Further down the alley I could see bright, flickering neon colors just around the bend. An out of place facade over the marquee with letters as big as my old crab body lit up one by one in a repeating pattern. The colors were so hypnotizing. They read; the Old Dusk Karaoke. I basked in the cool neon glow, I wanted to soak in these colors I had never seen before. So much better than that overbright lightbulb in the sky.
“Enough gawking G. Welcome to the OD, the best Karaoke place in town with the cheapest eats!” The boy poked me in the stomach and I was dragged in with them. I sniffed the air. It was heavy with the smell of micro particles of hydrogenated oil. So this was where the scent of cooking was coming from. The inside of the OD was dank and greasy.
“Hey yo, don’t judge a song by its cover G. Dis is the best traditional chinese restaurant in the city. You can tell by the black color of their cooking oil that Karen only frys with trans fats and recycled gutter oil. It has that classic street food flavor you can’t find anywhere else.”
The proprietor wearing a stained apron and chef’s hat walked out from the back and waved a giant meat cleaver at the group and said, “You no disrespect my food! No money? Then you get the hell out!”
The boys pushed me forward. “Hold on Karen! We love your food and our new friend is paying.”
The cleaver pointed at my head. “You got money? You pay?”
Do I have money? Oh yea, I am wearing Intern Goggles clothes. I should still have all that money he won from betting on me. I searched the pockets and pulled out two handfuls of cash and dropped the wrinkled bills onto the counter.
With one swift movement, Karen swiped the money off the counter with her cleaver and asked, “What you want to eat?”
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I shrugged, “Give me one of everything.”
The boys cheered and slapped my back. We sat in mismatched chairs around the restaurant’s only table and a few of the boys went about turning on, plugging in, and adjusting the shop’s vintage karaoke equipment. The restaurant featured a state of the art 36” trinitron aperture-grille-based flat screen, the best CRT TV that money could buy. I was very impressed.
When they were ready, the boy band leader grabbed a mike and stood on a chair and sang:
“My mama told me when I was young, we are all born popstars.
She curled my hair and helped me put on my mascara in the mirror and she said, There is nothing wrong loving who you are
Because baby I made you perfect, so hold your chin up in the air and look up
Now listen to me when I say…”
I am beautiful in all sorts of ways cause I make no spelling mistakes
I am living on the 8-tracks baby, because I was born yesterday
Don’t pay peekaboo with regret, just love thyself, and you are set
I love 8-tracks baby, because I was born yesterday”
This song was making me hungry. I took a look at my energy and mass readouts, 1,000KJ and 80 kilos. My energy levels have never been so low! Stupid inefficient human body. How many times a day does this ape body need to eat? I need food fast! Flames roared behind the counter and flipped food went flying into the air as Karen cooked. It smelled amazing. Fortunately, the food finished at the same time as the song.
“#1 dish! Mapo tofu, extra spicy.” Karen sent plates spinning to each of our places at the table like a card dealer, then ladled and slopped down a heaping helping of the spicy tofu.
I could not control myself. I did not know food could be so beautiful. Plump white nuggets of tofu floated in a red sauce garnished in fresh green onion and pepper flakes. It was a feast for the eyes. I put my nose directly over the dish and inhaled as hard as I could to enjoy the aromas. My nose was once again too powerful and several pieces of tofu got vacuumed up my nose. I overrode the gag response, kept my soft palate open and closed my trachea and directed the food down the esophagus.
“Boy you crazy, that not how you eat!” Karen then proceeded to slap my back repeatedly while I sneezed out what I could not swallow. The boys hooted and laughed. I ignored everyone, lifted the plate with both hands and opened my mouth extra wide and poured the delicious food down my throat.
One of the boys freaked, “Holy shit! You a pro eater or something? Dam.”
I was in heaven. I slammed the empty dish down on the table. The only thing I could say was “MORE!”
Karen shook her head, turned away and went back to cooking.