Sometimes it's better not to know the difference between reality versus a fantasy medieval world. For instance: Would you like to hear about how the big cities didn't have decent sewers?

Of course you don't. It simply doesn't belong in a fantasy world! So, for your reading pleasure I won't cover the cities in dung and the streets in filth, but instead ask you to picture a few thousand janitors sweeping the city perfectly clean before Twig and Seth actually enter the place.

Also, King Lacial has named the areas occupied by goblins 'sewers' because he also knows about the joke. Whatever the goblins actually occupy remains a secret for now and may or may not be revealed later on.

Seth: You know, those swords looked a lot dirtier the last chapter.

Mysterious Girl: Funny how that happens. Anyway, how have you been Seth? Nice hat by the way!

Seth: Thank you, Yuna.

Dun dun dunnnn!

Yuna: What was that sound?

Seth: Not a clue…

Yes. The Mysterious Girl is Yuna! Seth's childhood friend from Bathvil. I could bother you with the long side story of how the two met. It's very cute actually and it involves a forest, a waterfall, a log to sit on, and for some weird reason a lot of elegantly dancing squirrels and birds. No beavers though, they were too occupied with their everlasting feud against pixies. But trust me, it was cute and they promised their love to each other on that very special day.

It was also the last day they spoke to each other and Yuna was forcibly removed from her home to work on paying for her drinking problem. Indeed, drinking too much lemonade takes its toll. And everyone has to eventually face their flaws.

Yuna: So, yeah... How have you been Seth? Do you still want to become a hero?

Seth: Of course! Saving a world that needs saving is what I always wanted to do right?

Yuna: So, tell me. What vicious beasts have you slain on your way here? I bet you slayed hundreds of wolves and goblins. You must have dulled out your wooden sword by now, right? You see I have this awesome crystal swo-

Seth: -Sorry to break your enthusiasm Yuna. I am not the guy you dated nine days ago. I have changed. I am a Mage now.

Yuna: What's a mage?

Seth: A Mage is... err…

Yuna: Tricky if there isn't a book for you to read about it, isn’t it?

Seth: Yes… Well… I want to use spells! And I thought that was called being a Magician, or Mage. I made a wand and everything!

Yuna: What's a 'Wand'?

Seth: You know... You point it at something, and you focus really hard and then... Stuff comes out.

Twig whispering: Too much info Seth.

Seth: What? No! You know like fireballs and such!

Yuna: Oh... So not swords then?

Seth: No swords are involved.

Yuna: Why did you walk into this Swordery then?

Seth: This is not a weapons shop?

Yuna: Yes it is, but it is also a Swordery. I sell swords. Currently I've sold hundreds of swords to heroes.

Seth: Sounds like a nice legi-

Yuna: And then I send out my workers to retrieve the iron and wooden swords from their dead bodies to sell again!

Yuna's eyes start to shine brightly.

Seth: …

Yuna: Did your hat just flinch?

Seth: It does that sometimes…

Yuna: Why?

Seth: Well… You know that goblins resp-ouch!

Twig whispering: Don't tell humans!

Seth: You know goblins disappear into nothingness when they die right?

Yuna: Of course. That's completely normal.

Seth: Well. So, this guy has to stay alive to be my Goblin Hat.

Yuna: I see. It's pretty rare then right?

Seth: Totally. I hope. It must be. Right?

Yuna: And you're sure he isn't harmful?

Seth: Oh yes! It is totally sedated by… You know... Tranquilizers and stuff.

Yuna: Your hat just sneezed.

Seth: Bad timing, though purely coincidental and unrelated with that sedated thing.

Yuna: You just made that whole stuff up didn't you?

Seth: Pretty much. So, could you get a wand for me?

Yuna: Well, if you can draw me the shape you'd like for a wand, I could try it.

Seth: I can try…

Meanwhile at the Castle.

King Lacial gazes out of the windows across his Kingdom, which reaches as far as the eye can see! To Bathvil in the South, and the forest that separates it from the City of… What? that lies beneath the Castle. The lake in the West, which is as far as the heroes can go before they reach the invisible wall that situates between the lake and what lies beyond. The docks to the salty sea in the North.

King Lacial: Look outside these castle windows Servant. Do you see the beauty of our Kingdom?

Servant: Yes Sir. The landscape is beautiful. Your royal landscapers are pretty awesome.

King Lacial: That too, but look within the city walls. Everyone is so alive and happy.

Servant: I don't think the anger of that woman over there towards those robbers and the crying of those kids because their house got burned down are a happy sight my King.

King Lacial: You're such a pessimist sometimes Servant.

Servant: How do you see it then my Liege?

King Lacial: Do you see the grin on that thief's face? And now those three guardsmen are happily beating the thief into a pulp and returning half the amount of the belongings so the woman will be motivated to work again for more gold? Full job satisfaction right there. My system makes everyone happy.

Servant: Surely you think those kids have a rough time out there, don't they? They're honestly suffering from those flames… And did you know their house burned down as well?

King Lacial: I'm not a cruel man Servant. Look at the bigger picture here. The kids will find new friends at the orphanage. And the volunteers will be happy they can help these unfortunate children. Later on the carpenters will have space to build new dwellings, which will have to be taken care of by the janito-why is your nose bleeding?

Servant: I suffer from sheer stupidity my Liege.

King Lacial: Are you that stupid Servant?

Servant: Aaaaargh..…

Meanwhile back at the Swordery.

Seth: So, that is how a wand would look like.

Yuna: Does size matter?

Seth: You are the expert. You tell me.

Yuna: And you're telling me that this weapon is -not- meant to poke things with?

Seth: Exactly. It will only be used to channel my inner power.

Yuna: Umm... Come back in a couple of days okay? I'll see what I can do.

Seth: No problem. Can I also get fifteen wooden swords and a saw?

Yuna: Did you really have to draw those two explosions with it though?

Seth: Well... No... Not really.

Yuna: Here are the swords. Free of charge of course. I have a shed built of wooden swords behind this shop.

Seth: Wonderful. Thank you Yuna.

Yuna: Why don't you try to take on some requests from the people in the city?

Seth: No. The people only offered bad rewards and useless swords…

Yuna: Sorry, that's my fault. I'm getting way too many swords so I'm giving them away to the townsfolk to get their dirty jobs done.

Seth: Sweet system. Do not let any of the heroes hear about your system though.

Yuna: Of course not haha. Could you imagine the look on their faces? So, what are you going to do now?

Seth: I guess I am going to visit the King. Maybe he has some special requests that can help me find magic spells, or at least make me stronger.

Yuna: Good idea! Maybe he knows something... Last week he told us about a 'non spoiling foreshadowing evil mage' that may or may not burn down the kingdom if his either fictional or non-fictional demands are met. He did not tell anyone what a 'mage' was though. I'm still puzzled. Even after you described it to me.

Seth: How very convenient.

Yuna: Isn't it always?

Seth: God, I hope not. Well, bye for now Yuna. I will go visit the King now.

Yuna: Okey, bye my lover.

Seth: I am not the same person I was nine days ago. Please. I thought we had a clean breakup!

Yuna: So sorry. It's just hard to get over you after all these days. Please return safely.

Seth: Only always. By the way… About your question earlier. One grandmother, that is all.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Yuna: ... Whoa?

Seth: Bye!

Quickly, Seth leaves the Swordery. Noticing that not only the swords inside the shop, but also the whole town is instantly cleaned. Every time something like this occurred in the past, hundreds of citizens around the city would grip their chest as they suffer a heart attack from the shock. This time was no exception. Even at this very moment, almost a hundred people are silently being buried due to this sudden change. But ah well. It's what you readers want right? So, it's only a little trouble for us to make you readers feel a bit happier.

After about half an hour of walking, Seth reaches the castle. He's received with a warm welcome by the servant at the entrance.

Servant: Welcome, noble traveler.

Seth: Hi! I am Seth from the village of Bathvil.

Servant: You seek an audience with the King, I assume?

Seth: If possible, sure!

Servant: That won't be an issue, However…

Seth: What?

Servant: Just a little bit of advice... The king is a little grumpy today. So please, don't say anything stupid.

Seth: Stupid notions make my nose bleed. And I am not the one with a bloody nose, right? So, you can trust I am quite capable of not being stupid. Did you say something stupid that made the King send you to the entrance?

Servant: ... There goes my nose again. Follow me, Seth.

Meanwhile in the throne room of the Castle.

King Lacial: Thank you for killing fifteen goblins, mighty hero. Have a wooden sword and buckler as a thanks for your tremendous effort.

Hero: Gee... I hoped it was a little more than that.

King Lacial's brow twitches.

Hero: Surely, it's the same reward as almost everyone in town. My last wooden sword hasn't even degraded yet.

King Lacial: …

Hero: I mean... Item rewards are so overrated, right? Can't I get like a gold reward or something?

King Lacial: Sure, fine hero. You get exactly what you ask for.

Hero: Oh goody! I knew the persuasion ranks I bought from a Mysterious Shady Man were worth the trouble!

King Lacial: Five hundred gold coins!

Hero: Ohmygod.

King Lacial: For the first person who brings me this hero's head.

Hero: …

Servant: Isn't that a little overkill for just a kid King?

King Lacial: You are right, Servant. That, perhaps, sounded too good to be true. How about two gold coins for this hero's head!

Guard1: Sweet. Dibs!

Guard2: Hey we're always standing here together with two halberds. Let's split the reward between us.

Guard1: Fine... That's still two year's salary for one swing.

A few gory seconds later, after which the gory remains were efficiently poured into buckets.

King Lacial: See Servant? That's how painters can keep their job.

Servant: My Liege. I bring you Seth from Bathvil. He was inquiring about tasks you might have for him.

King Lacial: Will he request something different than swords?

Servant: Uhh… He might, yes?

King Lacial: Why wouldn't he be interested in swords?

Servant: He claims he's a mage my Liege.

King Lacial: ... That's perfect! Young man. I have three Quests for you.

The images of what the Quests might entail, flies through Seth’s mind. However, King Lacial wants to make it very clear that this is NOT Magic.

King Lacial: First, there is a problem with our 'Sewers'. Goblins have taken over the place and I prefer to get rid of them. I don't assume you can kill all fifteen thousand goblins, so I request you kill only fifteen. That way you don't get the feeling this task is a grind or anything.

Seth: Kill fifteen goblins as my first quest. Splendid!

King Lacial: Did your Goblin Hat just flinch?

Seth: No, it is just your imagination of my hat in which you think that.

King Lacial: I see no reason not to believe you. The second quest is defeating the Evil Wizard in the Evil Tower that may or may not be Evil. The last thousand heroes didn't succeed in killing him, but it keeps him busy. Distracting him will save many lives. So if you want to attempt that and accidentally succeed, we won't sue you for murder.

Seth: That is a relief.

Twig whispering: Why do I get the feeling he would say the same about his own loyal subjects?

Servant: Sshh.

King Lacial: The third quest is a very tricky one. But since you're a mage, you may consider it.

Seth: That sounds promising , bring it on!

King Lacial: The princess is kidnapped by a dragon. She's locked up somewhere in a tower. Could you bring her back to me?

Seth: Is that not more of a warrior's job?

Servant: Yes... Usually that is the case. However, the King has passed a law to keep towers away from dragons.

Seth: Do you perhaps mean repel dragons from towers?

Servant: No... I don't.

King Lacial: Long story short. A flock of dragons abused this law and dived towards the tower, which by law has to stay away from the dragons. They ended up flying away with it.

Seth: ... I am not sure if my emotional response would be appropriate at this time.

Servant: Just pretend your nose bleeds. That helps.

Seth: It seems I am way beyond pretending. Could you hand me a towel?

Servant: I like your style. Let me join you.

King Lacial: I can reward you with something a mage will always need. Mana potions! Would you be interested in that?

Seth: King Lacial... Are you telling me Mana potions exist in this world? I expected to find a few at the potion shop I came by earlier. But sadly, I was disappointed. I had almost given up hope!

King Lacial: They do exist. But err... Well, since there is no magic in this world I…

Seth: I will take it! Whatever happened to it!

Servant: He uses the Mana potions to bathe in.

Seth: Eww!

King Lacial: So, do you accept these quests to earn your reward: a bucket full of my filthy, filthy tub water?

Seth: I accept. Everything is better than a sword.

King Lacial: You do know you have to drink it, right?

Seth: Please, do not remind me.

King Lacial: Well then, be off! And best of luck to you!

Servant: What I'd give for a bath in the King's royal hot tub…

King Lacial: With or without me? Oh, there goes your nose again. Put a cork in it, will you?

And so, Seth leaves the castle. Thereby surviving his first near death experience, as he could have died from major blood loss. Fortunately, the King allowed it because the Janitors were still mopping the floors of the castle unseen. After three chapters, finally something to write home about: Seth got his first quest(s)!

Will Seth ever defeat the Evil Wizard in the Evil Tower that may or may not be Evil? Will Seth ever find out what the dragons are planning to do with the princess in the tower?

Will the Narrator tell you the dragons wicked plan now?

I say no!

And why oh, why is the writer of this story getting away with all the strange reasons for Seth's actions? Seriously, it doesn't make any sense that a ten-year-old boy uses the word tranquilizer and gets away with it! But who am I to judge? Maybe you, dear reader, have always been a wizkid who uses these kinds of words all the time? If so, good for you!