In a dark and icy cold room at the top of the Old Dusk Building, a tiny woman in a black and white powersuit asks, “Why is there a hole in the city budget?”
“Yes, madam CEO Wing, the accounting discrepancy is because we skimmed half the public funds on your app project.” replied Major Jerry Falwell Jr.
“Don’t yes mam me Jr. I got enough to do and the shareholders are breathing down my neck. I called this emergency meeting because my RR app is down again! I want everyone working on the app, and I want to know why it went down again, and I want all of this done yesterday! So buckle up and suck in your gut you slob and put more people on it.”
“Project teams function best at around 5 people, it will only slow everything down to get more engineers up to speed on the problem mam.” explained Jr.
Wing slams her flipper like arms on the table. “Why is everyone so retarded? RR does not stand Retarded Reader! The RR app is going to change the world! We are going to take back the internet from those rogue AIs so regular folks can safely surf the web again. Rogue Reader will make us billions!”
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“The problem is the AI’s adaptive DDOS attacks, the malware lives in their own ecosystem with program lifecycles in the nanoseconds. We cannot compete with them in real time.”
“Speak English Jerry.”
“The attacks are too fucking fast, our app is unable to read the incoming threats fast enough. And the stupid users keep clicking on the cat videos. Perhaps our approach to the problem is wrong, the RR app is cannibalizing readers and advertising profits from our main publishing business. Penguin Publishing, a wholly owned subsidiary of Old Dusk, is doing quite well selling hardcopy newspapers and paperbacks.”
“Well I don’t care, it’s innovate or perish Jr. I will need an excuse for the shareholders.” said Wing as she swallowed a pickled herring whole.
Jerry adjusts his pants while he thinks. “Oh, there was an incident in your pest control division, an intern by the name of… Barry Goggles got drunk and ate one of the pest control prototypes. I can call a press conference, flag him as a new supervillain and pin all of our problems on him.”
Wing eats another sardine. “Why are you still here? Go and get it done.”
In the elevator down, Jerry loosens his pants and mutters under his breath, “I hate that fucking penguin princess.”