A day has passed since Seth had obtained his watery Mop of Wetness. Yes, so it is called after close examination from both Seth and Twig which led them to conclude that the mop was still wet and thus must be Magic. Where the mop came from is quite the mystery. The Village Idiot that King Lacial sent out, stole it. However, being an idiot, he has no idea where or how he stole it. He also became lost on his way back, completely forgetting what he was doing, why he had the mop, and what the mop’s name was. And that’s why he had no problem with the Towns’ Idiot taking it from him. Fortunately for the Towns’ Idiot they went their separate ways, and thus everything is right in the world.

Speaking of rightness, everything around Seth and Twig seems to have the exact opposite state! Everywhere around town, the weirdest things are suddenly missing! Mice are desperately looking for their mice-holes to crawl back into but are unable to find them. And even through the street lanterns are clearly on, there is nothing that lights up around them! Some townsfolk claim foolishly that mages are doing it. But they are quickly escorted away by the local guardsmen to keep the idea of nonexistent magic alive. Unfortunately, the same does not count for the people. No one ever heard from them again.

Because of all of the madness, many people started to panic! Well, as far as panic is allowed in the Kingdom anyway. They didn't come closer to a panicking stampede than slowly and quietly leaving the town in a conga line. You could see they didn't enjoy it by looking at their faces, and yet it involved some minor dance moves.

Man1: The horror... The horror.

Man2: I don't get what the fuss is about though.

Man1: You don't notice the lights being out or the rats gnawing at your feet?

Man2: Ah, no! You see, I'm a personal friend of King Lacial. So I know about his Laws. As for the mice... I got their holes right here, see? And don't worry about my feet, I'm wearing someone else's under mine. A little tip from my dear friend King Lacial, who is king, and my friend.

Man1: Aaargh...

Man2: Why is your nose bleeding?

Seth: Hey, I have read something about that! His mind cannot keep up with what he sees and/or hear! And his body is making up an excuse to distract you from his own stupidity!

Man2: Clever boy! What's your name?

Seth: Seth.

Man2: Pleased to meet you. Nice hat you have there!

Seth: Thank you. It is pretty popular around town I noticed.

Man2: Not too popular that anyone would... steal it right?

Seth: I definitely hope not!

Twig whispering: Thanks Seth!

Man2: My name is Richard, friend of King Lacial. Do not worry, as I am not interested in popular hats.

Seth: Pleased to meet you Richard! Where were you off to then?

Richard: I was on my way to my friend King Lacial. I don't visit this kingdom often. I travel a lot, you see. But I have obtained some stuff he might be interested in.

Seth: What a nice coincidence, I am going that way as well. Though I also have to visit the Swordery.

Richard: Then I shall come with.

Seth: Hurray! I made a new friend!

Richard: Splendid! Would you like a mice-hole?

Seth: ... This cannot be good.

A few minutes later they reach the Swordery of Seth's childhood friend Yuna. The Swordery is exactly what it sounds like. A Shop, made of swords, where one could buy swords. Twig scratches his head while looking at the wooden sword shack. Unfortunately, Richard noticed.

Richard: So, you're the fabled Twig then?

Twig: Teh fridge?

Seth: The whatnow Twig? And how do you know Twig, Richard?

Richard: He's some kind of unfamiliar legend.

Seth: How so?

Richard: Well… Everyone knows him as a legend. But they have no clue why. They also call him Twig the Neverheardof.

Twig: It's a skill to be unknowingly present.

Richard: I'd say. I envy you a little at that.

Twig: How so?

Richard: Let's just say… My profession is not one to talk of within earshot of a few bored guards. And I would love to have what you have so I can just keep doing what I do.

Twig: Ah... Well I wish I could help but alas.

Richard the Neverheardof: Thanks for your cooperation.

Twig: Huh? What?

Woman1: Hey, is that Richard the Neverheardof?

Woman2: Omygawd omygawd omygawd! He's so hawt and unfamous!

Woman1: Sshh sshh let's ask him for his autograph!

Richard the Neverheardof: Just a second ladies. Allow me to take my title out of sight.

Woman1: Omygawd he’s talking to us!

Woman2: ...

Richard: Lost for words?

Woman2: ...

Woman1: ...

The women quickly, as if in a panic, walk away in a conga line.

Richard: That was annoying.

Seth: ... What happened there?

Richard: I nicked their words. I thought that was obvious?

Seth: Is that even possible?

Richard: Sure it is. I can also steal half your sentences.

Seth: And how did you-

Richard: "Expect to do that? Even when I make words up like Oogloobable?"

Seth: ... Okay you-

Richard: "Win. And yes, you're the master! I Worship you! Let me be your companion for all eternity. Or until I drop dead?"

Seth: That whole part after "win" you made up though.

Richard: I know! It's the fun things in life that matter. Beautiful place you have here Yuna.

Yuna had just walked out of her Swordery. Watering the plants that... weren't previously there? Neither was the watering can in her hands. Or the mailbox for that matter.

Yuna: Seth what is happening here? And Sir how did you know my name?

Seth: I am confused as well. But just let it all happen. I think that is best you can do.

Yuna: How does my store look so beautiful?

Richard: I stole its ugliness and put it into this bag... Don't check it though. Just leave it in a corner somewhere and put it over your enemy's house for your own pleasure.

Yuna: ... Thank you?

Richard: You're welcome. The flower I planted onto your head was rightfully earned I see.

Yuna: How could you have possibly done that? You've been standing twenty feet away from me all along!

Richard: Let's just say... I borrowed some space between us, and I used a move action from that guy there to put it in your hair. But put the forces of nature to rest for a second so they can relax for a bit. Everybody wins.

Seth: Except for the guy you nicked the move action from. He has been standing still for almost ten seconds now.

Richard: He'll probably walk it off soon.

Seth: He cannot... His movement speed has been nicked.

Richard: He should end his turn then. Hey mister frozen person. End your turn!

Random Hero: What? Huh? Oh... Did my bot freeze again?

Seth: Yeah... That was probably it... What is a bot?

Random Hero: Thanks Dude. Let me put it on again and then we can slaughter some goblins.

Twig Whispering: Eek!

Richard: Let me amaze you for a second.

Random Hero: What? *choking sounds* … Help... Me.....

Richard grabs his hat, bows, and puts the hat back on. After Richard finishes his maneuver, the eyes of Random Hero pop out and his face becomes purple before fainting. A second later he disappears from Seth and Twig's sight.

Yuna: What did you do?

Richard: I took his breath away.

Seth: ...

Twig: That's awesome.

Richard: That trick made my levels skyrocket over the years. But I took control over it. Sure helped me travel further than anyone else in this world. The aliens at the end were tough!

Twig: Shh Richard. Spoilers.

Richard: Nah, I nicked that ending.

Seth: ...

Richard: If you don't believe me. Check this bag!

Seth quickly peeks into the bag Richard was showing to him. A very weird cutscene was playing inside the Bag. Luckily for the bag it was only one small part of the cutscene. Otherwise it might have torn from logic exhaustion.

Seth: Why though?

Richard: Because it's fun to nick things.

Seth: Why do you not rob normal stuff like banks and such?

Richard: Oh, but I do. That's one of the presents for King Lacial. Let's go to him now!

Yuna: Hold on. Seth this is the wand you asked for.

Seth: Thanks Yuna! Now all I need is a spell to cast!

Richard: Is that a big knife without a sharp edge?

Yuna: Hush!

Seth: A wand!! Finally, I am on my way to become a true Magician!

Richard: You're a special little thing, aren’t you?

Seth: Huh?

This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author's work.

Richard: You're the first hero in more than a few decades who chooses a different path than all those other Heroic Nitwits. Is that the reason you're with this kid Twig?

Twig: Yeah, it is.

Yuna: That hat can talk?

Seth: Do not be alarmed Yuna. Twig is my friend.

Yuna: Why I am not surprised...

Seth: Richard!

Richard: Ah pure poetry. Taking your surprise by surprise. You might have panicked if I allowed you to be surprised.

Yuna: Thanks. I didn't feel like doing a conga line anyway.

Richard: You're welcome. So what is next?

Twig: To King Lacial!

Richard: We're already here Twig.

Twig: Teh Fridge?

Richard: Time is money. And I'm wealthy.

Seth: You bought yourself some time. Then spent it. And in the process of that you used the time up to be here instantly without us realizing we walked all the way?

Richard: No. Also, the time that you took explaining it isn't very well spent now is it?

Where did Seth, Twig and Richard go?

Richard: We went ahead Narrator. We're at the castle now. In the throne room even.

Right. Let me adjust my err... Crystal Ball... hold on for a second.

Seth: Is that Crystal Ball magical?

No... It's a metaphor.

Seth: Aw bullocks. I could not say goodbye to Yuna though.

Richard: Not to worry. You'll see her next chapter.

Seth: Taking the surprise out of it again?

Richard: Yup.

Ah ok. So… Seth, Twig and Richard finally-

Richard pretending to be a narrator: Made it to the castle blahblah yada yada we know. Wasting time here. Oh look! They made it to the throne room. What a surprise.

Ugh… Fine. I'll just go do something else while you're directing this farce of a story. Good luck. I'll catch up with Seth and Twig later.

King Lacial: Bye, Narrator. Do you ever change Richard?

Richard: Sometimes. I've taken a lot of drastic turns in my life.

Seth: Surely not yours I assume?

Richard: Of course not. I got thirty of them in this little pouch here.

Seth: Brilliant!

Richard: So, I was wondering if I can have a minute of your time King Lacial.

King Lacial: After you've barged in so rudely and not even greeting me? No.

Richard: Not to worry. I took ten already. I'll take another five if you don't say "Curses" right this instant.

King Lacial: ... Curses...

Richard: There you go. Keep those five. How have you been My Liege?

King Lacial: Been doing good. Have the goblin "sewers" been taken care of Seth?

Seth: Sure have! They were actually Dwa-

Richard: -Dwa-

Twig: -Dwarves, yes. You're not taking someone else's time to shine t-

Richard: -hat easily Richard. Nice theft, Twig. Where did you learn that?

Twig: In a bar. A long time ago. Events transpired.

Richard: Don't they always?

King Lacial: Hey! Do not ignore me!

Twig: Not to worry King Lacial. I'll be a Goblin Hat for the rest of the moment. Unless Richard tries to outwit this little ten-year-old boy again.

King Lacial: Fine by me. I would've had your head for this Twig. But the presence of Richard changes things. Drastically. Anyway Seth: The throne is yours.

King Lacial glares in a very deadly fashion toward Seth.

King Lacial: In a matter of speaking of course. I meant you can speak up now without anyone interrupting you.

Seth: Sure King Lacial. The goblin "Sewers" are actually a huge Dwarven mine.

Twig: No clue how you've possibly made that mistake though. I mean you have to be a total-

Servant: - We sent the Towns’ Idiot.

Twig: Ah.

Seth: Why though?

Servant: Well… That's a good question. King Lacial… Why do we keep sending the Towns’ Idiot?

King Lacial: Because he is too stupid to die. He wouldn't know how to.

Servant: Well that's useful.

King Lacial: Indeed. At the moment he's on an errand to take back my donuts caravan from a few ogres.

Twig: ...

Seth: ...

Richard: Don't worry. I've taken the lives from the ogres when I walked past them, they're in this bag.

King Lacial: Where do you store all the bags? I have never seen more than a single bag on you!

Richard: I took the liberty from a storage unit. Then I put those bags in this bag, see?

Servant: Wow…

Richard: I'm sure it didn't mind though. I haven’t received any complaints yet.

King Lacial: Good to hear. I prefer my storage units loyal and silent. But also stationary. Anyway Seth. I sent my Diplomat out right after you left, and he told me not too long ago that the Dwarves are willing to trade with us. All thanks to your hard work!

Seth: You are welcome Sire. So, what would this deal entail?

King Lacial: In exchange for sending ten guards and/or heroes a week so they can check their axes’ sharpness on a regular basis, I will get a steady income of gems. I am also allowed to hand out quests to heroes to try and recapture the mine. By which they will probably be brutally slaughtered by our new friends.

Seth: That is cruel!

Servant: Shush Seth! This means we don't have to send in children anymore to check if it's safe. It's all about population control.

King Lacial: See, everyone wins! Especially you Seth! Here's a bathtub full of Mana, as promised. I bathed in it this morning so it's still warm!

Seth: ... Thank you?

King Lacial: Sure, no problem! Here, have this rubber duck along with it.

Seth: Yay!

Richard: Seth got his Tubwater, King Lacial a new income, Twig didn't get his head cut off when he was no longer Seth's hat. Such a wonderful day! Allow me to spread the word: Everybody wins!

Servant: Everybody wins!

Seth: Everybody wins!

Twig: Everybody wins!

King Lacial: Everybo- No Richard, stop putting those words in my mouth!

Richard: Of course My Liege. They were pretty fresh though. Took the words out of the mouths of a few of your tax collectors along the way. They were lies though. I put them to better use.

King Lacial: Remind me why we are friends again?

Richard: I simply took all the reasons for us not to be friends.

Twig: And the world makes sense again.

Richard: Well, I have to go now. I bid you all farewell. Oh Seth! I won't be forgetting you! I have in this bag a scroll, containing a spell for you. Take your time to read it and study the spell carefully. It might save your life someday. Plus, girls love it.

Seth: Fireballs?

Richard: Err... No. Way too fiery for their taste. Also, I nicked the filth from King Lacial's bathtub-water so you don't have to puke every time you drink it.

Seth: Wow! That is awesome. I cannot thank you enough!

Richard: Indeed, you cannot. But feel free to start. No, let me just take your thanks right now. We may not meet again.

Seth: Thanks.

Richard: Seems I missed one of them. Ah well. Oh, and King Lacial… I robbed your bank! Would you like it back?

King Lacial: You did what?!

Richard: Last time we talked you were bragging about how majestic your bank was. And you told me I couldn't possibly rob it. So I did. Just to show you that I could. Here, let me take it out of this bag.

King Lacial: No don't open the bag here!!

And with that we quickly leave the castle. Since the vault is also bigger on the inside, opening the bag would create a chain reaction where the space in the vault and the space in the bag would expand each other. This rapid expansion of space mimics a huge explosion. Mistakes like that luckily don't happen that often. This would have instantly killed Seth and Twig on the spot, if not for King Lacial's legendary reflexes. Unfortunately, because everyone blinked at that moment no one in the room knew what heroic things King Lacial did in that split second. Thus, this will at least for now remain a Mystery. But King Lacial has insisted I told you guys about this legendary action because he wants you to know he can do awesome stuff.

Current SAS:

Exp: 413

Seth: Hurray I'm level three!

Richard: Mind if I take some of those experience points?

Seth: I do.

Richard: All right, all right.

Current Spells:

"Fireball" x 14

*Wet Enemy* x infinity

*Blow Air* x until out of breath

*Pound the Ground* x 2 crushed feet.

Twig: Oh my god, you have mastered all the four elements!

Seth: Right... Hey you are still here Servant?

Servant: Yeah, I am. Wanna go to the pub? I'll pay for lemonade for all of us. We can't enter the throne room for a while anyway.

Richard: Cool!

Seth: Yay!

King Lacial: Woohoo!

Twig: I'm too Legendary for Lemonade.