I ate like there was no tomorrow. The food was delicious and one dish came after another perfectly timed between songs. After the Mapo tofu, came Stinky tofu, Teriyaki tofu, and on and on it went. So many different flavors, textures, and aromas from tasteless squares of bean paste. Tofu is truly a perfect food.
At around the 10th dish mark, I noticed that the boys getting up one by one and excusing themselves to use the bathroom. Gandalf, what is a bathroom?
Gandalf- A place where people go to defecate and urinate. Also a place to fight over transgender rights.
Oh so it’s like my old arena when I was a crab. I could only imagine why they would fight over bathrooms. But I could imagine how they fought, by throwing poop and peeing on each other. I better try and fit in. “Hey where is the bathroom?”
“Out back behind the restaurant.” One of the boys said. “You can’t miss it, stinks more than the Stinky tofu.”
The open air toilet was indeed disgusting, just a corner of a building over a sewer grate. The side of the building had yellow urea crystals growing up the wall. Better do an energy and mass check to see what I can get rid of. 100,000KJ and 160 kilos. Wow! This is the most full I had ever been. Looks like most of my mass is water weight. But before wasting anything I should ask for a second opinion. Hey Gandalf, what could I spend my mass and energy on?
Gandalf.exe search running…
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
Human.bat interrupts process..
Designer evolutionary apt added.
Gandalf- You may now spend energy to design and more efficiently use mass to prototype body parts.
Excellent! I should maintain my human disguise, so let's keep our weight at 80 kilos. As for energy, the average adult burns 8,700KJ per day. Gosh humans are so inefficient! I better keep half for emergencies.
Gandalf- Select body part to research or prototype.
Humm, what part of me should I improve first or should I add a brand new organ? I looked around me for inspiration. A dirty alleyway devoid of life to my left and right and a wall of crystalized pee in front of me. Not very inspiring. With no other direction, I warily looked up at the neverending sky.
What the hell was that? Giant eagles?! No, they are flying humans! I did not know they could fly. The humans were dressed in elaborate costumes with capes. A group clad in white was chasing a person dressed in blue. Was this one of those bathroom fights Gandalf mentioned?
Gandalf.exe search running…
Human.bat stack overflow, new process declined..
Please complete the prior evolutionary process before new questions.
Error 404 no data available.
Well this is bad, Gandalf for the first time had no answers for me. I would have to think for myself. I know, I should improve my brains. I selected my distributed processing as the organ to improve.
I can feel my head heat up as the biological changes are made. The neuros in my brain were forced into unnatural mitosis and the number of synaptic connections increased by a factor of 3. Steam started to shoot out of my head to cool down the process. In under a minute, I had burned up 80 kilos of biomass and doubled the density of my brain. I took another look at the fight continuing above.
No, not a bathroom brawl. But the colors of their outfits on one side was white, a possible connection to the white coats that were my sworn enemies. I now had a new gang of… friends I could ask for answers. The person in blue pointed to the people in white and frozen body parts started to fall out of the sky.
I kept my head down and walked back into the restaurant. The smells were making me hungry again.