We find our heroes in the Pigeonary a few miles south-west from the City of... What?, and golly these past few chapters have been quite exciting! Seth obtained his first 'spell' (which he got from Richard), Twig is reunited with his one true love Leaf, Seth's ex-wife Yuna had her wooden Swordery upgraded to an iron Swordery and moved into Leaf's Pigeonary, and last but not least: Seth is about to receive his present from Yuna! I'm on the edge of my seat! I cant wait to see how the plot continues to develop.
Seth: ... Wow, I thought this was just randomness altogether.
Twig: Well, there has been some character growth at least. Though I will probably stay level 1 forever. What is your level right now Seth?
Seth: I have no way to check. I am getting more muscular occasionally. But I have no use for them. Why are you hiding behind the counter?
Twig: I'm changing.
Twig climbs on the counter and shows off his new attire.
Twig: Look! Leaf gave me a new outfit. It's all dark-ish blue instead of brown and I'm actually wearing cute little shoes now!
Seth: Those shoelaces are indeed adorable.
Twig: Made of rabbitskin. It's so soft. If only this was silky human ba-
Seth: -Allow me to stop you right there.
Twig: Oh yeah... Ethical reasons, right? Humans can kill anything they like and wear them as a hat and no one is disgusted. You're racist, Seth.
Seth: You are right. I apologize. Shall we just avoid the baby talk at the very least, as a compromise?
Twig: Fine by me.
Yuna & Leaf: Aww...
Seth: So what can we do now? It has been wonderful to stay here for a couple of days. But since there has not been a pigeon with a single magic scroll even, I would love to explore to see if there is anything hidden in the far reaches of the world.
Twig: Didn't we get more quests from King Lacial? I feel like we forgot half of the assignments he sent us out for.
Seth: There has always been the quest from King Lacial where we could save the princess who was kidnapped by dragons...
Not to mention that big war I forecasted in Chapter 1.
Twig: I so forgot all about that. Wait, was I even there yet?
But don't fret! The writer of this story didn't!
Writer: Nope.
See? That's pure confidence people! Let's completely skip the part where his answer could be interpreted in two different ways! Also... I thought I was the all-knowing writer?
Writer: Nope.
I think I have an existential crisis brewing. Let's just go back to the Pigeonary and see what happens.
Yuna: Seth, I got you a present!
Seth: Really? That is awesome! Just do not let it be a sword.
Yuna: No, don't worry about that. I know how much you hate those.
Seth: Whew. You know me so well Yuna.
Yuna: It's in this box. Open it!
Seth: All right. Remind me to give you a present in return in the future... Woah!
Indeed Woah! There is something in the box that Seth had been dreaming about for almost eleven years! It's a...
Seth: A Robe! An actual Wizard Robe! Dark grey, and a little smelly. Just like an evil wizard robe!
Yuna: Yeah I thought you'd like the ambiance.
Seth: Ambiance? Since when do you use such complex words. You are ten! Have you been reading some of the books at my home?
Twig: I smell hypocrisy. No wait... It's the robe. Phew!
Yuna: Yes. I have lots of free time now after rehab! All I really have to do is not drink lemonade so...
Seth: But this robe... It is made of...
Yuna: 25% paper, 10% love and 65% pigeon droppings.
Seth: Ah... That explains the smell.
Yuna: It has some ' magical ' properties though!
Seth: How so?
Yuna: Bird droppings give it a +1 in agility!
Seth: Ah, because the robe can move more freely right?
Yuna: Exactly! Isn't that great? It degrades slowly though, so you'll either have to come back here to the Pigeonary. Or find a flock of birds that would love to crap all over you to refresh the robe!
Seth: That would refresh the robe but not really refresh me, would it?
Yuna: But flaws are what makes the robe so awesome isn't it? Plus, I'd get to see you more often. This may or may not have had some influence over the choice of fabric.
Seth: Let me put this on.
Since Seth is busy with changing his clothes, let's have a quick nifty look at the castle of King Lacial! It's... in one word: beautiful! The castle has been completely repainted white to give it a more natural feel with the white winter scenery, and there is a big shining star just above it. The castle reflects its light evenly across the kingdom, and it would have shown how the people in the streets are demonstrating against Queen Eve's policies if it wasn't for the 24h curfew implemented to make the Kingdom look its very best! King Lacial doesn't have much say in the matter. Let's check out what he's been up to in the last couple of days.
King Lacial: *sighs*
Servant: What is it my Liege?
King Lacial: I miss the good old days.
Servant: The good old days where you could smear blood on the walls, use children as firelighters and meat shields? The time where you managed to blackmail over 1500 ninja janitors to clean up the mess either you or the people of your country made?
King Lacial: Blackmailed?
Servant: You sent a friendly contract to their country because you heard from your wife they were bored. And the contract was coincidentally written in white ink on black paper, and put into a black envelope.
King Lacial: See? I do nothing but good deeds. I would never blackmail anyone.
Servant: Whatever makes you sleep well at night my Liege.
King Lacial: I need a distraction.
Servant: Shall I summon the Towns' Idiot for your entertainment Sire?
King Lacial: No, no. Not that kind of distraction. I need to distract my wife from my kingdom.
Servant: Why are you not honest with her? Couldn't you just tell her she's ruining everything you have built here. You could at least complain about the fact that she kills your citizens based on appearance.
King Lacial: But on average my inhabitants are looking prettier every day.
Servant: You just don't want to confront your wife, do you?
King Lacial: Of course, I couldn't. I love her! I would never stand in her way if my interference would make her less happy.
Servant: So instead of confronting her directly, what about a scheme? A seemingly random turn of events not orchestrated by you. A wonderful scheme that cannot be traced back to you. Would that perhaps be appealing?
King Lacial: My hands are tied Servant, I cannot help you. But are you trying to lure me into action to save your family? That is rather selfish of you Servant.
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Servant: My wife asked me to convince you.
King Lacial: Ah, the power of love. It has us both in its grip. I won't have you killed for trying to manipulate me this time, Servant. Think of it as a reward for your witty play on words earlier.
Servant: Thank you my Liege. My wife thanks you.
King Lacial: She must be pretty to be alive for this long. Kudos.
Servant: I just hope your wife next step isn't killing off everyone prettier than her.
King Lacial: Don't hold your breath.
Servant: Wanna help queen Eve by writing up a law to make the river towards the lake look nicer?
King Lacial: Sure!
On that note, we leave the castle. Now quickly back to the Pigeonary!
Twig: Are you ready Seth?
Seth: Yes. I have equipped my new robe, said my goodbyes to Yuna for now, and I sent a letter to Mom about my whereabouts by pigeon mail. Pigeons are so convenient, are they not?
Twig: How nice of you to send her a typewriter along with it.
Seth: Yes. Leaf had one to spare.
Twig: Now let's go see if there are any spells in the world for you.
Seth: Let us move out!
Seth and Twig leaves the Pigeonary, off to new adventures!
Seth: So we just follow this river towards the lake to the north, right?
Twig: Yup that's the general idea.
Seth: Hmm, perhaps we could make a canoo from a tree?
Twig: Excellent plan. I'll fetch a hatchet from inside, hold on.
Seth: I will use this time to potty train my bat bracelet.
Twig: Right...
And so, Seth and Twig both busy themselves. Seth quickly figures out that potty training a bat is harder than it sounds. Fortunately, he also quickly figures out his robe actually compensates for the smell, and the droppings has a nice cosmetic effect in the form of buttons. Twig in the meantime, has just cut his way through the first tree he saw close to the river. It is then the unthinkable happens...
Seth: Twig... Wait! Did that birch just turn into a lemon tree?
Twig: Yeah... So?
Seth: Do not drop the lemon tree in the water!
Twig: Why? What is the worst that could happen?
The tree just gave its last sigh before crashing into the water. A few thousand pigeons fly up into the air in panic, giving Seth an agility boost and Twig a very nasty smelly time. Leaf and Yuna appear to see where the noise is coming from. They both run towards the river side.
Seth: Yuna, no! Get away from the water!
Yuna: I can't... I'm sorry Seth!
Seth: Whatever you do, do not blink!
Twig: Why? What's happening?
Leaf: I blinked, so?
A fraction of a second later the river vanishes and the lake, first full of water, is now completely dried up.
Seth: Yuna...
Yuna: *gargle*
Seth: She relapsed...
Yuna: I'm sorry Seth. I couldn't resist.
Twig: It's amazing that she isn't a huge water balloon right now. She's still so thin!
Seth: Everyone knows you can not get fat by drinking lemonade. That is why her drinking problem went unnoticed. It was only when she fell into the well with an orange we knew how bad it was.
Leaf: Awww... Look at the lake... All those dead fish.
Indeed... There are thousands of fish just laying there, flapping their bodies in the hope they'll find more water. It is a horrible sight. This fight was obviously won by Yuna, giving her thousands of experience points...
Yuna: Wow I leveled up!
Twig: Woah level thirty-eight? That is amazing Yuna!
Seth: I need some time away to overcome my disappointment and jealousy.
Yuna: I understand. I'm so sorry.
We'll leave Seth for now and move back to King Lacial's castle.
Servant: See? The law of putting lemons on trees on the riverside worked perfectly.
King Lacial: How on earth did that even happen? I thought you were joking. I wonder how...
Servant: I never joke about lemon trees.
King Lacial: I wonder why.
Queen Eve: That lake is nothing but a sea of despair now. It's an eyesore. Can we fix that?
King Lacial: I'm afraid not. The person who could recently left and it will take months before the lake is filled up again.
Queen Eve: Then I am out of here. This place has become too depressing. Sorry dear, I think I will just head north again. At least no one can take the northern lights from me.
Servant: I shall prepare your ships My Lady.
And with that we will be leaving the castle as well as this chapter.
As a quick side note: We're all quite relieved that lake wasn't connected to the sea. Salt wouldn't have been healthy for Yuna!
And here's the moment you've all been waiting for.. It's the current Stat Breakdown!
Seth
Level: 9
Attack: Virtually none, as he lacks a sword to support it
Defence: Smelly
Speed: Just a little bit faster than the time it takes for the smell to reach his nostrils
Magic: Non-existent
Special: A few minutes in robe stench wouldn't kill him, unlike swords would
Twig
Level: 1 (would've been maxed decades ago if he actually could level up)
Attack: Occasionally
Defence: Sarcasm
Speed: Same as Seth
Magic: Non-existent
Special: Can tolerate Seth's wit and book-smartness
Yuna
Level: 38
Attack: Swords
Defence: Swords
Speed: Can smith 10 swords on a good day, 4 on a bad day
Magic: Non-existent
Special: Strong to anything but lemonade
King Lacial
Level: ???
Attack: ???
Defence: Invincible, until proven otherwise. And then only weak until he outlaws it
Speed: Pretty laid back
Magic: Bathes in potions, but that's about it
Special: He bears the kingdom on his shoulders
Richard
Level: He will take what he can get
Attack: ??? (lifesteal)
Defence: Nicks the negative out of negative actions against him
Speed: Faster than light?
Magic: Charming
Special: He merely tolerates reality
The Towns' Idiot!
Level: ???
Attack: ???
Defence: None needed. He'd be too stupid to realise that he should be dead
Speed: Stupendously average
Magic: Only if you consider draining intelligence points from his surroundings and not putting it into good use a 'spell'
Special: Can endure anything, but expect him to do something stupid in return
And for the special occasion...
Queen Eve
Level: Deadly high
Attack: Cold damage
Defence: Offense
Speed: She'll slow the world if she feels like it to make herself look quicker
Magic: Elegance
Special: Weak to ugliness