Soon, we were waiting for the Gate to open. Haa, I can’t wait to dance and wash away some of my disappointment over how this trip went.

It seems like today isn’t done giving me surprises, though, as when the Gate was opened, the light behaved differently than usual.

Normally, the light always flows the same way with barely any differences. This time, however… wow, just wow.

The light, instead of flowing fairly evenly throughout the room, was flowing around me like I was in the middle of a… tornado? That’s the weird wind thing, right? Well, whatever, I am now trapped inside one. And, with how densely packed the light is, it’s completely blocked my vision.

As I was wondering what was going on, the ‘tornado,’ well, angled itself? Luckily, it was only a temporary shift as it quickly returned to its previous orbit.

“What was that?” I mumbled, and once again the ‘tornado’ shifted. It was at this point that I started to panic. Yeah, the light shouldn’t be dangerous, but as you can interact with it physically, so too can it affect you. And it really didn’t help that it kept becoming more chaotic as I panicked.

Eventually, I decided to just hunker down (and buff myself) while waiting for the light to fade away. Once I did though, the light calmed down. When I lifted my head to check, it got chaotic again though.

What? As I tilted my head in confusion, like I tend to do, the ‘tornado’ also shifted. To the same degree, even. That’s when I realized: the light was flowing around me based on my head’s position, or well, my halo, as when I started to take it off, which would remove my infusion, the light began to spread out like it usually does.

“Huh, that’s interesting,” I muttered. Still, I prefer how the light moves normally. Yeah, this is int- huh?

As I had that thought, and despite my best efforts, the light sadly faded away like it always does. No matter how much I always wish it wouldn’t…

Wait…

“My dance!” I cried out. I was really looking forward to that. Before I had the chance to lament my misfortune, I noticed everyone staring at me. And not with the ‘as expected of the Saintess’ looks either. No, this was more, well, frightened. Yeah, there were things like curiosity and wonder, but everyone was mostly afraid.

And, well, I can’t blame them, I was scared at first too. While I was more concerned about the light crowding around me, I never forgot about the Gate.

You see, the opening of Gates is always nigh identical, hence the consistent currents. The reason they are made to do that, though, is because that makes it far easier to notice when something is wrong, which usually results in the Gate tearing itself apart, along with everything nearby. So, the light moving as it did was essentially a sign that we were all about to die, as even dragons would be torn apart by a collapsing Gate.

And that isn’t just some guess, that truly happened. Kind of. I mean, it was some weird turtle monster thing, but frankly, that proves my point even better.

So, before the church gained a near monopoly on the Gates, they used to be controlled by a few powerful countries. And, of course, they used them to assist in their wars. At least, when they started to drag on. Gates are quite expensive, after all.

And it was at one of these Gates that the incident happened. Somehow, the war between two countries had attracted the attention of the turtle monster. How, who knows? Maybe someone accidentally entered its home or did so purposely as a secret weapon. Perhaps it just got hungry, we don’t know. What we do know is that it showed up on the battlefield and started a slaughter.

So, deciding that dying to some random turtle wasn’t desirable, people started to retreat. But, despite it being a turtle, it was actually faster than everyone, so obviously they used the Gate. Now, the problem came when the turtle followed them.

You see, the turtle was massive; way bigger than any Gate. So, when it tried to follow the fleeing soldiers anyway, it destroyed the Gate, causing the portal it made to collapse, opening a rift to some unknown dimension or something, while taking everything in a fairly large radius with it.

When people arrived at the scene to assess what had happened, all that remained was a bloody hole with the torn-apart, back end of the turtle, having been brutally torn asunder by the Gate’s collapse.

So yeah, if anything goes wrong, and you can’t find and fix it, you get shredded by a spacial rift. That’s also why the Gates are so restricted, and partially why only the church really has them.

Well, officially, at least.

Specifically, it’s so countries can’t use them to war with each other and to help people evacuate should a city fall to monsters or something. And while that’s definitely part of it, a saddeningly significant reason was the political and economic gain of such a monopoly. Haa. Even if it’s normally for the greater good, the Inquisition has shown how easily such things can be abused.

And with that ‘happy’ thought, it seems like everyone has finally convinced themselves that we aren’t about to die, so they’re calming down. Sadly, that means I have now fully become the center of attention. Haa, I should have been thinking of how to answer their questions instead of getting lost in history.

“Saintess Elizabeth, may I ask, what in the Gods’ names that was!?” Cardinal Caitlyn weakly exclaimed in exasperation.

“Well, it appears that my halo attracts the light. How or why? I honestly don’t know. Still, while I’d rather figure out how to control this so that doesn’t happen, I’ll make sure to remove my halo before it can cause any problems.” The light just flowing around me isn’t fun, after all.

“I understand. Please be careful, and please give everyone a warning next time.” She requested.

“I will.” Though I really didn’t know this would happen. Haa, why didn’t they record what the robes can do!?

“So, everything’s fine?” David asked.

“It should be. I really doubt the robes will interfere with a Gate. After all, I doubt we’d still have them if that was possible.” I pointed out.

“Haha.” David laughed nervously. “You are quite right about that. Well, good luck, little dancer, I’m going to triple-check that nothing’s wrong with the Gate.”

“Not quadruple?” I questioned.

“Ah, good point. I knew there was a reason I liked you. Also, please make sure the guys opening Gates for you know about this. We don’t want anyone panicking and actually causing a problem.”

“Will do,” I promised. I mean, I was going to tell people anyway, as that’s just the polite thing to do, but that should help make sure I don’t forget.

Once we’d passed the Gate, Cardinal Caitlyn spoke up. “I’ll personally take care of everything involving Samuel’s imprisonment, Saintess Elizabeth, so you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry for increasing your workload.” I bowed.

“Don’t worry about that. That just shows how much you trust me and my abilities. Also, you shouldn’t bo- ah, never mind.”

“Hmm, may I ask what you mean by that?” Greg asked.

“Well, while Saintess Elizabeth bowing as often as she does might get taken advantage of, she has decided on that being one of the rules of Mir Elysium, so that shouldn’t cause too many issues.” Haa, why is being polite such a big deal?

“I understand. That does sound like a rule Eli would implement.” I… see. Wait, does he know about how I can set rules? Eh, it doesn’t really matter, I don’t plan on really doing anything until the demon lord has been killed, anyway.

“Well, I’ll head back to my room then. I’m sorry I couldn’t register all of you. I’ll hopefully become strong enough to do so eventually.”

“Good luck. Just make sure you don’t push yourself too much. Being registered isn’t as important as your health.” Rapunzel advised.

“Will do, thanks.”

Haa, okay, so I think that other than confronting Melly about what being infused is like, I’m just going to relax for the rest of the day because man today was exhausting.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

And, as soon as I sat down to read, Melly entered our room. Well, that’s convenient.

Before I could say anything though, she asked. “Are you okay, Eli?”

“Uh, yeah? I’m just a bit drained, so I wanted to take a break.”

“Okay.” Melly sighed in relief. It’s too soon for you to relax!

“So, as I tried to ask earlier, what do you mean by ‘at least I don’t feel the full intensity of being infused,’ huh?” I questioned.

“Exactly that. I’m glad that you felt the same thing as everyone else instead of its full intensity.”

“But, how can you just go through something even worse? And that’s not even counting the fact that it was also ripping your body apart!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, that was pretty bad, but it was only temporary. It usually isn’t nearly as intense!” She argued.

“So how does it actually compare to my aura?”

“Haa, the aura isn’t as bad,” She relented with a sigh.

“Then why? Why are you pushing yourself so much?” I asked sadly.

“Because it is worth it. Especially since the pain from the infusion mostly goes away once it takes over your spell.”

“Mostly?”

“Yeah, your mana still feels quite hot when we use the buff. But, it’s fine otherwise, I promise.”

“So it doesn’t feel like your blood has ignited and is burning your body with every heartbeat.”

“What?

“Or that your lungs are filled with fire, or-”

“No, no it doesn’t. Eli, what are you talking about!?” Melly shouts in worry.

“That’s what it felt like to use my halo though?”

“That’s what it feels like to use your aura!?”

“No, just what being infused felt like.” I corrected.

“Ah, I guess I can see the resemblance, but no, it’s not like that.”

“Then, what do you feel?”

“Well, it was more like I was bound with burning shackles, just inside my body, instead of outside of it.”

“That… doesn’t sound remotely pleasant,” I commented in horror.

“Well, it’s better than when I resist, at least, as the temperature just keeps getting higher and higher until I stop. Or I break the shackles. Oh, that’s once the spell is activated. Before that it almost feels like your mana is molten metal or something as it spreads throughout my body, destroying anything that gets in its way.”

“And it gets worse…” I paled.

“No, I said it’s like, not is. It is obviously not nearly as hot. The only reason I think it resembles metal is that it becomes shackles once your spell is taken over, so I couldn’t help but compare. And, it’s not even that hot, just being like a piece of metal that was left out in the sun for a bit. Hot, but not unbearable.”

Uh, that still sounds really bad. “Haa, well, at least we know what combining with the dragon core did.”

“Yeah, it set it on fire. Though, it did grow in other ways as well, becoming more aggressive and dominant.”

“Haa, I’m supposed to be the Saintess!” I shouted in annoyance.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that my mana just keeps getting worse. Before, it was a thug, bad, but not irredeemable. Now though, it’s a tyrant who enjoys burning people alive! I’m supposed to be the good guy, Melly.” I said as tears welled up in my eyes.

“You are. It’s just, Ah, it fits well with your task! We need to defeat the demon lord, so they blessed you to be their judgment. Or something…” She mumbled.

I just laughed. “Thanks, Melly. You’re right. Despite my mana really wanting to be evil, I can still be a good guy.” Huh, maybe that’s why everyone kept staring at me after I used my aura. They were probably confused as to why my mana was like that.

“You know.” I continued. “You have to admit, it is kinda funny, in a way. Like, I can imagine in the future, when I’m being taught about, how confused everyone would be to hear about how I was actually quite polite, yet my mana seemed evil. It’s like my mana took all of my negativ… ity… from me… Oh, is that what happened?” I sighed.

“Eli? What happened?”

“Haa, well, you know how my mana is really aggressive, fighting back at everything, unlike me?”

“Yeah, that is quite odd.”

“And, how, when I was influenced by it, I suddenly had a very high self-esteem… unlike usual…” I reluctantly admit.

“...Yeah, that’s true.” She agreed after some hesitation.

“And how it strives to gain control over everything, something I do not have?”

“Eli? Are you okay?” Melly worried.

“Haa, yeah, that’s right. Your mana trait is usually related to some part of you, so I guess being everything you’re not, everything you can’t be, or couldn’t have… It, it makes sense.” I said with my sad realization.

“So…”

“Yeah, it’s the retaliation I never could, the anger I suppressed, the desire to control something that I just, never had. It’s… everything I couldn’t have.” I admitted, feeling almost numb. Like, I just feel… empty. Was that it? Was it just a manifestation of everything I couldn’t have?

Melly didn’t say anything as she pulled me into a hug.

Haa, I just feel… petty. Like, yeah, I have my problems, but they couldn’t be nearly bad enough for my dissatisfaction to physically manifest itself, right?

Just, how did this happen?

Hmm, well, I do remember that, as your trait is in flux while you are a kid, checking it before you are at least ten is ill-advised, as that can affect what your trait might become. Which can then, as kids are taught that your trait represents some part of you, result in their personality changing as they try to become more like their trait.

Huh, that might be why your trait represents a part of you, you believe it should, so it does.

So, is the reverse true? Well, if your trait often changes from how you perceive it, does that mean your trait becomes whatever you think about the most? Well, probably not exactly, as traits are all but confirmed to be relatively random, but it should at least influence it.

With more influence coming from the more you think about it…

Did, did I really think about all of that often enough that it became my trait? I mean, yeah, it’s still mostly random, but the more I thought, the more likely it would have become. So the question is, did I?

Huh, yeah, I really did. I mean, I was all but obsessed with becoming a priest and gaining my own room. A place of my own, a place, that I had, control over. That, that was my goal, my purpose, my, reason for existing…

I, I really was obsessed, wasn’t I? Like, after talking to Melly and Rapunzel about bedrooms, I really thought about it, and yeah, they are mostly just rooms. Yeah, they are more private than most rooms but they aren’t sacred. And, like, I wasn’t even really taught that they were either. Yeah, the priests were probably more extreme with their descriptions than standard, but not to the ridiculous level I made it out to be.

And, and my desire to fight back? That’s pretty obvious. While I rarely experienced it personally, people look down on orphans. They tease us, insult us, even bully us. And we can’t really fight back. That would just prove them right, that we were just wild, abandoned beasts. All we could do was tattle. And yeah, that’s nice, but it wasn’t us that won, it was the church…

And the self-esteem? Well, I think not wanting to know anything about myself counts. Like, it wasn’t just indifference, it was full-on avoidance, to the point where you might as well call it a phobia. Like, I deliberately went out of my way to not learn anything, thinking it would, what, separate me from the church?

Well, with how much I wanted to be a part of the church, I guess anything could be a problem… That’s where I got my worth from. Not from things like my skill at healing, but the approval I received from it. Haa. And I looked down on Melly for being motivated by the attention and approval of others…

I mean, it makes some sense, with how much I obsessed over belonging somewhere, my worth basically came from the church

That’s really eye-opening, huh? Haa, I really should have done this intro and retrospection stuff earlier.

Anyway, that’s why my mana’s like this. It, well, makes sense now. Or, you know, the Gods could have made my mana like this because they thought it would be useful. It’s not like I checked before, and, while extremely rare, it is possible for your trait to change ‘on its own’ even while you are an adult.

Like, that pyromaniac that Greg met to experience aggressive mana might have had his trait change because of, his, obsession…

“Yeah, my trait really does make sense,” I muttered in reluctant acceptance.

“Are you feeling better now, Eli?” Melly asked.

“Eh, kinda. It’s more that I understand my situation than anything. I, well, I’m not happy about my realization, but I can accept it. Especially since, other than recently, my trait has been really useful.” I smiled. Yeah, let’s look at the bright side.

“It has.” Melly agreed. “So, what now?”

“Well, I want to talk to Cardinal Caitlyn about my realization, but that can wait until tomorrow. So, I’ll do what I initially planned on doing: reading.”

“I don’t understand how you can enjoy reading so much. You and Gregory both.” She sighed happily.

“It’s interesting, that’s why. Like the time that-”

“Okay, okay. I’m good. You enjoy yourself, I’m going to head out.”

“Aye, have fun. Oh, I doubt I’ll remember to stop when it’s time for dinner, so could you please remind me?” I asked.

“Sure.” She agreed as she left.

Okay, while I am tempted to check out more information about traits to hopefully confirm, or deny, I guess, my realization, that can wait until tomorrow. Now, let’s see where I left off.