The CoolDudeBus charges into battle. Happy emerged from the bus's sky window and began activating his missiles.

"Lock and loaded..." growled Happy, before blasting the Aswangs to oblivion.

"Happy. I suggest you avoid killing them," said Athena. "They're under mind control."

"ROADKILLS MOTHERFUCKER!!! KRRRYYYYYEEEEEAH!!!" growled Happy as he happily fired thru his equipped machine guns at the Aswangs.

"They can regenerate," said Fred. "You ain't doin' any fuckin' damage, ya dumbass mycenean shit-for-brains."

"So, what do you suggest we do!?" asked Happy.

"FLOOR IT!!!" yelled Jedan.

Fred slams his foot on the accelerator and charges into the city. Fred drives around in the terrifying maze of Wallstreet, charging the bus on the sidewalk and crashing into several mailboxes and food carts.

"FRED!!! YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW TO DRIVE!!!" growled Anna.

"Yeah. In a post-apocalyptic world! I don't know the damned rules in your world! "And can you not drive in staircases!?"

"NO!!!" yelled Lord and Jedan.

Athena looks outside. "ASWANG HORDE INCOMING!!!"

"Yeah. We can SEE that..." said Anna, rummaging thru Prometheus' cooking cabinet.

"What are you doing?" asked Gerard.

"Load the spices in Happy's trunk," said Anna, placing several spice bottles in a compartment in Happy's butt.

"FIRE!!!" yelled Anna.

"Get ready for some action. Time for some allergic reactions," sneered Happy as he blasted spices at the Aswangs.

The Aswangs scream in pain as each are shot by the spices.

"MY EYES!!!"

"ALL I SEE IS BURNING AND SUFFERING!!!"

"AAAAH!!! HOLY SALT!!!"

Anna sees that they lose their ability to use Usog at all without their eyes, those blinded by the spices.

"Is... all of Prometheus' spices holy!? How is Miguel able to-?" asked Anna.

"Diwata," said Athena.

"Plus, it only works if it is placed in open-wounds pre-digestion," said Fred.

"Right... KEEP CHARGING!!!" yelled Anna.

A pack of Aswangs began charging beside the bus and began slamming their bodies into its side.

Jedan opens the window and he and Lord begin punching the Aswangs, causing them to crash into the wall and slam into other cars, causing alarms to go off. The cars slam and crash into each other. Jedan growls, seeing some Aswangs flying above the bus so Jedan throws his hands and stretches, grabbing two cars beside him and slamming the cars above the bus and crushing the Aswangs.

"They will proceed to regenerate. I suggest we toss the spices now," said Happy.

"No. That'd kill them. Stay non-lethal," said Anna.

"Fine..." said Happy.

Gerard phases outside and runs at the same speed as the bus, cutting down the Aswangs piece by piece.

Athena helps Anna load the spices. "FIRE!!!"

*BANG!!!*

*poof*

The Aswangs get minor injuries which worsen because of the spices loaded in Happy's bullets. Each bullet fling from Happy's cannons that explode into shrapnel all over the Aswangs' bodies while the spices infect their wounds.

"Okay. Move faster OR WE'RE LITERALLY GONNA DIE!!!" roared Anna.

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"I'm movin' the quickest and the brakes ain't workin', y'see?!!!" yelled Fred.

"BLUD!!!" roared Jedan.

"What?" asked Lord.

Jedan shows Lord his hand and it has glass stabbing all over.

"Oh my shit," said Lord.

"Little help," said Jedan.

"Guys. Miguel is nearby," said Athena.

"Alright. Let's save my boyfriend," said Anna, as they charged forward.

Meanwhile...

The Reaper shivers in pain as the Aswang King lifts him up.

The King throws him upward and slams him into a building.

The other heroes: Dark, Herculea, Captain Maharlica, and Uncle Sam beaten to near death and scattered al over the ground.

"Our political parties... The Treaty of Paris. The Spanish Colonization. Our Caste System. Our enslavement..." The King spits on the Reaper's mask. "And now, a Judge, one of their servants, stand before him, the King Almighty. AND THERE WILL BE A CRY IN ALL OF MA'I, TONDO, AND THE EMPIRE OF THE ASWANGS THAT THE KING HAD SMITTEN DOWN THE AMERICANS AND THE WESTERNERS AND THE SUPERPOWERS!!! Revered as gods once more. OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE SHALL NOW BE TAKEN BACK TO OUR THRONEROOM AS THE RULERS OF HUMANITY!!!"

"Go to Hell," said the Reaper, only for the King to pick him up and beat him down.

"All hail the Philippines. ALL HAIL THE ASWANGS!!!"

"You speak of glory. You speak of power. You're nothing but a joke. A man who thinks he's running the circus. You're not the ringmaster. You're a clown."

"They took their land from us. Our resources. Our POWER..."

"The Aswangs have no right over the Philippine islands. You're speaking of a totalitarian government."

"I'm speaking of correction! I am speaking of freedom! I am speaking of the return to the old ways! Before the Children of Samson smite our kind down!"

"Nationality. Patriotism. Independence. Freedom."

"All taken from us."

"What about the humans who you rule over?"

"They will live freely under our reign. They will receive wealth and power. They will take the resources of the west and build their OWN products. They will serve us to be free. FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! IT'S THE GODDAMNED STANLEY PARABLE OUT HERE!!! IT'S THE GOD PARADOX!!! THE DAMNED UNO REVERSE CARD, BLUD!!!"

"Please stop using Gen Z and Gen Alpha Language. It's disgusting me not because it isn't working but primarily because you're trying and it's somehow working," said the Reaper. "I believe nowadays, the kids call this feeling, 'Cringe'. Yeah. That's it. You're 'cringe'."

"Then... I shall be henceforth titled the Cringe Lord. For I make even gods cringe before me."

The Reaper cringes. "No... That's not what it-..."

"HAIL THE CRINGE LORD!!!"

"HAIL!!! HAIL!!! HAIL!!!" hailed his army.

"Yeah. Yell louder. I don't think CNN heard you loudly enough," mocked the Reaper.

"HAIL SATAAAAAAAAN!!! AND HAIL THE CRINGE LORD MOTHERFUCKERS!!! ALL HAIL ME!!!"

The Reaper points to him. "Yeah! Cringe Lord!"

Prometheus, who is hiding behind some rubble, prepares his sticks and a defensive stance.

"I can sense where you are, Space Wizard."

"Uh... Hi!" smiled Prometheus, popping out of the rubble. "Hello, your lowness."

"Hello, pissant. Have you now admitted defeat and offer your subservience to me?"

"Uh. No. First of all, go fuck yourself."

The King begins growling and ticking his wings.

"Second. Um..." Prometheus takes out his middle finger, kisses it, and flips off the King.

"HOW DARE!!!"

"Third... I want to speak with you. Diplomatically. And all that shit."

"Interesting... I never knew you, of all people, would ever consider diplomacy."

"Yep."

"Do you accept defeat."

"Nope. But I do offer you something..." said Prometheus, offering a handshake.

"What is this?"

"This is known as Aimapoopiefeyz."

"'I'm a poopy face!?'"

"Yes. The legendary partnership of... Ayhaveerek-Tayldisfunkshum!"

"'I have erectile dysfucntion?'"

"Yes. Yes, you do! And indeed... These great... totally real legendary spells can grant you power. Now, repeat after me...

Ayamstewpeed."

"Ah... Thank you for finally accepting how pathetic and useless your race is, Prometheus! 'I am stupid.'"

"'Ayweeshtwohavmaisoldiersbeetmeeyap...'"

"'I wish to have my soldiers beat me up.' Wait..."

The soldiers growl and begin mauling the King.

Prometheus snaps his fingers and takes the other Superheroes to the infirmary in another universe.

He helps the Reaper back up. "You alright, kid?"

"I'm fine, Dad," said the Reaper. "He kinda broke most of my ribs... And my arms... and legs..."

Prometheus blows a bubble that pops on his face, magically healing his entire body.

"Why the hell does the Aswang King not understand any form of modern joke-... Oh. RIght..."

"Yes. Unlike me, he ain't fetch."

"Pro. No one uses 'fetch' anymore."

"Really? Mean girls?"

"Ew. No."

Prometheus grabs the Reaper, carries him, and flies away. "MEAN GIRLS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE IN HISTORY!!! ESPECIALLY THE MUSICAL AND THE MUSICAL REBOOT!!! REEEEEEEEE!!!

The Aswang King roars and blows up several of his soldiers. The Aswang King heals his throat and yells. "STOP ATTACKING YOUR MASTER!!! ATTACK THE TRICKSTERS!!!"

The entire colony chases after the pair.

"No..." said Prometheus, seeing the Aswang King smile and turn left instead. Prometheus begins followng him and sees the CoolDudeBus being chased by the horde. "WHAT ARE THOSE IDIOTS DOING!?!?"

Meanwhile... in the CoolDudeBus...

"WE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT WE'RE DOING AND I'M LOVIN' IT!!!" yelled Anna.

Jedan looks outside. "Um... Prometheus is there... Chasing the King. Haha! He looks maaad... It's like he's screaming swears at us!"

Back to Prometheus...

"I WILL BAMBOO STICK ALL YOUR ASSES... AND YOUR FACES!!! AND YOUR GODDAMNED SCORES!!! AND YOU'RE SO... GROOOOOOUNDEEEEEED!!! AND I WILL FEED YOU AMPALAYA FOR FIVE WEEKS!!! NO!!! SIX WEEKS!!! AND NO VACATION!!! AND-!!!"

Meanwhile... back at the bus...

"HA!!! We are sooo grounded and other additional punishments applicable to us..." laughed Jedan.

"Extremism... Sheesh..." said Lord. "Some people are good apples... Others are just BAD apples."

"Others are pears," said Jedan. "RUBBER RUSH!!!" Jedan throws several punches with his stretchy hand at the Aswang causing him to crash into the ground.

Athena's eyes widen. "Right... Uh... This is gonna be awk-..."

"FAIYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The bus... explodes.