The wind around me intensified to a great degree that it made my parents’ hair snap in the air violently. I saw Rogan stepping forward as if going after me, he must be concerned about what I was intending to do.

They’ll be fine.

Then I was propelled upward by the force of my winds, causing a single blast of powerful gale to scatter throughout the courtyard below me. I flew like a plane ascending, the wind crashing into my face. I conjured a colorless barrier to my eyes, like a goggle.

With the amount of force and wind I was using, I was burning twice the amount of mana than earlier at a rapid rate. But I have calculated what should be calculated. If I reach a certain amount of consumption, I’ll stop ascending.

Just gonna hope no bird’s going to hit me, that would suck.

I looked down and how tiny everything had turned. The palace looked small and still shrinking, the city was at full view, truly a large city. I turned my body and saw the green distance. Right next to the wall was a large and shady forest, must be the Elgion forest, and another normal looking forest opposite of it.

Then further was a vast expanse of seemingly endless land, I smiled as I beholden the view.

Beautiful.

Truly. I rarely able to enjoy this kind of view from a plane, but now I have complete clear view of the surroundings, I could appreciate the beauty of this world, how little of a glimpse this may be.

Such a vast world, I could have had a leisure of traveling, discovering, adventuring, even for just a little. Just a casual tour. Everything was ripe for the taking and seeing.

A new world... With that thought in mind, my smile turned somewhat sorrowful.

My view changed suddenly as I was covered in white mist — it was the clouds. I slowed down. Now, I was around the middle level in terms of typical cloud heights, but hey this is already very high, I’m like maybe around seven thousand feet? Not sure, didn’t really count, nor was I very knowledgeable about clouds, like come on, they’re clouds…

I halted, now only hovering high up in the sky. The forceful wind in this high sky pushing me, only mostly resisted by my own wind. I took a gently breath, watching the world before me.

I genuinely wanted to go out there in peace, anywhere. But I cannot yet, not with threats beyond my palace walls. How regretful, truly regretful. I wanted a little leeway, just a little, to do whatever I want. It was what I wished, perhaps do what normal people do. At least that looked safer and more comfortable than the usual one.

However… even though now my life changed, I was still so limited. It felt like I cannot take another step towards the path I wanted to taste. If I did, I would be slain… It’s irritating… stressful to think about. I just want to relax.

But not yet…

Even so…

For now, let me enjoy this moment of tranquility.

I flew within the clouds, my winds scattering them. It was fun. I’m almost like a kid, am I? Now that’s embarrassing.

But hey, still fun. It felt cold, but that’s not enough to stop me.

But amidst all my leisurely flight, my head suddenly felt weird and the surroundings in my eyes distorted for a moment.

“What…?”

I suddenly felt dizzy, and my wind weakened. Now unstable, I began to descend.

What happened? Did I overdo it?

I was certain I was casting the spell perfectly and I have been mindful with my mana. So, what could cause this? Damn, everything’s hazy.

I was gaining speed as I fell from the sky. What the hell happened?

Was it my blood pressure? No way, I’m still way too young…

My eyes felt heavy. I still cannot tell what caused this, but this was still not enough to knock me out.

I cast the barrier on my eyes again and turned to face downward and spread my limbs. Not so different from skydiving, except I don’t have a parachute. Fun fact, you can skydive without a parachute — okay, not a suitable time to joke around when I feel dizzy.

Judging it was the right time, I turned my body upward and burst out as much wind as I could.

“— Ngh!”

For some reason, my head was feeling a lot worse. No way, are they connected? No, impossible, I was doing completely fine earlier, so what could be the cause…

My wind fluctuated, but I forced them back. Dammit, my magic was a mess, the weaving was horrible. I am doing my best, but it’s not resulting in what I wanted.

This was going to be a rough landing. But I’ll live. Maybe a little bruise, but that can be healed. My limbs trembled, not because I was afraid, but because I was using as much strength as I could muster.

Almost there…

My descent slowed down, but I would certainly still get hurt. Just then, my father appeared below me and sent his wind towards me, prompting my descent to slow down. Slowly and gently, he caught me in his arms.

“Estelia!”

“Father… Thank you, that was close.”

“Estelia, why did you do that?”

His eyes were stern, but I only formed a strained smile.

“It was beautiful, father… Truly…”

I can lose consciousness now, right? I’m safe. And I don’t feel so good. I also don’t want to be scolded right now. Yeah, they would surely scold me.

“You don’t look well. Drained mana wouldn’t do this… so what’s wrong?”

Yeah, you wouldn’t weaken this much when drained of mana. If that was the case, I would feel just a little fatigued, and not to this extent.

“... I don’t know…”

I still have plenty of mana left, so… I wonder. Could it be…?

“Father… can I sleep?”

“Sleep?”

“Yes, I’m sleepy.”

He returned to the ground.

“... Alright, sleep. We’ll talk when you wake up.”

Guess there’s no escaping this one. Damn, I don’t really feel good, not like when I was raging my mana though, that was worse. I just felt dizzy like I just spun around. I could have remained standing even though difficult, but I’m feeling comfortable right now.

So, goodnight.

***

I slowly opened my eyes to see a familiar ceiling, my room. A second time I fell to self-inflicted fainting. What a relief I didn’t dream this time, dreams suck, they were never good. The thought dreaming about something that involves the Professors, the first and the second, was dreadful.

The second was shitty. And the first one was equally… no… never mind.

I cast side the sheet covering me and took a deep breath after sitting up.

“Milady…”

I failed to notice Mera was there, dammit… I guess when you’re in a comfortable environment, you just lower your guard…

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Mera stood up from the chair at the nearby small round table and walked towards me. She crouched down and looked at my eyes.

“Do you still feel unwell?”

“Mera… what are you doing here?”

“My apologies, milady…”

“You don’t have to apologize, I’m only asking.”

“Um… I was ordered to watch over you.”

“I see.”

I stood up and walked over to the window, drawing the curtains open. It was already dark.

“So, you’ve been with me since morning?”

“Yes…”

I turned to look at her now standing while facing me. I could see fatigue in her eyes. She may have been perhaps sitting there, but waiting was also exhausting, in more ways than one.

“Did you have lunch?”

She slightly smiled.

“Yes, Vernon brought me my meal here.”

“You didn’t switch places?”

“It was decided it would be proper for another female to watch you in your personal quarters, given that you are a lady, and the princess. Furthermore, it was taken that you would be more comfortable that way if you wake up.”

I wouldn’t really mind it if it would be Vernon or Rogan, but if that’s what they thought, I have no problem with that. It would be problematic if it were a stranger to me, but my family wouldn’t be that idiotic.

“I see… It’s good you got to have meal. I was concerned there for a moment. Missing one’s meal is not so delightful.”

She looked down as if embarrassed, but I could see a tiny smile on her face.

“You were concerned?”

“... Yes…?”

She looked at me, weirdly. How do I describe it? Like her soul was about to jump out of her eyes. It’s just weird. Almost like she wants to jump at me… Okay… I’m getting a different vibe from this, a not so safe vibe.

What could cause this? No wait, she’s been here for basically like the entire day. Just the two of us. She could stare at me uninterrupted for hours. Who knows what has been going on in her head!? Fuuuuck… what have I done?! I caused those feelings!

“M-Mera, are you alright?”

“Eh! Uh…” She shifted her eyes away. “I’m alright.”

I’m worried, not for anyone, but for myself. I teased her too far.

“Really? Okay… Um, you can tell everyone, and have Vernon tell my parents I’m awake. After that, take a proper rest.”

“B-But I’m fine, milady. I don’t particularly feel tired.”

No, it’s not your physical body that needs resting, it’s your mind!

“I insist. For your health. Rest early for tonight so you can serve me at your best tomorrow.”

She looked down again, expressing hesitation.

“As you wish… milady.”

With that, she stepped out of the room. When the room settled, I sighed.

I looked at my hand then I went to the mirror.

“Did she do something to me? No, I would have woken up if something touched me amidst a comfortable sleep. And Mera wouldn’t be that bold as to do something while I’m sleeping…”

If she did! If she did – NO ONE DOES ANYTHING TO ME THAT WAY! NO ONE!

Only did I realized that I have raised my fist to slam into the desk.

“Haaaah.”

After the sigh, I retracted my hand.

I took a deep breath.

Memories… Memories… Touching… Vulnerable… Unable to do anything… Never wished, never knew, never expected…

Strange… Why am I more affected by… I shouldn’t be this……. Psychological changes…

I do tease… but to touch me without permission… something like that, something in that way, I cannot allow. Oh god, I’m getting sensitive… like what happened plenty of times ever since I came here… my reactions have become more sensitive… emotional reactions.

“Stop it… Stop thinking…”

Nothing happened.

I tried convincing myself.

I stared at my own reflection, it looked back at me with a strong yet cold gaze. I’m changing… That being said, I don’t like being touched without consent or my will… A casual touch was fine, but something else… I don’t like it.

This never affected me this much before…

Estelia… Were you ever this sensitive?

No point in rejecting this. I am Estelia… I am also Rena… I have a part of Estelia, I have a part of Rena.

Still, weird that I feel to be the dominant one — the Rena part.

I still cannot wrap my head around this… Whatever. Honesty to oneself is often the greatest delight one could feel. However, I need to mentally train myself. This wasn’t a good part, I still believe my past self the best part. Even if psychological changes occur, I need to try to return to my old mentality. Being this sensitive was not pleasant.

I just raged there for a moment after all. If there was evidence that Mera did something unwanted to me… I don’t know what would happen. She may be a precious subordinate, but some things cannot be tolerated.

This characteristic of mine may not be thought of much within the organization, but to people outside, we would be described as wicked and heartless. Take that how you will. Although, it was annoying to hear that. Like, fuck off, leave us alone.

In any case, I need to avoid any sudden outbursts… not healthy, I had better control of my grievances, never let it show, nor let it grow.

“Right…”

This was only a minor setback, and only a minor occurrence, and minor recollection.

I was broken off from my cycle of thoughts by multiple knockings on the door. I fixed my hair and checked my appearance at the mirror before heading for the door.

“Vernon.”

“Princess, dinner will be held shortly, your parents want you to head straight to the dining room.”

“Okay…”

I said with a neutral expression.

“Had Mera taken a rest?”

“Yes, she has gone to their quarters.”

“Alright… I’ll be going.”

I’m already expecting to have an earful.

***

Mera was relieved of a heavy weight in her chest that she was enduring most of the day. Collapsing on the bed, she snatched one of the pillows from the back of her head, hugging it tightly as she gazed up at the ceiling.

Watching the princess was a strenuous task, despite doing nothing else but watch. Her heartbeat rose as she recalled what happened.

“Nnnnnn…!”

She squirmed with the pillow in her arms, rubbing her face into its softness. She hid the redness of her cheeks. The princess was so vulnerable as she laid on the bed, and her beauty was for Mera to behold as she delighted.

And that made things difficult.

But that wasn’t the worst part.

“... By the gods… what was I attempting to do?”

Along the way, she almost succumbed to temptation. Her heart shouted, and her mind forced her. She recalled standing up from her chair and walked over the side of the princess’s bed.

She kneeled beside it and stared closely at the princess. From the hair on her forehead, to her closed eyes, and then lastly… her lips.

How she wanted to touch her at that time. She recalled holding out her hand, about to stroke the princess’s cheek, but she hesitated and retracted. But that did not erase the stirring warmth and emotion in her chest.

She recalled the face of the sleeping princess.

And she recalled the moment she moved her face close to the princess’s and looked at her lips with a strong gaze. Mera’s lips moved closer. She was about to kiss the princess.

When their lips were only a couple of inches apart, Mera realized the transgression she was about to commit and pulled herself back.

Mera squirmed again and turned on her bed.

“... I was trying to do that? How could I?” she muttered quietly. “I was about to take advantage of her…”

She felt remorse. If she didn’t hold herself back, she would have committed an unforgivable sin. It was so hard to hold back her desire that the entire time watching the princess from a distance was tremendously exhausting.

“I’m an idiot…”

Idiot…

If she got carried away, the princess might have hated her. As a woman herself, Mera understood how one would feel if someone suddenly did something like that to someone vulnerable.

When the princess woke up, Mera was feeling shy and tensed in that short amount of time, remembering what she was about to do. And truth be told, she was glad she could let off some steam now. The princess was kind enough to let her rest. Thinking that fact, Mera involuntarily smiled.

The door opened.

“Mera? You’re here early. And what’s with your posture? Fix yourself, you look like a child.”

Mera furrowed her brows at the harsh words directed at her.

“Macey… what’s wrong with my posture? I’m only laying on my bed.”

Macey, her fellow maid, flipped her hair.

“It’s unbecoming of a lady of your household.”

“This is not a formal setting.”

“True, but at least don’t casually display your legs while on your bed. You should have a little decency as a woman.”

“Ah, yes, right.”

Mera moved her skirt down to properly cover her legs. She didn’t even realize her legs were exposed all that time.

Macey walked towards her bed and gently sat down at the side.

“I notice something from your face, are you agitated?”

“No not really.”

“... You’re here earlier than expected.”

Mera was thankful that Macey didn’t press further with that specific question. If Ellie was here, and especially just the two of them, she would have pushed Mera to share what she was feeling and thinking.

“Her highness ordered me to rest.”

“Oh.”

“What about you?”

“I finished early. Although I must admit, I may have rushed a little. I’m feeling more tired today than usual… I did sleep a little late.”

Mera smiled.

“That’s unbecoming of a lady, Macey.”

“Hmph! I know that. I just couldn’t stop thinking about someone.”

“Someone?”

“When I was assigned to clean the outside of the palace, I met Alan… and we had a pleasant chat.”

“You didn’t tell us that…”

“I was hesitant to tell you… Anyhow, how I miss our casual conversation together. He seemed to enjoy it too, which is a relief. I feared that he has disliked my company, which was a mistake.”

Mera gazed up and thought about Macey’s feelings about that knight. Macey would often share lovely moments and much more about this knight named Alan. She also liked romance stories, so when she read a book about it, she would tell them enthusiastically about it in a lot of details, that anyone intending to read that book would be spoiled of the story. Even so, she does not know how to hold back.

“Macey, you love him, don’t you?”

“... Huh? I, I guess.”

“Why don’t you confess your feelings?”

Macey’s eyes widened for a moment before avoiding Mera’s eyes and pursed her lips.

“That’s…”

“Why are you hesitating? You are friends since childhood, aren’t you? You’ve been together for a long time, know each other deeply. I don’t see the reason for not confessing your feelings now.”

“That’s because… I’m scared, Mera.”

“Why?”

“We’re friends since childhood, and that makes me more afraid. If I confess my feelings, I fear he might reject me… And that’s not all… I’m afraid that after I confess, we won’t be the same anymore.”

“You doubt your love would not be requited? Why?”

“Alan… he doesn’t seem to see me anything as special… I have always looked specially at him, I love watching him, but he doesn’t seem to look at me the same way.”

“... I see.”

The knight gives no sign of having a special feeling for Macey…

Mera thought.

“Let’s top talking about this, Mera. It makes me anxious.”

“I understand… Then, Ellie, you seen her? I expected you would be together even though you finished earlier than usual.”

That’s because Ellie always finishes way earlier. She always does her work fast.

“She’s on cooking duty for our meal tonight, remember?”

Maids cycled on who would cook their meal every day, they wouldn’t normally be provided food from the royal chef, except for special occasions or a surplus. Plus, some maids were still excellent cooks.

“Oh, that’s right…”

“Can’t exactly blame you if you often forget about the switching, being a personal maid and all.”

“Yes. I always get my meal for special servants.”

“In any case, we should check if they’re done. Or come hang out with us, it has been a while. We can talk more as we watch Ellie cook.”

Mera nodded her head with a smile.

“Sure, let’s go.”