While everyone was showing off their new toys, making trades, or cooking slices of ham over an open fire, Zephyr decided that it wouldn't hurt to try out her new staff with a few minor explosion potions. She just needed to get a little bit of distance from her parents first. As she was stepping down from the rubble outside the barracks, she was surprised to see a very large man standing and looking around.
The newcomer was large, bigger than Ozzy by quite a bit. From the bottoms of his size 34 Italian shoes to the top of his stylish pinstriped grey fedora he was just a tad over eight foot tall. His heavy frame filled out pinstriped suit. He turned as she scrabbled down the last bit of rubble and smiled at her.
"Why, hello there, little girl. I'm wondering if you can help me find a friend of mine. I'm told he's moved to this lovely village. He goes by the name of Ozzy."
It wasn't Leroy's appearance that bothered Zephyr. Ozzy had some weird friends, from smoke golems to angels. Some hulking gangster with good fashion sense and a face like a troll didn't even faze her. But she hated being called 'little girl'. Plus, she was in a hurry to try out her new staff. She hurried past him, waving in the general direction of the barracks. "Probably around the barracks somewhere. Sorry, got to go."
As she moved past, Leroy's large hand reached out and grabbed her forearm and pulled her close to him. He smiled and showed off pearly white fangs and a pointed tongue. "I'm sure we can do better than that. I'm in a bit of a hurry. Not that this isn't a charming shit-hole, but I plan to be out of here in about two minutes. So why don't you be a good girl and yell really loud for him."
"Piss off asshole. Let me go." Zephyr was afraid like she had never been before. Something about this guy's voice promised endless pain and suffering. She needed to get away. Her other hand reached for her belt and got the biggest explosive potion that she carried. Over-charging it with mana took just a second as she struggled feebly to pull away from Leroy. He was mildly amused at the attempt and chuckled. At the last second before it exploded, she shoved the potion into Leroy's laughing mouth.
Leroy closed his mouth. There was a low thump as the potion exploded. His eyes leaked flames and smoke blew out of his ragged, pointy ears. His hand didn't let go of her.
"Good try. Remember, I asked nicely the first time. Now I need you to scream for me." His hand tightened and he snapped her arm bones like twigs.
From inside the barracks, Adrianna heard her daughter scream. Zephyr was terrified and hurt, calling for her parents, and for some reason, Ozzy. Thoughts of sewing projects evaporated as she raced up the pile of rubble like a surefooted racing goat and leaped over the top. Aleister was following but at half her speed and everyone else started to move in that direction. Suzette and Ben raced through the small gap that had been dug through the rubble, but it was Arnie who made it there first, wings showing once again their advantages.
Ben and Suzette saw Adrianna face down with Leroy’s foot on her back. Zephyr was kneeling by her mother, cradling an obviously broken arm. Arnie turned to the two startled workers, abject fear on his face. "STOP! Please STOP! Don't attack. He'll kill them! He really will!" Something in the angel’s voice made them believe him. The terrifying figure in front of them was casually lighting a cigar as he watched the crowd of workers and players bunch up outside of the barracks.
Themis took one look at Leroy and cursed, and turned to the crowd of people pouring into the courtyard. "Listen to the angel, dammit, unless you want their deaths on your hands." Aleister was white faced, Rolly had stopped him from rushing to his family's aid, but at Themis's words he quit struggling.
Themis walked up to Leroy, keeping her hands away from her weapons. "I know what you are, Fallen. What do you want with these people."
Leroy glared down at her. "Oh look, one of the so-called Emperor's yappy little dogs. Get the glare off your face, fido, I'm a peaceful businessman going about his lawful duties. These two crazy women both attacked me when all I wanted was directions to one of your dead-beat residents who owes me some money. He held up a set of legal papers. So, I'll ask again. "Does anyone know the where abouts of someone named Ozzy, AKA Oswald, AKA Oz the Magnificent, AKA Teddy. Would he happen to be around by chance?"
Ozzy stepped out of the crowd and stood next to Themis. "If I'm the one you want to talk to, let them go."
"Sure thing pal. I don't care about them. Not one bit. I was here looking for you when for no reason at all, I get attacked by a child, and then her crazy mother. Which should be a good lesson for everyone else here. Stay out of my business and don't get hurt."
Leroy took his foot off of Adrianna and let Zephyr go. Aleister and Ben quickly grabbed them and moved them behind the crowd.
"Well, I'm here. What is it you need with me, Mr. Businessman?" Ozzy could feel the waves of terror coming off of this guy. It was similar to his own aura. But this was sheer terror, and so much stronger. It was having trouble working through Endure 4, but it was getting there.
Leroy smiled. "See? Ozzy here is being polite and not attacking. That means he gets to keep his liver. Just a couple of things Ozzy. I need to collect 7 gold from you for your next year of coverage on your long-term extended warranty. And sad to say, you're a bit past the due date. So, we have a small penalty of 49 gold. That's 56 altogether if you were having trouble with the numbers. Now if you like, we can just roll that into next year’s payment. It will pick up a bit of interest, but that's next year's problem, right? I've got the paperwork right here, just prick a finger and sign and I'll get out of your hair."
Arnie looked even more nervous, if that was possible.
Ozzy actually relaxed. He was back on familiar ground.
"Wow, Mr. Leroy, I have to say this is some special service. I was going to have Arnie send you a message but you came right on down. That warranty was on this town and its buildings. So how about first thing you get to work on having all of this fixed up?" Ozzy gestured at the destroyed buildings and piles of rubble.
Leroy was surprised the human could even talk to him. He should have been so scared that he shit himself while trying to sign the paperwork Leroy was holding out. He looked at Ozzy closely for the first time. Level 7 butcher? Interesting. He could sell a butcher to any number of people for some good money. Still, they guy should be near paralyzed with fear, not negotiating. "Sorry sir. You happen to be late on your payments so of course no services can be forthcoming."
Ozzy shook his head. He knew what was in that contract. So did Arnie, which is partly why he was so nervous.
"I don't think so. I had that part changed. My payment isn't due until one full year after the start of the contract. I've got nearly a year to pay. It's only been a couple of weeks since I signed the contract, you have almost a year to go. But good to know that I should be paying ahead of time."
"Changed? What the hell do you mean? CHANGE? No one changes a contract. Those things are boiler plate!” Leroy looked around for the angel that had sold him this contract. “ARNIE!"
Arnie was sweating badly now. "Yessir?"
"Arnoniel, your client thinks this contract was amended. You didn't let him do that, did you Arnoniel? That's like Rule #1 in this business." Leroy was glaring at Arnie.
"Uh, well, actually sir. They may have changed the business courses a bit since you were starting out. Small changes are allowable now, in some special cases. I felt that Mr. Ozzy was going to be a great client in the future with significant growth potential and would give me access to additional clients through his friends and family."
Steam was coming out of Leroy's ears. "Oh my, Arnoniel. Did you sell me a doctored contract and represent it as a standard contract? With how far back I go with your father? I think you should convince your client of the horrible situation we find ourselves in. Mainly you and him. But we can fix this with a few strokes of the pen and a little blood."
Now Arnie looked confused. "No sir. I didn't. I went over all the changes with your associate, Mr. Impkray. He said it was all fine."
Leroy chewed on his cigar for a bit. "Impy read this contract and Ok'd it? Something isn't right here. I'm going to go sort this shit out with him. See you in a year, Ozzy."
Ozzy took a step forward. "You're forgetting about my town. The contract is legit. You bought it from Arnie, so it's your responsibility. Time to get to work. If you leave without fixing things, you're in breach of the contract."
Leroy's eyes narrowed. For the first time in several hundred years, he bothered to read through a contract. He was horrified! Who the hell had done this to a beautiful contract? It had no teeth at all! It was basically an insurance policy on the town. The idiot paid a pittance in gold and he had to fix things. Oh, sure, there was a one pig-pen deductible, and he could raise the rates by 1 gold a year if they used the policy, but that was reasonable. Leroy didn't do reasonable contracts.
He flipped through it faster and faster seeing a vast lack of legalese that let him off the hook for no reason at all. It didn't even take the guy’s soul! Worst of all, there actually was a breach of contract clause in there. That was going to hurt him badly. He might even have to give up buying and selling souls for a year. But better than fixing the damned town and having people laugh at him!
"Arnoniel, you are in deep shit for this. If I don't catch up with you, your dad will. He’ll strip the skin from your bones with a consecrated willow switch, mark my words little angel." He turned to leave. "I'm declaring this contract null and void. You can take me to court." One lovely thing Leroy did when things went bad with mortals was tie things up. They didn’t have access to the high courts like he did. By the time they worked their way up, they were dead.
As Leroy turned to leave, Ozzy reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Not so fast, asshole." Leroy stopped. He looked at the hand on his shoulder, and patted it gently with his other hand. A tear ran down his cheek. "Oh sunshine, thank you for that. It's the best gift anyone’s given me in ages. That's assault boy, and now I can drag you down to hell and teach you some lessons you'll always remember!"
Leroy grabbed Ozzy by the arm and slammed him into the ground, stunning him, and then dropped a bit of chain on him. Cuffs appeared on his wrists and ankles. connected to a large padlock. "That's to keep you from going anywhere while I talk with an angel about his future. He started walking towards Arnie. The angel was backing away, but under the Fallen Angels gaze he felt heavy and slow, his wings were like weights on his back.
Themis was furious. She hated this town. "Damn it! You had to be stupid about this and argue. That’s a Fallen! One of the first. He has protection from the light, and the dark, and has deals with most of the gods in existence. It's suicide to go up against him and will just get all of you dragged down there along with Ozzy."
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Themis was ranting. But she was also stopping to drink a potion before grasping her new spear in both hands. "The rest of you, RUN!"
Many of the players did just that. The aura of fear rolling off of Leroy made it easy. All but about 20 of the workers ran with them. Ben had run to Ozzy. One look at the hellishly intricate tumblers and magic wards told him they weren't picking the lock. He yelled to Jorges and Jon. "Get Ozzy away from here. Take him over to where Joe can protect him or get him out of these chains." Jon put down his wagon and they tossed Ozzy into it before they took off running for Ozzy's bar-b-que pit and it's attendant smoke golem.
Themis charged Leroy. She used all her momentum and thrust downward with both hands at his left ankle. The spear tip penetrated about two inches and stopped. Leroy yelled in pain. "Shit. Not the ankles. What asshole goes for the ankles" There was a surge of flame that obliterated his fancy shoes and exposing his goat-like hooves. A bit of blood ran down from the slight wound. Leroy tossed Arnie 50 feet from him. Time for him later, the mortals wanted to play.
Themis was backing away, moving right and left to avoid the reaching hands of the Fallen. Leroy just kept coming. "It's funny, mortals always think they have a chance. Comical. You have a better chance beating the tallest mountain you’ve ever seen. The First Host were made from primordial stone and we're harder than those mountains. You aren't going to wear me down with an over-sized knitting needle."
Themis tried again and failed to pierce his hide. "I can still try."
Others made plans and waited their chance. Plants reached up from the ground and tried to grab Leroy’s ankles but withered as they touched him. Ice briefly formed on one arm before melting. An arrow of blazing sunlight hit him in the eye and bounced. Leroy paused to laugh. "Do you not understand? I've made deals with gods, demons, light and dark for centuries. I'm an angel so your little light arrows mean nothing. Likewise, you can't freeze a demon, and nothing that grows naturally will live if it touches me. And even without all of that, you still couldn't take me. But thanks for trying. More souls to claim for your vicious unwarranted attacks against me." He ignored them, limping after Themis
Squirmie started his attack run from high up, coordinating with Rolly who was about to charge. It was perfectly timed. Squirmie’s razor sharp wing cut along Leroy's cheek, leaving a drop of blood. Rolly wasn't so lucky. He slashed at the wound started by Themis but failed to do any damage. A hoof kicked out at him, shattering ribs and sending him flying. He landed next to Squirmie who was nursing a broken wing.
While they hadn't done much damage, they had given Cham an opening. The lumberjack moved up behind the Fallen and swung his ax hard. Leroy saw it coming and didn't care. His attitude changed as the ax bit into his right arm. The ax penetrated halfway and with a loud 'Crack!', Leroy's right forearm cracked off. The Fallen’s scream was of pain and outrage. "HOW!" Cham tried to run away but Leroy's left hand caught him and held him high. Just before his neck was snapped, he smiled and said "not wood!"
Leroy bent and picked up his forearm. The next time Themis tried to attack he threw it at her, cracking her skull, breaking nose, and knocking her out. He attached his arm back where it should go. It was weak, but would do for now. He needed to find that Butcher. This was taking too long. A fight like this was surely going to attract godly attention and possibly lawyers. Some of them could smell a broken contract from the other side of the continent.
His plan was to get Ozzy, drag him to hell, and torture him until he signed some amendments. Then he'd be free and clear. He knew where his chains were and started heading that way. Why could mortals never just roll over and give up? Granted, he liked the play time, but it always put him behind schedule. He rounded a building and two more of the little ants were in his way. One had a whip, and the other a cooking pot.
Leroy sneered. "Is dinner ready honey?"
Makken flung the pot-full of Blast Furnace 7-Pepper Chile directly at Leroy's face. "Sure is dear, have a good mouthful." He’d brought it along to surprise Ozzy and after meeting Joe, the Golem had offered to heat it up for him.
The caustic meal poured down Leroy's face dissolving flesh and clothing. His face looked more like a skull and his horns stuck out from his ruined hat. Makken shook his head. "I'm disappointed, I would have thought Hell was hotter than my cooking. Guess not."
"Run!" Ben yelled. Banter was nice, but dwarves weren't the fastest of runners. Ben's whip tripped Leroy as it wrapped around his ankles. Smoke appeared where Phoenix Fire burnt the flesh of the Fallen. Ben concentrated on striking and running. "I guess you didn't make deals with all of the goddesses after all." Ben managed to dodge several times, but then tripped over some rubble. As Leroy raised a huge hoof to crash down upon him, he took off his hat and blocked with it. The hoof went into the hat and holy fire exploded upwards. Ben added all of his mana to it just pushing it into the hat and hoping something happened. Leroy was knocked backwards, one leg burnt and crippled. Ben crawled after Makken. He was exhausted and had dozens of broken bones. The dwarf saw his plight and grabbed the injured courier, dragging him to safety.
Leroy got up. He was burnt and scarred and worst of all his suit was ruined. He'd have to have one made out of these mortals’ skins. He started to hobble after the Butcher. And rounding a corner, he found him. He was laying in the pit, a woman trying vainly to unlock his chains. Leroy started towards them, jumping down awkwardly. Before he could get to the Butcher an old mortal in overalls stood in his way.
Leroy squinted at him, and smirked. "You don't fool me, Golem, I see your nature."
Joe stood his ground. "And I see yours. Plus, I know your true name, Lemechial. Your one of the big assholes who started this whole mess. But unlike the real bad folks I've worked for, you're just small fry. Look at you, hurt by a mortal like a common Imp. I'm going to tell stories about you for ages Lemy, just so people laugh at you."
"YOU DARE TO USE MY TRUE NAME!" Leroy threw a punch that was intended to kill the smoke golem, totally forgetting its nature. The old man was gone, only thick smoke remaining. Leroy punch through the smoke, and into the brick wall behind where Joe had stood, and two feet further into the hard soil beyond, shattering the wall of the charnel pit. The fire went out, the pit was ruined.
Inside Leroy's thick skull, he got a message that he had broken a contract with a mortal named Ozzy. By breaking the Charnel Pit that the mortal had insured, he had violated several clauses. "Oh, hell and damnation. This is more trouble than a thousand contracts are worth."
"click" The chains binding Ozzy fell away. Suzette helped him up. "Run! And don't get caught. I only had the one key." When her spells had no effect, she had remembered the special key. It had taken a minute to find it in her belongings in the basement of the barracks.
Ozzy and Suzette raced past the ruined tavern. Betty was sitting on a large rock with a vacant look in her eyes. Leroy was hobbling along, using his wings to hop further. He hadn't flown in years and had put on considerable weight.
Somewhere a clock went 'Cuckoo' beneath the rubble of the tavern. A mechanical milkmaid began her attack on a mechanical demon. Betty swung her milk pail in an arc that ended in Leroy's face causing him an amazing amount of pain.
Betty advanced upon him; her eyes glowing. "Didn't think I'd recognize you sneaking back in, did you?" The clock sounded again, and again, the milk pail hit Leroy in the head, dropping him to his knees, stunned.
"I told you what would happen if you ever came back here, but did you listen? Nope." Leroy tried to crawl away, but Betty kept hitting him. Only she wasn't Betty anymore.
Saint Arinna of the Burning Bunions, patron saint of over-worked milk maids everywhere had returned. And just in time! One of the demons she had banished long ago had tried to sneak back into her town. As the clock struck, the outraged Saint hit the demon again. He was flat on the ground now, covering his head with his hands as the bucket went up for another swing.
Suzette was laughing hard. "Oh my, look at Betty go! She's got him down."
Ozzy was worried. "Yeah, but that clock is going to run out, what then?"
Saint Arinna did indeed feel her time on the mortal plane coming to an end. She managed to break off a small chunk of herself and leave it in this brave little mortal who liked to milk cows and bake cookies. She had two more swings coming. She made them count. Leroy hadn’t been in this much pain since…well, since he’d been here centuries ago.
Ozzy ran up, fumbled with something in his pocket and grabbed Betty after her last hit upon the Leroy. She was swaying and about to fall over. Ozzy grabbed her and backed away.
Leroy stood up, in considerable pain. His horns were broken, and he was seeing three of everything. Three Suzettes tossed three bundles of chain at him, and before he understood what was happening, he was bound in mystical hell forged chains.
"You think these will hold me?! You're wrong!" Leroy was cheap. He didn't buy the best chains. He could break these with a bit of effort. It was just hard to muster the effort with his head pounding and some asshole yelling "STUMP!" Leroy saw a small shadow in front of him, it got bigger and bigger until it engulfed him. He heard a loud whistling sound.
"Ker-STUMP"
The large stump pile-drived the enchained Fallen Angel straight into the ground. The stump sent deep roots down to anchor itself. All that could be seen of Leroy was his pained face sticking up from between two of the roots. "I'm not done with you mortal worms. This won't hold me long."
"Long enough." said Ozzy as he stepped forward and raised a fist. He didn't know how long he had, but he was going to enjoy every punch!
A small voice beside him caused him to pause. "Tut. tut my boy, no need for fisticuffs. Now is the time for reason, and rational minds debating the finer points of law."
Leroy said in a demoralized voice. "Lawyers, why does it always have to be Lawyers?"
"Elgebert Coppertwist of the Law Firm Coppertwist, Fellrock, Kindfeld and Bumplasonek. My card, good sir. And please refrain from threatening my client. You are in enough trouble as it is"