Kelly Chambers was sure she was going to explode. It was almost too much to ask her to just wait for the door to open. It would soon open to freedom, almost three weeks of glorious freedom. A good portion of the crew was crammed into the neck of the Normandy just aft of the main airlock. They lined both sides of the center aisle. Kelly found it visually overwhelming to look around at everyone. The crew had been wearing the same uniforms for so long, and now everyone looked so different. All were clad in their own idea of 'proper' shore leave attire. And it was odd how she almost couldn't recognize anybody at first glance, now that they were all wearing different clothes.

Garrus hadn't shown up yet. Kelly could see people craning their necks back towards the CIC, hoping to catch a glimpse of the turian. She could swear that even Jack, standing in front of her, had snuck a a peek or two aft.

"So what do you want to do first, Jack?" asked Kelly. Jack gave her a sideways glance but said nothing. Kelly considered that good progress. A couple of months before, Jack would have either threatened violence or just cursed at her. Jack was wearing some kind of leather vest, and what looked to be clean leather pants. It wasn't subtle, by any means, but it was actual clothing when compared with what she'd been wearing when she first came on the ship. Why the biotic had been paired with her for the first day of leave, Kelly couldn't say. But she sensed Shepard's sometimes perverse sense of humor at work.

Tali stood behind Kelly and bounced a little with excitement. Apparently she and Donnelly had drawn straws to see who got to go ashore the first day and who had to stay on board and help set up the contractors doing the refit. Kelly felt a little sorry for Marcus, but figured he was going to be happy enough what with finally getting all of their planned modifications started.

Across the aisle, Kasumi and Dr. Chakwas stood chatting about previous times they'd been to Illium. Chakwas happened to be facing aft, and Kelly saw the change in the doctor's face just after she heard the elevator doors cycle. From the look of surprise, Kelly figured that Garrus had just made his grand entrance. There was a general chorus of whistling and wolf calls. Kelly didn't turn her head, though. Let the turian come to her, she thought smugly.

"Laaaaadies," purred Garrus as he strolled by. Kelly had to admit he did cut a very dashing figure. He was wearing dark blue trousers that were clearly tailored for him. His shirt was some sort of reddish-orange color that contrasted nicely with the pale blue-white of his crest and armor plating. The shirt also had an subtle zigzag pattern in it that Kelly realized was evocative of the scarring on his face. It actually made his injuries fit into the overall look, as if his scars were supposed to have been there all along. He had also reapplied his tribal face paint, and its darker blue matched the color of his trousers. Kelly noted that he still had on his trademark monocular visor, though. Some things never changed.

Kelly saw Kasumi wink at Garrus as he went by, and she was pretty sure she saw Garrus wink back. She hoped she had really seen it; they did make a really cute couple. The turian reached the front of the aisle and turned to face the crew. There were still quite a few whistles of appreciation, and he spread his hands in a welcoming gesture.

"Thank you, thank you," he said. "You're too kind. This show is entirely supported by voluntary contributions. So if you want more, please give generously..."

There was a general round of catcalls at that.

"'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man!" warbled Shepard as he also strolled up the aisle. He stopped in front of Garrus. "Looking good, bird-brain."

"Feeling even better, monkey-boy," replied Garrus. He looked his Commander up and down with a sigh. "You are wearing it again. After I told you not to."

"What?" said Shepard. He spread his arms in protest and looked down. "C'mon, this is a classic look."

"Jeans and a black tee shirt is not a 'look', John. It's more like giving up."

"Hey, this shirt is great. It fits me well. I gotta show off the bod, you know?" Shepard flexed one bicep. Kelly thought she heard Tali make a little noise which sounded like hurk.

"Bod or no, you are going shopping," said Garrus, and folded his arms.

Shepard laughed. "Fine. You can spend your first day of shore leave hauling a monkey-boy around the Nos Astra garment district, if it makes you happy." He turned to the rest of the assembled crew. "Okay, people, listen up," he said. Now his Command Voice was in full force. "I want you to have fun and blow off steam, but do it safely. Nos Astra is deceptive. Omega is dangerous, but you know it after two steps out of the airlock. This place looks more civilized, and in many ways it is, but you can get into serious trouble here. Even more serious than on Omega.

"So have fun, but be careful. We're going to be on the buddy system. Nobody is to leave the Normandy without backup. Does everybody have their buddy? Grab your buddy's hand and raise it."

There was a forest of raised and interlocked hands. Kelly grinned as she held both her hands up. One held Jack's slim hand and the other held Tali's bigger and three-fingered mitt. Somehow there was a odd number of crew heading out, and she'd wound up with two buddies instead of one. That made the whole thing even more awesome. She saw Jack roll her eyes at her enthusiasm, but right now she didn't care.

"Okay, then," said Shepard. "Shore leave is now officially on." The airlock opened with a hiss and there was a polite stampede.

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"Right, ladies," said Kelly, "what's on your agenda?"

It was a lovely day, and they were the middle of a broad, tiered plaza. It was all white concrete with dark red tiles placed here and there in some sort of abstract pattern. Around them soared several huge skyscrapers, pointing into the blue sky like steel fingers.

Jack crossed her arms and looked at a loss. "Ummm...well, normally I'd start looking around for some kind of score. This place definitely has money lying around. But that's not gonna happen. Mr. Boy Scout would be really pissed at me. I guess we could go for a drink? It is kinda early. Shit. Am I getting old?"

"I guess we could go...shopping?" said Tali uncertainly.

Kelly gave them both a big smile. "I know, it's strange isn't it? We've all been living very scheduled lives for the last few months. And now that we've gotten some freedom, we don't know what to do with it. Don't worry, I've seen this all before."

"Okay, Miss Perky, what do you suggest?" said Jack.

She placed a hand on each of their shoulders. "To break the ice, we are going to find the most stupid, bourgeois, tourist-trap thing around and go do that. Then we'll go for a nice long lunch, and then I'm taking you two out for drinks and dancing."

"I don't dance," said Jack.

"We'll see. Now let me check..." Kelly opened her omni-tool and paged through a few nearby attractions. "With this many skyscrapers around, there must be an overpriced observation deck somewhere nearby...ah! Perfect!"

She grabbed their hands. "Come on, you two. We have to go support the local economy." She heard a little protest scoff from Jack, but Tali allowed herself to be towed along without complaint.

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Shepard held up a tie. "This one?" He hoped it met with approval. He liked the design.

"Mmm, not bad," said Garrus. "This one is better. It has a similar pattern, and there's this color band in it that matches the shirt."

The Commander looked over what they'd picked out so far. It covered most of a table. An asari clerk hovered nearby with a gentle smile on her face. Shepard almost expected to see her eyes turn into dollar signs like in the old cartoons. "This is a lot of stuff," he said. "That should do it, right?"

Garrus cocked his head. "Sure, if you only want three different outfits. If you mix and match some of this, you could probably get a few more options out of it."

"Garrus, I don't know where I'm going to put all of this, let alone anything else."

The turian gave him an amused glance. "You have that lovely big cabin, with all that lovely closet space. You'd better use it, or I'm going to move my stuff in there instead."

Shepard waved a hand. "You're welcome to it. I grew up on starships, you know. We had it drummed into us to save space and save weight. I'm used to traveling light." He looked over the table and mentally tallied up the prices. "Besides, it seems like a lot to spend."

Garrus rested a hand on his shoulder. "John, you don't spend your money on anything. It's an indulgence, yes, but you should indulge yourself once in a while."

The turian left his hand on Shepard's shoulder. Shepard froze. One of Garrus's talons tapped very lightly on his shoulder, in a particular rhythm. It was Morse Code. Shepard realized that it was probably the only way he could be talked to without Cerberus listening in. They might be monitoring his eyes and ears, but probably not his skin. He looked down and appeared to ponder while he mentally processed the message from Garrus.

C AND M SETTING UP ILLIUM CLINIC SCAN STOP USING NON CERB EQUIP STOP TAP TWICE IF UNDERSTAND STOP

Shepard nodded, and tapped twice on the table as if he'd made up his mind. "Yes, let's look for more." The asari clerk's gentle smile got wider. As they moved around the store, they took the opportunity to drum out messages to each other on various surfaces. Out of sight of Shepard's eyes, of course. As the messages went back and forth, he felt as if a great weight was being lifted off of his chest.

WHEN STOP

TWO WEEKS STOP WILL GIVE DATE SOON STOP

HOW LONG TO SCAN STOP

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

MAYBE TWO DAYS STOP THREE IF NEED SURGERY STOP

WOULD C DO SURGERY STOP

YES STOP

Shepard nodded, both at the last message and at the final outfit they'd pieced together. "Good. Let's get it all," he said to the clerk. Just as the happy asari had finished ringing him up, his omni-tool pinged. Shepard sighed. "Can't even go three hours without an emergency, I guess." He opened his comm.

"Shepard?" said Donnelly's voice. "Sorry, Commander, but one of the contractors is insisting on a counter signature. Miranda already signed the work order, but he wants the captain's okay as well."

"Okay," said Shepard. "I'll be right there." He hefted the bags filled with his new purchases. "Thanks, Garrus."

"My pleasure. Just promise me you'll actually wear them, John."

"Of course. Hey, you don't have to come back with me, you know. You didn't get any time in for yourself."

Garrus shrugged. "I don't mind. Besides, what about the buddy system?"

"I'm the captain, and I am therefore giving us both special dispensation. Just stay here, and I'll send someone else. Mordin hasn't left yet. I'll go chisel him out of the lab and boot him out the airlock. The guy needs some fresh air."

"So I just shop here and wait for Mordin? Fine by me. I hope he gets here okay."

Shepard chuckled. "It's only five kilometers between here and the ship. How much trouble could he get into?"

They looked at each other in silence for a moment.

"I did not just say that," said Shepard.

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"This stuff isn't half bad," said Jack. And it wasn't. It might be a little fruity for her tastes, but the asari liquor she and Kelly were drinking definitely had a kick to it. Kelly nodded, and looked over at Tali who was drinking some sort of turian whiskey. It was a little funny to see Tali with a straw stuck into the front of her helmet. The quarian was nodding along to the beat that thrummed through the bar. There was a dance floor off to one side which was currently unoccupied.

"I told ya you'd like it," said Kelly. "I've had some asari friends before, they got me hooked on delrach brandy."

Jack couldn't resist asking. "So were they friends, or friends?"

"Yes." Kelly's green eyes sparkled. "Come on, you're telling me you never got in on that kinda action?"

Jack shook her head. Asari were uniformly beautiful, for sure, and her own sexuality swung that way now and then. But the whole mind-reading, 'embrace eternity' thing didn't sit right with her. Jack knew her head was a mess of snakes. But damn it, it was her mess of snakes and she didn't want anyone else poking around in it.

"Too close for comfort," is what she said aloud. Kelly nodded in understanding, and didn't pry further. Jack was actually glad she hadn't squished Kelly when they'd first met. The redhead sometimes knew when to just shut up.

Tali finished her drink. "Reload!" she called.

"Slow down there, girl," said Kelly. "You're one ahead of us already."

"No problem," said Tali. The little quaver in her voice might have been a little more prominent, or maybe that was Jack's imagination. "I'll get the next round, you can't pay for it all."

"I can and I will," said Kelly. "This counts as psychiatric services. I'll bill our employer for it."

"Nah, I insist," said the quarian. She uncoupled the straw and wandered off towards the bar. Jack caught Kelly giving an appreciative glance at Tali's backside as she walked away.

"Damn, girl," said Jack. "You really do go for just about everyone, don't you?"

Kelly smiled, her cheeks dimpling. "There's a lot of beauty in the universe. It's a shame not to appreciate it."

"So tell me, is there anyone on the ship you wouldn't have?"

Kelly tilted her head. "You promise you won't get mad if I tell you?"

"Ah," said Jack. "I see. You're going to say me."

"Actually, I was going to say both you and Shepard." Kelly held up a hand at Jack's look of surprise. "I find you both attractive," she continued. "You're just...well, neither of you are into casual sex."

Jack was completely at sea on hearing that. "Okay," she said, "I can see how you would think that about Mr. Boy Scout. Shit, that's why I never went for him. But me? I fuck around all the time. You know that."

"But see, you...crap, I don't think we should get into this here and now. This is better discussed one-on-one."

Jack gave her a narrow look and pointed her finger. "You started this, Oh Perky One. Finish that thought."

Kelly tapped her fingers on the table. "Most people, if they engage in casual sex, just want to have fun, or blow off steam, or whatever you want to call it. Love may or may not be involved, but there is joy in it. You...don't really like casual sex. You think you do, but you don't. You use it more like a weapon."

Jack started to get pissed. She kept telling herself that Shepard wouldn't like it if she bounced the perky twit around the bar. She also reminded herself of Kelly's little speech just after Jack had been to Pragia. That had been a big help.

"Fine, go ahead if you want to think that," said Jack.

Kelly placed her hand on Jack's. "You told me about Murtock. He wasn't just a casual fling, was he?"

"He was an idiot, is what he was," replied Jack. She could hear the edge in her own voice.

Kelly smiled, a little sadly this time. "Yes, but think back on when you had sex with him. There was a difference, right? It was actually fun, wasn't it?"

Jack downed the rest of her drink. She stared at her empty glass. "Maybe. Yeah, it was."

"And you want it to be fun with Marcus," said Kelly. "That's why you haven't done the deed with him yet."

Jack blinked in wonder. "Shit. You're good at getting people to open up, I'll give you that. How did you get him to tell you?"

Kelly held up a hand. "Marcus has not said a word to me. You know he wouldn't talk about such things. I just knew you hadn't, that's all. Call it a slut's intuition."

Jack gave a short laugh. "I now dub thee The Perky Slut. Yeah, I do want it to be special with him. That's why I didn't drag him off the Normandy right after we docked."

Kelly gave her a puzzled look. "But you have waited. Why wait longer?"

"Only when the refit's done, Perky Slut. In two weeks, all the major shit will be installed. Then he's all mine. Otherwise we'd be right in the middle of some sweet lovin' and he would get that far-off look that means he's worrying about plasma conduit tolerances or some such shit."

Three more drinks were placed with great deliberation onto the table. "Reloads!" chirped Tali happily. They fell to them with gusto. Jack was starting to feel really buzzed. The quarian seemed to be getting even more chipper, if such a thing was possible. And Kelly was beginning to sound a little slurred.

"So tell me, Perky Slut," said Jack. "Is there anybody that you would wait for?"

"What do you mean, wait for?" asked Tali.

"She means, um, somebody special, Tali," said Kelly. She thought a bit. "There have been a few in the past. But right now? I would wait for Samara."

Jack nearly choked on her drink.

Tali tilted her head. "You do aim high, Kelly," said the quarian.

"No shit," said Jack, and coughed. "You do know she's got that whole Justicar code thing, right? No fucking, no relations with others."

Kelly got a wistful look on her face. "I know. But she's always been so kind to me, and she's so beautiful. I envy you, Jack. You get to spend so much time with her in training."

Jack snorted. "Don't get too excited about it. We're not wrestling or anything, mostly we just sit around and contemplate the bigness of the whichness and all that shit."

Tali suddenly straightened up. "Finally, some dancing!" she said happily. There were a couple of asari now out on the dance floor. They weren't really dancing, more just moving their bodies with the music. The quarian bounced out to join them and began showing the asari what real dancing looked like. Jack just stared. She knew the buckethead was a lot more 'bendy' than humans, especially after seeing Tali wriggle her way through the nooks and crannies in Jack's quarters. But damn! That flexibility, combined with those odd backwards-jointed legs...Tali moved like flowing smoke. It was one of the most graceful and sexy things that she'd ever seen.

Jack looked over. Kelly was similarly agog. "Did you know she could dance like that?" asked the biotic.

Kelly just shook her head. Then the counselor got a determined look on her face. "Come on," she said. "We have to get out there and uphold the pride of humanity!"

"I told you, I don't dance," replied Jack.

"You will get your pert little ass out there, Jack," growled Kelly. "And you will shake it. We're getting everybody in this place hot and bothered, male and female. You do that, and I'll buy you a bottle of delrach brandy for your special night with Marcus."

Jack grinned at her. "It's a deal."

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Off in one dark corner of the bar, the man in the gray suit sipped a scotch. He scratched at one ear and used the motion to surreptitiously take out his earpiece. He watched the dancing young women with a predator's eyes. That had been an interesting and fruitful conversation to overhear. Ordinarily, his preference would be to simply make his move right now. The young biotic was inebriated and in a relaxed social environment. In principle, all it should require was a few mercs to surround the place and a few flashbangs. Then Subject Zero would be properly back in Cerberus custody.

But Subject Zero had been in similarly vulnerable positions before. And those capture attempts had all turned into bloody disasters. The man in gray was nothing if not careful, and this operation was going to take careful thought and planning. If they made an abduction attempt and failed, his quarry might simply abandon the Normandy and disappear. He had to succeed at the first try. Thanks to his eavesdropping, he now saw several possible approaches when it came time to make the grab.

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Garrus hummed as he puttered around the store. He had noted the extra bounce in Shepard's step as he'd left. It must have felt good, knowing that your crew was working hard to finally get one up on Cerberus. Garrus was going to give Mordin about thirty more minutes to show up and then he was going to start sounding the alert. For now, he was content to just browse.

The asari clerk had been very helpful, but so far Garrus hadn't seen anything that really spoke to him. "I need to think outside the box," he said to her. "What do you have that turians typically don't wear?"

"Well, sir," said the clerk, "We do have some new acquisitions in the area of fashionable eyewear. Most turians prefer something more, um, tactical. Such as what sir is currently wearing."

"Ah, yes. Well, let's see what you have."

She led him over to an alcove that they hadn't been in previously. There were several kinds of eyeshades and visors displayed on the walls. The clerk indicated a dark set of eyewear that looked to Garrus like two tinted half-circles joined together.

"This is new, and based on an old human design," she said. "They call them sunglasses."

"Hmm. Sun-glasses. Let's see." He pulled them off of the wall and looked them over. The design was ridiculous. The tinted lenses were flat, and when put on a human it wouldn't cover their eyes from the side. It wouldn't matter as much to him, since turian eyes were more deeply set. But why didn't the humans make it block the sides, too? The center notch must be intended for a large human nose. Well, he guessed he did have a little protrusion where his nostrils were. It wouldn't look totally idiotic. And the curved side-bars must be to hook over human ears. He didn't have external ears, either.

"This unit incorporates the latest in shape-memory materials," chattered the clerk. "It's designed to automatically fit a wide range of species. Even turians. These side-pieces will conform to sir's head and give stability. They have a micro-dermal adhesion function built into the inside surface. It can also be set to have a display function similar to your current targeting visor."

Garrus really wasn't sure that these were for him. But it was something different. "All right," he said. "Let's try it." He unhooked his visor and put on the new eyewear. Garrus felt the sunglasses shift and stretch to accommodate his larger head, and after a bit they settled down.

Well, they certainly felt comfortable, at least. "Very nice, sir!" said the asari. Garrus thought that he would be the judge of that, thank you. There was a nearby mirror, and he took a look. Hmm...it looked a little odd, at first. But after getting used to it, it actually didn't look bad. He turned his head back and forth, seeing how they looked from all angles.

Not bad at all. Actually, they were quite nice, now that he thought about it. And it was a change from his traditional visor, even though the visor might still be more useful in combat.

"What does sir think?"

Garrus thought that 'sir' would like to stop being referred to in the third person. Aloud he said, "I like them. What goes well with these?"

"Ah!" exclaimed the clerk. "We also have in a new line of hats which suit these quite well."

"Turians don't wear hats. But I did say out of the box, right? Let's see them too."

There was another successful bout of examining and trying out. Just as Garrus had finished his purchases, the shop door gave a soft chime. Mordin strolled in, clearly lost in thought. He brightened when he saw Garrus.

"Greetings!" said Mordin. "Apologies for delay. Saw some very interesting asari architecture on way here. Had to stop and appreciate."

"No problem, Mordin," said Garrus.

He saw the salarian's eyes widen a bit. "Have to ask, what is that you are wearing?" asked Mordin.

Garrus smiled. "I just got them. What do you think?"

Mordin cocked his head. "Hmm. Good look. Very good, actually. Was wondering... do they come in salarian sizes?"

The clerk nodded happily.