We went around the city, and truly every corner was busy, bustling with activity. We entered a building where they displayed beautiful and distinguishable paintings drawn on both big and small canvases. Lucious and I discussed a lot about the art, speculating on how some things were done.

He was quite well-versed in painting it appears, and it was pleasing to speak with someone that can be finely spoken with about art. While looking at the paintings, it was wonderful to see such illustrations where artists get to show their own art styles.

I can get to look at how they have done perspective, anatomy, and the way they drew colors. I even saw one that was almost reminiscent of Van Gogh’s paintings, I imagine the artist carry the same hardship.

Back on the old world, I often take a look at paintings whenever I have the time. I may not favor drawing but watching and seeing paintings was still a pleasant time.

Lucious spoke about his time in his art lessons that his mother inserted among his other studies. His mother loved paintings, and she was exceedingly talented in that field. Which of course the reason she forced Lucious to at least have little training in art.

We were tempted to buy one of the paintings, but it would be difficult to buy now when we were still planning to go everywhere else. Later on, we decided to return when we were about to go back home.

After the painting gallery, we encountered a colorful and lovely decorated booth, not a small one but a whole building. Before we knew it, the staff dragged us inside. They assured us there was no need to pay, but that was not the issue here.

Then shortly we discovered it was a love booth. They forced us to hold hands and then they tied our hands together with a red string. The holding of hands was a shock to me and it felt a little embarrassing. Our grip was loose, but our hands still touched. I looked up at him and he awkwardly smiled, and I averted my eyes away, my cheeks blushing.

We walked through the passage, and colorful flowers filled the walls, while the staff showered us with red petals.

This should be illegal!

I pulled my hood down further.

There were people here that watched us with bright eyes. Then there was a girl who led us to a small room that seemed to replicate a small park and garden. Then they gave us a red fruit stuck to a stick and requested us to offer the fruit to each other – that meant of course I would feed Lucious the fruit, and his to me.

How the hell did this end up this way? This was too sudden! So weird.

But still in the end we carried it out. I felt warmth in my chest, and it was hard to breathe.

Afterward, there were other moments in the booth that would be deemed special. Embarrassing yet memorable…

But I will not be talking about it!

I felt a bit relieved when we left, and it felt more awkward to be standing next to Lucious.

After a bit of walking, we found ourselves going towards a riverbank where there were no other people around.

“This is a nice spot, we should rest here for a while if you are tired, Estelia.”

I gently nodded my head.

We gently sat down on the grass, and I gazed at the clear river. I saw fishes swimming in the water, then a few leaping up in the air, leaving a splash as they returned into the water.

“So um, Estelia, where do you want to go afterward…?”

“I don’t know… I wish to stay here for a while with a clear mind.”

“Of course… If I am right, this is your second time casually going out of the palace, right?”

“… How did you know?”

“Yes, well, Eleden and I just heard about it. Some of the staff knew about it, and Estevan mentioned it.”

“Oh I see… I was with Estevan last time…” I returned my gaze to the river. “… He said we can go fishing the next time we go out.” I smiled. “But I imagine it would be a while before that.”

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“… Estelia… will you be going out frequently from now on?”

“It is hard to say. I cannot even go out without having to hide myself. It will be difficult.”

“But if there comes a time when you no longer have to, where do you wish to go?”

I looked up at the sky as I pondered.

“Firstly I wish to venture around the entire capital, take in the sights. After that, outside the city. Anywhere pleasant will do.”

I’m not really choosy, I mostly don’t have any leisure of picking places I want to visit. Back in the old world, I could only go to places I am interested in if I’m lucky my mission would take place there, and if I survive afterward, and if I don’t have any more orders.

“If there’s an opportunity, you can visit my family’s demesne if you wish to do so. I’m certain you will have a peaceful time there.”

I turned at him with a wide smile. “Then I can also meet your family!”

“Y-Yes.”

“That would be wonderful indeed! I will be looking forward to it, Lucious.”

“Well, an initial schedule would be appreciated.”

“I cannot say for certain yet, but someday.”

I cannot go out for any leisure outings yet. After I have taken care of the problem, I would need to let off some steam. Meaning, I don’t know, have a peaceful sleep for a week – I haven’t had that for months now, and my body has started to feel a bit heavy. High blood pressure is a bitch.

A big fish jumped out of the water. It had a beautiful colorful scale like a rainbow. Like wow, I have never seen such a fish. And its tail almost looked like a fan.

“That fish looks lovely!”

“I never saw like it before.”

We rushed to the side of the river to watch the strange fish. I want to catch it and find out what it tastes like. What? Expecting me to make it as a pet? Pfft, noooo… Oh wait, colorful things in nature tends to be poisonous. So could that thing be poisonous? Dammit.

Nature and its beautiful, alluring, and deceptive creatures. Beautiful yet can kill you easily.

Like me… Get it? ‘Cause I’m beautiful and… ugh, never mind — this is getting old.

“Want me to catch it for you?”

I looked at Lucious with wide eyes after hearing his offer.

“No! You don’t have to drench your clothes. Let’s just admire it from a distance.”

“If you say so.”

Well, I could easily capture it with magic, but what would I do with it anyway after catching it?

We watched it together for a few seconds before I sensed Lucious gazing at me, at my beautiful face as if remembering every detail. I curiously looked back at him.

“… L-Lucious?”

“My apologies…. I, I just love looking at you.”

“What are you saying so suddenly?” I straightened myself as I felt a bit cautious.

“Estelia…” he slowly reached out for my hands. “I cannot hold back my feelings for you, Estelia.”

He stared at my eyes intently.

“My feelings only grow stronger at every moment I am with you, at every moment my eyes perceive you. I want to spend my life with you and build our little castle.”

My eyes widened. I know that indirect phrase, that last sentence of his. It was meant to be used when one was serious and wanted to confess their feelings – used between aristocrats. He was asking if I would requite his love.

I took in a deep sharp breath. Why so sudden?

“L-Lucious… why are you doing this?”

“I love you, Estelia.”

…

“Why? I am uninteresting, boring… I… I have no usefulness –”

“Estelia, it’s hard to put into words but… I love spending my time with you. My heart grows warm when I hear your voice, my soul celebrates whenever I talk with you.”

“…”

“You are perfect in my eyes. I have loved you ever since we first met.”

I looked down at his hands warmly holding unto mine. This was the first ever that something like this happened, one that was truly sincere. So sincere that it felt like it burns my flesh.

Do I want this?

But there was no way.

I… I feel no love towards him.

Am I truly far from being human? No, impossible…

Thinking deeper. I have this strange feeling in my chest. So pleasant. One so small waiting to grow. But I was still uncertain.

Yes, still uncertain. That was why… I need to be.

“Lucious, I must ask you to wait for the flowers to bloom during springtime.”

He blinked and lowered his eyes, and then smiled.

“Then, I will keep on going, until the garden is vibrant with color.”

I decided to have more time and give this progress a chance. Perhaps in the future, a little castle might be built.

***

We returned home around late afternoon. I retired to my room shortly after arrival. I was pretty tired, it was fun yes, but of course I would get tired after all that walking around. Although I really didn’t feel the tiredness until I arrived back home.

I was so tired that I collapsed on the bed deliberately and heaved a deep sigh. I grabbed a nearby pillow and embraced it. It was a very pleasant time, and it was surprisingly productive.

I thought back, and a smile slowly rose at the corner of my lips. Lucious’s face flashed in my mind. That felt like the most casual time I ever had in my entire life, there might be others, but they never came to mind at the moment.

Yeah, so casual that I had forgotten about…

Oh yeah…

Remembering my plight put me off the mood. I rose from my bed and looked in the mirror.

“It would seem joyful moments are fleeting.”

With sad eyes, I averted my gaze away from myself, then gently set aside the pillow. I rubbed my fingers together, pondering.

“Haaaaah…” I sighed.

I went over to the door and locked it, then properly closed the curtains before stretching an arm under the bed and pulling out a bag. I removed the contents and placed them on the bed.

“Preparation in case of failure…”

No time to feel all tired, no time to rest for now. I then grabbed the smaller leather straps and picked up a small dagger then began tinkering around. As I held the dagger in my hand, I felt a cold sensation, not from the physical contact with the hilt, but from the cold sensation of calmness.

My anxiety lessened somewhat at the touch of my blades. Then, a feeling I have buried deep inside began leaking out. A craving. A desire I have suppressed for a very long time. An aspect I have been carrying in my entire life that I will never be rid of.

I did not know whether I should be glad, or sad…

But as I had always done, it was often best to be honest with my feelings.

And thus, I let that feeling grow.

Then I continued with my work.