Penny came to my room the next afternoon so that we could get ready together for our night out in the city. I selected a simple, long black-and-white floral dress, and a black shawl to keep my arms and shoulders warm. It was another dress that Gretchen had purchased for me that I had yet to wear. Penny helped me put on makeup, just enough that I still looked natural. She selected a black head-topper of floral lace from her collection and fastened it into my long curls. I tried to protest, but Penny argued that we had so few chances to dress up that we might as well take advantage.

For herself, Penny chose a short, navy dress that wrapped around her slender body and tied on one side of her waist. She managed to sleek her bright red hair into a neat bun, but decided against a head-topper for herself. She looped long chains made of fake gold and pretty glass beads around her neck and wrists.

I’d seen Penny every night for the last week, but that was strictly business; we hadn’t had a chance to talk about anything except my upcoming solo hunt. Penny correctly surmised that I didn’t want to talk about that today, so instead, she filled me in on the details of her rapidly-progressing relationship with Harris. Neither was ready to call the other boyfriend or girlfriend, but they were definitely into each other and moving in that direction.

Penny gently pressed me for details about Erik.

“Is it obvious?” I asked.

“Well… yeah. It’s totally obvious when we’re all together. He can’t take his eyes off you. It’s totally hot,” she laughed.

“Do you think Henri knows?” I worried. Dating, or whatever we were doing, wasn’t against the rules or anything, but I worried that Henri would still disapprove.

“Um, I know he knows,” she answered. “Don’t worry. He is cool with it.” I smiled. Hopefully, that was true.

“I’m so totally jealous,” Penny continued, with a pout.

I laughed. “Jealous? You have Harris!”

“I know, and it’s not like I like Erik or anything,” she assured me.

“Then why are you jealous?” I laughed again.

“Because every girl talks about him! He’s like the closest thing to famous that we have here!”

I didn’t respond right away. That was the problem—I didn’t want a bunch of girls crushing on him. I didn’t want him to have his pick of girls because then he might not pick me.

“Harris won’t be able to keep his hands off of you in that dress,” I teased, changing the subject.

Penny blushed, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Erik was waiting for me in the lobby, with Henri and Harris in tow. He looked amazing, as usual, wearing jeans and a navy-and-white gingham button down. His sleeves were rolled up, showing off his muscled forearms, and the white of the shirt contrasted nicely with his tan skin. His dark hair was getting long, and he kept running his hands through it in a fruitless attempt to push it out of his eyes. I had to resist the urge to run over and kiss him the moment we stepped off of the elevator.

“Hey,” Harris said to Penny, his whole face lighting up with a smile as we approached. She returned his smile with a high-wattage one of her own. He bent down to kiss her on the lips, and jealousy twisted knots in my stomach as I watched their interaction. I knew that Erik wouldn’t kiss me in public and, in truth, I didn’t want him to; I definitely wasn’t ready for everyone to know about whatever was going on between us. Still, it hurt that Erik treated me the same way in public as he had previously, before we’d started rolling around in my bed together.

“Ready to start the celebration?” Erik asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Celebration? Shouldn’t we wait to celebrate until she gets back and well, you know, actually passes her solo hunt?” Penny asked, looking perplexed.

“Nah, we always celebrate before solo missions. They’re just a formality, anyway. Once a pledge gets his solo assignment, it’s pretty much a given that he—or she—will graduate,” Harris explained to her.

“But, I thought Talia’s hunt was like super dangerous and—”

“Tonight is a celebration of all of her hard work to this point,” Erik cut her off, shooting her a warning look. Erik and Henri knew about my assignment because they’re my teammates, and Penny knew about it because she was part of the Crypto team compiling the intel. But no one else knew the specifics of my assignment, and I wanted for it to stay that way.

“Thank you, Erik,” I smiled gratefully up at him. He gave my shoulder a small squeeze, something that he does in public all the time, but this time he rubbed his thumb across my collarbone before letting go. I shivered as goosebumps erupted all over my body. Erik suppressed a laugh and blood rushed to my face, coloring my cheeks with embarrassment.

“Let’s get this celebration started,” Henri said, speaking for the first time. I could tell that he wasn’t in a festive mood, but he was trying for my sake.

Henri had been agonizing over my assignment all week. He tried to talk Mac out of sending me alone, begging him to allow us to go as a team. He’d also been arguing with Erik because Erik refused to speak to Mac, as well. Henri hadn’t actually told me any of this; he was such a strong projector that I’d picked it up in practice, when my mind was open to him.

I’d been careful to keep my personal reasons for wanting to go on this mission to myself. Erik wasn’t fooled; he could tell that there was more to it than I, or Mac, was letting on. He was aware that this assignment was personal for me, but he wasn’t intrusive enough to ask me outright for details. I guess we both had our secrets.

Frederick was already at the restaurant when we arrived. He jumped up when he saw us approaching the table, and instead of giving Henri a hug, he folded me in his slender arms.

“I hear that congratulations are in order,” he said excitedly to me.

“Thank you,” I smiled back at him.

Henri ordered pitchers of lemon-flavored mixed drinks for all of us to share.

“You’ll love it—gives you a nice drunk feeling, but you won’t have a hangover tomorrow,” Henri promised.

Our little group drank all of the pitchers that Henri ordered, and then several additional ones. I tried to eat enough to soak up the alcohol, but I was having such a good time that I let myself drink more than I had the first night I’d met Penny.

Harris and Penny both had so much to drink, they kept touching and kissing. But not in an inappropriate way, it was cute. Erik sat next to me and kept reaching under the table to tickle my side or run his fingers over my leg when nobody was looking. The more I had to drink, the harder it was to keep a straight face when he touched me.

“Stop,” I mentally pleaded with him when he ran his fingers lightly over the crook of my elbow, taking my breath away—so much so that I couldn’t answer a question that Frederick asked.

“You like it,” he insisted.

“They’re going to know.”

“Tals, everybody sitting at this table knows—you have the worst poker face.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Every time that I get close to you, the look on your face is a dead giveaway,” he laughed out loud.

“Mighty full of yourself, aren’t you? Maybe whatever look I have on my face has nothing to do with you,” I shot back, trying to sound indignant.

“Trust me, I know that look. Lots of girls give me that look.”

“Maybe if they know,” I gave a pointed glance around the table, “it’s because of the look you have on your face when you are around ME,” I gave him a smug smile.

“You might be right about that,” he conceded. “Let’s just say that it’s a good thing you’re the only one who can read my thoughts.”

I gave him a light shove in the chest and attempted a disapproving stare, but it was hard when, in reality, it thrilled me.

I’d been so engrossed in my mental conversation with Erik that I didn’t notice that everybody else at the table had stopped talking. At first, my alcohol-muddled mind thought that it was because they were watching our exchange. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I followed the direction of their frozen gazes and saw Donavon standing several feet from our table, staring at me.

My stomach dropped, and I had to fight the urge to be sick. I’d known that I would have to see him again one day; I’d just hoped that the day would be WAY in the future. I stared straight at him, the alcohol giving me courage that I otherwise lacked. After several long seconds of awkward silence, Donavon finally spoke.

“Congratulations, Natalia. My dad told me that you leave for your solo hunt tomorrow.” He spoke to me but looked at Harris, the only friendly face for him at our table.

“Yes, I do,” I replied tightly, refusing to accept his sentiments. Erik’s hand tightened on my leg.

“Please be safe,” he mentally added. I closed my mind off to him completely before I was tempted to reply, and turned my back on him.

“Nice to see you guys. Harris, I’ll see you back at the cabin later tonight.” I didn’t know if it was wishful thinking, or my newfound love of overanalyzing everything that guys said and did, but I swear he emphasized the fact he planned on returning to his cabin tonight—i.e. not staying with the blond slut in the city—for my benefit.

Donavon’s presence put a damper on my celebration. Penny made an effort to get us back on track by ordering Electric Shock shots, but I was no longer in the mood. Erik was good at affecting a care-free attitude, but the way his fingers dug painfully into my arm told me that he wasn’t pleased. I tried to take part in the conversation, but I couldn’t concentrate; I kept thinking about Donavon. My lack of verbal communication left plenty of time for me to down several more glasses of the lemony drink. I was completely toasted by the time curfew rolled around.

Penny asked if I wanted her to stay with me when we got back to Headquarters, but I insisted that it wasn’t necessary. She wanted to spend more time with Harris, and I wanted to spend the night with Erik.

I clung on to Erik’s arm as I stumbled to my room. He offered several times to carry me, but I refused, arguing that I was perfectly capable of walking on my own. Of course, I wasn’t, but Erik indulged me. He even sat crossed-legged on the floor of the elevator with me, when the ride made me too dizzy to stand.

It took me three tries to scan my palm to open the door to my room. Erik smirked, but waited patiently since I demanded that he let me do it on my own. Once we were inside, I gave up my independent act and fell into Erik’s arms. He scooped me off of my feet and carried me to my bed.

“Did you have fun tonight?” he murmured into my hair.

“Yup!” I nodded my head vigorously as he settled me on my pillows.

He slid my shoes off, before kicking off his own and climbing into bed after me. He leaned over and bent his head down until our foreheads touched. I giggled as I reached up to pull his lips to mine. He hesitated for a brief second and then gave me one of his toe-curling kisses. I boldly reached for the waist of his pants to un-tuck his shirt. I ran my hands over the hard muscles of his stomach and back, and I felt raised, puckered flesh, which marked scars from past hunts that hadn’t been removed.

His heart was pounding against his ribcage in time with my own. He pulled away from the kiss just long enough to pull his shirt over his head, and I stared in amazement as his muscles rippled with even the smallest movement. I looked up into his eyes and saw the same indecision that I had the other night. I reached my hand out to him, and he took it with only a little hesitation. He lowered himself down on top of me again, careful to balance most of his weight on his free arm.

He never took his eyes away from mine as he released my hand and reached behind my neck to untie my dress. He slowly pulled it down. With one shaking hand, I reached up and traced the lines of his face. He gave me a giant grin and pulled the dress the rest of the way down. My mouth was dry, my hands trembling and clammy. I couldn’t stop quivering with a mixture of nerves and anticipation. Waves of heat spread over me every time that his skin made contact with mine. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from saying something that I might regret. Erik’s eyes crinkled and his mouth quirked into a smile, enjoying the effect that he was having on me.

Once my dress was nothing more than a pile of gauzy fabric on the floor, Erik sat back, looking me up and down. It’d always made me nervous when Donavon looked at me without any clothes on, but something about the way that Erik’s eyes drank in every detail made me feel special, and I didn’t mind at all. A flicker of something that I couldn’t pinpoint flashed across Erik’s eyes. He hesitated, before bending down and kissing me, slowly, softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, but I feared that he would never get close enough to satisfy me.

I’d never felt this way with Donavon, who I’d been so convinced I loved; Donavon, who I’d defended anytime that Erik spoke ill of him; Donavon, who I’d trusted, but who made me question everything that I thought I knew in my life.

Suddenly, Erik stopped kissing me. He backed away, stumbling backward off of my bed.

“This is wrong. I can’t do this,” he stammered.

“W-w-w-what?” I stuttered, hot tears pricking the corners of my eyes. “Why?”

“You’re drunk, Talia. It would be wrong.”

“Drunk?” I repeated. He had a point—I was drunk, but I would’ve wanted him even if I were sober. Since I was drunk, I actually said, “It doesn’t matter. I would still want you if I were sober. I mean I do want you when I’m sober.”

“No, this is wrong,” he said firmly, shaking his head.

I scrambled off the bed and moved toward him, only vaguely aware of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I reached out to him, but he kept backing away. The tears that had welled up in my eyes were now falling down my cheeks.

“Did I do something wrong?” I sniffled.

“No,” his answer was clipped. I did something wrong. I just didn’t know what it could be. I cried harder.

“What can I do? Tell me what I did wrong,” I pleaded with him. This is when I should have been biting my cheek, so I didn’t say something I would regret.

“Natalia, you’re drunk. I don’t think this is the best time to have this conversation.”

How could he do this to me? I might not have trusted myself with him, but I did trust him.

Erik started walking toward me. He grabbed my bathrobe off of the hook on the bathroom door and wrapped it around my shoulders. I sat on the edge of the bed, refusing to meet his gaze.

“I should go, Tals,” he said kneeling down in front of me. My chest was heaving with my silent sobs. I couldn’t catch my breath, and my drunken brain feared I was hyperventilating.

“Please stay,” I begged. “I don’t understand what I did wrong,” I cried, but my words were incoherent, even to me.

Erik ran the back of his hand against my cheek and then stood to leave. I shot my hand out and wrapped it around his wrist, forcing him to turn back around and face me.

“What did I do?” I shouted, anger replacing humiliation. “You owe me that much.”

“Owe you?” the fury that flashed in his eyes scared me. Under sober circumstances, I probably would’ve shrunk away from him. “I don’t owe you shit, Tals.” He tried to yank his arm away, but my grasp was firm.

“I was about to sleep with you, Erik,” I screamed.

“Why?” Erik demanded. He yanked harder, and his wrist broke free from my grasp, but he didn’t move to leave the room again. Instead, he bent down with his face inches from mine.

“Why what?” I asked, confused.

“Why do you want to sleep with me, Tals?” he demanded. His eyes were blazing, and his face was contorted in rage. This time I did shrink away from him.

“I don’t know,” I stammered.

“To get back at Donavon?” his voice turned eerily calm, and I leaned further away from him. I knew he had a temper, we both did, but his had never been directed at me. He terrified me, but I refused to back down. I straightened my spine.

“NO,” I screamed, shoving him hard in his bare chest. “Why would you even think that?”

“You know how amazing it is to be with you?” his voice turned gentle, but his eyes maintained that if-looks-could-kill stare. “When I’m with you, I can feel how you feel. You project your feelings onto me so strongly, I can’t keep you out of my head. And I don’t want, too. It feels too incredible.”

“Then what’s wrong?” A fresh wave of hysteria rose up inside me, threatening to overtake me again.

“Donavon! There hasn’t been one time that I have kissed you that you haven’t thought of him!” Erik screamed, pounding his hands against my bed. sent me bouncing up and down. If I thought his eerily calm voice was scary, it had nothing on his losing-his-temper voice.

“No! No, that isn’t true,” I sobbed, hugging my knees to my chest. “I want to be with you.”

“Yes, Natalia, it is. And I’m not going to be anybody’s fucking silver medal.” Every apartment in the building was sound-proof, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if my neighbors could hear us screaming.

Erik backed away from the bed, grabbing his shirt as he did.

“No!” I screamed after him. “Erik, please!” I briefly considered mentally forcing him to stay, but thankfully, all of the yelling had sobered me up enough to realize how terrible that plan was likely to turn out.

Erik paused near the door, and hope filled me. Then he pressed his hand to the interior sensor and the door swung open. My strangled cries filled the room when he walked out.

Curling up on my bed, I sobbed until I had no tears left. My throat was so raw that it felt as though it were bleeding. I choked on my sobs and dry-heaved over the side of my bed. I dreaded falling asleep because when I woke again, I’d have to relive the pain and embarrassment of what had happened.