to break." Makken was taking deep breaths like a runner getting ready for a sprint. Ozzy decided to play it safe and burned a few hundred stamina to take his STR up by 3 points to 13. He spread his legs and took a good grip around the plant.

Makken yelled, "Ok, here we go, give me a bit while I loosen it all up. Feels like it goes a few feet deep." Ozzy felt his feet slip downward in the now soft earth, making his footing treacherous. He started to lift out the plant, glad for the extra STR. The thing was massive! The root was nearly three feet in diameter. Ozzy got it out of the ground three feet when the ground compacted under his feet. The root went up, and he went down. The ground was up to about mid-thigh on him.

Ozzy heaved and the plant came out of the hole by another foot, he slid down deeper into the ground by a foot. And that's when it all went to hell! A jagged crack opened up across the root of the plant horizontally and caustic spray caught Ozzy in the chest and head, running down his body. His protective gear was smoking and he could feel the fumes infiltrating through the holes and burning him.

["I AM ROOT!!!"

Translation: You have disturbed the slumber of The Mighty Root! Woe be to the meat things that interrupt his nap. You will provide sustenance for his rootlets!!]

"Makken! You could have told me the damn things talked.!!"

"Pull it out! We need it out of the hole and get it wrapped! I'm juicing the ground again but that's about all I've got left."

Ozzy shifted his grip down lower and grabbed the tough woody root. It was squirming around and some large bulbs were growing up near the shoulders. He turned his head away from the jagged mouth that kept screaming the same damn thing over and over. Some small chunks broke off, but Ozzy lifted and threw the vegetable thirty feet away from him. Then he quickly crawled out of the hole. A good thing as the ground immediately hardened up.

His clothes were nearly a total loss; from his boots to his head, he was covered in smoking horseradish spittle. He quickly stripped it all off down to his linen underwear. Other than that, he was only wearing Makken's spare goggles which seemed to resist the corrosive spray. Makken tossed a bucket of water on him.

Ozzy looked down at his bare feet and legs. "Dammit Makken, if this didn't sting so much it would be funny. "

Makken laughed and pointed. "Know what else is funny? The fight is just getting started."

["I AM ROOT"

Translation: Root is Unbound! Root challenges the meat things to a fight to the Death!]

The lower part of the plant split into two crude legs. The large bulbs had continued to grow until they were stubby arms. Two cracks like eyes opened, green fire spilling out.

"Would you look at that! You don't see that much in spontaneously sprouted sentient plants. Must be the Mandrake heritage doing that. Most just have a couple of chunks of rock where the eyes should be. Although I had a pepper that grew these funny googly-eyes. I bet that means we are in a world of hurt. Now, my uncle told me a story once...oof!"

Makken's story cut off abruptly as Ozzy tackled him, knocking him several feet to the side and onto the ground. Two beams of verdant lightning that shot from Root's eyes just missed the dwarf. They hit an oak tree and the wood turned black and withered. Ozzy kept rolling and came to his feet. "Story time later. I hope you have some clever plan on how to deal with that thing. About all I can do is hit, and that means getting way too close to those eyes."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Makken nodded as he climbed to his feet. "Sound thinking. Plus, you'd pulp the root and the toxic fumes would play hell with your sinuses. You don't want to cut, mash, pulp, or grate it. Grating would be the worst. Looks like the sucker does need a bit to recharge though."

Root was hopping up and down on his stubby legs and waving his newly grown arms. But he wasn't getting near them, which led Ozzy to think maybe the bush wasn't much in a fight. Eyebeams and toxic defenses were still a potent combo though. Ozzy looked around the small farm. "You don't happen to have a big log lying around, do you?"

Makken scoffed. "Now why would I have a log around? Any fool knows you build out of stone. Especially when growing peppers. Wood outside the house just burns or sort of dissolves. Uh-oh...duck."

Ozzy dropped flat on the ground and avoided the eyebeam. Makken wasn't so lucky. His left arm and hand were hit and started smoking, putting out greenish-white fumes. "Shitshitshit....get a bucket, quick." Ozzy poured water over the arm, careful to hold his breath. The water washed away the fumes, the sleeve and glove of Makken's protective suit, several layers of skin and muscle, and two fingers. The dwarf grimaced in pain and collapsed.

Ozzy scooped up the dwarf and ran in the opposite direction of the maddened vegetable, putting the house between them. There wasn't a lot of room to maneuver. He had pepper plants in one direction and the mill and water wheel in the other.

The dwarf was groggily trying to get into his pouch one-handed. "Reach in and find a grey-white vial and open it for me, would you Ozzy?" Finding and opening the vial, he handed it to the dwarf who poured it down his throat. "Regen potion. Will have me good as new in a day or two and it stops the pain. But hell, I'm not going to be able to move a whole lot. You best toss me inside boy, and run for the hills. I'll have to wait until winter comes and the thing freezes up. I'll lose the crop and have to start over next year. "

Ozzy looked at the dozen remaining large horseradish bushes. "And deal with potentially another dozen of that thing?"

Makken considered that. "Yeah, that's a problem. Maybe we should both run. I can get back to the clan in a couple of months, and come back with an airship and an ice wizard; or maybe a water mage to drown the area."

It was at least easy to know where Root was. Ozzy could hear him shouting his name as he got closer and worked his way around the house. Thank god the vengeful veggie was slow. Grabbing Makken he moved around the next corner. "Can you make it to your house? I can't go further into those peppers. They'll burn me as bad as Root will."

Makken was wobbly on his feet but he stood. "Reckon I can. You take off. If you have to, dive in the stream and stay under as long as you can to get away. Just don't get under the wheel, or it will grind you to pieces. I narrowed the flow right here and the stream moves fast. "

Ozzy looked at the fast-spinning wheel that must power a grist mill or machinery inside the other building. "Sounds like a plan. Get going. I might be back for some peppers later on." Makken moved to the door and squeezed inside. Root was grumbling and about to round the corner. Ozzy grabbed hold of the low eave of the house and pulled himself up onto the roof. The slate roof was slippery but the tough lichen growing in places kept Ozzy from slipping as he crawled up and slid over the ridge. Root came around the corner, upset to not find anyone to blast with his recharged eyebeams. The Butcher was glad that Root was looking up. Lack of a flexible neck made that difficult. For now, was safe and could catch his breath. The pepper fields waved all around him in the slight breeze in shades of green, orange, red, yellow, and white. It frustrated Ozzy that he'd have to wait months to get the peppers for his recipes.

["I AM ROOT"

Translation: Meat things, come out and play-ay! Meat things, come out and play-ay!!]

He let Root wander in a circle looking for him and looked around the farm for any way to trap the thing. He saw the stairs leading down to the mine and remembered Makken saying there was a deep pit down there. He just had to find a way to convince Root to jump into it.

But maybe he could help with that.

Ozzy timed the mobile horseradish as searched for him, and when it was in the right spot, he quickly slid down the other side of the roof, and ran around the side, coming up behind Root. He'd grabbed a big piece of the waxed linen and prayed that would be enough to protect his hands. He hoped to hell the monster used those eyes to see and was blind to his rear. Root kept on tottering along in the same direction. Ozzy charged him, wrapped his arms down low below the mouth, and heaved Root off the ground. It was heavy, but nothing Ozzy couldn't handle.

He started running with his captive, heading for the mine opening, and running along the edge of the stream. Root was objecting to being manhandled in a way that affronted his dignity. The annoyed vegetable let loose with his acid-tinged eyebeams. They couldn't hit Ozzy, but they did hit the ground in front of them, creating a sinkhole that tripped the Butcher, sending both of them into the stream, directly behind the water wheel. Ozzy got a good breath before he went under and made sure his captive was closer to the wheel than he was.

The current was strong and they immediately were moved to the churning wheel. Sadly for Root, it was in the lead. Root wasn't happy about this and let loose with his eyebolts. The water dispersed them, which might have been worse. The water around Ozzy turned to greenish steam, scouring his skin, and destroying his underwear.

[You have been scoured by the WRATH of ROOT!

You take 250 points of damage as corrosive steam takes off several layers of skin.

You will suffer a -1 penalty to your AGI and DEX until healed.]

His goggles were foggy and cracked, but still protecting his eyes. They even helped him see underwater better. Keeping a firm hold on ROOT he fed his bushy part into the area where the metal wheel nearly scraped the bottom of the stream. From here Ozzy could see that the stream's sides and bottom were lined with stone. His bare feet found good purchase on the rocky surface and he fed ROOT into the wheel bit by bit. He didn't know if he could Curse the vegetable but figured it couldn't hurt. Anything to kill this thing quicker.

Within seconds the wheel was scraping away at the monster’s top. Its stubby legs and arms struggled to free itself, but Ozzy had a good hold on it. Bit by bit ROOT was scraped away and the caustic spray that would have done damage washed away down the stream, cleaning all the vegetation from its course as it traveled two miles to the swampy area the stream fed into.

The water around Ozzy boiled again. Root had gotten in one last blast with his eyebeams.

[You have been scoured by the WRATH of ROOT!

You take 200 points of damage as corrosive steam dissolves muscle and skin.

Your DEX and AGI are now reduced by -2 each until you receive healing.]

Ozzy's grip slipped. His shoulder ground against the fast-turning wheel and the water turned red before it was washed away along with a good chunk of his skin. ROOT became jammed under the wheel and was quickly getting ground down to nothing and spit out. Ozzy tried to swim but the current was too strong and he was hampered by his injuries and clumsiness. He tried to grab the wall on the side, but his hands couldn't grip the slippery stone.

Then his foot slipped, and the water forced him into the wheel feet first. The pain was far worse even than being burned alive. Rolly and Ben weren't here this time to keep dousing him with healing potions. He appreciated that the explosion killed him quickly that time. Funny how death by water was worse than death by fire. His feet and then his legs got dragged under the wheel.

[Butcher or Root, the wheel doesn't care and grinds it all.

You have taken 200 damage (reduced slightly by your mitigation). ]

Ozzy would have screamed if he didn't have to keep his mouth shut. The wheel forced him further and then stopped. The water rushed by, but the Butcher was stuck between the wheel and the rocky bottom of the mill race. Grinding down ROOT had robbed the wheel of a lot of its momentum and the force of the water served now to make sure Ozzy stayed where he was. He tried to push up but had no leverage.

[You have taken 125 damage.

You are drowning.]

And then suddenly the water started to drain away. The level of the water went further and further down until Ozzy was lying on the wet rock of the bottom, still stuck beneath the wheel. Looking upstream he could see that a set of metal gates had closed off the flow of water. Makken hopped down into the millrace, one arm in a sling.

"Tarnation! Now how the hell am I getting you out of there without breaking my wheel? You are putting me to quite a bit of trouble, I have to tell you."

If the dwarf had more to say, Ozzy didn't hear it as everything went black.

[Huzzah!! What a Fight! That's certainly putting your nose to the grindstone. Or at least your feet!

You have destroyed ROOT!! a level 6 elite Plant Elemental.

....you aren't listening, are you....sigh...ok, read this when you wake up I guess.]