I collapsed back against the person attached to the hand—Erik. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me to his chest for a brief second before releasing me to reach in his pack. I fell to my knees next to the man’s lifeless form. Erik pulled out a small scanner, similar to the one that Henri had used to image my body when I got stabbed. He scanned the man’s body, and it produced a barely perceptible beep.

“He’s dead,” Erik confirmed.

I couldn’t move. I stared open-mouthed down at the dead man’s body. I felt the burning sensation behind my eyes again.

“We need to go now, Natalia,” Erik said firmly, pulling me to my feet. He wrapped his arm around my waist and gently pulled me to the door. Henri was standing guard outside. We sprinted out of the building the same way that we’d come in, Henri in the lead. We didn’t slow our pace until we reached the edge of the woods.

Henri and Erik quickly shed their weapons and packs and morphed into two large birds. As if on autopilot, I mindlessly strapped their weapons to my body and the packs onto Henri’s back. When I was confident that everything was secure, I climbed onto Erik’s back and wrapped my arms securely around his neck. I closed my eyes as the two large birds took off into the dark night sky. I had yet to master riding Erik’s giant bird form, but I was consistently staying on in practices, so I wasn’t scared flying the distance to the hover-plane. I was in such a state of shock that I don’t think I would’ve cared if I fell off.

The two giant birds touched down in the clearing, near the waiting craft. I jumped off Erik’s back before his talons struck the ground, and ran up the gangplank before either could morph back. I climbed into my seat. I fumbled with the buckles, trying and failing to fit all of the pieces into the right parts. I screamed in frustration when I failed for the third time.

“I got it, Tals,” Erik said gently, taking the buckles out of my hands. He deftly fastened the buckles and then got up, returning a moment later with chemi-wipes. He gently cleaned the streaked paint off my face, wiping away the silently falling tears with his thumb.

“You did really well, Natalia,” Henri said, taking Erik’s place next to my chair.

“Thanks,” I sniffed.

“I know how hard it is the first time. I’d like to tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn’t,” he continued sadly.

I nodded as if I understood. He reached out and squeezed my hand before getting up to take his seat. I tucked my knees up against my chest and rested my head on top. I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t manage to fall asleep.

The ride back to Headquarters was just as silent as the ride out, but the mood on the hover-plane was different. Instead of the stress and tension, the ride back was filled with sadness and remorse. Both Henri and Erik kept stealing not-so-discreet glances in my direction. When we arrived back at Headquarters, I went straight to my room. Erik, Penny, and Henri all made excuses to knock on my door. I ignored all of them.

For the first time since our fight, I wanted to reach out to Donavon. Up until now, my barrage of emotions toward him was mostly anger and pain, but for the first time I actually missed him. I lost track of the number of times I opened my mind to seek out Donavon, and it took every ounce of restraint to keep me from calling out to him. Erik, Penny, or even Henri would have come to sit with me, but it wasn’t the same. Despite everything, I yearned for the comfort that only Donavon could provide.

I barely slept the night that we got back. I sat in my big bed, clutching an overstuffed purple pillow filled with goose feathers. I stared mindlessly out of my huge window at the grounds below. The next morning, I woke up more depressed than when I went to sleep. My mood was made worse when I realized that it was the beginning of the Festivis Holiday.

The nation came together every May 13th to celebrate Festivis Day—the day that the government had halted The Coalition’s rebellion. I wasn’t really sure about celebrating a holiday that marked the split of a country, but I think I might be the only person who viewed it that way. Officially, the government declared that Festivis signified the commitment of the lasting states to remain unified. Given how tenuous the government’s hold on some of those states was, I hoped that the celebrations served as a reminder of how great a nation we would be if we stayed unified.

All of the operatives not training for an active mission were permitted to leave Headquarters. Ordinarily, I would have spent the holiday with Mac, Gretchen, and Donavon. Despite my moment of weakness the previous night, I wasn’t ready to see Donavon, let alone stay in the same house with him. Gretchen had sent me message after message, begging me to come home, but I didn’t return any of them. Mac had come to see me several times since the incident with Donavon, and repeated more of Gretchen’s pleading. I’d told him that I thought it best if I stayed at Headquarters. Mac had assured me that he understood and, of course, the decision was mine.

My Communicator began buzzing early the next morning. I groaned and reached out in its general direction. Mac’s name flashed across the display screen. I considered not answering, but he was aware that I was back from my mission and would likely continue to call until I answered. I fumbled around with the buttons until I finally found the right one.

“Hi, Mac,” I croaked as Mac’s holographic face appeared.

“Hello, Natalia.” Mac sounded slightly disapproving. I hoped that it was because I was still in bed, and not because he’d learned that I cried during my assignment. Mac didn’t approve of crying.

“Happy Festivis, Mac,” I mumbled into my pillow.

“Yes, Happy Festivis. There will be lots of parades and celebrations going on in D.C. over the next couple of days. I’ve arranged for both you and Penelope to attend any that you wish. Please don’t overdo it; no other pledges have been afforded the same privileges.”

“Thanks, Mac,” I replied, brightening slightly as I propped myself up on my elbow. “Tell Gretchen that I said hi and I will see her at my graduation.”

“Yes, I will… Speaking of graduation, I heard that you completed your first kill mission yesterday.”

Oh no, here came the lecture.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said quickly.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Natalia, you knew that this was part of the job,” Mac said flatly. Guess he had heard about my breakdown.

“I know,” I replied tightly, gritting my teeth.

“You’d better get used to it, and fast. You graduate very soon. Once you are a full-fledged Hunter, kill missions will be more prevalent.”

“I know,” I repeated, an edge to my voice.

“Do you still want to be a Hunter, Natalia?” Mac demanded.

“Of course, I do!” I exclaimed, scrambling into a sitting position.

“Good. Start acting like it,” he retorted bitterly. His words were laced with unspoken innuendo.

I had chosen to be a Hunter. I’d worked towards this goal every day since I went to the McDonough School. I knew what the Hunters did before I came here. But I’d been unprepared for the difference between knowing what Hunters did, and actually doing it. Now I knew. I just had to get used it.

“Your solo mission is just around the corner,” he continued. “It is supposed to be a formality, but if you do not perform well, you will not become a Hunter. Nothing that I can do will change that.”

I don’t know if he meant it as a threat, but that’s how I interpreted it. I winced. I’d never truly considered not becoming a Hunter. That was not an option. I’d chosen the Hunters because that was the only chance I’d have to find the man responsible for my parents’ deaths. Most mental Talents work in psychic interrogation, but I knew that would never be enough for me. I didn’t want to interrogate the man who ordered my parent’s execution. I wanted to hunt him down. I wanted to kill him. The realization hit me hard. I guess I did have a killer inside me.

A myriad of excuses to give Mac were on the tip of my tongue, but Mac didn’t want excuses. Mac wanted results. Besides, he already knew that I’d been distracted after the incident with Donavon—I think that was kind of the point of this phone call.

“I understand,” I said instead.

“I hope that you do. I hope that you’re taking your position seriously.”

“I am,” I protested, louder than I meant to.

“Good, because if you fail your solo mission, I won’t be able to save you,” he warned.

“I’m not asking you to,” I replied coldly.

“Enjoy the holiday,” Mac said, letting me know that the conversation was over.

“Whatever,” I spat back.

“Goodbye, Natalia.” My Communicator made a loud buzzing noise, and Mac’s holographic image disappeared.

I screamed in frustration, rolling over on to my back. I pounded my fist against the mattress. It was childish, but I was furious—mostly with myself. I needed to be more focused. I needed to become more desensitized to what we were doing. TOXIC was important, and what we were doing was important. The Coalition killed my parents. They deserved anything that came their way. I pounded the mattress with my fist again, this time in determination. I climbed out of bed and headed to my bathroom, vowing that I’d be stronger next time. Next time, I wouldn’t falter. Next time, Erik wouldn’t have to do it for me.

***

There was an insistent pounding on my door when I exited the bathroom a short while later. I pulled the tie on my fluffy bathrobe a little tighter as I opened my mind. It was Penny. I mentally forced the door open, and Penny’s lanky form tumbled through, red hair first.

“Hey!” she exclaimed.

“Hey, Penny,” I smiled.

“I just heard,” she said excitedly.

“Heard? About what?” I asked. How I cried like a little girl during a mission? Yeah, I didn’t need to hear about that. I was there.

“The Director gave us permission to attend the Festivis celebrations in the city!” Penny could barely contain her enthusiasm.

“Oh right, Mac mentioned that.” Before Mac had lectured me about my dedication to becoming a Hunter, I’d been really excited about attending the celebrations. Now it didn’t seem so important.

“We totally have to find our most city-girl-looking outfits!” Penny seemed immune to my indifference.

“I’m not really sure I’m up for going,” I started. Penny’s face fell, and her bright green eyes clouded with disappointment.

“We don’t have to dress up,” she offered, looking hopeful.

“It’s not the dressing up, Penny,” I assured her.

“Then what is it? I’ve always wanted to attend Festivis Day celebrations,” Penny pleaded. “At the orphanage, we were only allowed to watch the parade go by, but they never let us leave to take part in any of the activities.”

“I’m sure some of the other Cryptos are going, right? Why don’t you go with them?”

“Because I want to go with you!” She gave me one of her big toothy smiles and batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly at me.

“I don’t know, Penny….”

“I promise it’ll be fun.” She could tell my resolve was weakening and pounced on the opportunity. “If you aren’t having fun, you just tell me, and we’ll come straight back,” she promised.

It wasn’t as if I were going to train today anyway. I nodded. “Deal.”

Penny’s fervor was contagious, and before long I was almost as amped as she was to go. Penny took a quick inventory of my closet and dismissed all of my day-to-day clothes as too boring. She pulled out the silk garment bags that contained my most recent gifts from Gretchen, and littered their contents across my bed. I could practically see the wheels turning in her overly-analytical Crypto head as she ran her fingers over the fabrics.

Finally, Penny pulled out a long, sleeveless, dark green dress made of chiffon and held it up. The straps of the dress fastened over the shoulders, with two large interlocking gold hoops on each side. The dress was cut in a deep V-shape in the front and back. A thin slip of a light green see-through material was all that prevented my skin from exposure. The waist of the dress was cinched with a wide belt that was the same green shade as the slip and was embroidered with gold and dark green flowers. The skirt of the dress was floor-length, full and flowing. A small gold hook was sewn into one side of the hem so I could hold the bottom of the dress off the ground when I walked.

“This is amazing!” she squealed. “You are going to look amazing in it!”

“Thanks. It was a present from Gretchen. I think she always wanted a daughter,” I mumbled, embarrassed.

“Now, we just need to decide on your makeup.” She scrutinized my features, and I suddenly felt very self-conscious under her intense gaze. “Stay right here. I’ll be right back.” With that, Penny was out of the door. She was only gone for a couple of minutes, but when she returned, her arms were laden with garment bags of her own and huge boxes that I’m sure contained makeup.

Penny dumped everything on my bed and pulled one of the chairs from my breakfast set into the middle of the room.

“Sit,” she ordered, her eyes glittering with excitement.

I obediently sat in the purple plastic chair and closed my eyes, giving my appearance over to Penny. While I still wasn’t fully committed to the idea of going into the city, I began to warm to the idea. After the nightmare mission, maybe blowing off a little steam would be good for me. Maybe, dare I hope, I would even have a good time. Celebrating Festivis Day in the city with Penny had to be better than the alternative—wallowing in my own self-pity.

For the next hour or so, I opened my eyes when Penny said open; I puckered my lips when Penny said to pucker; I tilted my head when Penny said to tilt; and I tried not to flinch while Penny tugged and wound my hair around my head.

“Done!” she announced proudly after she zipped up my dress.

“Can I look in the mirror now?” I asked, although I wasn’t sure I actually wanted to. If Penny’s makeup was any indication of what she found attractive, and I kind of assumed it was, then I probably looked ridiculous.

“Of course! You’re totally going to love it!”

I grimaced. Somehow I doubted that, but for Penny’s sake I’d have to pretend.

I was shuffling my way toward the bathroom, trying not to step on the hem of my dress, when I heard a knock at the door. I looked at Penny, alarmed. She gave me a quizzical look in return.

“I don’t want anybody to see me like this,” I mouthed.

Penny rolled her eyes and moved toward the door. I knew before she opened it that Erik was on the other side. He was dressed from head to toe in black, making his turquoise eyes shine like two small, perfectly matched gems. His black dress pants fit perfectly. The black, leathery belt threaded through the loops looked shiny and new, and his black dress shirt gave off a slight shine when the light hit it. His ensemble was completed with a black dress jacket.

“You girls almost….” Erik trailed off when he saw me standing in the middle of the room. “Tals, you look—”