I glanced at the thickening snow outside the window of the library. Things have been peaceful, disregarding some family issues. Aaah, look how peaceful it is outside, just snow falling at their own content. I wonder how the birds are doing.

“Estelia, pay attention.”

My mother pulled me out of my envious trance of the beautiful outside. We were here in the library for an important meeting. With us were other common staff that served my mother. As for what business this was about, mainly about my approaching debut.

We’re planning things out basically. As the debutante, I had to be here. Truthfully, I would rather leave this kind of stuff to others while I just check their proposal and I suggest things here and there. But oh well… Gonna endure the boredom — I mainly got bored ‘cause I mostly just listen to other guys talking so…

“We’ll be using the Royal Grand Hall for the event. Thus, the day before your birthday, we must already be there.”

“Y-Yes.”

The Royal Grand Hall, a large and fancy building whose main purpose was to be a place of celebration such as mine. Dozens upon dozens of personal rooms on multiple floors, several lobbies, several kitchens, you could think of it as a vamped up estate.

Last I was there was when I was still a pretty small girl. I skipped a lot of events, even the important and family connected ones. Even at that time I was a shy girl, always hiding behind my parents. Aaaaw, I was cuter back then. Now I’m less cute, but prettier.

“Your clothes will be ready, and in there you will change.”

“Yes.”

“I want you to be familiar with the layout, it’s quite a big place. Here, look.” She pushed a large sheet of scroll to me.

It was a drawing of the building’s layout. Wow, the hallways were a lot. Just how expensive exactly did they make this? Mind you, this royal hall was not made during my parents’ generation. Still, it was being maintained by some staff. Making sure the place wouldn’t break or get dirty. In short, to keep it in a pristine state.

“Your room will be here.” She pointed at the northern side of the building, to my specific room. “Us will be in the rooms next to yours.”

I nodded.

“The main event will take place in the grand chamber.” She pointed at the wide area at the center of the building. “It’s big enough for families of all Marquis and Counts to attend, along with a few others that we’ll invite.”

“What about the outer nobles?”

“They will need to be carefully reviewed. Most likely we’ll only invite those we personally trust. Your safety is of great concern, especially with what is happening now.”

“I think you shouldn’t put all your concern on me, mother. You all will also be there.”

Mother smiled. “Of course. That’s why we’ll be careful. In fact, I’m expecting we’ll have fewer people that will attend than usual.”

They could have not invited people from outside the capital, but it was my debut. And a princess’s debut should always be grand, second only to coronation or something. Mine was a grand celebration, and thus a grand event was a must have.

Therefore, we just have to be stricter with security this time. Although, there’s a low chance anyone would try something dangerous. Not only knights would be there, nobles with fighting capabilities also would be. They have to be sneaky if they were to do something to me or to us.

But being sneaky would be hard as the crown will supervise and oversee everything.

“I will give you a list of nobles that will be attending. Make sure to remember all their names.”

Whaaat? That's gonna be a lot of people.

I visibly pouted.

“No complaining.”

I shifted to a sad look. But my dearest mother ignored me. My innocent and adorable charm has weakened in the flow of time! Noooo!

“Now then everyone, let us discuss the proceedings of this event.” She turned towards me. “And you dear, must listen. You’re about to become an adult, you may need to get involved in important matters like this in the future.”

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Fuck being an adult, man! It sucks.

It’s full of sadness and torment. I'd rather be a kid, hmph!

I want to be young forever! As beautiful as I shouldn’t get old and rot. Alright, let’s research how to gain immortality!

Oh no wait, I’m a goddess. So I should be immortal, right? Never getting old… Wait, did my body age…?

As my heart skipped a beat, I involuntarily checked my arms. I touched and felt my face.

“Estelia, what are you doing?”

“Uh, n-nothing.”

I don’t feel old, I’m still too young to notice. But then I was reminded that I grew the last time my body was measured. And growing means…

Noooooooooooo!

Useless godliness! Brings me nothing but trouble. Give me my righteous eternal youth!

***

I sighed when it was finally time for a break. Good thing we got the important things done, so I didn’t have to join in later. Meaning, time to chill! And thus, I was walking down the hallway from the library down to wherever my legs take me. As usual, with my crew.

Overjoyed by finally being free from that boring ass discussion, I was smiling happily as I walked. Mother was reliable, so I’ll go with whatever she plans. There’s no need for me to stress about it.

But then, I paused on my happy steps when I encountered my eldest brother, coming in my direction. He stared at me for a moment before stepping to the side to avoid me, but I stepped to the side he’s going too. He stopped, looking at me in puzzlement.

“Brother,” I said. “Let’s talk.”

“... Estelia, I’m busy.”

I frowned as he stepped to another side, but I got in his way again. “I insist.”

“No.”

“Ugh! Brother! I have grown tired of this. Let’s talk!” I glanced at my servants. “Leave us.”

The three servants looked at each other for a moment before walking back to where we came from.

Eleden frowned in annoyance. “Estelia, stop it.”

I spread out my arms to block his way. “No, talk to me.”

“This is not the place for this.”

“Then we find the right place.”

With a bothered face, he averted his eyes away without a reply to me.

I continued. “Brother. Let’s not fight anymore.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before giving a tired sigh. “Then, let’s talk later. Once I’m done talking with Mother.”

“What are you even going to talk about?”

He hesitated. “... Coordinate on the plans for your debut party.”

“Oh…” If that’s the case, then that’s fine. “Okay. Once you're done, come to my office. I’ll be waiting for you there.”

“Very well.”

With that, he continued on his way. I watched him go.

***

I sat down on the couch in my office, alone in the room. I had my servants leave me here and stay outside. Considering that I would be talking with my brother, I needed time with my own thoughts. Mainly thinking about what and how to talk to him in this situation.

Yeah, I sort of just winged it. I gave some thought beforehand, but not a lot. So now… I’m here, scrambling on how to proceed. Look, I’m just tired of all the fighting okay? This has gone far long enough. We’re already deep into winter, fuck’s sake.

I have to settle this before it drives me insane.

I sighed and leaned back further. At that moment, knocks rang out from the door. I abruptly stood up and went to open it. I couldn’t contain my small smile when I saw it was Eleden.

“B-Brother, come in.”

After letting him in and closing the door, I urged him to sit down. I sat down opposite of him.

There was a moment of silence before I first spoke. “... So, how are you, brother?”

“... I’m alright.”

“I see…” He seemed to feel awkward about this. “Do you hate me?”

He winced. “ — No. I don’t.”

“Are you angry at me?”

He opened his mouth, about to answer, but he stopped.

I held my fingers together. “Brother, let’s stop this, please. Understand the situation.”

“I understand the situation.”

“Then, why?” I looked at him with pitiful eyes.

“I… You know I love Lillie. It hurts me not to do anything about this.”

“... Brother, I understand that you love her. But you are aware of what pressure we are under.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you still hate me?”

“I don’t hate you, Estelia.”

“You do. Anger is not far from hate. It might as well be. All this time, have you still not made your thoughts? I prioritize our family, our home. Our home that will be the first to fall if we don’t prepare accordingly.”

He lowered his gaze. “I don’t hate you, Estelia. I just…” He closed his eyes, thinking of the proper words. “I just don’t know my place anymore…”

“What?”

“I am to be king in the future. And yet here I am, couldn’t even make the choice that is right for the kingdom. Am I even worthy of such a duty?”

“It takes time to learn.”

“I always hear that.” He looked displeased. “Always need to learn… But it’s hard… It’s never enough. I thought I fixed one flaw, another one appears.”

“We all have our own flaws. We just have to live with it and change it if we have to.”

“Do you think I must?”

“Yes. You are destined for something greater. The path to greatness is paved with thorns, as they say.”

He sighed. “I am not worthy, Estelia. Of this responsibility. I cannot change for what is required of me.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Look at you, sister. You are perfect.”

“...”

“You are not crafted to be a leader, and yet you are an excellent one. Smart, effective. One who inspires the hearts of those under you. You have led the entire kingdom, and I, who was supposedly destined to be king, cannot even put its needs first.”

You and I just have a different upbringing, brother. That was why I was so different. I was crafted not to be a leader, but I was carved in hell. Where every agony sharpened our fangs. Where every loss hardened our hearts. Where crucial lessons we have to learn for ourselves.

You cannot compare to me.

However… that doesn't mean you have to give up.

“You know your flaws, brother. Is that not the first step to change?”

“Is it?”

“The question is, are you truly willing to change?”

“Of course…”

“Then that is progress itself. Knowing your flaws, you’re already changing yourself for the better. I have faith in you. I always will. Remember that.”

I rose from my seat and leaned forward towards him with a smile. “Change is hard, and you must harden yourself as well.” I tapped my fist into his chest. “It’s not impossible.”

A tiny amount of tears leaked out from the corner of his eyes, and he quickly rubbed them off. “I’m sorry, my sister. For the trouble I gave you.”

“I’m sorry too.”

He smiled and walked towards me, spreading his arms to give me a tight hug. “Thank you.”

I hugged back.