It wasn’t too eventful leading up to our...trip? Mission? Whatever it was called. After we wrapped up, Lizzy had shooed us out of her place so she could go meet with the team she was set to lead. Lori, kind as ever, walked me back home. For the most part, I was getting my way back down, so I thought about refusing her help. Then it hit me she offered to make sure I could make it back home safely. I stumbled a couple times and she tried to support me, and with our size difference, I was worried I’d hurt her if we fell.
I invited her in if she wanted to wait for Shelly and talk to her about anything, an offer that she declined. I didn’t push it. She was exhausted and hurting. Beyond exhausted and hurting, probably. I knew watching the Pittsburgh attack unfold on TV took a harder toll on her than it did me, and throwing in the news of leading a team that was leaving in two days probably didn’t put her mind at ease. I wished her well and told her to be in touch if she needed anything, which did seem to cheer her up a bit. I even gave her a quick hug. I initiated it, which surprised both of us.
Alone again for what felt like the first time in ages, the fatigue really hit me just has hard as it did the first day I trained with Lizzy. I grabbed on to our couch for support and almost called Lori back just to be safe, only managing to refrain after I regained my balance. Slowly and carefully, I made my way to my bedroom. I used everything I could get my hands on for support and stability. Finally, eyeing my bed, I used the last bit of energy I had to scramble onto it. I nearly fell face-first into the large frame before managing to safely make it. After that, I was out again before I could take off my shoes.
The next day was much better. My headache cleared up, I had more energy, and I actually got to eat three meals for the first time in a while. Shelly doted on me like I expected her to, and I greatly appreciated the care. Shelly had sacrificed so much for me that she became my role model. My own superhero, really. She was one of the best people in a world that could be uncaring, unforgiving, and needlessly cruel. I was surprised that she didn’t try to talk me out of going on the mission we were given. Mrs. Carmichael must have either convinced her or put something else in her mind to distract her.
She went out of her way to make sure I was properly packed. Clothes, extra underwear on top of those clothes, toiletries, a razor, spare phone charger, and a bunch of other things that I certainly would have forgotten about without her help. Knowing that I was going to be leaving for an unknown amount of time made me feel sentimental and nearly got me to call the whole thing off. I think Shelly could tell I was feeling that way too, because she held up a finger and cut me off before I could say anything when I was about to bring the idea up.
“You’re an adult and I can’t watch over you forever,” she told me. “You’re going to have to make your own decisions. As much as I might hate them, I’ll have to do my best to help you. And for the record, I don’t hate this decision, I just want you to be safe.”
We packed and prepared with minimal words exchanged between us after that. The good thing was that I didn’t have much to carry period, so I was a pretty easy person to travel with. I could fit about a week’s worth of clothes into a small suitcase that could fit into a trunk with little issue. My laptop and smaller things that I might need on the go went into my school backpack. I was worried that Lori and Alex would have less stuff, making it look like I was overdoing it, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that was a silly thing to be concerned about. Shelly also assured me that I was bringing an appropriate number of things. She said if they brought less, they’d be stopping to get the things they didn’t bring.
The rest of the day was spent hanging out, mostly quietly. It almost made me wish we had a more “normal” sibling relationship. We hardly bickered and really got to act goofy with each other. I was such a mess for so long that Shelly never broke out anything harsher than the gentlest teasing. Even before Mom and Dad passed, her personality was so serious that she never really picked on me. After she had to take on a parental role, any chance of us acting like other brothers and sisters pretty much went out the window. It was one of those things that meant I could trust Shelly with just about everything, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was missing out on something that other siblings had.
“Look, I’m not good with the mushy kind of stuff, but I’m really freaked out,” Shelly said from her spot next to me on the couch. Unsurprisingly, her face didn’t give any hints that she was actually freaked out. It worried me that she might be bottling things up unhealthily, but that’s how she’d always been. “Listen, just please make smart decisions and look out for each other, okay? Especially Lori. The spot she’s been put in so suddenly isn’t easy to adapt to, and I know that she can be a bit moody.”
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“Ah, taken to her after threatening to shoot her?” I asked, wanting to take away some of her tension. She just rolled her eyes in response.
“I wasn’t really going to shoot her. She was about to piss herself in my backseat and she’s barely five feet tall, trust me, I wasn’t terrified.” She smirked at the memory. I raised my eyebrows and just looked at her. “Don’t give me that look. But for myself, I had to feel like I was in control of some part of it. It weirded me out that these people could just find you so easily. They could have kidnapped you without me ever knowing where you went. To answer your question, though, I do think I’m growing a bit fond of her. Us short queens have to stick together.”
I felt guilty about bringing her along with me here, even though it did seem to the right move. I was glad that she was warming up to Lori after that first meeting. That didn’t change the fact that I was the one who made the decision to go with them. If it turned out they were ruthless murderers too, we wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Then again, if they could find me as easily as Shelly mentioned, it really didn’t matter. They could just have killed us in our home or anywhere else. It wasn’t like her job or my school offered world-class protection.
She broke the silence with a yawn, still seeming completely unfazed on the outside. I was glad that she could stay so nonchalant, because I felt like a fish out of water. I could make some weak shields that might put me in a coma if too many were broken. At that point, I was just being led by the nose with people I hoped knew how to handle everything. She put her hair up in a bun and stood up. “I think I’m gonna turn in for the night. You feeling okay?”
“I’m good. I think I’ll head to bed in about an hour. I feel a lot better, but I’m still pretty exhausted.” I stood up, getting ready to head off to my own room. “I wanted to practice making more shields today. Still a little spooked after what happened, though.”
“Yeah, you’re going to need to watch that when you’re gone,” she said, folding her arms across her chest. “It’ll be harder to find someone who can help you out there. Just be a nice cheerleader for them, okay?”
“Sounds good. I’m not eager for that to happen again,” I said, shuddering at imagining all that blood leaking out of me again. “I’ll be the best cheerleader they could want.”
Satisfied with that answer, Shelly waved and disappeared into the hall. I watched her leave, pushing down my anxiety so I could tie it into a nice knot that sat in my stomach. I wanted to be like her. She was always so calm and cool about everything, although the gun thing might’ve been extreme to some. She still handled the entire situation with a reasonable and fair request for Lori. I would have had no idea what to do had our roles been reversed. Pointing a gun at someone like that would have been too much for me.
I let the minutes tick by while I thought back on my life to that point. I was having serious regrets not picking up any real hobbies or skills. Wake up, go to school, pass my tests, don’t have freakouts, go home, watch TV with my sister, sleep, and repeat. That was what my life had been for six damn years. I knew people overstated how important high school was. Some talked about it like it was the best time to be alive. I wouldn’t have gone that far with the idea, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling I did manage to waste a lot of my high school life away. In a sad realization, I knew there was no one at my high school who would have missed me, if they noticed I was gone to begin with. That stung a little.
Shelly would have kicked my butt if she could have heard my thoughts. Actually, she would have partially blamed herself for not pushing me to do more. She became...hesitant to nudge me with certain things. In a parental role, I couldn’t deny she did her best with what little she had, and all things considered, she did a good job. I would have still bet money that she regretted not having me do something for those six years. People sometimes needed a little push to do things they weren’t comfortable with. We may have overcompensated by agreeing to move across the country after a madman who could control fire led two attacks.
With a sigh, I stopped beating myself up about it. It was all in the past where it couldn’t be changed. My fondness of inaction couldn’t be changed in the past, and I wasn’t going to try and find a way to change it. That didn’t mean I couldn’t make attempts to be a little better going forward. I went to my bed and quickly found myself getting lost in my own thoughts again, but not really thinking about anything. It felt like my mind was going both too fast and too slow at the same time, and it made me feel a bit uneasy. I decided to browse my phone for news until either the butterflies in my stomach or sleep won out. Good thing for me I was still tired and the need for sleep beat out the excitement for the upcoming journey.