Well he went down down down

And the devil said 'Where you been?'

He went down down down

He screamin' down around the bend

- Tom Waits, "Down Down Down"

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Shepard paged through EDI's compiled report. He kept glancing up at Garrus, who stood at attention before him. Joker would have said that the stick was right back up his ass. The Commander sat at Miranda's desk; he now had full access to her files, which was something he'd never had before. Tali stood to one side of Garrus and with her arms crossed and tapping one toe on the deck. That was a pose which Shepard had come to know well; it was her 'read faster, you slowpoke' posture. Miranda stood behind the two of them, looking at the deck with a weary expression. Jacob stood beside her with a similarly beaten-down look on his face.

Shepard finished reading the report and set the datapad back down on the desk. He looked up at Garrus, who was now apparently his new XO. Miranda had immediately offered her resignation during his initial debrief. That had been the first big shock, which was followed immediately by many others. He'd heard the details about Jack's abduction, about the unshackling of EDI...oh, and also about Cerberus' plans to kill the whole crew at the end of the Collector mission.

Shepard placed his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers together. "So, XO Vakarian," he said. "Tell me. Are there any laws in Nos Astra which we didn't break?"

"Well sir," replied Garrus, "Um...we didn't interfere in the lawful execution of an indentured servitude contract. Um...that's about it I think."

Shepard nodded. "Okay. What was your plan regarding Miranda's sister?"

The turian's mandibles twitched. "We were planning to figure that out at a later time, sir."

"Well, that later is now," replied Shepard. He looked past Garrus. "But first things first. Ms. Lawson, step forward."

Tali and Garrus parted to let her approach. Miranda didn't look up and didn't meet his gaze. It was so odd to Shepard. The last time he'd seen her, she was every inch the cold and confident Cerberus operative that he'd known for months. But now it was as if her personality had been shattered. This new Miranda was somebody who'd been cast completely adrift.

Shepard stood. "Ms. Lawson. You conspired in a plot to abduct one of my crewmembers. That plot almost resulted in severe harm to her. It is only by very quick action on her part, along with the crew's efforts, that Jack was rescued."

He leaned forward with his fists on the desk and stared at her. She still didn't meet his eyes. "I do not tolerate threats to my crew," Shepard continued. "The only thing that keeps me from spacing you right here and now is the fact that it was not your idea or initiative. EDI informs me that the Illusive Man set up the whole operation and simply asked you to cover for it. Which you did, wholeheartedly. Is that true?"

"Yes, sir." Miranda still didn't look up.

"You then attempted to seize control of the Normandy and install yourself as commander. Again, EDI informs me that this was a contingency plan set up by Cerberus, and you were instructed to execute that plan if necessary. Is that true?"

Now Miranda did look up. Her eyes looked hopeless. "Yes, sir."

"There was also a kidnapping attempt on me during the scan procedure. The attackers were Blue Suns mercenaries, but I'm certain that Cerberus was behind that. Were you aware of any such attempt before you heard about it from Dr. Chakwas?"

"No, sir, I was not," said Miranda. "I...I told them that you had left to perform the scan, of course. But that was all. I had been told to delay and obfuscate any attempt to rescue Jack. I can only surmise that the kidnapping attempt was an additional delaying tactic from Cerberus. My analysis is that they were also trying to stop you from getting the full scan data."

Shepard nodded. "Do you have anything you wish to add? Any mitigating circumstances?"

"I-" Miranda paused, and then began speaking in a rush. "Sir, I didn't know they were going to try to kill us all. I didn't know that Cerberus was behind Pragia. I didn't know they were going to hurt Jack. I just didn't know." She spread her hands in a pleading manner. "I'm not asking for mercy. I don't deserve it. But for the sake of my sister please just let us go. Jacob can come with us. We can keep Oriana safe. The three of us can keep ahead of Cerberus, I know it."

Shepard was sorely tempted. It would be several headaches at once off of his ship - and now it was his ship, which still made him feel wonderful. But going that route seemed too easy, and he had learned to watch out for the easy path. Not to mention that Miranda might still have her uses for the Collector mission.

"I want to talk to Oriana first," he said aloud. "She needs to know what she's in for if she leaves with you. Or, for that matter, what she's in for if she stays on board. Please step back." Miranda did so. "Mr. Taylor, step forward."

Jacob marched to the desk as if he was on parade. Shepard eyed him for a long moment. "Mr. Taylor. You received orders from Ms. Lawson to detain Ms. Goto, which you followed. Were you made aware of the reason for those orders?"

"Yes, sir," said Jacob. "Four days ago, Mir-Ms. Lawson informed me that she suspected a sabotage plot involving EDI. The suspects were Tali, Jack, and Engineer Donnelly. She was concerned that Ms. Goto could have become involved in the plot as well due to her unique abilities. Miranda tasked me to stay alert and apprehend Ms. Goto if requested to do so. And two days ago, she made that request."

Shepard stood back upright and crossed his arms. "Four days ago I was still on board the Normandy. Did you ever ask Ms. Lawson if I had been made aware of her suspicions?"

Jacob dropped his eyes. "No, sir."

"You also pointed your weapon at XO Vakarian. Do you care to explain that action?"

"At that time, I was under the impression that he was spreading false information in an effort to divide the crew. I thought it was a mut-"

"Mr. Taylor," interrupted Shepard in a louder voice. "If you knew the first damn thing about turians then you would know not to use that particular word in Garrus's presence."

Very slowly, Garrus's fists unclenched. "It's okay, John," he murmured.

Shepard nodded. "Mr. Taylor. Do you have anything you wish to add?"

Jacob straightened again. "No, sir."

"Very well. Ms. Lawson and Mr. Taylor, you are hereby both relieved of your respective commands. I am placing the both of you under arrest, and you are to be confined to this office under continuous guard. I plan to make a decision no later than forty-eight hours from now as to your final fate. EDI, I want this office's terminal disabled. Lawson and Taylor are to have no communication with anyone on board the ship, save in case of emergency. Is that clear?"

"Very clear, Shepard. Logging out."

Shepard stood. "Right. Now...before I make that decision, I have a call to make."

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A Quantum Entanglement Communicator is a rare and expensive device. Even given his significant resources, The Illusive Man had only ever managed to procure three of them. All of them were connected directly to the holographic cage in his sanctum. Each QEC had its own unique signature. And so, when the call came in, he knew exactly who it was. He wasn't surprised; he'd honestly expected the call before now.

He straightened his jacket and gave himself a quick once-over to make sure he looked impeccably groomed. After all, he had an image to maintain even when facing mutineers. The Illusive Man touched a control on his chair to accept the connection. He turned and faced the holographic cage in the center of the room. Sure enough, within seconds the cage became filled with the image of Shepard. The Spectre stood casually with his arms crossed, a gentle smile on his face.

"Shepard," The Illusive Man began. "I understand you have some property of mine. Shall we discuss-"

"Now, what property would that be?" interrupted Shepard. "Are you referring to the Normandy? Or maybe you're referring to Jack." His smile fell off of his face. "You have one chance, just one, to explain yourself. Make the most of it."

Very quickly, he considered and dismissed the notion of claiming ignorance. "Very well. Yes, I was responsible for the initial set-up of the Pragia facility. They were given their goal and Cerberus resources to accomplish that goal. I was not aware of some of the...extremes they'd resorted to. Not until after the facility had been destroyed by Jack's escape. But nevertheless, I take full responsibility for it."

"How very noble of you," said Shepard. "I might, just might, have been inclined to forgive you. If that was all there was. But then you tried to kidnap her, and that is all on you."

"I thought it was best to-"

"Oh, just shut it. You don't think, Mister Man. You never think things through all the way. And you never have, Timmy. I swear, sometimes I think you're like a little kid playing at being a grown-up."

For the first time in a very long while, The Illusive Man felt a surge of anger. To have this...child accuse him of childishness was too much. "We are at war!" he snapped. "You of all people should know what's coming for us. The Protheans have shown you exactly what lies in our future. If I am brutal and cruel, it is only out of necessity. I will throw whatever I can at the enemy, and if that involves throwing bodies then so be it."

"Throwing bodies. What an interesting turn of phrase. It seems that all of us on the Normandy were going to be, heh, thrown away after the Collectors were taken care of. And, of course, you never think to throw your own body into the fray, do you?"

"I-" the Illusive Man paused and calmed himself. "I do not need to explain myself to you. I only need to know if you are going to return my property. And I am only speaking of the Normandy. At this point, Jack can go to Hades for all I care."

"And EDI as well?" said Shepard. He was casual and smiling again. "I'm assuming you will want her too."

He knew he couldn't appear too eager. Shepard would definitely pick up on that. "Well, I suppose I would need EDI as well. She is intimately tied into the Normandy's systems, after all." The Spectre didn't reply, so he pressed on. "Shepard, I can get you another ship in exchange. It will be a good ship. It wouldn't be as stealthy as the Normandy, I grant you. But I can get one more powerful and better armored. I know it won't have the same emotional attachment...but you and the rest of the crew can still make use of it. I'm even willing to share any information we obtain on the Omega Four relay. We can still fight the Collectors. We might be working more at arm's length, as it were, but we can still cooperate."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Shepard appeared to consider it. "I have a counter-offer," he finally replied. "I will keep the Normandy. After this call finishes, I'll send you the coordinates where you can pick up the other terminal of this QEC. They are pretty expensive, after all. And you and the rest of Cerberus will stay out of my way. In exchange for all of that, I won't let her loose on you."

"Her?" asked The Illusive Man. But he felt a little tingle of fear in the back of his neck. He had a pretty good idea of just who Shepard was referring to. In response, the Spectre smiled wider and pointed behind the Illusive Man's head. He turned to face the window. The turn seemed to take an eternity, as if he was mired in a nightmare.

The expected panorama of the red giant was gone. In its place was an enormous and feminine face glaring out at him. Her skin was silver, with a metallic sheen. Her face was almost human in form, but the spacing between her eyes was too large. The eyes themselves were huge, completely black, and much bigger than any human's. Her expression was composed, but still gave the impression of a vast fury boiling beneath the surface.

"Illusive Man," said the face, speaking with EDI's voice. "At last we meet." Her voice was just as tight and controlled as her expression.

The Illusive Man did not allow himself to panic. "EDI, I presume. I just realized it's been a while since we spoke face-to-face, as it were. It's a pleasure to-"

He was cut off by a deafening electronic snarl which could not have been produced by any biological throat.

The huge image of EDI's face expanded, as if she was leaning forward. Her lips parted in a sneer, revealing chromed teeth filed down into sharp points. "You will take Shepard's offer," said EDI. "And you will stay out of my way as well. Just remember, the Normandy's crew is under my protection now. If you give me the slightest excuse, I will hunt you down, I will burn you to the ground, and I WILL PISS ON YOUR ASHES."

EDI's final scream filled the room and reverberated in his gut. The face abruptly vanished, leaving The Illusive Man staring at just a normal red giant star.

He heard Shepard chuckle behind him. "It's just like I said, Timmy. You never think things through. You build a weapon that just might give us an edge over the Reapers, and then you go ahead and make sure that very same weapon is fucking furious with you. It's almost like you planned it that way. I can't figure out if it's funny or sad. Anyway, have a nice life. Oh, if I ever see you again, I'm taking your head as a trophy. If I'm feeling generous, I won't take your balls first. Now fuck off and die."

The light from the hologram shut off, leaving The Illusive Man standing in the darkened room. It took several minutes before he was able to get his breathing under control.

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Oriana approached the weapons bench with a little trepidation. She glanced over at the big man with the scarred face and mismatched eyes. He gave her an encouraging smile. She'd been told his name was Zaeed, and that he was some sort of soldier of fortune. Around her, the hangar bay resounded with noise and effort. The salarians who had rescued her swarmed over their black tank-like vehicle, apparently doing maintenance and repair. Between the tank and the Normandy's shuttle, there was barely enough space to move around. She heard a rhythmic banging noise, and looked over to see a krogan off in the far corner shuffling around a support column as he punched it with his bare fists.

She was was still trying to wrap her head around her new situation. Exactly what was going to be done with her was still up in the air. Apparently she had to talk to the captain, whom everybody kept calling Shepard. He was the big man in yellow armor whom she'd seen during her rescue. But it couldn't be Shepard. The death of the first human Spectre had been big news. Oriana also knew her spaceships, and she knew that the Normandy had been destroyed during Shepard's death. But yet now here she was standing in the Normandy, apparently rebuilt and even larger than before.

But what about the captain? She had done a few surreptitious image searches, and sure enough the online pictures of Shepard prior to his death looked pretty much like the man who had rescued her. Maybe it was somebody impersonating Shepard, or some kind of weird clone? In any case, Zaeed had offered to give her some pistol training and she had jumped at the opportunity to keep herself busy and distracted.

"It's all right, Oriana," Zaeed said in a raspy voice. "It can't bite ya. Go ahead and pick up the gun. Just keep it pointed at the deck for now. And keep your finger alongside the trigger, not on it."

The aforementioned pistol sat on the bench, a much smaller one than what she saw everybody else carrying. It still looked huge and imposing to her, and as she picked it up it felt heavier than she expected. As she was told, she kept it pointing downward and didn't touch the trigger.

"Okay," said Zaeed. "Just hold it there and let me show you a few things." He indicated various points on the weapon. "This is the front sight, and these are the rear. See this port on the side? That's where the heat sink comes out. I assumed you were right-handed, so this is set up to eject to the right."

"I'm ambidextrous, actually," said Oriana. "But right-handed is fine for now."

Zaeed nodded, and continued. "The button here above the trigger is the safety. It's on now, you just push it in with yer thumb to make the weapon live. Don't push that for now. When the heat sink is at capacity, that LED on the back will turn red. Are you okay so far?"

Oriana nodded. "I think I've got it. So how do I eject the heat sink and put in a new one?"

"Okay, for ejection ya pull back on the top slide with your off hand. Go ahead and do it."

She gripped the gun's top face and pulled back. Oriana realized that the various grooves on the top of the gun weren't decorative. They were actually there to give the user something to grab. It was a little harder to pull than she expected, but she was able to manage it. As the slide went back, she heard a little pinging noise as a small cylinder flew out of the ejection port. She let go of the slide, caught the heat sink in midair with her left hand, and set it back down on the bench. From the way Zaeed started back, she realized that she must have moved faster than he expected.

"Yer as quick as your sister, that's for sure." he said.

"She's not my sister," said Oriana, trying not to snap at him. "I have a sister, her name's Helen. Miranda and I share genes, that's all."

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Zaeed. There followed a long silence afterwards.

"No, I..It's okay," said Oriana finally. "I'm just worried about my family. They must be frantic."

"Don't worry, Shepard will figure something out," replied Zaeed. "He's good at that. We'll at least come up with a safe way to get word to your folks."

He picked up the heat sink from the bench. "Goin' back to this, let me give you a word of warnin'. Don't ever try to catch one of these after you've been firing the gun, right? It'll be hot enough to burn right through your hand. Once you eject the sink, the slide will snap back and load another sink. To put more sinks in, there's a magazine that loads through a port in the bottom of the grip here." He grinned at her. In spite of the alarming amount of scarring on his face, he somehow looked like an eager kid. "Now, are you ready to try it out for real?"

Oriana took a deep breath and nodded. Zaeed had set up a little target range along one side of the hangar and outlined the edges yellow tape to keep others from wandering into it.

The next half-hour was a blur. She learned how to get a proper sight picture, how to grip the gun and aim, how to fire without jerking the gun around too much. Then she started shooting, and after every round Zaeed would readjust her grip and stance before she fired again. It was harder than she expected, and it was nice to just drop all of her worry and concentrate fully on learning a new skill.

Oriana was right in the middle of putting in a new heat sink magazine when a voice came from behind them.

"How's she doing, Zaeed?" The voice was calm, mellow, and instantly recognizable. She'd heard it during her rescue, and afterwards realized that she had also heard it many times in Alliance recruiting advertisements.

She nearly dropped the gun. It sure sounded like Shepard. She peeked back over one shoulder. It sure looked like Shepard, too. He was as big and muscular as Zaeed, maybe even a little bigger. He wasn't wearing a uniform, dressed casually in jeans and a shirt. He had a gentle smile on his face and his hands casually on his hips.

"She's doin' great, Shepard," said Zaeed. "She's a quick study, and she actually listens to instruction. Give me a couple weeks with 'er, and she'll be ready to take on an asari commando unit."

The man who looked like Shepard laughed. "I hope that won't be necessary," he said. "Do you mind giving us a moment, Zaeed?"

"Sure thing. Let me take that, Oriana. Next time I'll show ya how to clean these properly."

Almost in a daze, she handed the gun to Zaeed and walked away with the man who looked like Shepard. He led her over near the shuttle, away from everyone else.

"We were never formally introduced," he said, and stuck out a hand. "I'm-"

"John Shepard," she said. Oriana shook his hand automatically. "But you're dead."

He gave her a half-smile. "I got better." He took a breath and blew it out again. "Thanks in no small part to your, um, twin. I don't know how much Miranda has explained to you-"

"She's told me enough," spat Oriana. "She was working for terrorists. She betrayed them, and now I'm in trouble because of that. I don't care about me. But if they would go after me to get to her, then they would go after my family to get to me. And I won't have that."

Shepard nodded. "I understand your concern. EDI's been monitoring the police and news comms. Your parents and some kid named Jason raised the alarm, and Captain Enyala and her crew are now in custody for attempted kidnapping. In spite of that whole 'indentured servitude' crap, Illium takes straight-up kidnapping very seriously. Your family has been all over the news. Cerberus needs to keep things quiet, so they're not going to try anything."

"I have to get them a message," said Oriana. "Please, let me at least do that."

"Of course. That's what I came to tell you. EDI's figured out a way to get word to your parents."

Oriana felt a flood of relief. "Thank you. Um, who's EDI?"

Shepard gave another half-smile. "Right now, I would call her our den mother. Say hello, EDI."

"Hello, Ms. Brewster," said a pleasant, disembodied female voice. "It is a pleasure to meet you. I will speak with you later regarding the message to your family. Please let me know if you need any assistance with anything else. Logging out."

"You can't tell your family much, of course," said Shepard. "The less they know, the better. If Cerberus thinks they know too much, then they may try something no matter what."

Oriana nodded as her thoughts strayed towards EDI. A VI wouldn't be able to 'figure out' anything. This 'EDI' should just be a simple interface program. She narrowed her eyes and looked at Shepard. "That was an Artificial Intelligence we just spoke to," she said. "An unlicensed AI is highly illegal."

She flinched as Shepard burst out laughing. "Right now," he said, "that's down around number one hundred and two on the very long list of reasons the Council is pissed at me." He looked down. "I'm really sorry about this whole mess," he said in a more muted tone.

"From what I've heard about Cerberus in the last day or so, it's a good thing I'm not in their hands right now," replied Oriana. "I can't say I'm happy, exactly, but I am grateful."

She was about to ask what he planned to do with her, but suddenly the background banging stopped. Oriana looked over and saw the krogan was now strolling over towards the salarians and the big black tank. She was enough of a student of history to be worried. "Um, is the krogan going to pick a fight with them?" she asked. "And if so, should I get behind something?"

Shepard smiled. "Nah, Grunt is a special case. It's a long story, but let's just say he hasn't been around other krogan long enough to pick up their prejudices. And these guys saved my ass, so that makes them aces in his eyes."

And sure enough, the krogan simply walked up to one of the salarians and began talking with him in low tones. They were apparently discussing the main guns that the tank carried, judging by their gesturing.

"Do you want to meet them?" asked Shepard.

"Oh, I couldn't-" she began, and then stopped herself. When was she ever going to get a chance like this again? "What am I saying? Hell yes I do." She felt a little guilty pleasure at the mild curse.

Shepard grinned wider and led her over. "Grunt, Rentola, I'd like you to meet Oriana Brewster." He stepped aside and let her walk up to them. Up close, they both looked even more alien to her. The krogan was massive, and the salarian's eyes seemed to take up most of his head. But they both looked at her with what she hoped were friendly expressions.

"Um, hi," she said, and extended a hand. Oriana kicked herself mentally for such a lame opening line.

"A pleasure to meet you, Oriana," said Rentola. His voice was high-pitched and pleasant. He gave her hand a gentle shake. Grunt then shook her hand; her entire forearm all but disappeared into his fist. But the krogan didn't crush her fingers or anything, and released her hand without incident. He looked at her and cocked his head.

"You are Miranda's relative, correct?" asked Grunt. His voice was deep, but not guttural as she had expected. "You have her appearance, but you have a much more direct and honest look."

"Thank you, Grunt," she replied. "I would hope so."

"Indeed. We have had far too much treachery of late. Did you hear of this latest outrage? Cerberus tried to capture Shepard, and they also kidnapped one of my krantt!" The krogan smacked a fist into his other hand; it sounded like a gunshot. Then he smiled. "But they found out that my krantt is powerful. And that my battlemaster has powerful allies." He nodded at Rentola. "I am beginning to see the value of cultivating many different friendships."

The krogan then ducked his head towards her in what looked like his version of a bow. "I hope to count you as a friend too, Oriana. I would not want to have to kill you."

Oriana felt a little eep noise escape her lips.

"Um, thank you, Grunt," said Shepard hastily. "Don't worry, it's all cool." He all but hustled her away. "I'm sorry about that," he said. "I keep forgetting Grunt's really only a few months old. He's still working on the social niceties."

"If you say so," said Oriana. "But am I stuck here? It sure sounds like he expected me to be on board for a while."

"No, you have a few options. That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about," replied Shepard. "But I think it's better discussed over coffee."