Penny returned within seconds of Mac’s departure. She offered to accompany me to Medical and sit with me while Dr. Daid looked at my stitches. Together, we walked across the grounds at a leisurely pace—for once, neither of us concerned with hurrying from place to place. We didn’t have to wait long after our arrival before the receptionist showed us back to an examination room.

“You are healing nicely, Natalia,” Dr. Daid informed me after he’d done a thorough examination of my wounds. “How are your pain levels?”

I shrugged. “Not too high.”

The doctor eyed me doubtfully as I struggled to put my shirt back on. “Why don’t I give you a mild painkiller? Nothing too powerful, just something to help with the lasting aches.”

“Sure,” I agreed.

Once the medicine hit my system, I felt better instantly.

“Come by tomorrow morning before practice. I want to check you over one last time before you resume training,” Dr. Daid advised sternly. I wondered if he’d actually been onboard with me returning to practice so soon.

After we left Medical, Penny escorted me back to my cabin.

“You should totally stay with me again tonight. You’ll be so much more comfortable at my place,” she pleaded once we’d arrived at my door.

“I absolutely cannot take your bed again,” I argued. “Besides, I’m feeling much better today. As nice as your bed is, I really want to sleep in my own.” I actually was feeling a lot better. More than anything, I wanted to put the disastrous mission behind me. If I’d let Mac down, I could only imagine how Henri was feeling. My placement scores at School had been high enough to get me assigned to the Hunters, but it was Henri who had spoken up and insisted he could make my talent useful on missions. No other team captains had been willing to take the risk. Gaining Henri’s approval meant nearly as much to me as gaining Mac’s did.

“Well, if you change your mind, just come on back.” Penny wrapped her thin arms around me.

After an awkward pause—I wasn’t a big hugger—I returned her embrace. “Thanks for everything, Penny. It means a lot to me,” I told her honestly.

“That’s what friends are for, Talia.”

I smiled. “Yeah, friends.”

I walked into my darkened cabin, noticing immediately that neither Erik nor Henri was inside. The childish part of me was sad about their absence, disappointed that they were both gone; they weren’t sitting here, waiting on pins and needles for my return. Part of me was also relieved, though. I didn’t want to see Erik. My feelings for him were becoming muddled. I tried telling myself that I had just been through an ordeal, and I was confusing the gratitude that I had for all he had done for me with something more.

I assumed normal teenagers had lived through more than one crush by the time they were my age. Penny seemed to have a new infatuation every other day. But I had yet to have a real crush. Unless Donavon counted, and I wasn’t sure that he did. Looking back, I couldn’t remember when my feelings for him evolved from mere friendship to something romantic. I could, however, recall the exact moment that Donavon expressed his desire to cross that line.

One hot summer day, we’d been sitting, dangling our feet in the lake. I sat as still as possible because every movement, no matter how small, caused fresh drops of sweat to leave salty trails down my back. Donavon was beside me, skipping rocks across the lake’s glassy surface. I used my mental abilities to make the huge leaves on the surrounding trees fan us, creating a small breeze in the otherwise stagnant air.

Lost in my own thoughts, I jumped when Donavon put his hand on my arm. Nervous energy radiated off of him in waves. The physical contact, mixed with the intensity of his emotions, made it nearly impossible not to know what he was thinking and feeling. He wanted to kiss me. In fact, he’d wanted to kiss me for weeks, but he wasn’t sure how I’d respond. Finally having plucked up the courage to make his move, only one question remained in Donavon’s mind: Should he ask me or just go for it?

Only seconds passed, but I grew so impatient waiting for him to decide that I leaned over and kissed him firmly on the lips. It was awkward at first. We bumped noses, knocked teeth, and always seemed to tilt our heads in the same direction. It didn’t take us long to get the hang of it, though.

We never had a conversation about being a couple. Donavon never asked me to be his girlfriend. I never asked him to be my boyfriend. It just happened and nobody seemed surprised. I hadn’t really thought about him like that before our kiss. But afterwards, it only seemed natural for us to date. I never felt nervous or uncomfortable around Donavon, yet I rarely felt a surge of adrenaline when he kissed me either. And my heart definitely never skipped beats when he touched me, not like it had when Erik ran his fingers over my stomach. I wasn’t sure if that was what a crush felt like, but I hated myself for having more than platonic feelings for Erik. It was a betrayal of my relationship with Donavon.

Gratitude, I told myself. Gratitude was the feeling I had for Erik. He’d helped me through a difficult situation, and I was grateful to him. Yes, that was the most likely explanation. A vision of his turquoise eyes swimming with tears filled my mind. I shook my head as if to erase the image before my emotions became even more confused.

I went straight to my bed and was planning on climbing under the covers, when I noticed the light on my Communicator blinking. I hit the hologram button. Henri’s head materialized.

“Hi, Talia. I am staying in the city with a friend tonight. Erik is likely to stay in D.C., as well. We hope you are feeling better. Rest up. We’ll see you at training in the morning,” the message announced.

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Thank goodness, I thought, kicking off my shoes and climbing into bed. I opened my mind and reached out to Donavon.

“Want to come over and sleep with me?” I asked, half hoping he’d say no. I really wanted to be alone, but my conscience reasoned that if I asked, it would alleviate some of the guilt I was feeling about Erik.

“I’ll be right there.”

I tamped down my disappointment before Donavon could pick up on it.

He knocked three times on my door and then pushed it open. Not bothering to turn on the light, Donavon walked directly over to my bed and climbed in next to me.

“Are they going to be gone all night?” he asked.

“Yep. Henri left me a message.”

“Is he staying with Frederick?”

“How did you know about that?” I asked, surprised.

Donavon shrugged. “I’ve hung out with them in the city a couple of times. Frederick’s pretty cool. He used to be with TOXIC. It’s pretty well known that Henri stays with him before and after all of his missions.”

“He used to be with The Agency? Is Frederick talented?”

“Technically, but very low-level. He wasn’t placed after graduation. After working a remedial job at Headquarters for a couple of years, he got permission to leave and went to work in D.C.”

Very interesting. Some people weren’t placed in a major division after graduation because their powers weren’t strong enough. It actually wasn’t uncommon. However, I hadn’t realized that people left TOXIC once they had a job here—remedial or not. Even a remedial job with TOXIC was better than being off on your own. The Agency provided everything for their operatives: housing, clothing, food, a steady income.

“Do you hang out with Erik when you’re in D.C.?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“I have, but not often. He and Harris have been friends since school, so sometimes we all go out together. Why?”

“Just curious,” I replied nonchalantly.

Why did I want to know? Did it really matter? I tried to clear my mind; I was worried that thinking too much about Erik might cause me to project my thoughts about him onto Donavon.

Donavon’s mental voice was hesitant as he changed the subject. “I’m leaving in a couple of days for a mission.”

“Why didn’t you tell me last night?”

“I didn’t want to bother you with it. It’s not a big deal; it should be simple. I should be gone for only a few days.”

“Well, I’m glad that we get to spend tonight together, then.” I kissed his cheek softly. Another wave of guilt washed over me when I thought about the reason I’d reached out and asked him to come over. I was lying on my non-injured side, so I rolled onto my back and pulled Donavon’s head down, giving him a kiss on his lips this time. “You’ll be careful?”

“I’m always careful.” He leaned in and kissed me again.

We talked well into the night. It felt so good to just spend time with Donavon. I felt like we were back at school, sneaking into each other’s rooms late at night. I was so tired, but I didn’t want to fall asleep—not yet. I wanted to spend every minute that I could with him since we so rarely had the chance to do this anymore. The more time that I was with Donavon, the less confused I felt about Erik. By the time I finally closed my eyes, I was able to convince myself that my feelings for Erik were strictly limited to gratitude.

I woke up when Donavon eased himself out of bed before sunrise.

“Where ya going?” I mumbled, reaching towards him.

“I have an early practice. We have a lot to go over before we leave for this mission. I also don’t really want to be here when Erik gets back,” he whispered. He kissed my cheek. “I love you.”

“I know,” I muttered.

Donavon sighed, and I heard his quiet footsteps moving towards the door. I was already back to sleep when Donavon closed the door softly behind him.

I was fifteen when Donavon left for his pledge year with the Hunters. The day before he was scheduled to depart, we spent the entire day by the lake. Donavon packed a picnic of cheeses, breads, and jams. In between eating, swimming, and making out, we lounged on blankets and soaked up the sun. We were drying off from our latest swim, watching the sunset, when Donavon rolled up onto his side and leaned over me.

“It’s going to be hard at first, Tal but promise me you’ll hang in there with me.” Donavon’s blue eyes were clouded with nerves.

“Of course, I will. You promise me that you won’t forget me once you’re surrounded by all those city girls,” I teased.

“I don’t think it’d be possible for me to forget you. I literally can’t get you out of my head,” he joked, leaning down to kiss me softly. He ran one hand along my hip and my upper thigh. I responded by wrapping my legs around his waist. Our kisses became deeper, more desperate. My heart was pounding in my chest and my stomach was full of butterflies. There was barely any material separating us, since we were both wearing bathing suits. Where his skin touched mine, it tingled and I felt alive. He moved his mouth from mine and started kissing my neck. I gulped air greedily, trying to catch my breath. His hands were running over every inch of my exposed skin.

“Donavon, I love you,” I whispered.

“What?”

I’d caught him off guard with my admission. He pulled back as though I’d given him an electric shock.

“I love you,” I said in a clear voice.

Donavon just stared at me, a gamut of emotions racing through his mind.

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally responded, pushing my legs off of him.

“I think this is where you say you love me, too,” I said slowly, pushing him the rest of the way off me.

Donavon looked everywhere but at me, refusing to meet my eyes.

I exploded with indignation. By this point in my short life, my temper was already part of my trademark. “I see how it is. You expect me to have sex with you, but you can’t even tell me how you really feel about me?”

“I don’t know, Tal. I mean, I’m only seventeen. How do I know if I love you?”

I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. All of the air rushed out of my lungs. I focused my energy and bore into his mind.

“Talia, don’t,” Donavon ordered sharply. He scrambled farther away from me and covered his head with his arms, trying to keep me out of his mind.

“I know that you love me, but if you’re too scared to say it out loud, fine.” I kept my voice as calm as possible, even though I was so mad that I could’ve spit fire. “I’m going back to my room. Don’t bother coming to say goodbye tomorrow.” Tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill down my cheeks.

I grabbed my clothes and ran from the woods, leaving Donavon alone by the lake. Donavon tried to mentally connect with me several times that evening, but I blocked his attempts.

Very early the next morning, I heard a knock at my dorm door. I knew that it was Donavon the moment I heard the tapping.

“Go away,” I sent, still reeling from the night before.

“Tal, open the door,” Donavon’s mental voice commanded.

“No.”

“I’d really rather say what I have to say to your face.”

“Well, I’m not letting you in, so you can say whatever you want from out there.” My irritation was obvious.

“Natalia, I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you, when I was twelve. I’m sorry that I was too scared to say it yesterday.” His voice was soft, but my hearing was acute enough that I could hear him through the door.

I mentally pushed the door open. Donavon ran over and fell on his knees next to my bed. I threw my arms around his neck. He pulled me tight against his chest.

“I love you, Tal.”

“I know, Donavon.”

Even though he’d finally said those words, I was stubborn and still hurt from his earlier rejection. We both knew that it would be a long time before I said those three words to him again.