Afterwards, Samuel introduced me to everything I’d be learning for my chosen peak spell. The one that, as it didn’t really matter which one I selected first, I picked randomly. After setting up my training schedule, we headed out to dinner, though he was going to eat with the Cardinal.
“So, how’s your training going, Eli?” Rapunzel asked after we ate.
“Fairly well. I’ve finished learning my initial spell, so I’m starting on a peak-level spell now. Hopefully, I’ll be able to cast it after a couple of days.” Hopefully.
“That’s good. I hope your practice continues to go similarly.”
“Oh, by the way.” The Hero interrupted. “I plan on leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“That’s soon.” Melly comments.
“Yeah, but I’d rather get everything done as soon as possible. Especially since it will take time for everyone’s equipment to finish.”
“Are you not having the smiths here create everything?” Rapunzel asked.
“No. While the craftsmen here are some of the best, there are better. And, I know where the actual best craftsmen are. For what I need to be crafted, at least. So, I’m going to them to make our new equipment.”
“I take it the Gods told you that?” Rapunzel asked, to which the Hero just smiled. Everyone felt a bit jealous at that. I mean, having the Gods declare that you are the best is the highest honor you could receive. So, even though I don’t think it was the Gods that decided that, I was still a bit jealous.
That caused me to get some odd stares though. “What?” I inquired.
“Why do you feel jealous? You were literally chosen by the Gods.” Melly pointed out, confused at my shared expression.
“Ah. Well, I guess you could look at it like that. But, I wasn’t actually declared as the best at anything, I was just chosen as the, well, best for this job? Uh…” I stumbled as my argument immediately collapsed.
“What about your monster ascension? You would not have completely acquired its power by then.” Greg asked, shifting the conversation away from my mistake. Thank you, Greg.
“Yes, but it’s not like I have to be here to do that.”
“That may be true, but it is far safer and more efficient to do so here,” Rapunzel argued.
“I agree, but I’d rather complete some tasks than just sit around training.” Ah yes, training is just like sitting around and doing nothing.
“Well, we all know that we can’t stop the Hero, so we might as well just let him go.” I shrug. “It’s not like he can’t take care of himself.”
“Uh… Haa yeah. You are right, Eli. We wish you luck, Hero.” Rapunzel relents. Huh, I thought that would take longer. I guess everyone just accepts his willfulness now.
“Thank you. By the way, is there anything any of you want? As long as it’s not too out of the way, I’ll see about getting it for you.” He offers.
Hmm, that’s an interesting proposal. But… “I don’t have anything I want.”
“Really?” Melly asks.
“Yeah. Thank you for the offer though, Mr. Roosevelt.” He smiles at me. At first, I thought it was his usual amused smile. But on a closer look, it seems more… confident? That’s, odd.
“I see, I see. Well, If you think of anything, just let me know.” He says.
Uh, is he, going to get me something anyway? If so, what? Why? I don’t have anything I want, right? I mean, yeah I do have wants; they just aren’t physical things. What’s his plan then? He’s got to have one. Just… Haa, there's no point thinking about this; I won’t be able to figure it out anyway.
“You okay, Eli?” Melly asks.
“Oh? Yeah. I was just lost in thought. Did you need me for something?”
“No, we just finished our conversation, so everyone is leaving.”
“Oh, thanks.” I get up and stretch. “Well, I’ve got to get back to practicing.”
“I’ll leave you to it.”
After returning to my room, it was time to start practicing. And, unlike my normal spells, I actually need to do some physical training, as controlling my body and mana in specific ways is one of the requirements. So much for the standard of not needing to know the technique when using the spell… Though I guess being the caster would count as a reasonable exception.
So, I started practicing. And… haa, it’s way more difficult than I expected. That does make sense though, as I don’t actually know anything about proper martial techniques. And that’s just one part of the excessively complicated spell!
Haa, this spell is going to take an entire week to learn, unlike most spells that take from hours to a day or so to learn. Even adapting preMilo spells doesn’t take nearly as long! And that’s if I can gain a proficient enough understanding of the martial technique.
Man, I’ve been spoiled. I’d gotten used to the high-level, efficient, complete teaching methods and the efficiently designed spells of the modern age. Nowadays you can become a proper mage in a few years, unlike the decades it took in the past. Even preMilo spells are simple in comparison to this! Haa, well, I’ve always liked learning about and understanding the past, so I should be thankful to, slightly, better understand the struggles of ancient mages.
Sadly, my time limit makes immersing myself in the experience difficult. Haa, this is stressing me out! Why’d the core have to act so fast?! “I-I don’t want to l-lose my magic.” I can't help but cry. I, I’m scared. What if, what if I’m not fast enough, not good enough… What if, I-I fail… No, no no no! I can’t let that happen! I don’t want that! But, is there anything I can actually do?
Ah, there is. There is! Samuel told me that one of the potential uses of drawing out power was instantly learning a spell! I, I can win! I can do it! I could even learn all three spells. I just… need to sacrifice. Trade the future for the present… It’s fair! I mean, if I don’t, do I even have a future? Isn’t it… the obvious thing to do?
Yeah, it will probably take more out of me because of how complicated the spells are, but how much could it really take? A couple of years?... Ah, yeah. Six years. That’s how long Valra lasted... I, I wouldn’t use it that much. I mean, why would I? I only need to use it now. It’s an emergency! I could… I could be torn apart! Yeah. I, I could die, if I don’t. Or lose all my magic, wasting my saintesshood, the core, my life’s goals…
Everything.
Without my magic, what’s the point? I mean, what else would I even be able to do? All I really know how to do is heal. I guess I’m good at cleaning, but so is every church orphan, and plenty of others are far better than me. What, what sort of life could I live? I’d have lost the only thing I ever cared about, I was ever proud of. The only thing that gave my life… meaning.
Haa. And that’s not even considering how bad it would be to waste, not only the dragon core, but my saintesshood. Which, as far as I know, can’t be removed...
So yeah, I can actually just lose everything. But, what if, what if I can learn the spell in time? Wouldn’t I have just, sacrificed for nothing? And relying on drawing out power should be a slippery slope. I mean, Valra must have noticed at some point, but just decided to keep pulling, desperately grasping for whatever power she could. Why? Why didn’t she stop? Why didn’t anyone stop? Most saintesses die in their sixties, despite being some of the most knowledgeable people in the world about health. Why didn’t they just stop?
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Uh, that’s concerning. Let, let’s not for now. I mean, there’s no rush. I still have time. I can always just do that after a few days should I need to. Yeah, my current spell is still more than enough, especially since I’m using less magic, slowing my fusion. I, I have time. Plenty of time. It, everything will be fine… right?
I, I’m going to ask Melly for help. I’m too nervous to do this on my own.
As I leave my room and head to Melly’s, I realize something, how do I even draw out power to instantly learn a spell? Huh…
Well, that’s not important for now. Knock knock. “Melly? Are you there?”
Opening her door, “Eli? Do you need something?” She asked with concern.
“Uh, yeah. Um, I need your help.” I say nervously. In my worry, I’d forgotten that I have a hard time asking for help.
“Come in.” She allows, sitting down on her bed and patting the spot next to her. “Why don’t you sit down first.” She then only continued once I’d sat down. “What did you need help with?”
“Well, I’m having difficulties learning the martial technique for my spell…”
“That’s fine. You only just started today, after all.”
“Yeah, but I’m completely lost. You couldn’t even say that I was doing it wrong with how poorly I’m performing.” I explain.
“Okay, but do you really need to learn now? Couldn’t you just wait until tomorrow?” She suggests.
Ah, right. I mean, she’s already wearing her pajamas. She’s ready to go to sleep. And, she’s right. I can just learn tomorrow. I-I shouldn’t be bothering her now. She just wants to sleep, not train. I knew it. I’m just being a bother. I’m overreacting. I, it’s fine! Everything will be fine. I’m just paranoid, nervous, afraid, stressed. Ahh! But but but! Mmm!
“Have you been crying?” She asks.
“No! I’m fine. Sorry for bothering you.” I quickly get up.
“Wait! Eli, what’s wrong?” She asks while grabbing my arm to stop me from esc-leaving, leaving.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine!” I deny as I buff myself to escape her grasp.
“Eli!” She exclaims as I forcefully pull away. “What’s going on!?”
“It’s nothing! I’m, I’m just being a brat and bothering you while you are just trying to sleep and it’s late and not important.” I rambled.
“It’s fine, Eli. Just tell me what’s wrong.” She says as she grabs my arm again, but this time I can’t shake her off.
Haa, I was an idiot for thinking I could beat her in strength. Of course she wasn’t using her full strength against me. I’m such an idiot.
“Eli, why don’t you just sit down and tell me what’s wrong.” She suggests.
“It’s fine. It can wait until tomorrow.” I argue, still trying to escape her grip.
“Eli,” she says firmly. “Sit down and tell me what’s going on. Even if it’s something for tomorrow, at least give me the chance to prepare for it.”
Ahh! Right. I just, I need to tell her. We don’t need to train now, and giving her the chance to prepare is polite and stuff. “Haa, okay.” I relent and sit down.
“So, what’s wrong?” She asks after I’ve calmed down a bit.
“Uh, I… I’m worried.” I start. She just patiently waits for me to continue. “I’m worried that I won’t… be able to use my spell in time.”
“Why? You haven’t even started?” She asks.
“I… have a time limit. If I’m not fast enough, if I take too long, I’ll lose… everything.” I say as tears fill my eyes.
“It’s fine. Even if you do fail, it won’t be the end of the world.”
“But it will.”
“Um, I’m certain someone could-”
“For me.”
“For you?”
“Yeah. I’m… nothing without my magic.” I reluctantly declare.
“Why? You are so much more than just a healer!” She denied.
“Am I?” I questioned. “No, I’m not.” I denied. “Not anything that matters to me at least.”
“What!?”
“Haa, Melly, the only thing I cared about growing up was magic. Nothing else, not even myself. I ignored pretty much everything to focus on learning more magic. It was my goal, my guide, my life, my everything… It’s, it’s the only real value I have.”
“You’d still have value even without magic.”
“But not a place to belong.”
“What, what do you mean?” She worried.
“Magic was my key, Melly. The only way I saw to actually belong somewhere.”
“Don’t you belong to the church? Isn’t that your hom-”
“NO! I have no home! Not without magic. Without my magic, I’d have to leave just like everyone else! It never truly was my home. And without magic, it never will be!”
“Why!? Why isn’t it your home?”
“Because we aren’t allowed to. We have to leave, Melly. The church, as powerful as it is, just can’t take care of everyone. So, once you become an adult, you will have to find some other way to take care of yourself, and soon. Though, at least you will have plenty of help…”
“Then, why did the church even take you in?”
“Other than the myriad of problems wild orphans can cause?” I asked sarcastically. “The church takes us in to raise us properly. But once we can take care of ourselves, we have to. We can’t ever just call it home, as we can’t truly return there once we leave! That point is firmly instilled into our heads. We are only living there temporarily. The church will teach us how to take care of ourselves and help us with various career paths, but that only goes so far. That’s the main reason I learned magic in the first place; if I got good enough, I could become a priestess. That’s all I ever wanted! I never wanted to become the saintess, or even a candidate, I only wanted a home. I just, wanted to truly belong somewhere...” I finish as I start crying. Again.
Melly pulled me into her arms. Before saying, “I never realized the extent of your worries. I just thought you were loyal to the Gods or saw the church as a good place to work.”
“Why’d you think I avoided the temple then?”
“Because it’s more practical to secure a job as a priestess than gamble on becoming the saintess?”
“Then why’d I focus on my church in particular?”
“You know and like the people at your church. Besides, if you had the option, why wouldn’t you choose to live in more familiar territory.” Huh, I guess my thought process was much more logical than I believed.
“Haa, I guess that makes sense. Thanks, Melly.”
“Anytime.” She smiled. “Anyway, now I know why you were so worried though.”
“Yeah, and, you know, the possibility that my mana would instead rip me apart. Though that oddly wasn’t as frightening to me.”
“Uh, yeah. That too.” She sighs. See! My worries are perfectly justified! Mostly. “So, you want to train?”
“Yeah, I’d prefer not to sacrifice myself drawing power to instantly learn the spell.”
“Oh yeah, you could technically do that. Though I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Yeah, especially as it seems to be addictive or something.”
“What!? How?” She panicked.
“I don’t know. It’s currently just a guess, but considering the ridiculous number of saintesses that died in their sixties and the fact that Saintess Varla should have been able to realize something well before she got consumed, there has to be something more to it.” I explain.
“Ah, I see. I thought you didn’t pay attention to the lives of the previous saintesses, though?” Melly asks.
“Yeah, but I did basically memorize the Saint compendium.”
“That standard history book? I know it’s required reading, but I figured you’d avoid it, much less memorize it.”
“I do enjoy reading about history, you know. Besides, this was before I became a candidate.”
“Still, how’d you figure out their ages from just that? As far as I remember, it only included important feats and events, not their personal life.”
“True, but it at least tells us when they gained the position and when they died. And, since saintesses tend to be chosen during their twenties, we can easily estimate their ages.” I say proudly.
“All from memory.”
“Of course. Anyway, it seems suspiciously like something made them keep drawing out power. As such, I’d rather not do so unless I absolutely have to. Besides, I don’t actually know how to instantly learn a spell anyway, so it’s not like I could do that anyway.” I shrug.
“Yeah, that’s fairly important. Is that why you came running to me?”
“No, I’d already decided to wait before I remembered that I did not, in fact, even know how to do anything else. At least that made sure I didn’t make a reckless decision.” I joked.
“Okay. So, you want help with your training?” She asks as she gets up.
“That can wait for tomorrow!” I say in panic.
“It’s fine. How could I leave you alone when you were scared enough to directly ask me for help? Besides, I don’t want you to have to draw out power either.” She assures. “So, show me what you’re doing.”
I hand her the spell book before attempting to do what it says.
“Huh, yeah, you do need help.” She says after seeing my pitiful performance. “So, first you have to…”