The next day, it was back to business as usual. Erik treated me just the same as any other. I’d been nervous about seeing him, but his nonchalant attitude both frustrated me and put me at ease. I didn’t need him to walk into the practice arena and kiss me good morning—that would’ve been weird—but I also didn’t want him acting as if nothing had changed between us. Our relationship had shifted, become more intimate.
If Henri suspected anything, he didn’t let on. He pushed me harder in practice, making me repeat every move until he was satisfied. At the firing range, he forced me to run through the Sim targeting schemes, over and over, until I managed to fire kill shots each and every time. He barked orders into my head during each Sim, restarting the scenario if I made a mistake. I didn’t want to appear ungrateful, but I was concerned that if he kept pushing me this hard I might have a breakdown before the week was over.
Blaine’s techniques were much gentler. He patiently led me throughout the compound with my lenses, praising me when I managed to snap solid pictures of the passersby. He didn’t even complain when I stepped on his feet. When I apologized, he assured me that I wasn’t the only person to have so much difficulty. He was so nice, almost too nice, and I felt bad for being so abysmal at it. I almost missed Henri’s tough love approach by the end of our session.
After my exhaustive day of physical and mental abuse, I wanted to slip between my comforter and sheets and never come back out. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a viable option. Penny, Erik, and Henri were already waiting outside my door when I emerged from my quick shower. I tried not to grumble when I answered the door. At least they brought dinner. Once again, the four of us worked well into the night, analyzing intel, pouring over floor plans, and outlining different strategies. By the end of our session, my eyes were glazed over, and a dull throbbing had developed in the base of my skull. Even Penny’s normally happy-go-lucky attitude had diminished over the course of the evening. When she said goodnight, her voice was strained and tired. Henri’s eyelids were drooping, and his shoulders were hunched when he rose to leave. Erik stayed behind for a few minutes.
I sat on the edge of my bed. Erik stood in-between my knees, his hands kneading the knotted muscles in my shoulders.
“I don’t want to distract you right now. I know how much you need to focus,” he said, leaning down to kiss the side of my neck.
Closing my eyes, I reveled in the way his mouth moved over my skin. He was right, but I actually had to bite my tongue to keep from begging him to distract me. Despite the words of caution, Erik’s lips moved slowly to my jawbone, before gently closing around my bottom lip. Falling onto my back, I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down. Erik caught himself before his chest hit mine, planting his hands on either side of my head on the mattress. Our lips locked, and I reached up to touch his face, cupping his cheeks in my hands. He turned his head slightly to kiss the inside of my palm. His gesture was so sweet that I couldn’t help but beam, even though my mouth felt empty without his. Suddenly, I felt the blanket under my head tighten, and I saw Erik’s knuckles turn white as he balled the comforter in his hands. The thoughts racing through his mind made me both embarrassed and thrilled. While I knew I shouldn’t be doing anything to further his desire, I couldn’t help it; I wrapped my legs around his waist, and pulled his hips against mine.
My bold move surprised Erik, and he hesitated before his mouth found mine again. The kiss was intoxicating. When he broke it off, my head was spinning so fast that I felt drunk. His lips moved down my neck to my collar bone, his tongue moving slowly across the tender skin. I nearly whimpered. Erik trailed kisses to the top of my shirt. Using his teeth, he pulled the neckline down just enough to expose the top of my bra. My hands moved down the back of his t-shirt, exploring the contours of his lean back. One of his hands moved to my waist, his fingers lightly skimming the space where my tank top and pants didn’t quite meet. His thumb danced lightly across my hip bone.
“You should really go to sleep now,” he mumbled, his mouth now in the hollow of my throat.
“I’m not that tired,” I gasped, gripping his shoulders tighter, glad my nails weren’t long enough to leave claw marks.
I felt Erik’s lips quirk into a smile against my neck.
“You need to save your strength, and I need a cold shower,” he said playfully as he raised his face to meet my eyes. The passion in the depths of his irises excited me almost as much as his touch. I knew how much harder my reaction made it for him to restrain himself. Erik was worried about distracting me from my solo mission, but he also didn’t want to rush me into doing something I wasn’t ready for.
Sighing, I regretfully untangled my legs from his waist. Erik smoothed my shirt back into place, letting the tip of his index finger slip beneath the waistband of my pants to touch the edge of my underwear. Closing his turquoise eyes, he emitted an audible moan as he felt the lacy material. I brought my lips to his and kissed him softly. A pained expression clouded his features.
“Cold shower,” he repeated against my mouth.
Not wanting to test his willpower any further that night, I released my death grip on his shoulders.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he whispered, gently biting my earlobe as he climbed off me to help me crawl under the blankets. Light as feathers, his fingertips tickled my nose and eyelids, before pressing gently against my lips. They lingered there just long enough for me to kiss the pads.
“Night, Erik,” I said in a voice that was barely audible.
“Night, Tals.” With that, he left. I fell asleep smiling so big my cheeks hurt.
Every day leading up to my solo mission was more grueling than the one before. Henri pushed me harder and further than I’d thought I was capable of. Every time my sore muscles protested, I cursed him silently… and sometimes, not so silently. Every time that I complained to Erik, he reminded me that Henri wasn’t being callous; he cared, and wanted me to be prepared. I knew that was true, but when I tried telling my blistered index fingers that, they didn’t want to hear it.
Erik began to tag along on my morning training runs. He never spoke, since he knew that I used the time to cycle through my senses. Even in silence, I appreciated his company. I knew he worried that his presence distracted me—in truth, it did—but sometimes, I really needed the diversion. When Erik was with me, he consumed my subconscious. When I was alone, the possibility of my impending death took his place; obviously, thoughts of Erik were vastly preferable.
With Henri’s continued tutelage on the target range, my confidence rose from one day to the next. He pestered the Cryptos until they programmed the simulator with the floor plan of Ian Crane’s temporary home; I could practice navigating my way through the levels.
Blaine gave me a third pair of eyeball lenses, loaded with the floor plan for the home and GPS tracking. He explained to me that, depending on the security surrounding the estate, either the GPS would update the map as I moved through the house, or just the static image of the general blueprint for the entire estate would appear on the lens. Even if it were the latter, that would be sufficient for me to find my way in and out in a pinch. I’d memorized the layout so I wasn’t worried, but I did feel better knowing that I had the lenses to fall back on. Blaine spent every afternoon leading me around the compound until I finally stopped running into him while reading the information on the lenses.
Penny went above and beyond, tracking down all of the intel she could possibly find. She was almost as worried about me as Erik and Henri were; “almost” only because she’d never been on a hunt, so she couldn’t appreciate how dangerous this one actually was.
In addition to learning to use all of the handheld technology gadgets, there was one other thing that I would likely need to use on my mission, one I was very excited to train on: a hover-vehicle. Since I would be alone on my mission, Mac had no choice but to authorize driving lessons. Unfortunately, I had many more pressing practices to attend throughout the week, that I only had time for one lesson. It was the very definition of a crash course—pun intended. Henri showed me how to use all of the buttons and switches on the dashboard, and most importantly, the autopilot button. Autopilot took care of every aspect of driving, except for getting into the air and setting back down. I loved the feel of sitting in the driver’s seat, holding the wheel in my hands; it made me feel in control, and lately I’d felt so out of control that it was a welcome change.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
I tried to keep myself calm, but the closer my departure date drew, the more nervous I became. Every night after the four of us poured over the Cryptos’ intel, Erik stayed after the other two left. We only ever kissed; he wanted to do more and I wanted that, too, but everything in my life was happening so fast. I didn’t think that adding “losing my virginity” to the list before the mission was such a good idea. Despite that, if Erik initiated something more, I wouldn’t hesitate in following his lead. The overload of sensations that I felt when Erik kissed me was so intense; I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel when we finally took things further.
Being with Erik was just so different than being with Donavon. I’d always been wary of getting too physical with Donavon. Something had always made me hesitant to let him touch me too much, but with Erik, it was like I couldn’t get enough of him. I felt like I could never be close enough to him. If anything, Erik was the one holding back; his self-restraint was impressive. I seriously doubted that Erik was used to denying himself, and as much as I wanted him, I appreciated his effort. In a twisted way, I think it actually made me want him more.
“How are you feeling? Think you’re ready?” Erik asked one night. He was absently winding my curls around his long fingers as we lay facing each other on my bed.
“Would you think less of me if I said I was terrified?” I asked, tracing the contours of his face.
“Of course not. I was really scared before my solo mission, too, and it wasn’t nearly as dangerous as this,” he confessed.
“What’d you do?”
“Drowned my worries with alcohol and spent the night with a Brain,” he replied. I had a feeling he was serious. Irrational feelings of jealousy washed over me, and I wrinkled my nose at him in disgust.
Over the last several months, I’d noticed the way that girls, and even some boys, looked at Erik. I was well aware of Erik’s reputation, but I thought, or at least hoped, it might be slightly exaggerated. I knew for sure that girls loved Erik and that Erik loved girls, but I wasn’t clear exactly how many girls Erik had loved. Since our first kiss, I didn’t just notice when girls looked at Erik, I obsessed over it. I’d never been jealous when it came to Donavon, so I was on unfamiliar ground. I tried not to let Erik see that it bothered me. For the most part, for all his talk, I think Erik might actually be oblivious to the way people saw him.
“Are you suggesting that I do the same?” I tried to joke, coming back to the conversation.
“Absolutely not. I’m suggesting you drown your worries in me,” he gave me a lazy smile. Beaming, I returned his grin. I knew why girls fell for him—he had a way of looking at you like you were the only person in the world. It felt amazing.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” I blurted out without thinking. I wouldn’t be training the next day; it was the last day before I was scheduled to leave. Henri had insisted that it would be better spent resting, instead of going over details that I could recite in my sleep.
Erik’s eyes widened with surprise, and he looked slightly uncomfortable. “I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. You really need to get as much sleep as you can.”
“But we can sleep in tomorrow,” I suggested, hopefully.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Talia,” he started, correctly interpreting the undertones in my voice. “I definitely want to spend the night right here with you—sans clothing,” he grinned from ear-to-ear and waggled his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes, even as my heart leapt at his not-so-subtle overture. “Besides, aren’t we spending the evening together in the city tomorrow?” Mac had given Penny and me permission to go into the city after dark, as long as we returned by curfew. So, Henri and Erik were going to take us out for dinner and drinks.
“But we won’t be alone tomorrow,” I pointed out. I was being childish and pouty, but I really wanted him to stay.
Erik stopped curling my hair around his fingers. He took my hand and interlaced his fingers with my own, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the center of my palm.
“I know I’m irresistible and all,” he joked. “But seriously, are you sure that you want me to stay?”
“Positive,” I replied, in a confident voice that belied my underlying apprehension. I did want him to stay, wanted it more than I could express, but we hadn’t spent the entire night together before. Well, technically we’d spent a lot of nights together, just not in the same bed—alone… touching. My heart swelled at the thought of waking up in his arms.
“Sans clothing?” Erik teased, but I could tell that he was kidding. I really wanted to say yes, but I wouldn’t have been serious and I didn’t want the situation to get awkward.
“I want you to have something to look forward to when I come back,” I said instead. I’d been lying on my side facing him, and he gently pushed me over onto my back, our fingers still intertwined. He kissed me softly at first, and then harder. The weight of his body—warm and heavy on top of mine—felt amazing, and I pulled him tighter against me.
“You’ve got yourself a deal, pledge,” he grinned when he finally broke off the kiss. I beamed and leaned up to kiss him again, even though I had yet to catch my breath from the last one. Erik gently pushed me back down and shook his head. “There’s no way your clothes are staying on if you keep kissing me like that.”
I tried to reach up again, and he gave a deep laugh that I could feel reverberate through his body. He rolled off of me, but didn’t let go completely. I flipped over, turned my back to him, and curled my body into his. He tightened his arms around me and buried his face in my mess of brown curls.
“Erik?” I said, after a minute.
“Hmmm?” he mumbled.
“Thank you for staying, even though we’re keeping our clothes on.” I felt him smile since his cheek was resting on my head. “In all seriousness, I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“I know the feeling, Tals. I felt the same way before mine.”
I tried to snuggle closer, even though I was already pressed completely into him. I was too amped-up to sleep; the combination of being so close to Erik and my nerves over the mission was like a constant stream of caffeine. I knew that I was projecting toward Erik, and I tried to control it so that he could get some rest. I guess I was doing a poor job of it because he gently detangled himself from me and scooted a couple of inches back. I assumed that the physical separation would make it easier for him to block my mind, but I still sighed with disappointment. Surprisingly, I felt Erik gently roll up the bottom of my tank top, and I experienced the now-familiar heart pounding, shortness of breath, and crackles of electricity that shot through me when his skin touched mine. I was, of course, nervous as he started to undress me, but I didn’t want him to stop. Only he did stop, as soon as he’d pushed the back of my shirt up over the place where my bra would have been, had I been wearing one. Suddenly, a thought struck me: Did Erik think I was easy because I wasn’t wearing a bra?
“There are lots of words I’d use to describe you, Tals. Easy is not one of them.” He lazily traced a design on my back. Blood rushed to my face, and my body went rigid. “Relax, Tals,” he chuckled. He drew undistinguishable shapes up and down my skin. I concentrated on the rhythmic movements of his fingertips and felt my whole body unwind.
“Erik?” I asked after his hand rested gently on my hip.
“I’m awake,” he answered, starting to move his fingers again.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” his voice was relaxed, but I felt his body tense behind me.
“Why didn’t you go home for Festivis Day?” I asked. His teeth ground together. I knew why Harris didn’t go home—his parents didn’t think being a Talent was a good thing. He’d actually spent several school breaks with me and Donavon at the McDonough’s house. I also knew why Penny didn’t go home—she didn’t have a real home. And Henri never missed an opportunity to spend time with Frederick, so that explained why he’d stayed. But it had been nagging me why Erik had stayed.
“It’s complicated,” he finally answered, his words measured.
“Are your parents still alive?” I pressed.
“My dad and both of my brothers are.” I could tell that he didn’t want to elaborate, and I suddenly realized how little I actually knew about Erik, outside of TOXIC. Then I remembered something that Penny had told me.
“You didn’t come to the school when you were five, like most kids, right?” Even as I said it, I knew that I was on shaky ground.
“Neither did you.” Well, this was going famously.
“How old were you?” I pried.
“Fourteen.” This was like pulling teeth. I should’ve stopped, but my curiosity was already piqued.
“How did it happen?” I asked.
“It’s complicated,” he repeated. I considered probing his mind, but thought better of it. Before I could open my mouth to ask another intrusive question, he pressed his palm flat against my stomach and dragged me into him. He kissed the side of my neck, and I no longer cared that he was being evasive.
“Why the twenty questions?” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. He nibbled gently on my earlobe. I wriggled closer to him.
“I just want to get to know you,” I whispered back.
“You do know me, probably better than anyone.” He kissed my neck again. I craned my head around to find his mouth, and I kissed him softly. I looked into his eyes, more green than blue in the dark. His mind was carefully guarded, and I knew that I wasn’t going to get anything out of him tonight.
“Will you tell me one day?” I asked softly. Our faces were so close that my lips brushed his when I spoke.
“One day,” he promised, “when you’re ready to hear it.”