Ozzy felt rushed as they walked into court and the proceedings immediately started. There was only a slight pause as a pirate jogged into the room with a barrel of beer and two drunk parrots, "Oops, pardon me, your honors, lost track of time. Can't miss the end of the show."

The judges’ eyes looked around the room, but all came to rest on the empty table where Leroy had sat. Mithras glared at Hermes and Hades and in a clear voice called out, "I call Lord Hades, God of Death and Taxation, to give this court an account of the events that occurred between sessions of this court."

Hades stood and walked up next to the empty table and bowed politely to the judges. "Certainly. It was fortuitous that Lord Hermes wished to speak with one of his priestesses, as it put the two of us in a position to observe."

"William Horvacs of the ACME corporation had long been interested in claiming the ancient city of Gadobhra and breaking the seal put upon it by the ancient druid council. He ordered the Contract Workers in his employ to do so. Whether this latest attempt would have worked is extremely doubtful. But in any event, they did not have time to take any actions."

"The Fallen Angel Lemechial rendered most of them unconscious, and threatened the lives of the rest. He took control of the ritual and attempted to use it himself. This went poorly and blew up in his face. The barrier temporarily down, William Horvacs entered Gadobhra. Lemechial was weakened by his ordeal and mostly unable to move. He was taken by surprise as one of the workers, Ozzy by name, picked up a large stone and dropped it on his head. Because of the nature of the stone, and its antipathy to Lemechial, a large release of energy occurred which obliterated the worker, injured Lord Hermes, and destroyed Lemechial’s primordial body."

"Undeterred by the destruction of his body and loss of most of his power, his spirit again threatened to kill the mortals."

"Totally unrelated to all of this, I had just finished an audit of Lemechial’s accounts. The amount he owes in wealth and time is quite large. As an authorized agent for the Infernal Retribution Service, I took it upon myself to place the Fallen's spirit into custody and let him begin serving his penalty time."

"After that, knowing the court's desire for swift justice, I managed to recover the mortal sitting at the other table and fetched him here. Any questions?"

Mithras sat with folded hands; the other judges deferred to him. "And does Lord Hermes agree with this testimony?"

A battered Hermes stood and spoke, "I do. I thank Lord Hades for his brief and accurate summary of events."

Mithras nodded, "With the testimony of two greater gods the court accepts this account of events. Lemechial ignored our ruling to stay in the area and to not threaten the mortal, Ozzy. We find him guilty of those actions and I find the irony of it bringing about his destruction fitting."

Turning to Ozzy's table, he asked a question of the gnome, "Mr. Coppertwist, is your client happy with the outcome of events as far as Lemechial’s incarceration? He will be serving his time for the actions taken against your client and in contempt of this court after he is finished serving a few millennia for tax evasion."

Ozzy's lawyer stood and walked to the front of the table, "He is satisfied that Lemechial will not act against him in retribution for taking him to court. However, he still wants the fulfillment of his contracts as regards his town and charnel pit. My apologies if it offends anyone here, but let’s not lose sight of my client’s original goal in bringing Leroy to court: the restoration of this village where he and other mortals lived and worked."

Mithras looked to the back of the room, "Mr. Impkray, you are acting in place of Mr. Lemechial as the head of your firm?"

Impkray walked to the front of the room. He was wearing a new suit, and the thick glasses had been replaced by a much more stylish pair. There was even a slight swagger in his walk, "Yes, your honor. My contract with Mr. Leroy stated that in the terribly unlikely event of his absence, I would take over as head of the firm and would be able to act upon the stock options issued to me each year for the last 278 years (in lieu of pay). Lord Hades helped me understand some of the technical points, but it seems Mr. Leroy owed his workers quite a bit in back wages and benefits, as well as unpaid taxes."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Once it was all straightened out, I own 73% of the stock, with 27% owned by other members of the staff. Monies on hand went to cover further back wages. Sadly, this leaves Mr. Leroy penniless and owning no part of the business. But that's how he wanted things set up. You can see his signature on all the documents. I happen to have copies here for you to enter into the court records."

Mithras didn't even look at the thick stack of paperwork and instead handed it to a gleeful Anbray, God of Paperwork and Contracts. "All well and good, Mr. Impkray, and congratulations on your promotion. But please tell the court your stance on fulfilling Lemechial’s debts."

The Imp produced another stack of paperwork. He handed copies to Anbray and the gnome. He smiled his best at Ozzy, "My firm wants to be on good standing with everyone. We will happily employ specialists to rebuild the town of Sedgewick to the residents’ satisfaction, and the same with the charnel pit. On the advice of Lord Hades, I ask the court to void the contracts once work is concluded, with no payment needed from Ozzy, or the agents of Light and Dark from whom we purchased his contracts. If any of the three wish to do business in the future, we do so with a clean slate."

The judges looked at each other for a few moments, and then Mithras spoke again, "The court agrees to that. A clean slate means a lesser chance of repeating this interesting affair. I believe that wraps everything up then. Court adjourned." Most of the gods vanished from mortal sight, and the courtroom began to fade away. Impkray walked over to Ozzy and shook his hand and that of Elgebert Coppertwist, "Let me please make it clear that my firm in no way wishes to be at odds with either of you, and hopefully you may each find reason to do business. I also have something that I believe belongs to you, Ozzy. Just tear the claim ticket when you wish to take possession." With that the imp walked away, flanked on either side by smartly dressed hellions in pinstriped dresses.

The last of the courtroom vanished, and Ozzy suddenly put his head down on the table and covered it with his arms, "Oh, bloody hell, someone get me a lot of beer. The strong kind."

Suzette came running up to him, "What's wrong?"

Ozzy groaned, "Death penalty. It got delayed while in court. Now it’s hitting me hard. And I have dozens of flashing blue boxes!"

Rolly was curious about the claim ticket. He took it out of Ozzy’s hand, tried to tear it up, failed, and put it back, "Suck it up. Loot comes first. Use the ticket."

A bleary-eyed Ozzy looked at his friends who were all staring at the ticket, "Sure, can't make my head hurt worse." The ticket took his full strength to tear in half. From nowhere came a large backpack that fell and crushed the table beneath it. Next to Ozzy fell a large flaming sword and a blackened halo wrapped in barbed spikes.

Elgebert Coppertwist stared at each item, his face becoming more and more horrified.

"He was not lying when he said legendary items. The bag isn't so bad - just a Hefty bag of Large Capacity. Those things weigh a ton. But I'm worried about what else is in it.”

“You are also the owner of Lemechial's Blade of the Blackened Star and the Tarnished Halo of 'Begone from our Sight!!'”

The gnomish lawyer cautioned Ozzy, “Please, please think carefully before even touching either of those items.”