First primary goal was to figure out which of them were strong, and at the same time, possibly reduce their number. I held out my daggers and threw them down at the enemy. The daggers moved swiftly as the string extended with it. All my targets were unable to defend or evade, and thus, the daggers successfully stabbed into their vulnerable parts.

Surprisingly, they couldn’t react to my attack. Perhaps I overestimated them. Or I was just a bit stronger and faster. I also used a bit of enhanced physical strength on those attacks, after all. A couple of men ran below me, carrying what appeared to be crossbows. Huh, they had those, huh? They fired at me as I retracted my daggers. I conjured small barriers to block the incoming arrows. They bounced off the barriers without even damaging them, as I expected. Without magic imbued attacks, those arrows might as well be a breeze to my shields.

It was boring taking them the enemy out from a distance, and considering that there didn’t seem to be anyone strong among them, I’d directly kill them. Standing up, I sheathed my small daggers as another round of arrows were fired at me. I pulled out my medium daggers and counted the several enemies on the deck.

I moved my foot forward, and I smoothly landed to the floor. Imbuing magic on my daggers, I easily dodged a sword coming at me. After which, I stabbed the man in the throat. That would have been enough, but I found myself stabbing the man in the guts again and again. A few more times. Blood gushed out of his body, painting the floor.

A pair of men swung their blades at me, I parried one blade and engaged the other opponent. I stabbed him in the chest. That should have been enough, but I pushed my blade downward, cleaving a slice into his flesh from the chest to the waist.

“W-What the hell?!” One pirate was disturbed.

I killed the other one by stabbing a dagger through his neck, then stabbed my other blade into his head, twisting it inside his brain. His expression froze as I dropped him to the floor.

“What is she?!”

A slash of light flew towards me, and thus I cast a barrier to protect me. The slash of light scattered apart and dissipated after making contact with my defenses.

“Move aside.” An important-looking man stepped forward, glaring at me. “You’re on my ship, lassy. Big mistake in—”

His words were cut off as a spike of ice suddenly grew at his feet that pierced through his neck. He was still alive, eyes wide in shock, still faintly groaning. Seeing that terrible state their captain got himself in, the enemy crew gasped in horror. The captain tried to break off the ice. But would that even be necessary? There was a hole in his throat, no one could survive that. Not even healing magic could save him. His death was already inevitable. But perhaps that was just the final struggle of a living being. Pointless it may be.

I continued to attack the other enemies. I cut off the hand of one before carving a large laceration on his torso. I split the head of another into two. The way I was doing things, it felt like there was something strange, something different to these weaklings.

I saw a couple run back below deck, trying to run away from me.

But I was already done here on top, all enemies eliminated. I dispelled the ice piercing the now dead captain, and he dropped to the floor with a loud thud. I flicked off the blood on my blades before continuing down the stairs to the deck below.

The moment I reached the floor, an enemy suddenly charged towards me, but I easily killed him. Then suddenly there was someone that attacked me from the back, sending a magical slash at me. I broke it apart by swinging my dagger down at it.

“What?” He was shocked to see what I did.

I threw my dagger at him, piercing his head, but I wasn’t done. Magical slashes exploded and his head was obliterated into smithereens. I spawned my barriers to protect myself from the pieces of flesh and brain matter coming my way. Once that was done, I retracted my dagger and continued on until I came across some prison cells. Inside a cell were six men. They looked at me with wariness.

Huh, I don’t mind having additional crew members. I’m hiring, I guess.

I faced them with a neutral expression.

“How did you end up here?” I asked. I just wanted to know more about them before letting them out.

“... We were sailors, or to be exact, traders,” said one. “But the pirates attacked us.”

“Why keep you prisoners?”

“They said they intend to sell us off.”

This part of the world, does everyone just sell people?

Compared to this shithole, the region around the center of the continent seemed considerably better for the people.

“My crew’s story is the same…” I said. “Do you wish to be free?”

They all looked at each other until the one from before spoke to me with a nod. “Of course.”

“If you are not evil, and if you join my crew, I will free you.” I removed my hood, revealing my beautiful face. Their eyes widened. “What do you say?”

“L-Lady, we are not evil. And if it gets us out of here, then we’ll join your crew.”

“Good.” I broke the lock with my dagger and I opened the cage. “Go over to the other ship, introduce yourselves, and my crew will know what to do with you. Although, be careful, they might still be fighting there.”

This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

They slowly stepped out of the cage.

“What about the pirates?”

“The deck above is clear. You're safe to get out. I still have to finish here.”

They nodded and continued on running out above. I continued on further into this trash of a ship. Everything was dirty here, not even an attempt to arrange anything or clean up the moss and stuff. Whatever, I was cleaning the house, anyway.

I paused when I saw a couple of barrels and recognized a particular smell. Curious, I stabbed a blade into the barrel. When I pulled it out, liquor began spilling out of the hole. Or to be precise, I guessed this would be rum. The liquor smell packed a punch.

Hm.

I stabbed the other barrel and let the rum spill out to the floor. I continued on, moving down the stairs. A pirate suddenly leaped at me from the corner, but I easily dodged him and cut off his arm. He screamed in intense pain, but I stabbed him in the jaw before lacerating his chest. As he dropped down lifelessly to the floor, I continued on.

He should not be the only one left here. They were hiding. These people were not unlike rodents. As I went further in, I discovered a storage room full of barrels and that smell of rum again. I smiled. I figured out what to do now.

I stabbed the barrels, poking holes into them and letting the rum spill to the floor. There were dozens of rum barrels here, I had to wonder where they got them. Likely from plundering. More and more barrels spilled as I casually stabbed my blade into them.

What a good waste of rum.

“Hm~hm~hm~.” I hummed as more pools of rum scattered to the floor. Faint splashes occurred as I walked.

“W-What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

I turned around to see a lone pirate holding out his sword towards me. He seemed particularly aghast at the waste of rum. I smiled and casually sat down atop a barrel.

“Hello, I’m sorry if I had to do this. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to talk to someone.”

It was true. Perhaps this was a chance to let out some of my thoughts.

“W-What? You think I have time to talk to you, bitch?!”

I tilted my head adorably. “Do I look like a bitch to you? Look at me. That’s just rude, you know. And are you sure you should be insulting me right now?”

“...” He glared at me.

“Perhaps you are unaware, but I wiped out your people here.”

He grew stiff, but still pointed his sword at me. At least he finally behaved a little.

“Pirates, huh… Is it fun?” I asked.

“F-Fun?”

“Robbing, plundering, living the savage ways. I’ve always wondered… You know, lately I’ve been looking for a way to have fun, even for just a little bit.”

“What…?”

“Just something to distract me from the terrible things… It’s a bit effective, but…” I lowered my head. “Not for long, it would seem.” I let out a frustrated sigh.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t really tell if I’m angry, or just so sad. Maybe it’s both, but… I don’t know how I should process this.” I took a deep breath. “Honestly, how do people deal with grief?” I asked the pirate.

“The fuck…?” He looked utterly confused.

“I never felt like this before…”

I had lost plenty of fellow members of the organization. And yet I never felt anything like this. This grief. This pain in my heart. I really didn’t know how to handle this feeling.

“This is such an alien feeling… So painful and heavy. Never in my life did I imagine I would end up like this.” I looked up at the ceiling, recalling a particular past. “Back in the old world, I lost someone I could consider close. She was a team leader. Just someone who cusses out a lot. She was quite caring.”

“What are you talking about…?”

“Be quiet.” I threatened him before continuing. “I was a kid back then. Maybe I really learned a lot from her… But when she died… I didn’t feel much, not like this. Can’t even compare to this. I just thought it was disappointing that she was gone. A shame…”

“Lady, you’re weird.”

I tilted my head towards him. “I have problems. A psychiatrist told me that I should share my grievances or thoughts when I have an intense mental and emotional problem.”

“Psychia— what?”

“Sharing is a good way to get relief… I didn’t really understand it, I just thought it was a good thing to learn. And I learned sharing is pretty effective when in grief. But…” I lowered my head. “Hmm… I don’t feel any better.”

I let out a sigh again.

“Maybe if I share it with friends… But I don’t have friends here.”

I was so far away from home. Maybe if I had my brothers to talk to, perhaps I could find a way to properly process these emotions inside me.

“...” The pirate stayed silent.

“Grief is a strange and hard thing. I fully realize it now. Sometimes I just hope I don’t have to feel this. No amount of escapism frees me from this forever.” I tried, and it didn’t last for long. It was still there, this dreadful feeling. For a moment it may disappear, but it was always there, lurking in the dark corners of my heart and mind. No matter how far I escaped, it was always close behind. I pursed my lips in frustration.

I stabbed the barrel below me and let the rum leak out. I jumped down.

“Oh well, guess I’m done.”

He looked around. “What are you trying to do here? Wasting our fucking rum?”

“I’m destroying this ship.” I walked over toward the stairs leading up and sheathed one dagger. I turned back to the pirate now that I was off the pool of rum. “Now that you heard my ramblings, I’m afraid I can’t let you live any further.”

“What?”

A ball of fire formed in my hand. With a wave, a large burst of flames spread out in front of me. Fire and heat filled the room, burning all the wood and moss, and the rum was lit afire. I wasn’t sure how much flames were enough to light things up, but I used a good amount of magic in that.

The flames immediately spread.

“AAAAAHHHH!”

The pirate I was talking to was set on fire amidst the sea of burning alcohol. I watched him as he ran and rattled around. He stumbled onto the floor, into the pool of fire, which only intensified his agony. He screamed and screamed as his flesh burned into his muscles.

Strange, this was not how I normally do things. To watch someone in agony like this. Even so, it was strange that despite this, I felt nothing. I caused him suffering before dying and yet I felt nothing. Not warmth, not even a race in my heart. Not a hint of satisfaction. I gulped.

I walked up as the flames slowly spread out behind me. I was thinking. Why? Why was I doing this? I didn’t need to be involved in this. Why did I seek to kill so much? Why did I assault this ship all alone and kill everyone in it?

As I went up, I heard the cracking and crackling of the woods and flames. The heat intensified and slowly consumed the ship. And before I knew it, I had reached the top deck. Then I saw what I had done. A number of corpses, all killed brutally. I didn’t need to do it. I didn’t voluntarily do it. I just went with the moment. And that was bizarre. Why did I directly assault them? I could have done this how I would. Stealthily and safely… Cast a smokescreen and quickly wipe them out. Anything, just not like what I did today.

And the way I killed them…

All of this, it was all unnecessary.

Why? Why did I do all this?

I looked at my trembling hand.

I just want to feel something again.

Just like how it was.

I just wanted to feel anything. Excitement, satisfaction. I loved killing, taking one’s life. To spill blood. That was how it had always been for me. It was an ecstatic feeling. But despite killing this many, I still felt nothing, not any satisfaction or happiness.

W-Why?

Why was this happening?

I was afraid… Truly…

W-Why can’t I feel anything…?

No matter how brutally I killed, nothing changed within me. I didn’t like it.

I had lost all pleasure in where I found it most.

A tear crawled down my cheek.

Make it stop…

I rubbed off the tear with my sleeve.

Make this… despair stop.

Losing a crucial part of myself was truly despair…

To feel so empty… It was terrifying.