The office chair hit the floor with a dull, plastic-y rattle. Philomena had put so much force into slamming the thing down that its wheels started to roll. It skated across the floor. She was hunching over it, leaning on its back to support herself. As that support slipped away, she nearly fell and slammed into the ground. But she dug her fingers into the chair and thrust her hips back, managing to find her balance again before it was too late. Her upper body was bent by more than ninety degrees, and her ass was stuck out in the air behind her, but the awkward lean kept her from falling. With a grunt, she dragged the wayward seat back into place.
The effort and the heat made her huff, but she didn't have any time to waste.
The fire was quickly getting out of hand. To end the threat to her business, the situation called for her expert executive touch. She spun around, dropped onto the cushion hard, and stamped her soles against the floor to anchor herself and stop the seat from moving.
Okay, I got the throne! What's next?!
She yanked her omnitablet out of her pocket and swept her eyes over the starnet site again.
"Um, um, um, okay! Ahem, 'And he said to the rising sea' …"
She thrust her palm out and pressed her fingers together. Warning the fire it better not move one more inch. As her eyes flicked back and forth from the screen to the flames, she read the ancient king's words aloud. She spoke slowly, going over his words very closely to make sure she didn't mess up. They were written weird, in some old-time way of talking. However, by going slowly, it gave her the chance to speak even more loudly. Let the words boom out of her mouth. Kings and queens were supposed to be the executives of their day, weren't they? So, wasn't Philomena a kind of queen too?
"'You are my doo-main, and the land in which I sit is mine. And there was no one who resisted my rule with im-puny-tee. I charge you … therefore … that you do not come up to my land, and that you do not presume to wet — or, um, burn — the clothes … or the limbs …'"
She came to the final three words, which were easy to remember. Holding them in her head, she jerked her face up and shouted them at the thick flames with all her might. As she bellowed, she pulled her hand back and then thrust her palm forward again, ordering the blaze to back off like it was Blaze Corvo.
"… 'OF YOUR RULER!'"
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The fire continued to burn across Philomena's business and spread toward her throne. Her stern speech had done absolutely nothing to drive it back.
"Okay, what's next?" she mumbled.
She raised the omnitablet and read past the ancient king's command to the tides.
"Um, um … 'human hub-rish,' whatever the hell that is … Um, oh! 'The tale of Sea-nut and the tides is meant to show … how foolish it is for humans to try and control the elements'?!" She screamed at the screen, "BUT THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO DO!"
She threw her head back and groaned at the ceiling. Her hand went limp and dropped into her lap. Its fingers went slack and the tablet slipped out of them and thumped to the cushion between her legs.
No! I'm the boss here, and I'm not giving up my business!
She curled herself up and launched herself out of the chair, swiping her tablet off the cushion and jamming it back into her pocket along the way.
What do I do?! What do I do?!
The fire's hot breath blew into her face and drenched her in sweat. Sticky, dizzy, uncomfortable, she could barely think straight. That brilliant mind inside her head sifted through the options.
The fire crawled across a metal shelf and consumed another box of paperwork. It flared brighter and sent a fresh puff of burning paper scraps swirling through the hazy, smoky air.
She balled her fist up and shook it at the flames.
"Listen up, fire! I'm warning you …! You better knock it off, understand?!"
It continued to spread out of control, and threaten her business.
"Right, that's it!"
While looking around for something she could use as a weapon, her eyes came to her makeshift throne. Gritting her teeth with the effort, she heaved the chair off the floor and hoisted it up over her head. Lumbering around to face the flames, she yelled at the top of her lungs and hurled the chair right at the heart of the blaze.
"Take … that!"
The fire parted slightly as the office chair sailed right through. The seat crashed to the ground and flopped onto its side. Then, the fire rushed in and devoured it, crackling gleefully as it ignited the cushion and melted the plastic into goo.
"Oh, come on!" she wailed. "Why won't you listen to me?!"