“Gasp!”
The next day, I woke up after experiencing another nightmare, as usual. And this one was even worse than expected, despite me sleeping with Melly.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Haa, I thought my success would weaken the nightmares, not empower them.” I sighed as I started to get ready. As usual, I started my density training while waiting for breakfast. While not nearly as good as the Hero’s, the church’s breakfast is pretty good.
As I used my technique, I noticed that the density of my mana had increased. While that’s normal, cores don’t need sleep after all, the sheer increase was.
“That’s odd.”
“What is?”
“My mana density has increased more than it usually does when I’m sleeping.”
“Was that because you cast your spell before going to sleep?” She suggests.
“It shouldn’t be. Not for this much of an increase.”
“Maybe either learning the spell or drawing out your mana did it then.”
“It might be. Drawing out mana is probably the cause. It draws from your mana trait, after all. Haa, that’s just another reason not to use it. Oh, and that would also explain why my nightmare got worse. I’m starting to worry this wasn’t worth it.”
“Everything will be fine, Eli. Don’t worry. We just have to make sure you don’t have to do this again.” She comforted me as she hugged me.
“Yeah, I just need to make it worth it.” I agreed, slightly less nervous than before.
Since we probably solved that issue, we headed to the cafeteria. On the way, I cast my new vein spell. Afterwards, I felt excited, like I was truly alive. It wasn’t until after I’d eaten that I noticed that excited feeling was slowly fading. Um, that can’t be good.
“Melly, can you join me for a bit?” I asked.
She looked at me in surprise before agreeing. “Sure, what do you need?”
“I might have noticed yet another problem, but I can’t tell if I’m just imagining it or not. It is quite subtle. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t commented on my smile last night.”
“Oh? Oh! How?” She gets worried.
“Well, when I cast the spell earlier, I felt similar to last night, though to a far lesser degree. Casting it might even continuously do that, though I’m not quite certain as of yet.”
“That’s concerning. Will you be okay?”
“Hopefully. Though, I’ve heard bad things about addiction. So, if I’m not, please help me. And, well, it’s probably linked to drawing out power in some way.”
“Of course! I won’t let you get hurt.” Melly promised.
“Thank you.”
I soon arrived at the training room and entered like usual.
“Are you ready to begin today’s training?” Samuel asked, only giving a curious glance at Melly.
“About that… I’ve already learned the spell.”
“What? Didn’t you- You drew out power.” He sighed. “Why didn’t you at least wait until now?” He asked.
“Well, if I was going to be burning life, I might as well get the most out of it.”
“While you really should have waited, I can understand your reason. So, how was it? Were there any problems?”
“It was… amazing. It was so much more than I expected.”
“Is that so?” He says, with an odd sadness.
“Yeah, the completeness, the total understanding, the surpassing might, it’s all so amazing! I feel like I’ve been enlightened to the truth of magic.” I smiled.
“So, you enjoyed the effects of drawing out power?” He says, even sadder.
“Yeah, I can see why previous saintesses were so addicted.” I sighed in understanding.
“What do you mean?” He says, barely keeping calm.
“Well, the power itself is intoxicating, especially since there doesn’t seem to be any other way to achieve such power.”
“You are correct. Previous saintesses have tried to replicate its power, but all have failed.” He sighed.
“Ah, I didn’t think of that. That’s another driving force. Though I don’t believe that was the main driving force in their continued use.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, because the drug-like state of euphoria is a bit obvious.” I shrug.
“What!”
“Yeah. However, I wouldn’t have even noticed without Melly’s help. And, while I can’t confirm anything yet, the improved mood that I get whenever I cast the ‘enlightened’ spell, which slowly fades as I don’t, seems quite familiar, right?”
“Um, how do you know? I thought the church…”
“Huh? OH! No no no, it’s not like that! They only told us about the dangers of such things at the church. No, it was near one of the town-level churches where I actually gained an understanding, as caring for the kids of those sorts of people was one of their jobs. So, during my occasional visits, it was, sadly, common to see that sort of thing. The church raises kids very well, okay!” I hurriedly defended.
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“O-okay. I understand. Is she always like this?” He asks Melly.
“No, but we’ve never actually doubted the church around her. So we couldn’t have known. She did act similarly when health potions were brought up, though.”
“Haa.” I sighed, confusing Melly.
“Tch, ‘health’ potions are undeserving of their name. Those atrocious-”
“Okay, okay. I’ve already told them. It’s fine.” I cut him off. I then whispered to Melly. “Where do you think I got my hatred from? Don’t bring it up again unless you want a real lecture.” I advised. Melly nodded in agreement.
“So, as I was saying.” I brought the conversation back. “I’m pretty certain that that is why so many saintesses died in their sixties.” I finished my hypothesis. “So?”
“So?”
“What do you think? Does it fit with what happened to Saint Cameron?”
“Um, well…” He’s… hesitating?
“Well, what? Is it or is it not similar?”
“Uh, haa. I apologize, but I was ordered not to tell you.” He bowed.
“Even if I asked?”
“Yes.” He confirmed. What? Why!
“What if I ordered you to?” Let’s try this then.
“Um, I don’t-”
“Are you going to ignore a direct order? From the Saintess?” I push.
“I, haa, I understand. I was ordered not to inhibit you from drawing out power. Sadly, that included telling you about the addictiveness of it.” He admitted guiltily. “I wanted to! But they said that the fate of humanity was at risk, so…” He says, his words fading.
“Who did that? I mean, something like that wouldn’t stop me if I thought it was necessary to save the world, you know?” I said, vaguely confused. “Besides, I was already suspicious about that, even before I became the saintess,” I admitted.
“You were?” He and Melly were shocked.
“Yeah, though at the time, I thought it was that humans just couldn’t handle the power of the Gods, which is kinda true, in a sense.” I shrugged. “I kinda forgot about that with how natural the power felt, but the drawing out of power reignited my suspicions. And, you know, it’s obvious something was going on, considering how many of them suffered from this.”
“You are right. That does seem quite suspicious. So, to answer your questions, yes, Cameron did display such symptoms. In addition to losing the positive feelings, if too much time had passed, you would instead start feeling negative emotions. Worse though, was that those emotions would even suppress other positive emotions, making such effects the only way to regain the ability to feel any positive emotion.” He sighed.
“Ah, I thought about the ruining of mood, but not the suppression of positivity. Haa, that’s worse than I thought.”
“It truly is. Also, the joy received slowly decreases with every use until it stops reducing even the negative effects. Luckily, those effects were reduced after using anything that did, or was derived from, drawing out power, though that just requires you to keep drawing out power.”
“What a horrid drug. It makes you get addicted to more and more drugs just to live a normal life.” Melly complained. “And who was it that wanted Eli to go through this!?”
“It was a decision passed by the Temple.”
“Oh, that’s not good.”
“Haa, well, I’ll deal with that later then. So, is there anything else you’re hiding?” I asked, just in case.
“Yes, there is.” O-oh, I was not expecting that. “So, I originally planned on telling you anyway.” What! He’s insane! Awesome!
“Wait, then why didn’t you? Was I just too fast?”
“No… I just… seeing your fear of losing your magic and your determination to protect it at all costs, I just… couldn’t. I felt it would make an already difficult decision… even more so.”
“Haa, I guess you’re right. That might be one of the few things that could possibly change my mind.”
“Eli…”
“Well, now I just need to figure out some way to deal with this, though that will have to wait. For now, we should deal with my immediate problems, mainly the fact that my mana is too dense. So, let’s start learning the second spell. Hopefully, it will be far easier this time.” Haa, I’m conflicted. On one hand, I really want to ascend this spell. On the other, I really don’t. Haa, I’ll just leave this to my core to decide.
“Well, I’ll head out then. Call me if you need anything. Also, remember, you aren’t allowed to draw out power without consulting me first.” Melly reminded me as she started to leave. “Oh, I almost forgot; why does drawing out power energize you?” Ah, I forgot about that.
“That’s simple. Not all of the energy drawn out is either directly needed or used, causing some to be left in your system, energizing you.” He explains simply.
Well, that’s potentially worrying. Possibly. Haa, another thing to add to the list
“So, shall we get back to training?” I ask instead.
______
The next few days went much the same as usual. I still had nightmares every night, and my core kept on increasing my mana density. Honestly, that’s been so overbearing that I haven’t even noticed any other effects! Haa.
My training is going very well. As I had thought, ascending my spell has made the next one much easier to learn. Though, I am annoyingly neutral about whether I succeed or not. Haa. Stupid enlightenment.
Also, while I’m using my spell way too often to experience withdrawal, I have noticed the pleasantness decreasing as I continuously use it several times a day. On the bright side, though, I’m no longer stressed by my situation, and my nightmares are surprisingly easy to deal with. Haa, stupid drug, that’s not enough for me to be actually thankful, but it is making my situation easier.
Honestly, I’ve hit a sort of lull. I mean, everyone else has fused with their parts, but all I do is learn the same spell. It’s getting kinda boring. I don’t even have the stress of losing my magic to keep pushing me forward. “I want to do something different!”
“Then do so,” Samuel says.
“And waste my lifespan? No way! Every day I waste increases the chance that I’ll have to draw out power.” I sighed. Why’s my core taking so long? Well, my lack of proper training isn’t helping, but it still feels slow. At least my density training is showing results.
“Then why did you mention that?”
“I was just complaining. I’ll do something else once I’ve learned this spell.”
“You won’t try learning the third one?”
“I will, but it won’t be my focus. Besides, the last spell would barely increase my limit. If I get to the point where I need it, I’d just have to draw out power anyway, so I might as well not waste that time.” I shrugged.
“You are right. I was so focused on teaching spells to you that I had forgotten that they might not actually be enough. Apologies.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like there’s anything else I could do. It’s a good thing the Hero taught me how to reduce my mana’s density. I don’t know how I’d handle this otherwise.”
“Right, though it is quite suspicious that he knew of such a technique.” Samuel questions.
“True, he is quite suspicious.” I agreed.
“What!? Then we should do something!”
“Probably not.”
“Why shouldn’t we?” He questions.
“Yeah, he is suspicious, but…Haa, keep this a secret. My party believes that he’s being guided by the Gods.”
“What? That shouldn’t be the case. Unless…”
“Things are really bad, yeah. However, between me and you, I have a different theory. I believe that the Hero somehow has the ability to see fragments of possible futures.” I whispered nervously. I’ve not told anyone this yet.
“Huh, preposterous! Even the Gods are incapable of such a feat!” He denied.
“Yeah, but-”
“No, it is far more likely that the Gods are guiding him. And if so, we should give him our full support. Now, let’s continue your training.” He ends the conversation.
Haa, that could have gone better. Well, even I have a hard time believing it, so it makes sense. But… how else would he be able to do everything that he does?
Whatever, I just need to hurry up and learn this spell while I still have room for my veins to grow. I’m certain that I’m getting really close to my limit. Haa, please, please don’t keep growing mana! I don’t want to just lose my magic after all this!