"And this … is the heart of Kestrel Mining."
Philomena presented the room to Darrd by sweeping her hands up with a little flourish in her wrists and outlining the large table.
"The conference room! Where I, um, guide my employees. "Tell them what to do so we can make out fortune. I, Mina Kestrel, am the captain of industry, and this … is the bridge of my starship!"
His head slowly turned, sweeping his eyes across the room.
"There's an awful lot of dust in here."
"That's not dust," she lied. "That's, um …"
She chewed her lower lip as he raised his head and fixed his eyes on her. His face was distant and blank. Waiting for her answer.
"That's, um … soot! Yes, soot! We make fire here, and, um, when it's time to look at our newest product, that damn soot just gets everywhere, you know?! Heh, I can see why you'd be confused, though. It confuses lots of people who aren't, um, in the firemaking business. Heh. Heh."
His face stayed blank for a moment. Then he smiled and nodded.
"Is that so?"
She smiled and nodded right back at him.
"Yup."
He doesn't look convinced! You need to win him over!
She hiked herself up onto the conference table, leaned back so her hands were planted on the top, and crossed her legs. She playfully kicked her feet up and beckoned him with her toes. Sure, she was wearing sneakers instead of sexy shoes, but …
My executive style shines through everything! she thought.
Since Philomena was such an amazing chief executive, she kept up to date on corporate culture. Earlier, when she was writing, she had consulted starnet articles about the best speeches and press releases this year. Racking her brilliant mind, she plucked a powerful speech out of thin air.
"In this wide, wild galaxy, there's thinkers … and then there's doers. Unlike other companies, we here at Kestrel Mining, Inc. don't do a whole lot of thinking. We're a company of doers. When we see something that needs doing, we dive in and we do it. That's what sets us apart from our rivals. We don't just sit around and think about doing it, we do do it. Yes, we do it every chance we get. We do it over and over, and every single time we do it, we do it even harder than before. So much harder. We get in there and we do it so hard, not stopping, never stopping—"
She sliced her hand across the air as far as her arm could reach.
"—until whatever needs doing has been done so hard it'll never need to be done again, and it starts begging for just one more sweet round of doing, and your hips feel like a sack of broken twigs, your pelvis crushed into splinters against the hard floor by abs of steel, and—"
She froze, her mouth flapping open while she stared at the wall.
Where was I going with this? she thought.
She looked at Darrd. The longer the hunk stared back at her, the more his eyes narrowed. Like blast doors, sealing off the way to winning him over.
"Ahem," she said. "That's how we do business here."
"I see. May I inspect the rest of the facility, please?"
There's nothing else on this side of the office to show him. Think, how do I keep him here?!
I know, turn up the charm even more!
"Not so fast, Xavian," she purred. "When you spend all day making fire, this place just gets so … hot." She rubbed her thighs together. "Know what I mean?"
His eyebrows lifted up until they were practically in orbit.
"Don't be afraid," she said. "Sometimes, you need to cool down a little. Why don't we … take our clothes off and get a little cooler, hmm?"
He leaned away from her like she was offering him a plate of gray slop and telling him it was a galaxy-class meal — and it wasn't Gubbnortian Hupout, which was both gray slop and a galaxy-class meal. Then he turned to the door and went to the intrapanel.
"I think I can see to the rest of the inspection myself, Ms. Kestrel."
"Wait, wait!"
Philomena sat upright and launched herself off the table, but the launch went awry. Her ass slipped off the edge before she could ready herself. She twirled forward and crashed to the floor. The threadbare carpet smacked her face and chest.
"Oof!" she grunted.
Squashed flat by the bad landing, she lay dazed on the floor. When she raised her achey head, which floated on a sea of pain, she saw Darrd pause in the doorway and look back.
A surge of energy went through her, even though she felt so much wooziness. It gave her the strength to plant her hands on the floor and push herself up—
She froze.
Thought it over for a second.
Then she went limp and flopped to the floor. Groaning even louder, she acted like it took every ounce of strength in her body to lift her arm. She feebly raised her shaking hand and reached out for Darrd.
"Help …" she croaked. "Help …"
He swept through the door and left her behind.
"Wait!"
She jumped to her feet and hurtled after him, but the door timed out and closed right before she could run through it. Her chest slammed into its surface. The tingling ache in her crushed ribs stung twice as badly, like she'd run full-tilt into a wall covered with needles.
Gnashing her teeth and growling at the stupid door, she hit the icon on the intrapanel. Once a crack of space appeared, she grabbed the doorframe and hurled herself through it before it had even finished opening.
She was moving too fast to turn down the hall, and she slammed into the opposite wall. A growl traveled up her throat and made it vibrate. I'm not going to let this stupid office get in my way! she thought. Pushing herself off the wall for a boost, she rushed down the corridor after Darrd. Her feet stumbled on the thin carpet. Not willing to slow down, she veered from side to side and flailed her windmilling arms wildly to try and keep her balance.
"Wait!" she shouted.
Darrd had crossed the lobby and started down the hallway that led to the warehouse. He walked over the spot where Ramirex flagged her down.
Philomena's head swam. She was getting very dizzy.
But she had an excellent eye for finely-sculpted ass. She locked her gaze on his backside, especially the way the fabric pulled tight over his steel bulges, and used them to guide her flight down the hallway. They did not steer her wrong.
Running all-out, Philomena shot past him and did a sudden about-face. Moving backwards, she skidded to a halt and then took a big jump forward to block his path. Doubling over to heave for breath, she stuck her hand up over her head and gestured for him to halt. Her ribs burned every time she swelled up with air.
Then, with a mighty heave, she straightened her back like somebody was pulling her out of the ocean by her scalp.
"Right this way," she said calmly, between gasps.
She stepped aside and raised her hand, flapping it around her wrist to shepherd him along.
"Allow me to show you … " She stopped in front of a sealed door. "… our closet! It's a pretty nice one, I think you'll be impressed. I know I was!"
She tapped the intrapanel, then gestured to the doorway as it slid open. He inched forward and peered inside.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
"Toda va a estar bien."
As the words went into Philomena's ear, they threw her brain for a loop. Once it stopped tumbling around inside her skull, she leaned over and stuck her head into the room.
"Shh, shh! Toda va a estar bien."
Ramirex huddled in the corner, cradling her manga volumes to her chest and stroking them as tenderly as an armful of housepets. Her chin, wrinkled from the intense grimace on her lips, rested on the mound of books. Her brown eyes gave the wall a haunted stare.
"Ya nada te hará daño."
RAMIREX! Philomena thought.
The door started to close, but Philomena threw her arm into the doorway. Once the door bumped into her palm, it opened again. Sliding sideways, she stood between the doorframe and smiled.
"Just, um, give me a minute. Y-You wait there, okay?"
She took a step back, smiling despite the agony in her heart, and waited until the door shut on the gorgeous hunk.
Then she spun around, lunged for the corner, and grabbed Ramirex. Shook her hard. But, rather than snap her out of it, she just hugged her manga tighter.
"Ramirex, did you put the fire out?! Ramirex!"
She scooped her hands around the stack of manga and pulled it out of Ramirex's arms. The other woman tensed up, hanging onto them for dear life, but Philomena stuck her palm right between Ramirex's eyebrows and shoved her backwards until she let go and dropped to the ground right on her rump.
Philomena stuffed the manga onto the shelf, then pointed down at the tiny woman sitting on the floor, mewling like a baby up at her.
"Did you put the fire out?!"
She shook her head.
Philomena squeezed her eyes shut, blocking the pathetic sight from view, and massaged her temples. The closet — no, the whole space station — crushed together around her like a garbage masher.
I really, really need a Galactic Swirlie!
Her eyes popped open.
I'll just have to put the fire out myself!
After a nod to herself, in honor of own take-charge attitude, she sprang into action. Leaned over, grabbed Ramirex, dragged her off the floor. The tiny woman's eyes flew open and a whimper escaped her quivering lip, but she didn't resist. At least, not until Philomena dragged her past the shelf with her manga volumes. Her head spun towards them as Philomena hauled her over to the door. Philomena pivoted the woman around so they stood face to face in front of the doorway, and gave her such a terrific shake that the woman's head bobbled all over the place. Then she dug her fingers into Ramirex's shoulders and rooted her in place, while momentum kept her dizzy head rolling on her shoulders. Ramirex's irises revolved like planets orbiting inside a white void.
"Listen to me, Ramirex!" Philomena said with another shake.
The other woman's eyes flared open. Through a blinking flurry, she locked her eyes on Philomena's face.
"I'll put the fire out. You distract Darrd."
Before Ramirex could open her stupid mouth, Philomena forced her to turn and face the door. She fumbled with the intrapanel and tensed her arm, getting it ready to hurl the tiny woman through the doorway the instant it slid open. But before she could find the right icon, Ramirex's body stiffened in her grasp. The other woman thrust her arms out, gripped both sides of the doorway, and pushed herself away from it like she was being sucked out an airlock.
"Maldita sea! H-How am I supposed to d-distract him?!"
Tightening her grip, Philomena shoved the woman towards the closed door. She had to use both hands to keep her from getting in place, although she kept shifting her grip to try and work one hand free so she could open the door.
"Better think of something! Umm … Ah! Pretend you don't speak Galactic Standard!"
"WHAT?!"
"There must be some people on Arse— … Arz— … Arcelona who don't know it!"
"Asilo! And everybody knows Galactic Standard these days!"
"Better hope he doesn't know that." She shook the tiny woman back and forth to loosen her grip on the doorway. "Come on, get out there and distract him!"
"Wait, if I can't speak Galactic Standard, why am I talking to him?!"
Philomena drove her shoulder into the woman's back, right between her shoulder blades, and wedged her in place. That freed up one of her hands, so she could open the door.
"We don't have time to iron out all the details," Philomena said, her copper hair laying across her face. "So you'll have to wing it."
The door slid open. Philomena reared back, then shot forward and plowed the squirming woman through the doorway. Ramirex flew out, her arms flailing, and stumbled into the middle of the hallway. Philomena strolled out of the closet after her.
"Xavian! This is Ramirex, my … assistant."
She slapped the staggered Ramirex on the back, which made the tiny woman freeze with her shoulders hunched. Slowly thawing, Ramirex raised her face to Darrd and smiled, under a brow that arched upward as sharp as an arrow.
Philomena said, "Sorry, I have something to take care of, so …"
She slipped past Darrd and headed for the corner. Looking over her shoulder, she gave him a pleasant smile until he stopped following her and looked at Ramirex instead. At that point, Philomena's smile morphed into a scowl sharper than a sword. She aimed it right at Ramirex to let the tiny woman know there would be very serious punishments in store for her if she failed. It was sharp enough to make the other woman jerk upright in an instant, her whole body going stiffer than a Sigma Force mercenary standing at attention.
As Philomena trotted to the corner, she whipped her hand around in a circle.
Get on with it! she thought.
Ramirex broke out of her stiff posture. With a bright, cheerful smile, she threw her hands up and waved them all over the place. Like she was inside the cockpit of a starship, and she had to work its controls to make words pop out of her mouth.
"Hola!" Ramirex shouted at the top of her lungs. "Bienvenidos a Kestrel Mining! No hablo el Galactic Standard, pero con gusto responderé cualquier pregunta que pueda tener en español!"
Philomena almost made it around the corner and out of sight, but then Darrd pivoted towards her. She stopped, half her body sticking out of cover, and met his confused look with a calm, businesslike smile.
"I'm so sorry," she said. "Um, we're training her …"
As Darrd cocked his head and waited for her to continue, she gulped heavily. She renewed her smile, pushing her cheeks up until her face ached. Then, in a steady, confident tone of voice she hoped would settle the matter, Philomena answered the many silent questions in his eye with one simple statement.
"She's from Arcelona."
Then Philomena smoothly pulled her upper body and smiling face out of sight around the corner, hoping that just this once she could trust one of her idiot employees not to screw everything up.
Once she was safely hidden from view …
She sprinted down the hallway and stomped up to the first door into the warehouse. Wisps of smoke continued to come from around the next corner. While she opened the door, she glanced at the ominous black puffs. In the corner of her eye, she saw the door slide open. Intense heat and light filled the opening and surged out at her. She darted inside before she had a chance to look properly—
Throwing her arms up, she turned her face away from the hellfire filling half the warehouse. The cold sweat dotting her brow began boiling. Peering through her slitted eyes and her crossed arms, she saw the rows of metal shelves filling the room were just thin, wavy lines in the shimmering air.
Think, Philomena, think!
Wait, I don't need to think! I have the starnet!
She yanked her omnitablet out of her pocket, opened the starnet browser, and furiously thumbed the onscreen keyboard. In the corner of her eye, the fire got hotter and brighter as it swallowed the room. She typed 'HOW TO MAKE FIRE STOP' into the search bar and silently screamed at the starnet to hurry up while the loading icon spun in circles. When the search results did come up, however, they weren't helpful.
We don't have any fire extinguishers, we can't call the station's fire service …
Oh, oh! Rsh said that when you're searching for something, you should use symonyms too!
She deleted the search bar and typed 'SYMONYMS FOR FIRE'. The fierce, flickering glow on her hand and on the screen burned brighter, drawing more sweat out of her skin. The droplets trailed down her face, made it itch and chafe, teased her with their annoying wet touch. When the results came up, the first thing she noticed was the autocorrect at the top telling her it'd 'fixed' her search.
Stupid thing. It doesn't even know how to spell 'symonym'!
Oh, whatever!
Her eyes flicked down the list of words and picked 'elements'. She deleted the search bar and began typing. After it was done, she had a great idea and tacked a little bit more onto the front of the question.
'HOW AMAZING, BRILLIANT PEOPLE MAKE ELEMENTS STOP.'
Perfect! she thought.
She hit the search button. The icon twirled around and around, wasting her precious time.
The results appeared onscreen. She whipped the omnitablet up and craned her head forward at the same time, bringing her closer to the wisdom of the starnet. With her nose an inch from the screen, her eyes flicked over the words …
One four-letter word instantly leaped out at her.
"WHAT?!"
She gripped the omnitablet tightly and shook it like she throttling its neck.
"How DARE you call me a—!"
Then her eyes went back and forth over the four-letter word again. Making sure her mind wasn't just playing tricks on her. Frowning at the screen, she looked at each letter by itself. Then, she put all four letters together. And that just made her even more puzzled.
'Cnut'? she thought. Is that some kind of peanut?!
She clicked the link anyway. Her eyes rapidly skimmed the starnet site for anything useful.
"… ancient king … ascended to the throne … went to war … stopped the tides— AHA!"
She tightened her grip on the omnitablet, making sure it couldn't get out of her grasp. A smile broke out on her face as she re-read the last part.
"Raised his hand," she muttered. "Made the water stop."
She twisted her head to the side so hard a dagger of pain stabbed her neck. Ignoring it, she stared into the flames raging atop the pool of liquid covering the floor. As she studied the problem in front of her with her brilliant brain, she licked her lips. The heat quickly dried her saliva out.
Fire and water are almost the same thing, right …?!
"Ah, close enough!" she shouted.
She read the starnet page again.
"Um, um … Throne! I need a throne!"
Philomena whipped her head up and scanned around the warehouse. Her arms lifted and spread out, ready to spring into action, but there was nothing for them to do. The warehouse had no throne. She wailed as she dashed for the door, wondering where she'd be able to find a throne on short notice.