It had been forty-eight rainy hours since the attack on Seattle, and there were some pleasant and less pleasant things going on. The good was that, true to his word, McLeod hadn’t popped up to attack a new city after his work in Seattle was done. Pittsburgh was still on the table, so we couldn’t breathe too easy. I was still going to take everything I could get. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my chest. I didn’t have to dread turning on the metaphorical TV we had, and that was a nice after what had happened. I didn’t even have a nightmare when I slept!
The bad news outweighed the positive of my lack of nightmares, though. Lori hadn’t contacted us at all, and we didn’t think she’d left her apartment since the day of the attack. She’d only been in Shamrock for a few days without a car, so there was no way she had many groceries, if any at all. Our cheap apartment units meant we could usually hear it when our neighbors came and went from their units, so it created a bit of inadvertent spying. That was part of the reason why Lori’s apartment had been vacant when she got there. Our old neighbors couldn’t stand constantly hearing people come in and out.
That had the two of us worried sick about our new neighbor. We knew that she had been through something difficult, but she didn’t have anyone to help. She was in an unfamiliar area, away from any friends and family, and she wasn’t allowed to go back and be with them just yet. At least Shelly and I had each other to lean on for six years. If Lori was anything like she had been two days prior, she’d probably be suffering, and all alone on top of it.
So, I was making some potato pancakes for all three of us. I wasn’t going to do something like invite Lori over when she was still grieving. If she had some comfort in her own place, I was going to let her have it. That didn’t change the fact she needed to eat regularly. Shelly normally preferred to cook, but I insisted on doing it that time. Lori was technically here because of me, so I felt at least partially responsible for her not being able to grieve at home. I was hoping a nice meal would help her a little bit.
It didn’t take long before the entire apartment smelled like garlic and potatoes. I hadn’t eaten yet, so I felt my mouth watering as I stood right above the delicious scent as it rose up to my nose. I tried to remain patient and just let them finish. I needed to make they all turned out as well as I could make them, so I couldn’t get too eager and dig in right after they cooled. In protest to my excellent patience, my stomach growled, trying to convince me to only look out for myself, just one time.
I was able to push those thoughts out of my head and focus on making sure nothing got burned or went wrong. Nothing did, thankfully, but that left me feeling bored over the stove, so I lazily observed our soon-to-be old home. Our living and dining room area was as unexciting as always, now minus a few pictures that Shelly had put away for packing. We wouldn’t soon forget the TV I shattered either, may its soul find eternal rest. I’d gotten so used to the white noise the TV created when on that I started to feel weird without it. Too weird, almost. How did people get by without some sort of noise in the background?
“Smells great, Ethan!” Shelly yelled from her bedroom, no doubt packing away her essentials in there. She was much better at getting that done than I had been. “Make sure you save me a few.”
“Sure thing, but I’m making Lori’s first!” I yelled back, turning my head down the hall to make sure she heard me. “I’ll take these over to her and then I’ll make ours, then I’ll come home and start packing. Sound good?”
“Sounds good,” she confirmed, leaving me to face those pleasant smells that still taunted me.
They wouldn’t be doing that for much longer. Finally, they were done, and like a perfect gentleman, I refrained from eating all the food I made for Lori. I carefully removed them from the skillet one at a time. Since I didn’t know if I’d be able to make her anything else, I made her four, hopefully that would be enough to last her the entire day. She was a small lady, and I hadn’t seen her eat a lot at the diner, so four seemed to be an appropriate amount. I was also worried about making too many and wasting perfectly good food.
I grabbed a small bit of saran wrap, preparing for the event that she didn’t want to eat or left without us noticing. I also thought to grab a small sticky note and pen in case I needed to leave her a message. Using a fork, I did my best to arrange the potato pancakes on the plate in a way that they wouldn’t accidentally fall off. I shouted back to Shelly that I was leaving and that I’d be back soon. I was really hoping that Lori would be doing better.
I left my apartment and took the few steps needed to get to her front door. I knocked a couple of times to no response. Not exactly a surprise there. I’d hardly want to answer the door in her position. I gently knocked some more, not wanting to wake her up if she was sleeping in. Still no response, and I felt myself starting to get nervous. What if something bad happened to her and we hadn’t noticed?
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes with my free hand. She was fine. Physically, at least. I was sure of it and it was my job as a friend to check up on her, even if there was nothing else I could do beyond that. Those were the thoughts I kept running through my mind when I fished out the spare key Lori had given me when we dropped her off after the diner trip. She told me it was in case of emergencies, and her not answering was an emergency, right? It seemed pretty close to one to me.
Like an experienced and seasoned waiter, I was able to keep the potato pancakes balanced on the plate when I unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open. A wave of guilt briefly washed over me, causing me to hesitate in front of the cracked door. Was going into her home, temporary as it was, really an okay thing to do uninvited? I know that my intentions were good, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that I was doing something immoral.
Well, I decided that feeling was useless since I was already standing in front of a partially opened door with food in one hand. Turning back at that point would have probably just made things more awkward and weird. Might as well just dive headfirst into the possible mess, right? What could go wrong?
“Lori, are you home?” I asked, poking my head inside.
The only light in her living room came from the doorway and an uncovered window in the back of her living room. Her place was mostly unfurnished, only having a couch, dining table, and a couple of chairs. God, it looked so lifeless and lonely. I knew it was just a temporary housing arrangement for her, but it was just a place to sleep, really. There was nothing about the apartment that looked like someone lived there.
I didn’t hear a response, so I walked a little further in. The silence was kind of eerie. It didn’t look like a place a person should live in, so I genuinely wondered if she was still there at all. I turned to check the kitchen, since her apartment was identical to mine, only mirrored. As I expected, she wasn’t in there either
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I sighed and went to write her a note telling her where the food came from, but I heard a slight shifting sound from the couch. I assumed it was Lori, but I didn’t want to ignore the possibility it might’ve been someone else. I wasn’t sure if any home invaders would take a nap on someone’s couch in their barely furnished apartment. Still, I crept over slowly, not wanting to take any chances.
I got to the back of the couch and peered over, seeing Lori staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. Her lights were on, but no one was anywhere close to home. I gave a small wave to her which did seem to get her attention. Considering she hadn’t known I was there, she wasn’t surprised to see me, or at least she didn’t show it.
“Oh, hey Ethan,” she began, sounding uninterested. She slowly sat up and I got a good look at how dark the circles around her eyes were. “What do you need?”
“Hey, sorry if I woke you up,” I answered. She looked so tired and defeated. I wasn’t sure if a good meal would be of much help. “I wasn’t sure if you had eaten since the diner, so I brought you some food.”
“That’s nice of you, but I’m not feeling very hungry,” Lori said, rubbing her eyes and glancing around the room, looking a little confused at her surroundings. Had she spent most of her time lying on the couch?
Getting a closer look at her, she really did not look well. She had at least changed clothes since the last time I saw her. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts. Her hair looked a little greasy and messy. While someone’s grooming habits were none of my business, and I didn’t care to make them my business, there was some stubble on her legs and her underarms. She hadn’t showered since she watched Rory die.
“I know you’re not hungry, but you need to try and eat something, okay?” I hoped she’d be willing to at least get a little something on her stomach. I showed her the plate and her eyes did seem to get some life back into them. “They’re potato pancakes and I think they’re pretty good.”
I took the saran wrap and carefully put it on to cover the food. I walked around set the plate on the carpet, confident that the wrapping would it keep it safe. I was hoping that if I left it that close to her and in her field of view, she’d eat a few of them. They didn’t need to be immediately refrigerated either.
“Our door’s always open if you want to come by, Lori,” I said, putting a hand on her little shoulder. I didn’t want to sound like I was trying to force her to come over, but man, I just couldn’t imagine having to be alone here. Suffering alone when grieving was truly agonizing. I pulled my hand back and turned away to leave before she started speaking.
“He was the first person who really welcomed me at Luna,” she began, her voice unsteady. She patted the couch a few times, which I took as an invitation to sit. “When I first got there, everyone could do all these cool things, and I could just see how people were feeling. Compared to them, I felt completely worthless.
“I was sitting alone and crying in one of our exercise rooms about a week after I got there. Rory comes in to do some workouts and sees me like that. A teenage girl in a crying fit is not something most people want to get involved with, so I thought he’d just go about his day. He didn’t hesitate to strike up a conversation with me.”
Lori adjusted her position and sat cross-legged. She started to sniffle, and her eyes got wet. I looked around for any tissues, but Lori hadn’t had the chance to get any of those either. She sighed and just wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that she broke down and how I would try to handle it. Ever the social master, I was drawing blanks.
“And he started talking to me, asked me my name and all that. When I told him it was Loriana, he asked, ‘So we got a Rory and now a Lori, eh?’ I loved it. It was the first time someone gave me a nickname, and I’ve made sure it’s stuck since then. He was really the only person who felt like a friend to me. Our age difference didn’t give us a lot in common for a few years, so he sort of became an older brother figure to me. He helped me adjust to a brand-new life there. I…I didn’t even say bye to him before he left on his last assignment. And it wasn’t even over something stupid like a fight or another thing you’d see in a movie. Nope, we just missed each other.”
That really helped me understand just how much he meant to her. I was in bad shape after I had a nightmare about losing Shelly, and I knew that wasn’t real. If I lost her for real, I don’t think that I would be able to do much of anything. I couldn’t see how I’d be able to get out of that dark tunnel. Perhaps it was strange to do all those mental comparisons for someone I didn’t know that well, but come on, someone’s locked themselves in their home and I’m supposed to not try and understand?
“I feel so alone right now, and I don’t know what to do,” Lori said, breaking the brief silence. “I’m glad your sister made me food, really, I am. It’s a sweet gesture, but I just want to be back home right now.”
I wasn’t about to point out that Shelly didn’t make the food. Lori probably wouldn’t care for being told she was wrong in such a delicate state, especially since she had really started crying hard. Instead, I squeezed her shoulder and said, “I know you do, Lori. You’ll be back there before you know it. Just try and stay strong.”
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to stay strong anymore!” she yelled, anger taking over. “I can’t be home to even see if they’re having a funeral for my friend, I can’t be with my parents, and I have to wait for an attack in Pittsburgh. And the best part is that I get to do it while sitting in this nameless, miserable little town!”
“I’m sorry, but we’ll be out in just a few more days,” I said, attempting to calm her down. I tried to not get offended about the insult directed toward my town. “Just manage until Thursday, Lori. I know you can do it.”
“No, Ethan, you don’t know anything about me,” she said, standing up. “You’ve always had Michelle to be a shoulder to lean on when you needed it. You had your family there when you needed them, and I have to be stuck here babysitting!”
“Lori, that’s not fair and you know it,” I said. I took a deep breath to control my anger and my temper. “I lost my parents and you’ve lost someone special to you. We’ve both lost people important to us.”
“Just shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! You don’t know anything about this. You don’t understand me! You don’t understand what Rory meant to me!” Lori’s tiny body was trembling with anger.
When she finished, a huge spike of pure rage hit me. The sudden change nearly made me fall off the couch, but it only lasted for an instant. I was able to get it under control enough for it to just be manageable. It was still the angriest I had been in a while, though. I had enough sense to know I needed to get out of there as quickly as I could.
“I think I should leave now,” I said, struggling to keep my voice level. I stood up on shaky legs and looked toward the door.
“Yeah, I think you should too,” Lori said, tears still running down her face. She placed both her hands on my chest and shoved me back. “Just get out and leave me alone!”
Really struggling to keep my anger in check at that point, I swiftly made my exit. I closed the door behind me and stood in the rain, still able to hear Lori’s sobs. My mind struggled with anger and sadness, the former still feeling misplaced. I knew that I should have been angry at her comments, but I didn’t think I should have been as angry as I was. I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever been that enraged before in my life, at least not in a single moment.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I went back into my place shaking my head. I could feel a headache coming on, and I still had to start packing my things. If I procrastinated on that, Shelly was going to have my head. I think I just needed something to do. It’d help me clear my mind a little bit. Lori’s mood swing was a little jarring and I just wanted to get past it as soon as possible.
I opened my door and saw Shelly cleaning some dishes with a concerned look on her face. I had been hoping that she would stay in her room packing the entire time. No good fortune for me on that front. Maybe she didn’t end up hearing anything and her look of concern was for something unrelated.
“Sounded…lively over there,” she said, quickly dashing that hope.
“Lori was not, uh, in a talking mood today,” I explained, rubbing my temples.
“I could tell. That was definitely not talking over there.”
“No, it wasn’t, but she’s not had the easiest time the past couple of days,” I said. “I’ll keep leaving her food, even if she’s upset. She needs to eat. But for now, I’m going to start getting things packed away.”
And with that, I went into my room to slowly pack away and prepare for the next huge chapter in my life.