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Chapter 9

After everyone calmed down, well, mainly me, we started discussing what everyone was going to spend their time doing.

“Eli, since you want to get this over with quickly, let’s head up to our room. We’ll start as soon as you’re ready.” Melly offers.

“Ah, I was hoping I could talk to Rapunzel first.” I say as I turn to her. “As long as you were free, of course.”

“Ah, sure.” She nods, surprised at my request.

“... Okay, I’ll be in our room for when you’re finished.” Melly accepts.

“Shall we talk in your room?” I suggest.

“Sure.” Repunzel agrees, leading me to her room.

“So,” she starts, nervously. “What did you want to talk about?”

“First.” I bowed. “Thank you for your help yesterday. I wouldn’t have had the strength to continue without you. I also want to apologize for forcing you to accompany me. I dragged you into my problem even though you didn’t want to.”

“Wait! That's not what I intended!” She panicked.

“I’m not blaming you, Rapunzel. Comforting someone is difficult. It takes more than just effort and a desire to help. Even when you do everything you can think of, sometimes it’s just not enough. I learned that at the church. I wasn’t the sort of person that could easily ease people’s suffering or calm them down. That’s part of the reason I learned healing magic in the first place, so I could actually help people, just in a different way. So, I can understand not wanting to deal with the responsibility.”

“That’s right, a hug and a few kind words are rarely enough to help someone.” She agreed. “But it’s not like I didn’t want to help!” Rapunzel denied. “I wanted to help you, I really did. I just don’t know how! Most of the times that I’ve tried have ended poorly. I was worried it would be the same with you. I just didn’t want to risk making everything worse.” She muttered, her words losing strength as she talked.

“I don’t think you even could make things worse.” I admit.

“I probably would, saying things like that they are only worms, or that everything’s fine, it’s just your imagination.” I end up flinching at the mention. “See, just like that!” She sighs, sitting down on her bed with her head in her hands. “I don’t understand people well enough.” She complains. “I just don’t really know how to properly deal with people’s emotions. I’ve spent a majority of my time mostly or completely alone in the woods while growing up after all. I was even raised to be precise and direct with my words, and logical with my thoughts. I just never had the chance to truly learn how people work.”

She sighed. “Since I excelled as a scout, I was eventually put in charge of a group. I ended up failing miserably though. While my operations were well made, I just couldn’t deal with my subordinate’s morale, or resolve their conflicts, or relieve everyone’s fears, or increase everyone’s sense of belonging, or... Haa, I was a complete failure of a leader. It wasn’t long until I was ‘asked’ to resign. While I’m usually fine in my daily life, I just don’t have enough charisma to do anything that actually relies on it.”

I sat down next to her. “Yeah, but I didn’t need much really, only for someone to be there for me. And honestly, I didn’t even hear most of what you were saying.” I shrugged. “The only things I paid attention to were your warmth and your heartbeat. As long as I knew that I wasn’t alone, I was able to try my best.” I got up and kneeled in front of Rapunzel, looking her in the eyes. “Once again, thank you for being there for me. I’ll always welcome you should you want to help me, or even need help yourself.” I promised with a smile. “Besides, you couldn’t be any worse than me. I tried to use those same words myself. They didn’t work.” I sighed. “You being there did though. Also.” I smirked. “If you want to learn how to improve, I can personally vouch for Melly’s skill.” I then stretched as I got up to leave. “Well, time to fight some worms.”

“Would you like my help?” Rapunzel nervously asked before I could leave.

“Of course.” I smiled. “I’m quite outnumbered, so I appreciate all the help I can get.” I laughed as we entered Melly’s room. “That big brother was right, jokes do make it easier to deal with problems.”

Melly was surprised when Rapunzel followed me in. “So… did your talk go well?” She asks.

“I would say so.” I respond, to which Rapunzel nods in agreement.

“So she’s…” Melly continued.

“Here to help.” I say before sitting down next to Melly and patting the spot next to me for Rapunzel. “Now I have a flower in both arms.” I smirked. I only got concerned gazes though.

“Eli… Are you okay? You’re acting different than usual.”

“Haa. Not really.” I admit.

“Is there anything I, uh, we can do to help?” She asks.

“Not really. I’m just nervous, that's all.” I say with a sigh.

“I can see that. You were pretty ready to get it over with earlier, though. This time should be far easier than before as well.” She wonders in confusion.

“Yeah, it’s just, every other time I was forcibly engulfed in the ‘flames,’ so all I could really do was grit my teeth and suffer through. I was always taken by surprise, never even having a chance to think. I just, didn’t actually have any chance to be nervous.” I sighed. “This is different from being set on fire. Right now I’m looking at the flames while preparing to just, jump in. Now I need to be the one to start. Before, I was forcibly pushed, now I need to willingly initiate my own suffering.” I sighed again. “I’m just, having a hard time willing myself forward.” I finished as I laid down on the bed. I see now why so many people like going slowly, even if it takes longer and results in more overall suffering. Haa, I really underestimated how difficult this would be.

“Yeah, I understand. While letting yourself be stabbed is difficult, stabbing yourself is on a whole different level.” Melly agrees while patting my back. “Let’s take our time, there’s no rush.”

“... Thanks.” I ended up muttering. It almost feels like I’m giving up though. How much time will I take? Can I ever push forward? Will, will I ever use magic again? Stop, STOP. I need to stop. I need something else, anything, to distract me. “Soo, what now?” I say, feeling the desperation in my voice.

“Who told you about ‘having a flower in each arm?’ If you don’t mind me asking?” Rapunzel eventually asked, making me feel relieved.

“A big brother that left the church.” I start. “He wasn’t very popular with women.”

“I wonder why.” Melly comments sarcastically.

“He was really popular with kids though, and had a lot of friends. He just was sh- ehem, very bad with women.” Oops, I almost used the same words his friends used. “He just really didn’t understand women at all.” I continue, brushing over my near mistake.

“I heard that, Eli. Not very proper for a saintess to use such words.” Melly teased.

“Hey, those weren’t my words, okay. The priests raised us properly. I would never treat a woman that poorly.” I joked, before continuing to talk about him.

We ended up talking for several hours. We talked about things like our childhood, our friends, interesting things we’ve seen, the many failed dates of big brother, etc. We even ended up going out for lunch, as sadly the Hero was busy, before returning to our room. I had a ton of fun, but sadly, all good things must come to an end.

“Haa.” I sighed while laying on the bed. I don’t want to do this. Sadly, the longer I wait, the harder it will get.

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Melly, noticing what I’m thinking about says. “We don’t have to do this today. We can easily wait a day or two. You haven’t even had a break yet!” She persuades.

“But what if I can’t ever use magic again?” I say softly. Melly is stunned into silence. She’s trying struggling to think of an argument, but can’t.

That’s the thing that worries me the most about waiting. If I can’t use magic, why am I even here? I’m the saintess. My task, given to me by the Gods, is to assist the Hero and his party to defeat the upcoming demon lord. If I can’t use magic, I wouldn’t even be useless, I would be a liability. Everyone would have no choice but to find someone to replace me. Besides, mana starts to get weaker with disuse, similarly to muscles. While it does take a while for it to become noticeable, every bit counts. I just, don’t want to be the one holding everyone back.

“BY THE GODS WHAT ARE YOU DOING RAPUNZEL!?” I suddenly heard Melly shout. When I looked over, I froze.

Rapunzel was there with a knife stabbed into her hand. She was struggling to keep calm despite the pain as Melly yelled at her. “Why did you stab yourself?!”

She, she stabbed, herself? Why? What’s going on?

“Elizabeth, may I call you Eli? was struggling to touch the flames herself, so I decided to jump in myself.” Rapunzel frantically says. “Now she has to use magic.” She finished with a strained smile.

I was shocked! She did this for me. And what a time to ask to use a nickname! “That’s fine.” I can’t exactly refuse now, can I? “B-but what if I can’t.” I stutter.

“Then, you’ll just have to watch.” She responds. Why? Why would she go so far? What if I can’t heal her, what would she do then? I know I have to help her, but I’m struggling. I tried to heal her, to cast a spell, but I stopped when the worms showed up.

“Rapunzel!” Melly suddenly screamed, interrupting my thoughts. “Your hand is turning green!”

“Ah. I used the wrong knife.” Rapunzel responded blankly.

“What do we do!?” I panic.

“We have to bring her to a clinic fast! What poison did you use?”

“One strong enough to affect monsters, given to me by the crown.”

“AH!” Melly screamed. “I don’t even know where a clinic is!”

NO! No no nononono. This can’t be happening! Mana! Work! “AH!” I screamed. I need to be calm to even have a chance at casting magic! Why?! Why won’t they leave me alone?! Now’s not the time! You stupid, Stupid worms! GO AWAY!

“It’s okay, Eli.” Rapunzel says as she pulls me into a hug as I start crying. “Everything’s fine.”

But it’s not! It’s not even close to being okay. Rapunzel is holding me while caressing my hair, with her working hand of course, and trying to comfort me. Melly joined in as well, holding the both of us.

I grabbed Rapunzel’s injured hand and kept on trying to heal. But, I’m just too panicked to actually succeed. It’s my fault. IT’S MY FAULT! She did this for me, because of ME!! Because of these stupid worms, Rapunzel is hurt, suffering, because of me. She’s going to die because of me!

Die

That’s right, Rapunzel might die. It’s all my fault. I’m going to kill her. Nononono, I can’t let this happen, I won’t. Even if it hurts. Even if I can’t ever use magic again. Even if I die. I. Will. Not. Let. This. Happen! I won’t let some stupid, insignificant worms KILL MY FRIEND! Even if my mana boils me alive. I WILL NOT STOP.

I can feel my mana burn at my desire, my command. I will heal her, even if it’s the last thing I do!

I forcibly begin flowing my burning mana, taking the worms with it, boiling them ‘alive’ in the molten mess that my mana has become. I grin as I feel the worms squirm in agony as they burn. The worms obviously don’t die though, and it feels like I have fire flowing through my veins, but I don’t care.

I force my spell towards completion, even as it tries to collapse. After a bit of struggle, my spell is barely cast. It’s incomplete and ineffective, but it’s a start.

Drawing from my initial success, I continue to cast more and more spells. I use any and all healing spells that I think might help. As I continue, things even become easier as I enter a sort of trance, trying my best to perfect every cast.

“That’s enough, Eli!” I hear as I’m physically shaken awake. I see Melly’s and Rapunzel’s concerned faces looking back at me.

“Rapunzel!” I shout. “Are you okay?!”

“Yes.” She responds, showing me her hand. “I was perfectly healed minutes ago, but you wouldn’t stop. It’s okay, you don’t need to push yourself any more. I’m sorry.” She says as she starts to cry. “It’s my fault, if I hadn’t.” she starts before being cut off.

“Later!” Melly interrupts. “Eli, what’s wrong with you?”

“Sorry!?”

“Your skin is… moving, and your body is burning up. What’s going on?” Melly explains.

“Ah.” She’s right, my mana might actually be boiling right now. “AHHH!” I scream, as I suddenly notice the pain. “I’M BURNING!” I grab onto anything I can. It hurts. Am I dying? Is this the end? I don’t care. I healed Rapunzel, that’s all I wanted. Besides, at least it’s not worms.

Wait a minute. The worms still ‘live.’ The liquid fire wasn’t enough. If anything, they seem to be getting stronger! “WORMS! WHY WON’T YOU BURN!” How are they fine!? It can’t end like this. I refuse to be outlived by my fake worms!

“They are still affecting you?! That’s not good. Eli, the spells to get rid of the worms! As long as you can get rid of them, you can heal everything else.”

“That’s right!” THAT’S RIGHT! I can’t die while the worms still live! I will destroy them! I won’t leave a single survivor! I won’t rest until I am victorious!

I start to cast every spell that I prepared to deal with those stupid worms. With my renewed rage and having recently cast some spells, I was eventually able to cast a mental spell. And with the first one cast, the rest became easier and easier.

After a few spells were cast, I was able to finally calm down. I no longer needed to strain myself just to cast spells and I could properly analyze my condition. While I can’t remove all of the worms yet, they have at least been drastically reduced in both quantity and quality.

I’ve also realized why my body was so hot. It wasn't because my mana was actually boiling, but was caused by a technique where I use my mana to heat or cool my body, used to maintain your body’s temperature even in extreme environments. In my panic, I had heated up my mana, for some odd reason believing it would burn the worms. That obviously didn’t work though, it literally just made the worms warmer. Also, as I started casting magic, I had instinctively cooled my body down. I did make sure to cast a healing spell to heal any damage that I might have caused though. Oh, the movement under my skin was actually caused by the worms. I had forgotten that moving your mana could be physically visible should you do it wrong or are badly affected by mana poisoning.

“Haa.” I sigh. “I’ve done everything I can, at least for now.”

“Are you okay now?” Rapunzel nervously asks.

“I’m a bit stressed and worn out, but otherwise fine.”

“And the worms?” Melly cautiously asks.

“Still there.” I say. Before they could respond, I continued. “They weren’t going to be removed by my spells, only reduced. Mental spells can only make recovery easier, making the potential months and years required only take days or weeks. Spells can’t just heal the mind like we heal the body, sadly. Life would be so much easier if we could, though.” I sighed. If only.

“So we need to go through this again tomorrow, maybe even later today?” Rapunzel gasps in worry.

“No.” Melly denies. “Right?” She asks, looking at me with worry.

“It should be fine.” I confirm. My lack of confidence worrying them. “As long as I’m able to cast even one spell, I won’t have to go through that again.”

“Okay, what do we do now, then?” Rapunzel asks.

“I don’t know.” Melly says. “I was only told that I needed to be there for Eli, everything else we would have to figure out on our own. They said that as long as she can cast a few of her mental healing spells, the rest should be easy, though.”

“Yeah.” I confirm. “All I need to do now is keep on casting spells.”

“Didn’t you say that your spells couldn’t heal you on their own?” Melly asks.

“That’s right. It’s a little different for me though. My problem is that the worms are the magical manifestation of my fears.”

“Your fears?” Rapunzel asks.

Melly shows an expression of understanding. “Her fear of magic. Well, mana.”

“That’s right. I’m scared to even use my mana because it… betrayed me.” I sigh. “My mana suddenly started to move against my will. My conscious will, at least. It started tormenting me, ignoring my pleas and horror. My own body was rebelling against me. That’s, not something you can just shrug off. I was scared, petrified, because of what happened. I was betrayed, by something that I could, everyone could, always trust. In the end, I subconsciously felt that I couldn’t trust my mana, so my mind did whatever it could to ‘protect’ me from it. So, it recreated the worms, the cause of my distrust, to frighten me away from using mana.” I sighed. At least, I think that’s the reason. I’m not a psychiatrist after all.

“So to resolve her fears, she just needs to recover her trust in her mana. Basically, she just needs to keep on using it.” Melly finished.

“So, we train?” Rapunzel asks.

“Nah, nothing big. All I really need to do is occasionally cast a spell, eventually my distrust will go away on its own. Especially with my mental spells speeding up my recovery.” I correct.

“So what’s the plan then?” Melly asks.

“I figured we could do the same thing as earlier, just hang out and chat, maybe explore the town once I’m feeling more comfortable. I just need you guys to make sure I keep using magic, and to be there should I start getting overwhelmed. As long as I can relax while using my magic, I should be fine in no time.” I finish with a smile. “Thank you Melly, thank you Rapunzel, for being there for me, I’m looking forward to working with you as we finish resolving my issue.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Melly says with a smirk. “I’m looking forward to working with you too, Eli, Rapunzel.

“Same here, Melly, Eli.” Rapunzel finishes with a smile.

I’m looking forward to actually relaxing, these past few days have been hard.