31. Do Not Steal Eggs
It took him a moment to process what Casimir was talking about. Isaac blinked up at the angel, who was still smiling like he’d won the Underside lottery. He still had that ever present glow around him and managed to look unruffled despite having evidently flown here at some absurd speeds.
Isaac’s eyes drifted over to whatever it was he was carrying. He squinted at it. Somehow, the more his vision recovered from the after effects of slamming his head into metal armor, the less sense the object made.
It was an object, Isaac was fairly certain, though that assessment was growing more and more dubious the longer he looked at it. It was about the size of a sack of flour, and it seemed to be comprised of a thick smokey substance that wove and twisted around the thing, making it impossible to discern its actual shape. The object itself seemed to be…pulsing was the best way Isaac could describe it, though the movement patterns were much less regular than that word would imply.
“Casimir,” he said. “What the fuck is that?”
The angel somehow grinned even wider, and Isaac could’ve sworn the glowing light around him brightened. He smacked the object. So it was solid, at least. Good to know.
“This,” he proclaimed, “is gonna solve your problem!”
Isaac was tempted to say “which one,” but he was too taken aback to muster up the necessary wit. Instead, his eyes drifted over to Igor. The man was staring up at the literally glowing new addition to the conversation, his face impressively impassive. He slowly looked over at Isaac.
“Should I cover my ears?”
Isaac cringed. “Yeah, that might be good.”
Nodding, the man raised his hands and placed them over his ears with painstaking deliberation, his expression unchanging the entire time. He nodded for them to continue. Isaac cleared his throat and spun back around to face Casimir.
“Okay, explain.”
“Sure thing!” the angel said cheerily. He smacked the object again, which Isaac sincerely hoped was sturdy. Casimir could control his strength well enough, but 49 attack was 49 attack. He’d once witnessed the angel literally lift up a building with one hand and move it back into position after he’d flown into it during one of his “flight tests” through Solonell City. According to him, the diverse collection of architecture made for an excellent obstacle course.
Thankfully, no one had actually been inside the building. Still, the point had been made.
“So I was looking around for something to help with the charisma thing, you know? And I kept asking people about those intuition creatures or whatever, then I heard about these things they have in the Abyss!” He hovered slightly lower, lowering his voice (which was still quite loud) conspiratorially. “I heard they have these creatures there who can, like, read your soul or something. So I figured, hey, they’d probably be great charisma testers!”
Isaac’s head jerked over towards the thing in Casimir’s arm. “Is that—“
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“Nah, I couldn’t find one.”
Isaac released a sigh of relief, though the action turned out to be premature when the angel promptly continued speaking. “—so I got an egg instead!” He held the thing up, and with the red sky behind it and its weird pulsing movement and slimy smoke in full view, it looked like the stuff of nightmares.
“Oh my god.” Isaac slapped his forehead, not even caring about the fresh bruise there, and groaned in barely restrained frustration. “You stole a fucking egg. From the purple line.”
From fruit thief to egg thief. Isaac wouldn’t be surprised if the next time he heard from Casimir he found out that the angel had actually kidnapped someone.
The man in question frowned. “But it works, right?”
“That’s not the point.” If what Casimir said was right, the creature would probably unironically be the best solution to the charisma measurement situation, but at what cost? “It doesn’t matter if stealing the thing’s just gonna make even more problems.”
“I thought it was a good idea, though!”
Isaac didn’t mention the many other things the angel had thought were “good ideas” in the past. He was increasingly beginning to wonder if the reason he was the only angel Isaac ever saw outside of Paradise was because they’d kicked him out or something. Hell, they wouldn’t even have to do something so official; they could probably just convince him to fly around and claim it was an adventure, thus wiping their own hands clean and unleashing the man onto the rest of the poor Underside to deal with.
He seriously considered making an executive decision and telling Casimir to retake the intelligence stat assessment. 25 was just too much; there was no way this man child was smarter than Mortimer. Hey, maybe it would even finally break the tie between him and Lucius. Two birds with one stone.
Isaac finally dropped his hand from where it had been clutching his forehead in a vice grip, fixing Casimir with the most no-nonsense look he could muster. “Put it back.”
The angel pointed at the egg, as if there was any other ‘it’ Isaac could be talking about. “Aw, but I brought it all the way over here!”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
Casimir frowned at him. “Geez, you need to chill, dude. You’re like, super stressed right now.” He flew down so that he was closer to eye level, but still hovering a bit above the ground. He grinned. “Hey! You should come with me back to the purple line! I’ve been practicing new flight tricks. It’ll help you relax!”
Isaac couldn’t think of anything less relaxing than flying with the thrill-seeking angel. He could still remember the day he’d gone to update Olzu’s stats.
“No.”
The angel stared at him with stubborn persistence, but Isaac kept his own gaze steady, refusing to back down. Finally, after a few more moments had passed, Casimir frowned. He cocked his head to the side.
“Aw, but don’t you want to make sure I put the egg back? I mean, what if I dropped it in the tunnels? That’d reeeeally suck.”
Oh this fucker.
Isaac’s mind drifted back to the weird purple line creature that had been on the train. He wondered if its presence was somehow related to the stolen egg. Maybe not. Maybe it just enjoyed the Underside transit. Still, he didn’t want to think about a bunch of angry purple line creatures swarming the Underside in vengeful fury. He narrowed his eyes. He didn’t really have a lot of options here.
Isaac glanced over at Igor, who had remained perfectly still and silent throughout the exchange, his arms still cupping his ears. He looked like a statue, albeit a very weird one that no one would ever actually carve with such a ridiculous pose.
Releasing a long breath and forcing his muscles to relax, Isaac’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fine,” he muttered. “But you’d better fly carefully.”
Casimir beamed, and the light around him was nearly blinding. “Sure thing!”