I kept fidgeting on the couch, replaying the scenario in my head. We’d yelled at each other before, but it was always for something that required yelling. Like if there was construction right outside or if I needed to tell Shelly something when she was in her room or if one of us was about to touch a burner when we didn’t realize it was still hot. We never truly fought or yelled at each other, which was probably why I felt like I had a hand around my throat trying to squeeze every bit of air and life right out of me. A few hours had passed and I hadn’t gotten anything done but stare at a wall or a ceiling when it felt like I had a million different things I needed to be working on.
The two of us fighting was so out of our usual wheelhouse that my brain was struggling to process it, how it happened, and what I needed to do to fix it. We didn’t fight. We didn’t even do the sibling bickering thing! With what happened to our parents and the drastic life changes that followed, we needed to support each other more than annoy each other. Even before our parents died, I couldn’t remember either of us being at the other’s throat. At worst, we both just sort of existed in a shared space and didn’t bother anyone. Considering how some siblings seemed ready to tear each other down and kill each other at a moment's notice, I had always taken the relationship we shared as a good thing.
And I felt like I'd just thrown it on the ground, shattered it, and stomped on the broken pieces.
“Hon, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Rebecca’s voice snapped me out of my eternal replaying of the whole mess. When did she end up right in front of me? “What the hell happened?”
“I...I was a dick to my sister.” My face went red saying it, shame and guilt filling my chest, even though Rebecca was the person I felt I could be the most vulnerable with. “She has these papers that have everyone’s strengths and weaknesses on them. She says she made them because we’ve had a lot of people leaving us for McLeod lately. I didn’t take too kindly to it. A few things happened at Lizzy’s that piled up a bit, and I lost my cool on Shelly.”
“Hm.” She sat down on the couch and put an arm around my shoulders. She placed her head against my chest. “So, she’s been creating ways to stop us if she needs to, right?”
“Yeah, except for me. She couldn’t bring herself to make one for me.” I didn’t feel like I deserved the affection of someone after how I acted. I felt like pushing Rebecca away, but I didn’t want to upset someone else too. “I said some mean things about her and our past, not even about the stupid weakness stuff. I cut down how hard she worked to give us the best life she could and acted like I was some gift because we were lucky enough to get here thanks to my powers.”
“Well, I’m not thrilled with the idea of someone having a way to exploit me written down for use. Still, someone could do that if they worked a little bit.” Her green eyes flashed up at me. “I don’t think we’re the most complicated people, babe.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes, nodding. “You’re right. I don’t like it either, but...”
“But after cooling off and thinking about it a little, you get why she made them, right?” When I nodded, she patted my hand. “I didn’t know she had them. I did have an idea that something like them existed because of all the people that have left Luna. As much as I hate to think someone has leverage over me and can control me, I can’t blame her for making those with things as unstable as they are. Everyone carries on like nothing is wrong when there’s almost this global tension in the face of this threat that’s both completely known and entirely unknown. I think she’s just doing what she feels is best for everyone’s safety.”
“I know. No matter how much I don’t like it, she didn’t deserve what I said to her. I just said such mean things that completely discredited everything she’s done for over half a decade.” I closed my eyes and kept seeing how hurt and angry she was when I finished my little tirade. No, not worth it at all.
“Wait, let me get something straight here. You’re worried about what you said to her and not her having documents that hold all of our weaknesses?” When I nodded, Rebecca huffed and shook her head. “I love you so much, but sometimes you’re just so thick. If your issue is with what you said to her, just apologize.”
“What if she-”
“Whatever you’re about to ask is silly and isn’t worth leaving your mouth. Come on, Ethan. She’s your sister, and for a while, you were the only family she had left. Shelly probably loves you more than I do. You hurt her feelings, but if you apologize to her and make it genuine, I guarantee she’ll forgive you.” She tilted her head to look up at me. “Even if her body language tells you she doesn’t want to chat, it’s still on you to make the effort to apologize if you know you’re in the wrong. After that, you’ve done what you can.”
“I know, you’re right. I’ve never been so upset at her. We always had the best sibling relationship I had seen or heard of.” I still didn’t like the information she had. It scared me to know that so much thought and effort had been put into ways to take down my friends. I understood why she had made those papers after a little bit of thinking. If there was anyone I could trust with that kind of power, it was her.
“Do you think I’m a different person since I’ve been back?” I looked up at the ceiling, afraid of seeing her face when she answered.
“How do you mean?”
“I never talked to her that way before. When I talked to the president in Glendale, I was so anti-authority just for the sake of it. I just wanted to be difficult. I can’t point to where any change happened, so I thought hearing your take on it might help.”
She plucked a piece of lint off my shoulder and brushed it without saying anything. “You’ve been put in a very stressful, very impossible situation. You’ve changed from the day I met you. You know, the first time we spent any meaningful time together, you were in a rough spot and I wasn’t any better. I think both of us have changed since that day, even if it’s only a little. So, yeah, I do think that you’ve changed since you’ve been gone. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. We’re both young, we’re both growing, and that means not everything is going to stay the same for us. The president is a piece of work anyway. Can’t stand that lady. I hope you told her off.”
I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell her about the phone call I’d gotten from our favorite leader. It was a good thing that I had no shortage of conversation topics after everything that happened at Lizzy’s place. “I got a call from my high school principal. He wants me to talk to the students there in a few weeks, and I told him I’d only go if I could bring my family. I’ll talk to Shelly and Megs about it, but how about you? Do you want to go?”
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“Of course! Can we get Lizzy to come? I want us to pretend like we’re both fighting over you and we’ll get real nasty in front of everyone at your school.”
“Why are you both like this? I have an entire other planet of people who seem to like me. I don’t have to deal with this nonsense here.” I kissed the top of Rebecca’s head and she showed me her phone, bright with a text message telling her to mention the catfight idea that Lizzy had. “She’s a bad influence on you.”
“She’s the worst. Shame we both love her, so now we’re stuck in this together.” Her eyes lit up with an idea. “Hey! What do you think about honeymooning on Clamor? That’d be awesome! I could be the first human woman on that planet.”
Imagining the two of us spending our honeymoon on the planet that welcomed me so kindly with open arms was awesome. There were so many things on Clamor I didn’t get to do because of an unfortunate mixture of things. Being determined to get home, training and working out, and trying to help the pjulsen with their issues all combined to make it hard to step out and see a movie. There was an entire planet of people with different cultures, things to do, things to learn, and I’d missed out on so many. The most I did was get a haircut by their equivalent of a dog groomer. That was not going to be part of our honeymoon plans.
A honeymoon on Earth would have been wonderful because I would have had Rebecca next to me. Being the only two humans on Clamor made it seem like the entire planet would belong to us in a sense. I couldn’t see Magnus turning us down when I inevitably asked him for some help on getting everything set up. Events, hotels, and restaurants would probably have to go through him in some way, shape, or form.
“I think they’d be thrilled to have more of the weird aliens that don’t want them dead. Sounds like a plan.” I squeezed Rebecca in a tight hug, relaxing when a content sigh left her mouth and hit my chest.
“You know, I appreciate you being here and sticking it out with me,” Rebecca suddenly said.
“I hope you appreciate me. I fought in a space war to get you that rock on your finger.”
She gently slapped my arm. “You look like you could use a little pick-me-up, and you just give me sass back.” Rebecca sighed and shook her head. “For a while, you were the only person who’d let me touch them. Alex still doesn’t want me to, Lori didn’t at first, and Val was wary for a long time. But you never seemed bothered by it. That...that means a lot to me.”
“I’m more than power, so if I lost it, I wouldn’t be destroyed. But someone like Alex? Dude loves his power and biceps more than he does his girlfriend.” I’d meant it as a gentle joke, yet the words came out harsher than intended.
“Don’t say that.” Rebecca pursed her lips and gave me a hard look. “I know he was out of line, but Lori is fully invested in him, so we should believe he’s just as invested in her. How would you feel if someone told you that you loved your power more than you loved me?”
“Point taken, I’m sorry.” I ran a hand through my hair and stared at the ceiling. “Between Lizzy needing me to go to Vegas, my principal asking if I could speak at my school, and this, I feel like I’ve been sucker punched right in the mouth.”
“Wait, take a step back there, mister. Vegas?” She pulled back and raised a curious eyebrow.
I gave her a quick rundown of what happened at Lizzy’s place, including the fresh, grim prospect of being able to have kids in the future, which she found more concerning than funny. At least someone was nothing but worried for the two of us. Then I had to explain what Las Vegas was like, or at least what I knew about it. She only knew it by name and not much else. It wasn’t like I was exactly an encyclopedia of the city myself.
“Do you have to go to Vegas?” Her face contorted in worry.
“Well, I guess I don’t have to, but I told Lizzy I’d help her out. What’s wrong?” She sat tightlipped, moving her jaw in agitation until I nudged her with my elbow. “If we’re going to get married, you’ll have to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I just got you back. Why are you in such a hurry to go out and risk your life again? We thought you died the last time.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“They’re hurting people out there. I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t do anything.” I put an arm around her shoulder, feeling how tense her muscles were. “We think this loops back to McLeod.”
“What about us, the people you love? Doesn’t it matter that it hurts us to see you go out there and not know if we’ll see you again?” She shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. “We can’t keep going through this. Remember, it’s not an if for us anymore. We had months where you were gone and we assumed you died.”
I couldn’t find it in me to disagree with her or her feelings. I knew the hero stuff wasn’t for me, and how she felt about it was a big reason why. I was tired of getting beat up, sometimes severely injured, and making the people I loved worry about me. Still, McLeod was someone who I knew had to be stopped, and his personal vendetta against me might have made me one of the best people to help get it done. Plus, even if I didn’t have the mind to do it all the time, helping people in need simply felt good.
Looking into the eyes of the woman I was sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with made me realize I had a choice to make.
“You’re right. All of you matter, and I swear to you, this McLeod mess will be the first and last of my hero life.” I clicked my tongue and thought of a compromise. “Okay, how about I help Lizzy with this and McLeod? After that, I’m done. I’ll only help out if it’s something directly in front of me. You know, something weird someone trying to turn a school into cotton candy or something, or something that might hurt our family. Will that work?”
Right then, the door flung open and my sister walked back in, barely sparing us a passing glance. My throat fell into my stomach and I felt like I was about to puke all over again.
“Ope, looks like I can get some things together for your trip, hon.” My fiancée stood up and patted me on the shoulder, gesturing toward Shelly. She winked and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m a great packer, don’t worry.”
Shelly didn’t pay her any attention. She was scribbling something down on a notepad before crossing it out and restarting, softly mumbling the entire time. Her jaw was clenched in frustration and her shoulders were visibly tense through her shirt. Well, if there was any body language that was screaming she didn’t want to be talked to, it was exactly what she was giving off right there.
“Who says ‘ope’ anyway? Like she’s from the Midwest or something.” I winced saying it, knowing it was stupid and didn’t make a lick of sense. I felt so sick that I didn’t know what to lead with. God, an apology would have been a great start.
“You found her in Missouri and her daughter was born in Kansas, if you remember either of those things. Guess what? Missouri and Kansas are both in the Midwest.” She didn’t even look up from whatever she was scribbling down.
“I knew that,” I said, trying to keep my voice gentle and not to get agitated. “That isn’t what I wanted to say or talk about.”
Shelly let an exasperated sigh, clicked her pen, slammed it on the notepad, and looked at me with hard eyes. “Okay, then what did you want to talk about?”
I stumbled over nothing. I don’t even think I was forming words and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It had never been so hard to just apologize, even though it was the easiest thing to just say I was sorry. I was overthinking everything and wanted to qualify it with something else. Under her hard stare, all of the possible words were mixing together in my head, forming nothing coherent or helpful.
“Well, when you figure it out, you know where to find me.” Shelly shook her head and stormed off to her office, taking the pen and notepad with her, and leaving me feeling like I’d both punched her and myself in the face with my sorry attempt to say sorry.